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This is a list of sex moves, mostly felonious and impossible, made up by little boys who have never even gotten to second base and only got to first base with their cousins (No, these were other boys.) .It is unfunny and boring, but if you are a 13 year old boy, you'll laugh your undescended testicle loose.
With a little persuasion, any woman, like the one shown above, will perform any and all sex moves. Many even in the same session. Amiright?
11, The While a girl is going down on you, as you begin to ejaculate, force your cock so far into her throat it forces her to vomit. Naturally, given the fact that her mouth is full of dick at the moment, the vomit will force through both of her nostrils along with the cum you deposited securely in the back of her throat, forming an 11. See also: Angry Dragon
22, The Basically the same as The 11. However, when the cum is pouring down, rotate her head. First clockwise, then counter clockwise, and then a quick turn clockwise. There are many variations of this, and some score higher than others. A flawless 48 is a suitable topic for a dinner conversation; all your friends will surely envy you for such an achievement. For even more fun and joy, compete with your friends; don´t forget to switch girlfriends since your best chum might be keeping the sought-after 94 that you need to complete your collection.
The 300 Very similar to the cunt punt, but during sex. Get her in the mood and start to 'do' her. Preferably over a balcony or something of the like. Then unexpectedly pull out and yell "THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!" and Leonidas kick her, sending her flying, hopefully into a pack of Persians.
3211, The Also similar to The 11. You queen the girl, and when you think that she has done her duty, expel your bowels in her mouth, stick your manmeat in her cookie crusher, sit on her mouth, and double elbow her in the gut forcing the used food through her nose. Then the method splits. 1: Classic - you sit down with her neck in your groin and do the good-old turning. 2: Football - stand up and kick her head to achieve the desired number. Remember, use Sir Newton to your advantage to create new sequences, since a higher angle of attack grants longer time for creation. You may also choose to create your masterpiece on a different part of her face. The Coup de Grace is the Zinedine Zidane throwing a cascade of precious bodily fluids into the air, thus with the help of old Newton destroying your creation and proving that art is only worthy in the moment of creation.
40 and Plum This is when you take a chick 40 miles out of town and plum off the road to fuck.
The 4chan The only position epic enough to be named after the fatherland. Requires one girl and ten guys; two dicks in each hole while giving a handjob with each hand, plus a footjob and breastjob. (pics or it didn't happen) Cleanup is rumored to take about three hours, plus another 48 hours for the girl to regain consciousness.
The 69er Similar to the Canadian Jackhammer, but better. While stand-up 69ing with a chick, unexpectedly jizz all over her face, clutch her legs, and piledrive her to the ground. Then, you have the option of throwing her in a ditch or in a dumpster.
6 point 9 Like the 69 except her period is in the middle of it.
72 Simple mathematics: 69 + 3 fingers in the ass.
80's metal drummer As you're full on slamming her in the vagine, pick up a drumstick, poke your tongue out and beat the shit out of her with it while using the other hand to throw up the horns.
619, The For experts in rasslin' only, try to knock the bitch out but not completely. When she (or he, if you are a fag, which is typical in fans, amirite?) gets groggy AND openmouthed, jump up from the bed or any other thing with bounce, and make sure you have perfect aiming, land on her with your cock in her mouth on the floor. More points if you pin her with a referee counting.
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A.F.G.P. The Ass Fuck Gut Punch is not a move for amateurs of ass fucking. While fucking a girl in the ass from behind (and timing is everything on this move), you quickly punch the bitch in her gut. This must be done without warning for full effect, as it will cause her to flinch with pain, thus tightening her anus as you pull out with a fresh, clean dick - free of shit thanks to the A.F.G.P.
Abe LincolnDesired end result. You must be a male in order to perform the Abe Lincoln. One must be careful when performing the Abe Lincoln, as precision with both cock and hand as well as a good poker face are necessary to successfully pull it off. In order to perform the Abe Lincoln, you first convince your partner to shave your balls, or convince her to let you shave her hairy muff. While shaving, and after completion, you must be careful to conceal the fresh shavings in your hand. Next, you fuck her brains out as you please, covertly keeping the fresh pube clippings in your hand and keeping a straight face. When you are approaching orgasm, you must make sure to have the girl on her back. When the baby batter has been sufficiently mixed and is ready to come out, you cum around her jawline and mouth. Before she has a chance to say anything or wipe it off, you throw the fresh shavings onto her unsuspecting visage, creating an Abe Lincoln-esque scruffy beard. If you can jam a concealed top hat onto her head, all the better. This is recommended for first sexual encounters, sexual encounters at her workplace, or sexual encounters in any area where there is no nearby access to water so that the beard cannot be immediately cleaned from her face.
Alternate: Standing and partially squatted in a 69 position, the male wears a top hat eats out the chick (the female's bush is his beard) and proclaims "4 score and 7 years ago!" while taking a shit (freeing the slaves) at the same time.
Aikido Lean her over a table from a standing position and do her from behind. While doing her, grab her arms, pull them around behind her and hold her wrists together with one hand. If you feel obligated, lift up on them and make her yell.
Actual Food Sex Make sure your bitch is done with a nice romantic dinner, then when you get her in the mood to fuck, act like you're going to stick it in her cunt, but actually fuck the living daylights out of her bellybutton, making it food sex, sorta! (Warning: You must be Asian to have a small enough dick for this to work.)
African Safari While doing a chick in the ass, scream "I've got AIDS!". Pull out, jump on her back and slap her ass and hold her by the hair and see how long you can stay on. Also known as the Buckin' Bronco.
Alabama Hot Pocket Spread her wide and poop inside. Take your woman and or lady friend by the pussy lips, spread 'em wide open, and hover your shithole above her pisshole. (PISSHOLE=/=VAGINA) Take a dump. If aimed correctly, your sweet doo doo filling may fill her (hopefully crust/flaky) vagigi, much like how a hot pocket is filled with whatever it is they fill them with.
Alabama Mudd Machine A perverse sexual act. This act involves two males in a sexual act where one male inserts his penis into the anus of another male. The other male then defecates all over the other male. The happenings afterwards typically digress into something along the lines of the infamous 2girls1cup video.
Alaskan Heatstroke Invite a girl over on a chilly fall night for a quiet evening of star gazing, secrets, and herbal tea. Sit her down outside and once the tea boils pour it directly down her throat. When the ensuing scream occurs, stuff your dick down her throat for an extra toasty treat on an cold night.
Alaskan Pipeline After a girl takes a shit, stick said shit in the freezer. After twenty-four hours, she should remove it from the freezer, then use it to masturbate. (If your girl does this while you watch you become obligated to eat that fudgesicle).
Alexander Graham Bell One chick blows the daylights out of your cock while her friend puts her ear up to your dick. The first chick talks while blowing you. The second listens in. They try and communicate telefuckingly. Three points if you cram your dick inside the girl's ear so she can't hear anything.
All-Range Mode This is a difficult position. You must try to keep your dick somehow inside of her for as much time as possible, but you cannot stop moving around her, much like the constantly-moving Arwings of Star Fox in a boss battle. When the moment of climax approaches, be sure to aim for her back.
Alligator Fuckhouse This one is done best on a bed. Mid coitus, wrap your legs around your partners, making sure to keep your dick rammed within her. Immediately when this is finished, bearhug your partner and proceed to bite down on their neck. HARD. In this position, use all your might to roll off the bed, flinging you and your attached partner to the ground, where you roll around until they wriggle themselves free or pass out from blood loss. Extra points rewarded if done while wearing gator boots.
Alternate Universe Having an orgasm while getting a blumpkin, eating a really good samidge, shooting heroin, sneezing, watching an awesome movie, receiving a massage, and being told that you just won the lottery.
Ambushed Paddington, The When you’re fucking your girl, just as you’re about to pop grab her teddy bear and cum all over its face. Paddington has been ambushed!
The Amish Plow - Doing a girl on her hands and knees doggy style. All of a sudden, reach around, knock her arms out from under her. Her face will hit the carpet, and then thrust forward and "plow" her across the floor. May result in minor carpet burns.
Andrew's "Frumpa-Lumpa"- First, grab an Asian slave betwixt the ages of 97 and 97.1, to make sure that she will not escape your Brazen bull. Then, after tying her down with layers of frumpa lumpa leaves, from the country of Ibiza, Africa, order a goat that specializes particularly in the act of cahootinannies (animal orgies). Force the women to perform mild to severely degrading acts of sex on the goat, until the goat reaches ejaculation. At the point of ejaculation, give her a French made, miniature, wood crafted spoon and demand that she scoop up the fluid within an allotted amount of time. Track down every genetic relative, and round them up into a train through persuasion. To her family's surprise, bring them into the room, and force each of her family members, including youngins, to lick her snoo snoo. After she says, "Call me Sally, and pain my eyeballs elephant", tell her that she was a good girl, and that she learned her lesson.
Angry Dragon
Angry Dragon, The You’re getting head from a girl who doesn't want you to bust in her mouth, so she tells you to let her know before you’re about to bust. As she’s doing her work, just before you bust, hold her head down, bust your nut in her mouth, then hold her mouth shut and punch her in the stomach so it comes out her nose. In Pokemon terms, this can be expressed by the move "DRAGONAIR used DRAGON RAGE".
