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Depression
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REMEMBER: Depression is a serious medical condition that lets you know that if you indeed have it, you fucking deserve it, YOU pussy! |
Depression is a higher state of consciousness in which your pleasant illusions are dispelled, leading you to realise your utter irrelevance and worthlessness. Comprehension of this higher truth inevitably leads you to the only acceptable solution.
This state is incorrectly perceived by mainstream society as a medical condition, arguably because a depressed person tends to destabilise the pleasant illusions of others.
As a diagnosis
Depression is a nonexistent condition made up by neglected children of work mommies and daddies. Not surprisingly, however, 16 year old girls and emo kids also adopt depression as a fashion accessory for attention whoring purposes.
Depressed people display specific symptoms that include contemplating suicide, listening to shit music, and writing 10 entries a day on LiveJournal. If a friend or loved one tells you that they are depressed or suicidal, you can see if this is the case by trolling them mercilessly, both OL and IRL. If you drive them to suicide, then they were probably genuinely depressed, and the world is better off without them bringing down everyone's buzz. But if they don’t top themselves, you should kill them right where they stand, because they are lying posers and not worth listening to.
Depressed people are often cutters, and have a good self-indulgent crying-and-glue-huffing session multiple times a day. Plus they smell like shit and Gerard Way's semen, which is probably why they cut themselves.
Other Common Symptoms
- Being a loser
- Not being a winner
- Being a fat fuck
- Being alone
- Being a slob and refusing to shower yourself and brushing your teeth often; also wearing the same smelly clothes everyday
- Being lazy
- Not giving a fuck about anyone
- Also crying at everything like a pussy
- Feeling personal guilt for the state of the world
- Increased sensitivity to criticism
- Fatigue
- Psychosomatic illness
- AIDS
- Just being you in general!
How to cope with depression
- Avoid professionals like psychologist, psychiatrists, etc. They only listen to you for the money.
- Accept the fact that wages are low and a person should rather not work for that amount.
- People are evil and they deserve any criticism, positive or negative, so you should express your real opinions freely, disregarding who leaves you or not. If they can't handle you at your worst, they don't deserve you at your best.
- People who's not there when you need them should be out of your life.
- Sunflower seeds don't make you look fat. People who criticize your looks are not real friends.
- Accept that your problems are real and hunger problem in the world come from stupidity, not misfortune.
- You're not in depression just because somebody told you might be. It's more likely that you're not in depression than you are.
- Don't blame yourself for getting into fights, people disagree with you because they are stupid.
- Everything in this world has faults and defective things don't deserve your attention.
- You can't please stupid masses and the elite is selfish. This world actually sucks and any destructive action you take is actually ethical. Also, life has no meaning.
- If all else fails:
The Depression of the 1930's
The Depression was a period of poverty and unemployment in American and European history. It began in 1929 and lasted until roughly 1939. it was often called "the great depression" but Gen Z-fags prefer to call it "The Big Sad" due to their negligence of learning advanced human English.
The period began with the collapse of prices on the New York Stock Exchange in October of 1929. Many experts believe that the prices were unable to hold up under their many layers of white makeup, eyeliner, and metal chains and spikes weighing several pounds per item of clothing. The prices continued to fall over the next three years, as their knees became more and more stressed by their obesity. Many banks were forced into insolvency, and by 1933 11,000 of the United States' banks had failed, usually after the employees committed mass suicides while playing Nirvana albums. One executive who survived a suicide attempt was quoted as saying, "Kurt was so right, man. It's better to burn out than to fade away."
The public quickly lost confidence in the economy, and the country continued its downward spiral. As consumers spent less and less money on anything besides hard liquor, output dropped drastically and unemployment rates skyrocketed. Many Americans moved back into their parents' homes, taking menial jobs in exchange for a couch in the basement. By 1932, 12 to 15 million workers were unemployed.