Angry Gravedigger You are fucking a chick in the ass, and right as you are about to cum pull your dick out and hit her in the back of the head with a shovel, dazed she will turn around then cum in her eye, hand her the shovel and push her into a chair. She will now remind you of an angry grave digger, sitting there rubbing her bruised head and squinting.
Anal This is when you put your one-eyed monster in her butthole. Almost like a vagina, 'cept its ok to blow your load in there without having a fucking kid! Well, usually anyway. Wikipedia says the cum can sometimes seep through to the vagina. Srsly, how fucked up is that?
Angel's Kiss Dip the head of an uncircumcised penis into a dye or paint of your color choice (red and green for the holidays) and apply the cheek of a relative or friend under the mistletoe. An angel get's is wings after the completion of this event.
Angry Pirate A girl is sucking you off and you bust in her eye, so it's an eye patch, then you kick her in the shin as hard as you can to break it so she's hopping on one leg and saying "arrrrr". Works better if she has a parrot on her shoulder and a hook for a hand, but hey, it's still fuckin' fun!
April Fools Make sure it is April 1st, then come up to a girl that can't get any or is really desperate and start making moves on her. When you get to the bedroom and she gets naked (leave yours on for easy exit) shout out, "APRIL FOOLS!", and then leave.
Aqua Sock Put on a couple pairs of socks on any foot you desire. Get your girl all wet and horny. Now proceed to kick her in her vagina as quickly and as hard as possible. Get the sock all wet and ripe. Wipe your ass with it for good measure. Now as your girl lays there in a state of confusion rub her face with the Aqua Sock. Most girls like this on the first date!
Arabian Death Mask The girl is laying down on her back, you squat over her head, then you put your left and right nut on the girl's right and left eye (respectively) and your asshole on her mouth and FART. It's a killer.
Arm Makeout Your girl is laying nude and you come to her and start licking and kissing her arms. While doing this hump her back then cum in her butthole.
ATM fuck the girl in the ass, then get her to suck you off afterwords, hence ass-to-mouth. Note: although usually one never goes from ass to mouth...in the heat of a moment it has been said to be forgivable to go from ATM.
Australian Warship Girl sits in the bath and gives a guy a blowjob while constantly splashing her feet around to simulate propellers. Just as the guy's about to pop, he pulls out and yells "Contact dead ahead!" then blows all over her face. (Given all the fucking that went on aboard the good ship Success, this is particularly apt.)
Baby's Breath While having sex with a pregnant woman, the baby gives you head.
Babe When you're banging your chick from under her wait until she really starts gettin into it and then suddenly stop her lift her off and put her to your side and say "That'll do pig that'll do".
Back Breaker Double Fishhook You must be bangin' your girl from behind, she must be takin' a wild pussy bangin' hardcore action from you in a sittin' reverse ridin' position on top of you, layin' her arms floatin' around you, with her head on layin' on the left, then you double fishhook her and continue bangin' her pussy from behind, and remember: KEEP THE DOUBLE FISHHOOK ON THE BITCH!! One last thing: You must be doin' it sittin' on somethin' like a sofa or whatever.
Back Door Pickle Tickle While you have your cock in a chick's pussy missionary style you stick your finger in her ass 'til you can feel your knob, then you start tickling it.
Backseat Bullride While fucking a girl doggystyle, reach around with your right hand, grab her left tit and whisper in her ear, "Your sister likes it like this" and try to hold on for 8 seconds.
Bacon Slip Fucking a girl or guy with any of a number of cased meats. E.g. sausage, bratwurst, hot dog.
Baked Chicken Lie on your back and pull your knees to your chest. Spread your knees as wide as you can so you look like a baked chicken. Then have your woman lick your asshole.
The Ballpark Similar to titty-fucking, but between the butt-cheeks. So-named because it's not real sex, but it's in the same ballpark. Also because you're frank is between two buns.
Bananal Puddin You insert the banana into your partners ass and then proceed to fuck them and mash it up real nice. Finally add a nice skeet-skeet topping inside and let it mix. Afterwords lay down on your back and receive the puddin in your mouth and enjoy.
Bangalangher Just bang the hell out of her...
Barrel Roll While giving your partner anal sex, grip on to her ass cheeks tightly and double tap R or Z to perform a Barrel Roll motion until you jizz. Bonus points awarded if you shout "SLIPPY I'M DOING A BARREL ROLL" while you perform the act.
Battery Charger Start off goin' down on ya girl and bust out the Shocker. Then replace the two in the pink with a can of whipped cream and fill'er up. Soon as she all filled up, grab an electric tazer and 'shocker' in the asshole. Whipped cream EVERYWHERE!
Beetle Clip Stick your thumb in her pussy and your index finger in her ass and try your damnedest to touch your fingers together!
Best Anal First, you find an elderly black man, then you fuck him with your 2 inch penis that bends sharply upward. As you are doing this, yell out the name of your mother as loudly as possible, then jump off a building into highway traffic.
Beverly Hills Twister Get a chick that thinks she is God's gift to men. While tagging her from behind, stick both index fingers in her ass digging out as much shit as possible. Then stick your fingers up her nostrils and tell her, "You think you're shit don't stink now, bitch?"
Big Jake, The The sexual stimulation of a penis using the hands and fingers of a partner and a deceased infant. The recipient puts his penis in a dead infant's mouth. A partner inserts as much of his arm as possible up the infant's rectum, through its gastrointestinal tract and esophagus, and proceeds to manually stimulate the recipient's penis in the infant's mouth. People favor the Big Jake because the dead infant acts as a disposable receptacle for any semen ejaculated. People do not favor the Big Jake because it's just too fucking hot.
Bill Cosby, The A masturbation technique involving repeated thrusting of the male member into a warmed cup of JELLO brand gelatin dessert. This is achieved most easily by warming a microwave-safe cup full of JELLO in the microwave until desired temperature is reached. If you burn your dick off, you'd better let us know because that's funny as hell.
Billy Joel, The Get a blowjob from a girl while you play the piano. The alternative version is called the Elton John, where a man sucks your dick.
Bingo Bango Get your wench to log into her favorite on-line bingo room. Fasten her "dobber pen" to her forehead with some sturdy tape and every time a number is called thrust into her from behind whilst smashing her head into the table to "Mark Her Card". The aim is to blow your goo into her at exactly the same moment she gets a full house. BINGO!!
Birmingham Booty Call Put your woman's cell phone on vibrate, stick it up her ass, and as you are having sex, call her phone, have her shit it out, answer it, and talk dirty to you as you cum on her face.
Bismarck Get her to begin giving you a blowjob and just when you are about to blow it, pull out and shoot it right in her eye and then clench your fist to punch her right in the same eye as you yell out "Bismarck!"
Bite "down" When you are doin' the chick from behind and you can tell she is about to climax, you grab her arms and put them behind her back. Naturally her head is going to go down because she can't hold it up. Her face is in the pillow and she is breathing hard; basically, she is suffocating. When she starts to gasp for air and can't breathe, pull her up and shove it deep. The head rush and the adrenaline will get her off quicker than a fag at a hot dog stand.
Blind mans bluff Shag her from behind and shoot your loads. Then start again, only this time, jus before you cum, poke her eyes out and shove your cock up her ass. See how long it takes her to realise! =D
Blood Party This can only be done while your woman is menstruating. While she's all bitchy,grab her by the hair, slam her into a table by the forehead, and do her doggystyle. Then, if you're lucky, She'll bleed all over you. Also, you have to be on meth.
Blumpkin While dropping a deuce, talk your woman into giving you a hummer. She will really appreciate the smell.
Bob Marley Begin this by fucking her doggy style or by getting head. When you're ready to blow your load, let it fly in her hair and then make her twist it together like dread locks - she will look just like Bob Marley.
Bombs over Baghdad Position the girl so she is doing a handstand in front of you facing you. Pull her legs around you and proceed to rail her, and when you are all ready to shoot your jizz, see if you can drop it into her nose. Since bombs destroy stuff, if you make it kick her in the face and break her nose.
Boston Pancake After shitting on her, apply the syrup (ie, your cum)
Bowling Ball Place two fingers in her pussy and your thumb in her anus, then try to lift her in the air. For experts, throw her against the wall.
Branding While you're doggy styling, before you blow your load ask her if she wants a cigar. Even if it's a no, you burn a ring on her ass with a lit cigar, permanently making her your property. If possible, get a custom cig lighter with your initials on it.
Brian Griffin Used to describe pseudo-intellectual fucktards that fail to seal the deal because they bore everyone with their superficial grasp of subjects and rambling on and on about them. They are known for knowing a little about a lot and verbatim quoting of Wikipedia or Cliff Notes. See Also Jack Black.
Brian Peppers: In a public place unzip your pants and press your dick up to an unsuspecting woman or teenage girl and grope her ass.
Brown Banana Take a large shit and put it in the freezer for 3 days, then while you're doing her from behind ram the frozen turd in her ass until it’s too mushy to penetrate. Then, feed it to her on a hamburger bun like a sloppy Joe.
Brownbeard* Much like a Dirty Sanchez, but instead of covering the upper lip of the girl with shit, you cover her entire face, making it look like she has a brown beard.
Brown Shower Take a shit in someones mouth and make them eat it. Bonus points if they orgasm.
Brown Tie After poking your love slave in the big brown eye, masturbate with the females tits and the whore should look like she is wearing a brown tie.
Brown Trout While fucking a chick in the ass, stick your index finger in her ass real quick and pull it back out, making sure the chick doesn't notice. A few moments later, use that same finger and make a hook shape with it, and put it in the chicks mouth and pull back. And bam! You've hooked a brown trout!
Bryan Lyssy While fucking a girl in the ass, pull out quickly, taking the anal lining with you (The Pink Sock). Then, blow into the anal lining, inflating it like a balloon. Now, release it so all the air goes out and makes a farting noise.
Buckin' Bronco While doing a chick in the ass, scream "I've got AIDS!". Pull out, jump on her back and slap her ass and hold her by the hair and see how long you can stay on. Also known as the African Safari.
Bulldozer While having doggy style sex, begin ramming her with extraordinary force until she falls to the floor. After which, begin to pound her so hard she begins to scoot forward with every thrust. Begin to make her collide forcibly into all furniture in the room.
Bull Frog While hitting it from behind, pull out and shove it in her stinkhole, making her jump forward and croak like a bull frog.
Bullzeye Start by doing your chick in the ass. Do her as hard as you can for about a minute, then quickly put it out of her cornhole. While her asshole is still loose, hock a big loogey in her butthole while yelling "BULLZEYE!!!"
Buttered Bread This was first recorded a few months ago. You start by fucking someone in the ass; man, woman, doesn't matter as long as there's a little flab/fat. After you dump your load in their dirt star, proceed to do whatever you have to do to get them to fart while holding their ass cheeks together. Proceed to peel apart and it'll resemble buttered bread. If one is fucking a particularly hairy asshole, they may also opt to make buttered toast by lighting the asshole's foliage on fire before evoking the gas creating a particularly noxious smell almost like burning toast. Aka the Grilled Cheese. Bonus points if you get someone else to eat it.
Burning Amazon Be sure to fuck someone who neglects to shave her cooch and keep a lighter at hand during the course of sex. In the seconds preceding climax, set your partner's pubic hair on fire. Pull out exactly at the moment of ejaculation and, if necessary, aim in the direction of the illuminated area. After the blaze has been doused and the pubic region as per your liking, inform your partner that you'll have to go through the same routine again if you ever catch her unshaven. Add romance to the event by demanding a pie from your partner after remonstrating her.
Burnt Rubber Put on a rubber glove, make sure it is a yellow one and jerk off with it. Yes it will burn, so bring a fire extinguisher.
Bert, The Named after the Sesame street character. After you have sloppy anal sex you take your shitty dick and slap it between their eyes giving them a fecal unibrow.
C
Don Henrie is a fan of the Reverse Carl.The Cocktopus has been found.
Camping charades When you're out camping with a bunch of friends, and one of them accidentally passes out outside of their tent, you all gather round and toss off over the drunken cunt.
Classic Carl This one is simple and disgusting as hell. Get your woman to lay below you and drop a deuce in her mouth.
Carl H Koenig The name for raping a blonde German girl and acting proud of in before getting pwned in the ass in prison.
Carl 2 Go Drop it between her tits, and then wrap Saran around her sealing it there. If you like, saran her arms to her body while you're at it.
Camel Hump While banging a fine piece of ass from behind, shove a popsicle or similar frozen treat up her ass. Have the bitch clench her rusty sheriff’s badge (a.k.a. ass) to hold the icy treat. After a session of sexual intercourse, drink the melted frozen treat out of her ass with a crazy straw.
Campbell, the Finger your dog in the ass using the excuse that you were 'prodding' it in the nose and that it turned round...you'll get off on this for sure, Campbell did.
Canada's History A seldom accomplished, extremely depraved sex act too vile to describe. Involves moose antlers, a bottle of maple syrup, and the Stanley Cup. First, take the Stanley Cup and fill it to the brim with maple syrup, then cut the antlers off of a moose (preferably live) and dip the ends into the maple syrup, then, while two women perform a sixty-nine on each other, you insert the moose antlers into their rectums and stand over them, masturbating and singing "God Save the Queen," being sure to end every phrase with "Eh?"
Canadian Ice Hockey League When both you and your partner have full body waxes and you "PUCK" like mad. When you squirt, make sure to cum on their body and then the two of you fight to see who gets to eat the "Snowball." Winner gets 1 point. Or for the pedos, when you get off to beating the shit out of hairless children, while disguised with a hockey mask, because it is the only way you can get a hard on or bring yourself to cum.
Canadian Jackhammer Do a stand-up 69 with a girl, then in the middle of it, drop her.
Canadian Mower Start fucking a girl on a grassy area doggy style in the ass, stand up with dick still in her and pick her legs up like a wheelbarrow and have her start eating the grass. Move her around like you were mowing the grass. Fill her up with grass. Cause her to vomit while u bust a nut in her mouth.
Candlejack As you're about to come, yell out Candlejack and then afte
Candy Cane When you jizz in a girls face, punch her in the nose making it red and white, hence the candy cane.
Cat Simply have sex with a cat, preferably a tam-cat. This will give you a wild ride and surely be the best pussy you'll ever get.
Cat Back While hitting it from behind, without permission pull out and cram your entire dick in her unsuspecting ass! Nine out of ten arch their back in the air like a frightened cat!
Center of Gravity Take your lady friend to the county fair and get in the Round Up ride. Once you're both pinned to the wall, unbuckle the harness and roll on top of her, fuck'er and get buckled back in before the ride is over. 10Xpts for facials and just remember to aim for where she's going to be, not where she is: F = mrω²
The Charizard While doing a hairy girl, light her pubes on fire. Then, put some of the fire out with your cum. Then wave your arms wildly yelling "You can't train me! You don't have enough badges!"
Chased by the Pirate When a girl is giving head and your about to pop the load, pull your dick out of her mouth, come into her left eye and kick her to the right shin-bone. She'll put left hand on her eye and the right hand on her shin-bone, making her hop after you and that makes you chased by a pirate. Don't let her catch you!
The Chastity Patch: not a sex move as such, but when your woman is going out for a night with the girls, be sure to smear a tiny bit of shit on the back of her neck. This "chastity patch" will keep her out of trouble.
Chainsaw massacre First you pound the bitch's biff and plant your seeds, then take out a chainsaw and slash the whore to pieces!
Chattanooga Chalupa First, take a shit in a girl's vagina. Then fuck her in the vagina, ejaculating all over your shit that is still in her vagina. This causes her vagina to look like a Taco Bell chalupa. This move is especially popular in the mountains of Southeast Tennessee.
Cherry Cheesecake This is a finishing move. Stroke it right off onto her face, then break her nose.
Cherry Cordial Same as the Sludge Box, but this term is only to be used if the girl is a virgin. (Hence, a chocolate-covered cherry!)
Cherry Danish Blow your load in your chick's face then punch her in the nose. It will make it look just like a cherry Danish.
Cherry Popsicle When you pull her bloody tampon out and stick it in her mouth, like a cherry popsicle.
Chicken Tuck your hands under your armpits while fucking a chick from behind, then stand up on your knees, flap your arms like a chicken and crow like a rooster.
Chicken Flop This is great because you do not need some disgusting whore scumbag slut for it. You just get a live chicken, jam your dick in it, and chop it's head off. The result is it flopping around like a chicken with it's head cut off (Who'd have guessed?). Then you just relax and let the chicken do the work. Fortunately anyone who would do this has to be an EDiot and their penis is small enough there's no chance of them cutting their own dick off in the process.
Chief Joseph When a girl is on her rag, you must pull her tampon out by the string with your teeth, then viciously shake your head back and forth. The blood from the tampon will splatter on your cheeks, giving you war paint.
The Kabob Basically, you ram your fist up a girl's ass then try to carry her.
Chili Dog To pull this one off you need to get the sudden urge to take a shit in between her tits and then proceed to titty-fuck her.
Chinese Turkey Fist your own asshole and harvest as much shit as possible. Then proceed to stuff your partner with you excrement as you would a turkey.
Chocolate Bikini While completing the Sludge Box, wipe your ass back and forth, so that you smear your feces all across her entire pubic area. It will look just like a chocolate bikini!
Chocolate Fondue Start out with an arabian deathmask but instead of farting in her mouth, Shart in it and proceed onto fucking her.
Chudder Getting a chick to nibble on your nuts.
The Cincinnati Bow tie Use your lady's heaving bosom as a soft landing zone for your tiny penis, but do it backwards -- so your balls are right on her neck. The resulting genital configuration resembles a bowtie.
The Cinnamon Roll Take a shit on the living room floor, then rub one out and spooge on it. When the victim comes in and examines it, knock them over and rape them while the cinnamon roll is the only thing they can see.
Cleveland Steamer One of the most well-known moves on this list. In this move you sit on her chest so she can barely breathe and then take a shit and slide down toward the vagina whilst making the noise of a Cleveland steam boat.
Alternate: Fuck outside near the disgusting Cuyahoga River during an Ohio snowstorm. Take an award-winning corn-fed beef-shit on your gal's chest and watch it steam. Best done by the Great Lakes Science Center or the giant "Free" stamp so you feel like you've done your civic duty.