Cleverly dubbed "Hoovervilles", assemblages of cardboard boxes inhibited by assholes, popped up across the land. People fought over pieces of glass and hair to eat. Most newborns were eaten too. However, a reluctant President Hoover didn't consider it advantageous to take any sort of action. He concluded that the economy itself would sort out its problems eventually.
Hoover's Brain
Hoover did perform one particular symbolic act, though. In February 1930, he presented to Peter Geisha (an obscure turnip farmer) the Frozen Toad, an award established to reward individuals who worked too hard for their own good without actually kicking the bucket. The award trophy itself was a ceramic statue depicting a frozen, tired-looking toad. This occasion was the first and last on which this award was ever presented, and remained the single greatest landmark of Hoover's presidency.
The following year another, though not as successful, symbolic deed was carried through by the president. His initiative to issue a special edition of the $10 bill was passed, with the intention of cheering up the common man. The new bill was completely analogous to the ordinary one, apart from a drawing of a laughing puppy in its lower right corner. Furthermore, it was not accepted as currency anywhere. Some 100,000 special edition bills were dropped over major cities, as a joke.
FDR: "I'm gay"
As the Depression worsened, Democrat Franklin D. Roosevelt was elected President. Months of preceding campaigning had turned into an ugly bloodbath in most parts of the country, with desperate people resorting to demonstrative self-mutilation, cannibalism, unfair name-calling and annoying big band music.
The turbulence culminated on election day, when hordes of ungrateful citizens wreaked unrest immediately after Roosevelt's victory. A team of college-employed militants plotted to smother the new president with pies. They were however shot in the brain before getting anywhere near him. Workers committed large-scale illegal strikes to promote their own dubious motives. These were swiftly transferred to invisible labor camps, together with their families.
Instantly after Roosevelt was installed, he left little doubt about his main priorities. A law passed to legalize beer, left people assured that better times were ahead. The following law making the import of opiates compulsory to all merchants, led to further glee and optimism.
The Bluetooth Project, a top classified scheme to install chutes on every street of central Washington D.C. so that wine could flow in them, was discontinued after research proved it difficult - even the least sophisticated wine would still make it too costly. Instead, the chutes were (for a short period during 1933) flowed with mayonnaise.
Despite the government's best efforts, the slump continued until 1939.
War etc.
With the outbreak of World War II in Europe, employment began to grow thanks to the overseas demand for armaments and munitions. In 1941, the United States entered the war, and in these more simple times, this was enough to motivate Americans to dress like normal people and go out and get a fucking job, already.
Today, the generation that lived through this period is known as "the greatest generation" because of their ability to recover from the Depression with only the threat of a massive global extinction due to nuclear warfare that would leave the earth a scorched, barren rock populated only by the mutant offspring of the few unfortunate survivors of the devastation.
Hobos
See Also: The Areas of My Expertise
Every boxcar should have one.
A race of drunken, Depression era, ne'er-do-well, old dirty /b/tards, they roamed the land with their suits and afros in 'kerchief bundles on sticks.
Later organized by FDR into what would become the nation's first Compartment (after the trains they jacked and rode) of Habboland Security, they covertly went willy-nilly/hither and yon/far and wide searching for the nascent Habbo menace and their Mod cult leaders after they crashed the stock market during a reset when a bunch of Brillo-haired nigras came in thinking Black Tuesday (October 29, 1929) was like Ladies' Night for blacks.
The Hobos were a "mens' only" club, however they should not to be confused with ghey Homos, Habbos and/or Habbo-Homos. This confusion is aided by the fact that they were all devoted 
pædophiles (continued here).
Little is known of the Great Hobo Vanishing, but it is thought that they now live in Middle Earth as Deros (DetrimentalRobots) and await the next Habbo threat.
Gallery Of Sad
In Conclusion
See Also
- Zoe Quinn
- Amphetamines, Alcohol the actual cure for depression.
- An hero
- Emo
- Special snowflake
Whiny Faggots People With Depression
- Robin Williams
- Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
- Guts
- Nick Bate
- Deadmau5
- Kurt Cobain
- AlGore
- Shinji Ikari
- Dylan Klebold
- You