Clown's mouth Eat a chick out whilst she is on her period.
Cockroach While you are doing a girl doggy, take it out and then spray RAID in her ass
Alternate: While you are doing a girl doggy, take it out and spit on her back, then when she turns around, spray RAID on her face.
Cock a Doodle Doo In order to do this one you need to work at McDonald's. While you're preparing food Get a chicken to peck your balls while you jerk off into a Mc Chicken.
Cocktopuss Just like it sounds. Eight cocks, one chick, a million faps. The actual existence of the cocktopuss has never been determined, despite much, much research into the matter. Note: this is not a one chick, eight guys thing. This is 8 cocks simultaneously in one girl. Hands do not count.
Cocoa Puffs Breakfast This move is the ultimate in slit-shitting! First, you take a crap inside some girl's pussy. Then, you fuck her brains out (Rusty Nail) until you blow your load inside her filthy hole. Finally, you stick a spoon inside her, pull out the chunks of your shit mixed with your milky cum, and feed it to her. She'll go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!!
Code of Silence You fuck a girl that's so dirty or ugly that you rip off the used condom and gag her with it, and tell her that you'll kill her if she tells a soul what just happened between the two of you.
Cold Lunch While she's giving you oral, ask her if you can cum in her mouth and for her to "eat it". If she says no, politely say "then how about this?" and proceed to stick your finger down your throat and vomit all over the top of the bitches head. She should learn her lesson for next time not to refuse your cum snack.
Colonization As a white man, have sex with a woman of African genetics.
Columbine Get your butt buddy to follow you into a school; go in, spray a bunch of kids and finish each other off.
Congo Line This is when numerous black men pull a train on some unlucky whore. The men wear war paint.
Consensual sex in the missionary position This is perhaps the most disgusting move of all. What you do is lay your woman so she is on her back. Then, ask permission to have vaginal intercourse. Once she agrees, place yourself on top of her and penetrate her vagina with your penis.
Corn on the Cob After banging a broad in the ass, pull out to blow your load down her throat, which is pretty classy in and of itself, but it gets better. While making the transition from bung to pie hole, you notice a corn kernel on the head of your cock. Hence, we now have the "corn on the cob". Remember kids, corn is always better the second time around.
Cosby Sweater The sexual act of eating Fruit Loops, Fruity Pebbles, Trix, and Boo Berry- or any other 'bright, colorful' breakfast cereals- and then vomitting the tacky, dazzling mixture onto your partners chest. The result should look similar to the incredible sweaters that Bill Cosby wore during his highly successful 1980's sitcom "The Cosby Show".
Cotton Candy This requires you to stay hard once you've jizzed. You fuck a girl up the ass so that you get shit all over your dick and then you proceed to cum on the edge of her asshole. You swirl your cock in it like a stick in a cotton candy machine until you get jizz and shit all over you cock and then you fuck her face with it.
Cottonmouth This one takes a bit of a sacrifice. If your girl is giving you a blowjob, hold out for as long as you can. Make sure she's in the mood for sex during this time, because that's kind of the whole point of the move. After she's thoroughly exhausted and likely horny from giving you a long-ass BJ, just send her home and tell her you have to work or go to class or something.
Coyote Fuck a Mexican immigrant woman doggy-style. EVEN MOAR POINTS IF YOU FUCK HER ON THE BORDERLINE!!!
Coyte This is when you fuck the shit out of a drunk bitch/ho (fo' sho), and proceed to whip off the used condom, put it in her handbag and say "YOU JUST GOT COYTED BIATCH! GET THE FUCK OUT!!".(This must be done in your house)
Crazy Carl Make sure when you do the whore doggy-style with her head facing the wall. You gotta fucking hump her brains out as hard as you can until her brains literally get smashed and smeared into the wall. When she's not moving (pretty much dead), you may take advantage of her as you'd like; blow your baby juice inside, I don't care. Take all of her prostitute money, and move on to the next bitch. Repeat the steps. You'll be a rich pimp just like that.
The Cream Filled Truffle During anal, ejaculate hard into your partner's butt (male or female), then pull out and shove a straw up their ass and suck all the semen out of their ass. More experienced users of this move can use it in vaginal intercourse as an alternative to condoms. But you must be skilled enough to make sure you can suck all of the semen out, so you don't get her pregnant.
Creampie This happens in some of the porn movies you'd find on the internets. This is when you just release the jizz in her slimy cunt for pleasure or for lulz. NO CONDOMS, NO CONTRACEPTIVES WHATSOEVER. And then, the baby juice will magically pour out due to gravity, just in time to avoid a silly sperm raping that egg. If it fails, you're fucked.
Cross-Fingered Crippler Similar to the Shocker, but you cross your index and middle fingers and give it to her!
Cum SurprisePrepare yourself behind cover, then approach a random girl in a public place and relieve yourself all over her, without her expecting it (hence the name 'surprise'). Works particularly well if it truly is a random girl, and you have never seen her before.
Cunthammer Though I would imagine this to be self-explanatory, I will however go into details. After a good fucking, you blow inside of her and as a form of contraception you whip out a cleverly stashed hammer and break her pelvis. After the clean up at the hospital, I'm sure she won't be having kids...
Chief Marley (the combo) Do an oral Bob Marley and make a mohawk and combine it with an inverse Chief Joseph (she gets the 'war paint'), you whip out the tampon and wipe two marks under her eyes
D
Dainal Sex A bizarre sex move accidentally invented by a man named Dain in the backwoods of Oregon. We'll change the names of the other boys involved, as to protect their identities. We would do this for Dain too, but he's a douchebag, so fuck him. In the ass. Dain, "Jon," and "Cody" had come home from a late night out at a party, drunk as hell. Let's just say these three got a little frisky and decided to experiment with each other, anally. So, Dain and Jon begin to fondle one another as Cody watches with anticipation. This got a bit TOO disturbing to actually type, even by ED's standards so let's just cut down to Dain's part of the story. The other two made him the feltcher, who sucks the cum out of the other two's asses after sex. As Dain was about to insert the straw within Cody's ass, Cody couldn't hold his gas in, resulting in a anal-sperm shower for Dain's face. Use EXTREME caution when attempting this maneuver.
Darth Vader, The Find an asthmatic chic or dude and fuck them until they get winded, have an asthma attack and sound like, you guessed it, Darth Vader.
D-Rock For this one you need to not fuck or jerk off for two months. This move takes a lot of patience because of the time frame involved. After two months pass get some chick to blow you. When you blow your load in her mouth it will be so big that she will jump backwards and knock her head on something hard, causing her to get knocked the fuck out!
Dairyqueen, the Stand the bitch on her head, and you pour ice cream down her pussy, then eat it out while 69ing.
David Copperfield This must be done while nailing a woman from behind, in front of an open window. Have a friend hide in the closet, have him silently exit the closet as you pull out of her, and get him start to nailing her. Quickly leave the building and stand in front of the window waving to her. Be sure she sees you standing there.
Death Sex The 4Chan, except a step further. Two dicks in her ass, vagina, and mouth. Two handjobs with each hand, a footjob with each foot, and two breast fucks. When all of the men have cum a second group rotates in and picks up where they left off. A third group is optional. Death is imminent. Clean up is rumored to take seven days, but since the girl is dead there is no one to clean it up so nobody knows how long it would actually take.
Dentist, The When performing this act, The Dentist shoves his phallus into the mouth of a supposed patient, not exceeding the age of six years old, and is therefore still in possession of his/her deciduous teeth; the teeth will shatter or in other ways be removed due to utter force of which the Dentist operates his phallus.
Devin Sharpe, The Possibly the most disgusting sex move ever devised, begin in the missionary position, after gratuitously allowing her to orgasm, give her oral pleasure until she passes out, when she passes out from the pleasure, go out and buy her a delicious meal, and after she enjoys said meal, finish by discussing things she wants to do and treat her to a romantic evening.
Dick Pocket It’s when you are screwing a girl from behind and when she’s not looking you reach into her purse and take her wallet and leave after a good fuck with a hefty some of money and some credit cards.
Dinosaur, The The Dinosaur is when you fuck a girl on the ground in the woods behind her house and after you finish, you drop a small boulder on her head and tell her parents that she became extinct due to a meteor.
Dirt Bike Strictly for pros. This is when you have the girl on all fours, and you grab her wrists and pull her arms out while she is spraying diarrhea out (thus giving the image of you riding a dirt bike).
Dirtbox Derby Can't be explained in words. You may need to learn the rudiments of engineering before attempting this. Racing these is fun, you can comefirst from last place
Dirty Butkus After tagging her in the ass for a while, wipe the head of your dick under each eye like you're trying to keep the reflection out of her eyes with blacker.
Dirty Confucius Similar to the Dirty Sanchez, except you go for the full Fu Manchu.
Dirty Dolphin While you're fucking the girl doggy-style, pull it out and ram your dick in her asshole... you will then hear the 'AAAAAAAAHAHAAAHAAAAA' noise that resembles a dolphin.
Dirty Elvis Do your chick in the pooper then pull it out and use her own shit to make sideburns on her face.
Dirty Mengele Invented by Weev, the Dirty Mengele consists on fisting a girl while she's on her period and smearing the blood all over her face while screaming: "LICK THAT FILTH CLEAN, YOU WORTHLESS WHORE!". Note that while Weev invented this move, it cannot be considered a signature move of his, since it's not part of his regular repertoire.
Dirty Pirate Come in her eye and kick her in the shin, so that she simultaneously covers one eye like a patch while hopping up and down on one leg yelling "aaargh".
Dirty Popsicle This one involves a girl taking a firm shit and leaving it in the freezer overnight. When it gets hard and frozen, she uses it as a dildo.
Dirty Sanchez Start doing your woman in the stink. At any given moment pull out and wipe a mustache on her with her own shit.
Dirty Spoon When you're doin’ a girl in the ass while in the spoon position.
Dirty Smulligan When you're doing a girl in the ass and she shits on your dick, while you're doing her.
Dirty Trombone This move requires getting two chicks in bed with you at the same time. While you fuck a girl in the ass doggy style another girl licks your dick as it goes in and out like a trombone.
Divot Pull down the pants of some girl with a huge fur pile, grab on to as much of it as you can, scream "Fore!" and rip every last hair out. A real golfers' favorite!
Dizzy Gillespie This is a great variation of the rusty trombone. While you are receiving the rusty trombone, you grab her head hold it tight on your ass and let out a great fart, thus blowing up her cheeks like Dizzy himself.
Docking Station When one male puts his penis head onto another man's and fold's his foreskin over the other man's head.
Dog in a Bathtub Attempting to insert your nuts into a girl’s ass. Named so because it’s as hard as keeping a dog in a bathtub while giving it a bath.
Donkey Punch 1 Okay, when you're nailing a chick in the ass you yell out "Hee-Haw" like a donkey, and when she turns around you punch her in the face so she's knocked out. Her ass will get all tight and you can fuck around with her 'till she wakes up.
Donkey Punch 2 Start out doin’ her from behind. Pull out and pretend you are going to cum on her back, then punch her in the back or head.
Donkey Punch 3 As you're hittin' it from the back just after you cum, punch the bitch in the kidney's so she shits herself or at the least squirts out your man juice in a fresh new "mocha" look.
Donkey Kong Punch Proceed as per the standard Donkey Punch, however, instead of punching the partner in the head or neck, strike them over the head with a barrel, lamp or other easily shattered object. Just make damn sure your date isn't an Italian-American plumber, if she is get any large mallets the fuck out of the house before performing this move.
Don’t Get Caught, Freak! Do her in a shed and then leave her there for the cops to find. Hell, call them yourself and tell them where she is.
The double-fishhook may also be performed by a dildo-wearing female.
Double Doody In this delightful maneuver, you must first be fucking the bitch doggy style. Then stick it in her pooper until it is sufficiently loose. Slide into one, out, into the other, out, back and forth until you blow your load in one of the holes. Also called creampie roulette.
Double Fishhook Start by banging your girl doggy style, then reach up and hook her in the mouth from both sides with your pinkie finger so you can really pound the fuck out of her. For added perversion (and savings), have a dentist come over to inspect her gaping pie-hole for cavities and whatnot.
Double Refit Mixed Ganja Blaster Similar to no move ever. This is when the female removes her rectum, and you have to stuff much marijuana inside it, stuff the rectum back inside. Smuggle the marijuana to iraq, sell it to American soldiers, buy a cheap hotel room, then you must preform the 4-Chan with what ever money you have left.
Double-Headed Dolphin Similar to the shocker. Cross your index and middle, your ring and pinkie and go to town. She'll make that eek eek noise like a dolphin.
Dragon Punch Same as Donkey Punch 3, however you must lay into the bitch with both fists, one to each side.
Dread Pirate, The Track down a woman whilst you disguise yourself as a famous icon. Get arrested and tortured to the point of being only mostly dead, and have a duo revive you. Rescue the woman and then make love to her anally.
Drunk Schoolgirl Make sure your girl has pigtails and get her really drunk. When she starts puking in the toilet, pull down her pants, grab her pigtails and start railing her in the ass.
Dutch Muffin Before you nail the chick, put half a cup of margarine in her vagine (or ass). Don't let it melt until you start fucking.
Dutch Oven Whenever you fart while humping, pull the covers over her head. Don't let her out until all movement ceases.
Duronomo When you pound the shit out of your ho, then as you finish, in one swift motion, you buck her off the bed as you shoot your load at her. Then tell her to get the fudge out!
E
The Earl Grey Much like teabagging, but more awesome. You have the girl suck your nuts for about 5 minutes (this is to let the flavour infuse into her saliva), then, without warning; cram your cock into her mouth and let rip a flood of piss. This is euphemistic of adding the Bergamot oil to the teapot. Hold her mouth and nose closed until she has sampled this tasty treat, and then punch her in the face.
Edge To masturbate yourself or a partner almost to the point of ejaculation, but never actually reach climax for prolonged pleasure.
Egg Drop Soup Make her open her mouth wide open. then urinate inside her mouth, and when done, take a big ol' round shit in her mouth. Proceed to ejaculate in her eyes, for garnish.
Egg-Mayo Shove an egg in her ass, ejaculate then mush it up with your penis by pounding her chocolate filled-ass. Prepare some bread.
Egyptian Gas Mask Similar to the Arabian sunglasses but involving 3 people (Two blokes). The men simply take their balls and one puts his nuts on one of the girl's eyes, the other guy puts his nuts on the other of the girl's eye. Then, the two men take turns farting into the girl's nose.
Eiffel Tower The ultimate double team. The chick gets down on all fours, then each guy takes an end on her, one in front and one in back. Then the two guys lift both their arms in the air and do a huge "high-five", and you've got the Eiffel Tower! Fuckin’ sweet or what?
Electric Tingle Tape a knife vertically to the middle of your boner, so it's sticking out a little farther than its counterpart. Then try pounding an electric socket. When you wake up (Lol IF you wake up!|)you should be covered in sizzling jizz and your penis should be tingling with pleasure.
Electrobulb Knob Slobber Insert a light bulb into your anus, then proceed to do a head stand. Have your woman blow on your wiener. If she can blow hard enough, the bulb should shine bright. Lamp shade optional.
Elevator This works with a younger girl (say 6 or 7 years old) or a midget; you basically 69 with her while standing up (so it looks like you are going to tombstone piledrive her). Since she is little, her body won’t be long enough to blow you and get eaten out at the same time, so you will have to raise and lower her up and down at your discretion to do what ever you want with her.
Emeril Start fucking a girl doggy style. When you're about to cum, pull out, and cum into your hand. Wait until she turns around, then throw the cum in her face while yelling "Bam!"
Equestrian While banging a girl from behind, just as you are about to blow your load, grab her hair and leap forward with all the leg strength you have. The goal is to leap forward and completely over the headboard, like a leaping horse. Not recommended if your bed is up against a wall.
Executive Decision While banging a girl from behind, make sure you have her face pressed up against the wall. You wind up for a Donkey Punch, but then you make the Executive Decision to lift you leg up around the side of her body and kick her in the back of the head, sending her face through the wall.
Euro-Tunnel You open up a bitch's ass, so it somewhat resembles a goatse, you then proceed to shit into it.
Extra-Long Cut Before you and your ho start having crazy animal sex, go down to the nearest gas station and grab a few essentials; some lube (cuz you that bitch aint gonna get wet from your gay shit), and some good ol' Cope. Put the lube on your man-demeaning dick and put a fat dip in. Start fucking her pussy as best as you can, half way into it pull the dip out and shove it into her pussy. Continue to fuck her, by now you about to pre-nut inside her. Pull out and carve the shit out of her pussy with a knife and put it back in your lip. Happy Fun Fucking!!!!
F
Fake Tell the girl you are wearing a condom but you really aren't.
Fake sex whilst choking the chicken, stick a finger up your ass, then yell out in shame "IT's FAKE! IT's FAKE"
Falcon Punch While ramming a pregnant chick and about to cum, pull out and punch her as hard as you can in the gut while yelling out "FAAAAAALLLLLLLCCCOOOOOONNNNN PPPPUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNCCCCCCHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
Fancy Feast Tie her down and put 6 cinder blocks on her stomach and chest so she can’t breathe. Then work up a nice gassy fart (make sure you eat White Castle with extra grilled onions beforehand); right when you’re about to fart, hover over her face and quickly remove all the cinder blocks, then as she takes that first gasp of air, let one rip right over her nose. She'll gag and throw up, she loves it!
Fargo, The Have sex in the snow, and when you're done, put her in a wood chipper.
Fart Hammer This is right after you are done fucking your chick - you stand up by her face bend your ass down and fart on her face.
Fighting Irish While you're fucking your chick, and you're about to cum everywhere, start beating the hell out of her, like, no mercy, like a drunken Irishman, see my connection, after that, tell her you're sorry and fuck her some more, and do the Falcon Punch.
Fellowship, The When you're gangbanging a girl with some midgets, dwarves and an elf and 9 months later the girl's father is holding a knife to your throat to make sure you go through with the wedding and put the ring on her finger because DNA proved you're the father.
Field Goal You have a girl stand next to a sturdy pole, grab it and then you take her ankles and slowly lift her into the air. Now she's parallel to the ground. Spread her legs and begin the fucking. Pink or Stink. Doesn't matter. Right when you go you take one leg and blast her right in the chin and let her go.
Firefighter When you're about to bust a nut, you light the girl's pubes on fire and put it out with your jizz. I got a variation of the rodeo too. You throw all your friends in the closet and start doing the chick, then all of a sudden, you put it in her ass. Your friends jump out of the closet and bang on pots and pans and count and see how long you can ride her.
The Fisherman Teabag a girl while she nibbles on your balls.
The Fisherman's Nightmare When attempting The Fisherman the girl bites your balls off. Then get wooden balls and walk around town telling people the tale of Moby Dick Balls.
Fish Eye 1.0 While working her from behind, shove your finger in her pooper, whereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
Fish Eye 2.0 You hit a chick from behind, and save up a nice juicy nut. Then, right before you bust you pull out, turn that bitches head around, use your thumb and finger to hold one of her eyes open, and drop the entire load on her eye. Then her eye looks exactly like a fishes, especially after that bitch starts crying.
Fish Hook While doing a bitch from behind, stick your finger in her asshole and hook it like a fish hook; hold on too, because it makes her tight and gives you a wild ride.
Fist of the South-Star After doggy style, pull out and punch her in the asshole as hard as you can. You won't necessarily get a fist in, but it'll still be funny as hell. A.K.A. the Fist of the Brown Star, Fist of the Stink Star.
Fisting Insertion of a fist or fists into a vagina or a butthole.
Fitness Freak Your girl does a handstand between two stable surfaces, doing a leg-split in the air. You are in the pushup position with your arms on one surface and legs on the other, churning your bitch's butter via pushups.
Fizzy Lifting DrinkWhen you are having sex with a girl with you on your back and she is upright on your cock. You place your hands on her hips and the second you cum, you lift her off your dick and throw her into the air. (Note: if you have a ceiling fan, it must be turned on).
Flaming Amazon Have sex with a girl, pull out, light her bush on fire with a lighter, and cum on her to put it out. [1]
Flaming Canoli Have sex with a girl, pull out, and cum on her. Then you take a shit on her. Then you wrap her up in a blanket and set her on fire.
Flaming Johnson While fucking a girl doggy style, you must have a Copenhagen in. You spit on her back and pull out, rub your cock in it, and then stick it back in.
Flash Bang Take a light bulb and slowly ease it up a precious vagina while kissing her belly, then out of the blue punch her lower abdomen! You'll laugh your ass off for days to follow! Trust me, the bitch will NEVER forget you!
Flat Tire While riding a girl hard from behind, reach forward and pull out her right arm so her face hits the bed just as you blow your load.
Flimsy Princess Whilst getting a blowjob knee the bitch in the throat so she passes out, continue to fuck her throat, bust in her mouth and leave her lifeless body for the cops to find.
Flush Fuck Take the girl of your choice to any bathroom with a toilet. Getting her to hold onto the toilet bowl, start working her hard from behind. Just as you are about to get off, ram it in deep and hard, shove her head into the toilet, and flush... man, what ACTION! For a twist, do it on a toilet full of shit. But hang on tight, it's going to be a rough ride.
Fly swatter b-slap When doing her from behind, as you are about to come, pull out, aim upwards towards the side of her head and then try to slap the cum so both your hand and cum hits her cheek.
Flying Camel As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then begin to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl. Strictly a class move!
Flying Dutchman While fucking any woman in front, you blow your load in her, then immediately pull out and elbow drop her stomach launching your hot man-chowder back out.
Flying Lotus Blossom Rail a chick in missionary manner on the side of a bed, then grab her wrists and pull her off. Hold her up and continue to bang the shit out of her; it gives her the experience of zero gravity fucking. Note: for added excitement, let her hands go and let her just dangle there as you continue to pound that ass. Advisory: make sure you can pick her up and are in good shape because for you it is a work out - trust me.
A loving footjob.
Footjob Like a handjob, but with feet.
Forrest Gump After blooping all over a bitch's face, keep repeating the phrase "Stupid is as stupid does" with disdain.
Fortune Cookie Get an Asian chick and bang her with a condom on; when finished, pull out but leave condom in.
Fountain of Youth While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed.)
Fountain of Youth V.2 While having sex in the shower with an 8 year old, slick her hair back so she instead looks like a five year old boy. Once finished, destroy her.
Four-Legged Surprise While in the middle of fucking her doggy-style, announce you have to take a piss but to "hold that position." Then bring in your German Shepard and let him straddle her with his red rocket. After she notices the furry paws on her shoulders and starts screaming, yell "Surprise!"
Frank De Boer Named after the famousDutch soccer player. In this position you fuck someone's frown. This is usually accompanied by the other participant licking your balls.
Frasier Crane or Tossed Salad And Scrambled Eggs means someone is licking your ass while twisting your balls. This is very painful. The name originated from the soundtrack of the sitcom 'Frasier'.
Freezer, The Have sex in the snow, and when you blow your load, feed it to her on a snow cone
Froggy Style A variation on doggy style. Two extremely fat people do it doggy style, with the man on top. While they're doing it, both gurgle in pleasure, and it sounds like two frogs doing it. For extra lulz, both can be painted green beforehand.
Frothy Walrus This is done when a girl is giving you a BJ. When she swallows what you give her, punch her in the stomach and it comes out her nose! Yeeeaaah!
Frothy Walrus² The alternative move involves a 2 liter of soda, and two dildos, and a Woman. The procedure goes as follows:
1. Gape the Ass and Vagoo.
2. Fill said parts with the soda.
3. Stick the 2 dildos in your mouth with the cock heads pointing down to resemble a walrus.
4. Move your head up and down rhythmically so that the dildos rape both the Vagoo and ass.
5.????
6.PROFIT
Fuck Her Brains Out This may sound routine, but while your bitch is giving you oral, you pull your cock out and stab it right into her eye. Her brains will provide excellent lube.
Fudgecicle Stick your phallic piece in a pile of shit and then put it in your lady's mouth. It'll turn her frown upside down!!
G
Gator When getting a blow-job, tell her when you bust a nut to bite down as hard as she can on your cock. When she does, smash a beer bottle over her head.
Gag Attack Fuck your bitch in the ass, and when you are getting ready to blow your wad, stick it in her mouth and she will have a coco/cream surprise!
Gaylord Perry Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle-ball pitcher proud and use multiple digits on that virgin cornhole. A minimum of 2 knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).
German Snowplow Alright, you fuck that bitch in the ass, then simply, she shits on your dick, you throw up, hell everyone in the room throws up.
Gentleman Make love to a girl without any type of violence, then go get her a glass of water and fix her breakfast in the morning. (You're going to get laid again.)
Getting Brain The common misconception is that "Brain" is a slang term for a blowjob when in actuality this move involves taking a 2 inch drill bit and drilling a hole in your girl's skull and proceeding to "fuck her brains out."
Gina Kick First, fuck the girl from behind until you are about to nut, pull out and nut somewhere, and rear back and kick her square in the twat, football style.
Glass Bottom Boat Start by putting Saran Wrap over her face and then drop a deuce directly on the Saran Wrap. Also may be performed by having her lay underneath a glass topped table facing up, watching you drain the dragon (or bake the brownies, both if preferred).
Glider Wrap some strong bungee around a pole and have the girl hold on to the end with both hands. Slowly pull her back and let the bungee build up a lot of power. When it's nice and tight, you start doing her in the ass nice and quick. Blast your load in her ass and then let go of her so that she flies through the air with cum oozing out of her ass. Hopefully if it's a good bungee, she'll hit the pole and break her collarbone.
The Go-Kart Do your partner doggystyle real close and grab onto her ear, making 150cc engine noises the entire time. Be sure to powerslide and throw banana peels behind you.
Goblin Punch When a dwarf/midget performs a donkey punch.
Golden Shower Any form of peeing on a girl (A.K.A. watersports). Like in the example mentioned in piss, pissing can be erotic. The correct terminology for sex play involving piss is called watersports. Any place is good except the facial region unless you're a gayperv. In New Zealand, publishing anything text in support of or content in display of golden showers gets you 10 years in prison.
An unsuspecting whore gets hit with a golden shower.
Golden Star Fish This move requires the lights to be off. Tell your chick you want to go backdoor. Secretly replace the lube with self-tanning cream. Lube yourself up and go to town. Let her explain the orange ring around her ass to anyone who has her next. This trick was discovered accidentally but is painless to all.
Goon A particularly long edging session in which the gooner is elevated to a trance-like mental state; almost always with the aid of degenerate pornography and sometimes — when the old hog just wont squeal no more due to years of beating it to death — with the aid of psychedelic substances to enhance the effects. Gooning is sometimes synonymous with chronic masturbation addiction.
Gorilla Mask While doing a girl from behind, donkey punch her until she stops moving. Then proceed to ejaculate on her face until it is evenly covered in a thick layer of bukkake. Then, get as much pubic hair as you can muster, and sprinkle it on her face.
Gorillas in the Mist This is when a cracker chick goes into a steam room and is approached by 3 black men waiting to tag white snatch. They work her over good. When finished they return back into the mist waiting for their next prey. The cracker then leaves thinking she just visited the African Rainforest.
Gravy Train Slight variation of the Sludge Box....Instead of dumping some normal shit into her pussy, try flooding it with your diarrhea!
Greeking This is when you are fucking a girl any way possible (preferably oral) and right before you cum take your dick and cum all over her eyes so they seal shut and she can't see.
Greg Louganis Position yourself on the bed way up close to the headboard, then get your chick to climb on top of you backwards. Slap your junk up in her ass and go to town. Once you are about to unleash the dogs of war up in her, quickly and at once pull out and move down the bed towards the foot, grab her at the waist and yank her down causing the back of her head to slam against the head board, then quickly flip around and give her the splash in the face... for the ultimate effect dress her up like a man! You get 50 points if you also give her AIDS.
Grumblefoot Grabapple This is when a girl sticks both her big toes up a mans rectum while simultaneously strangling him while he masturbates
The Guillotine While doing a standing 69, with the girl being suspended and upside-down, perform a tombstone piledriver on her while your dick is in her mouth. If performed correctly, when her head hits the ground, her jaw will slam shut and your dick will be bitten off. Bonus points if you wear big white wigs
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Hair Ball You're chomping away at some trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
Haitian Mudslide Get your chick to do a handstand against a wall, with her face and stomach facing the wall. Then, fuck her mouth while she takes a shit, creating a Haitian Mudslide.
Handbagger Helper During lovemaking, a guy tells his female partner that he is unable to finish and makes up an excuse if needed. Then, while his partner is getting cleaned up, or just not paying attention, he blows his load in her purse for her to find at a later time.
Hat Trick This one is simple. Fuck your woman any way you please, then give her a healthy facial and as quickly as possible follow up by urinating on her face, finishing your hat trick with a big ol' shit in between the tits. Bonus points for green shit or clear piss.
Classic Houdini (aka Slick Houdini) Get your woman in the doggy style position. Act like you're about to blow your load. Spit on her back so she thinks you did. When she turns around shoot her in the face with it. (A.K.A. the White Ghost).
The Double Houdini While tag-teaming a girl with your buddy, have one guy does her in the ass and the other guy getting a hummer. Then have the guy in the back tell her he is going to blow and then spit on her back. When she turns around, give her the facial of her life. Then when she turns around to face the front again, the guy in the front blows it in her face for the second facial.
Harvey Wall Banger Shove your dick up the girls ass then bang her on the wall.
Headbanger’s Ball While you are making out with a chick and she closes her eyes, start kissing her neck to get her good and ready. Then rare back and head-butt her. (She won’t even see it coming.)
Hershey Kiss Bang a chick in the ass with a condom on, when done, pull out, leave condom in.
Hill-Billy Slam While you are doing a girl from behind, right as you are about to bust, you pull out a banjo and slam it over her head.
Hillary Duff While banging a younger girl (any position, preferably one where she can't see your face) start humming a Hillary Duff tune, if you happen to know any (any young pop-tart will do). Hum louder and louder until she either joins you, starts singing or asks you what the hell you are doing. If she doesn’t do any of these things eventually start singing the words and try to stay humping to the rhythm. If she does ask you what the hell you could always bail on the thing, but what I like to do is claim that it keeps me from ejaculating. I don’t really know the point of this but it's funny to me, and if you can get a 16 year old girl singing along to Hillary Duff in the sack and still satisfy her and do your thing, I'll buy you a fucking beer.
Hitmonlee vs Hitmonchan, The Pay a 16 year-old girl to kick you in the balls. As soon as you drop in pain, your cock gets hard. The girl will come near you and make sure you're okay. At that moment SKY UPPERCUT her in the jaw to knock her out cold. Enjoy the next 2 hours raping her you sick fuck. Moar points if she's a Hillary Duff fan!!!
Hockey Fuck Pull her shirt over her head punch her hard and fuck the shit out of her.
Hole in One Begin by fucking your chick missionary style then, as you bust, pull out and shoot it over her stomach, chest, throat, and into her eye.
Holocauster, The At any point during teh sex, you release your gasses and GTFO of the room and lock the door.
Honey Smacks Dip your dick into a jar of honey. While hard, give the silly bitch a mushroom punch to the face and let your muff-buster stick to her grill. Then slide it into her mouth and say "Honey Smacks - they're even better in the evening."
Hook Hit it doggy style and when least expected shove your thumb in her ass and hook it sideways. Quite the attention getter. The double hook is even more effective.
Hoover Named in recognition of the vacuum cleaner manufacturer. Banging a girl doggy style on carpet (or other abrasive surface). Pull her arms out and hold them. With dick still in her, stand up and start driving, giving incredible rug-burn to her face. To the bystander, it looks like you are operating a Hoover vacuum cleaner!
Horse Chainsaw Doing a girl in the ass, with a midget underneath. Get her to wear a horse mask, then take out an electric sander and burn her ass with it so she neighs like a horse. Proceed to ejaculate in her wounds. (Bonus points if done at a barn)
Hot Air Balloon When you are doing a girl doggy, take it out and replace your cock with an air pump, and pump her up!
Hot Carl After you've been fucking a girl in the ass, quickly pull your dick out and stick it in her mouth.
Hot Lips Hoolahan Pour Tabasco sauce all over a girl's pussy lips. When she can't take the heat anymore, pull out and hose her down.
Hot Lunch While a girl is on her back giving you head, take a hot, steamy shit on her chest. Upon completion, congratulate her and inform her that she has just become "the lunch lady."... And it's a hot lunch.
Houdini When doing a girl doggy style, gather up a mouthful of spit. Right before you are about to blow yer load, pull out and spit on her back. When she turns around, cum all over her face and scream "HOUDINI!"
How not to get caught Drive a chick around 40 miles from anywhere and get her to suck you off whilst your driving. when your just about to sploodge, take it out her mouth and cum in her eyes. whilst she's distracted, open the passenger door and kick the bitch out whilst your still moving and enjoy a relaxing drive home...
Hucklebuck, Double Hucklebuck, and Quadruple Hucklebuck As you are hitting the chick from behind, simply take your hand slide it up under her in thigh and grab the back of her neck and wrench down. That is the hucklebuck. Two hands is the double hucklebuck; both legs and hands legs over shoulders hands on back of neck is the quadruple. The first two are more you holding her up; the last is very dangerous and tricky, only for experienced hucklebucklers. Advisory 1: Makes sure she knows what’s going on because you may hear her bones popping and cracking however it’s normal and once she realizes she’s in the best sex position she’s ever been in and ever will be it won’t matter. Advisory 2: make sure she is flexible and you can hold her weight.
Hulk Smash You're getting a blow job and suddenly you pull out and dip your dick into green (hopefully lead-based) paint. Then you proceed to cock slap her across the face, screaming "HULK SMASH!!!" Doing so will leave a green banana-shaped mark that should be documented and shared with close friends and relatives. Break her neck for bonus points!!!
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I-Did-Her-Odd You drill a chick silly like while pouring vodka and seal fat on her. Finish up and have her pull you in a sled while she's naked in the snow like the Iditarod.
ITTY BITTY BABY ITTY BITTY BOAT a direct variation of the Donkey Punch, while doing her from behind, you yell out "TWINKIE HOUSE!". Soon after, she will see what you're yelling about, at which point, you punch her in the face.
Ice-T Bang a Black chick who's a big fan of SouljaBoy. Troll her IRL if she likes Ice-T. If she says no, SHOOT THE BITCH!!! Variation: Get a blow job from a cop. When you squirt, shoot them in the face while screaming, "I'm a cop kill'n motha fucka." Then, if you're black, kill them IRL and blame it on rap music when you go to trial.
Icey-Mike You take a shit, preferably a long turd.. no messy ones here. then place this turd, whole, in the freezer. Once it is frozen, take it out and use it as a dildo. (Condom is acceptable to prevent diseases.)
Inglewood Jack A maneuver used in hockey fights developed by youth hockey coach Jules Winfield, which involves grabbing the opposing player's jersey over his head and repeatedly punching him in the stomach. Shows the women who's boss and has an intended side-effect of baby-killing. It is mostly used as a birth control method. May cause a giant afro to grow or develop illusions of grandeur.
Iraqi Mine Field Start fucking a chick in a room full of mines(preferably anti-tank and anti-marine mines), and bust a nut, anywhere you want, so big that it causes her to shoot off your dick and lands on a mine. The rest is pretty much self explanatory.
Jack Black An obnoxious, fat slob of a man who continually fails to seal the deal because he fancies himself a music expert and gives his opinion on said subject wether people want to hear it or not. Usually seen hanging around with the "Brian Griffin" type because it is more important that this type feel like an intellectual than get laid..
Jamocha Shake, The This requires two partners at the minimum. You perform the "Donkey Punch 3" or "Dragon Punch" (See section "D") with the third person laying on their back under the person being fucked. As the "mocha" mix pours out the ass it is happily received in person 3's mouth. NOTE: You can modify this to a whole new level by purchasing a real Jamocha shake prior and having the "mocha" mix poor into the shake and have person 3 drink it.
Jamaican Chimney Sweep Put a sock over your forearm and fist your girlfriend/boyfriend in the anus. MUST be performed without lube; bonus points if you get her to talk in a British accent while you talk in a Jamaican accent.
Jamaican Slapstick When you are getting head and about to bust pull out and tense your then beat the bitch untill she is black and blue. (you may need a friend to retain her)
Japan Happy Ending The man is strapped down as the woman shits all over him.
Jefferson Davis, The- This requires two partners, one of them a healthy and fertile African American female. Ejaculate into a partner's mouth. That partner then blows the semen into the vagina of the female African American partner. If nine months later, you father a child with that African American woman and proceed to sell that child into slavery, you have completed a Jefferson Davis. Congratulations!
Jesus Waffle, The- While fornication ensues, read a sermon from the early books of the first testament, and crush her with heated, cubic mallets to give her the impression of a malted waffle. That'll learn her!
Jelly Donut When you're about to cum on her face, punch her in the nose and then squirt a circle around it.
Jellyfish Surprise Pick up an ugly girl at a bar and take her back to her place. After getting a nice lay in, slide the greasy condom off and tuck it under her pillow for the next poor bastard to find.
JHD A not very well known move, FOR EXPERTS ONLY***. Stands for the Jizz Hump Dump, basically you've got a girlfriend that you wanna get rid of, maybe she's got this ugly beef curtain or something, and you gotta get rid of that shit. You take her to space, take her outside, both of you are naked, before your dick freezes off you fuck her in any hole you feel like, cum inside, and then as you pull out you give her one good hump in any direction which pleases you (EXCEPT TOWARDS EARTH, THAT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE OF THE JHD). Due to the fact that there is no gravity in space, she will fly away, therefore you have effectively dumped the bitch. If you think she's gonna try to grab at you when she's flying away maybe lube your arms and back so that she can't get a good grasp. THIS WORKS, or at least it has for me in the past.
John F. Kennedy, The- Engage in intercourse with your significant other in the backseat of a convertible. Ejaculate onto her face and chest. If she screams and tries to climb out of the back seat, then you have successfully performed the JFK.
Johnny Appleseed, The- Engage in anal sex until your anus experiences a prolapse, then proceed to insert your prolapsed anus bulb into a nearby female's vagina.
Joseph Stalin, The Find a hooker and promise her a lots of moneyyy and a higher quality of life. then when she trusts you the most viciously beat her(sumtimes just for lulz) to make suer she really trusts you. she'll try to stab you a few times but eventually become submissive. (courtesy of cudbwittier)
Juice Box First you position yourself in the whack off position and then you flip your hand over and make sure you thumbs pointed directly at your butthole then you beat off while hammering your ass.
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Kaminky Special Fuck a girl from behind on the floor. Just before orgasm precede to grab the girl by the hair, rip her head back towards your chest, punch her in the face, and slam her face on the floor as you orgasm.
Karbunkle, The Beat a woman until she comes. WARNING- Dinner may also be a byproduct of beating.
Kevin Ramey Find an old Asian man dressed as Master Roshi and have him fuck your dirty man tits till he cums all over your Jew fro. Extra pleasure is received if you like turtles.
Klingon Cum on her forehead, but release it in ridges so that she looks like a Klingon.
Knock and drop Come up to her, knock her out (a brick works nicely), then shit on her. You may proceed to fuck her if you so desire, but shitting on her is often pleasurable enough.
KOOL AID When you are in the middle of sex (any position), scream out "OH YEAH!!" like KOOL AID.
Kenyan, The While running a marathon instead of taking a cup of water at a checkpoint bang the person holding it (if you have the speed of a kenyan you should finish before you start), if you break your stride and stop running you fail and have to return to the mission contact.
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Land Shark Find a girl passed out drunk. You'll need a cardboard cut out of a shark fin. Strip the girl naked. Insert the cardboard cutout in between her butt cheeks. Get 4 guys to pick her up over their shoulders and run through the party yelling "LANDSHARK!" After this, all five of you should brutally rape her.
Lawn Mower Insert anal beads into your bitch’s ass. Assure that they will be removed gently, then yank them out as if you were starting a lawn mower.
Lebanese Latte Throw an alka-seltzer into your girl's box, then fuck her until you blow your load. Get her to squeeze the frothy mixture into a starbuck's cup, and now either partner can enjoy a Lebanese Latte. This can also be performed with a male partner, except it would then be referred to as a Boston Hot Chocolate.
Leeroy Jenkins Surprise your girl by busting into her bedroom when she least expects it, then quickly bend her over and start fucking her vigorously from behind whilst yelling "LEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOY JENKINS!" at the top of your voice. Done properly, you should be able to blow your load and run off before she has time to realize what the fuck's going on.
Lemon Drop This move requires drinking Bacardi 151 and passing out. After a long night of drinking, head back to her place, pass out while getting head and proceed to fill up her mouth... but not with a load.
Lemon Party This move requires three old men. You and your fellow seniors must first strip naked. One person must lay the other on a couch. One must suck the one who is laying down's dick while the other tongue kisses him.
Leprechaun’s Revenge An Irishman bangs the ass of an English woman, then bloops on the Union Jack, takes the flag and smears the bloop on her face and toes, then fires hot potatoes at her head.
Leprosy Get your favorite cumslut/saint in the shower and slip her the staff. Right before you bust your nut, pull out and blow the load on her face. The cum and water mix to form little leprosy drops on her face.
Liberty Bell While having doggy style sex, take a mixing bowl and place it over your partners head and proceed to bash it with any large slab of metal until she stops moving. A good way to celebrate one of Americas great historical moments!
Lipstick While having sex with your bitch, stick your finger in her ass and make sure you get some of that yummy chocolate sauce on your finger. Then proceed to wipe the bum fudge on her lips and yell "You're Beautiful!".
Liu Kang When you're done with her, turn into a dragon and breathe fire on the bitch.
Logjam Opposite of the Gravy Train. If you're giving her a Sludge Box and you think you're crapping out a good, strong piece of shit, don't let go just yet! Move your ass up and down and fuck her with your turd! It usually breaks in half after a couple thrusts, but trust me, she'll love it.
London Bridge The same as the towerbridge only this time it's man only
The LUELinksWhile you're doing it doggy-style, slap her ass and shout "Lueshi pwns j00!" More like masturbate furiously to saggy nigger tits from an old issue of National Geographic you stole from school and then cry yourself to sleep after having an epiphany of how pathetic you look through someone else's eyes.
LA LI LU LE LO, The Find your elder surogate mother who had sex with your father before she had you and your twin, once you find her construct a gigantic walking nuclear tank, use the impressiveness of this accomplishment to convince her to have sex with you even though you are older than her but she's like you mother in a three way with your twin who's a ghost possessing the arm of a cowboy from Russia who's the son of your dad's girl friends. Anyway when you are about to finish yell "WHO ARE THE PATRIOTS?", if she doesn't respond "La Li Lu Le Lo" yell "WHAT! METAL GEAR???" and push her off so she plummets to the hanger bay below and then fist fight your brother until he gets a cold and dies. Repeat as Necessary.
Leapfrog While your girl is on all fours you rub your dick from her butt cheeks to the top of her back and at the end cum in her face.
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'NiwdewinThe 'Niwdewin', when one male performs a fellatio on another man while inserting his fist deep into his anus. The man performing fellatio then simultaneously punches the receiver in the balls while opening his other hand into a starfish inside the other man's anus, causing a reflexive knee to the giver's face and a body spasm emanating from the gluteus maxiumus. This results in a fractured jaw and the giver's arm being torn away, dislocating his elbow in the process.
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Paint the Nursery Sex a pregnant woman.
Paizuri Titty-fucking.
Portugese Breakfast When you take 3 eggs, a tablespoon of milk, a pinch of parsley, cilantro and salt and combine these ingredients in a bowel. Using a large syringe, enema or pastry bag - you put the ingredients up, into your partner's ass. Your partner does their best to hold it inside for about a half-hour or 15 minutes. When the ingredients are nice and warm, your partner shits them out into a clear, glass bowel. Serve with sausage, toast, hot coffee and a juice of your choice. Preferably pomegranate. Very Popular in Germany. If you have Anal Sex with your partner first and after coming in their ass you follow all these directions, You will get the High Protein, Muscle Beach Version.
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Suicide Bomb When you take a shit on a girl's tits and then wipe it up with pages of the Quran
For Women
Wild and crazy dogs!Jesus saves, and in this case causes urinary tract infections! Notice the MS Paintshop.
Ass To Ass When 2 girls are performing at an old man's birthday party they take a double headed dildo, after the old fag screams this out, and each stick an end up their rectum and then move towards each other, pushing the dildo up inside themselves until their asses touch.
Ballbuster, The Start by giving your man head. Just before he's about to cum, slap his balls with some force while keeping your mouth on his penis and sucking real hard. He'll cum buckets.
Because It's Your Birthday When it's your boyfriend/husband/lesbian lover/man-bitch's birthday, tell them, as a special treat, they'll get anal tonight. Wait until your both in the bedroom. Turn the light off so it's pitch black. Then, shove a twenty inch strap on dildo up his ass. Ask afterwards if he liked it (he'll love it. I guarantee).
Blowhole, The Give boyfriend BJ. Right when he's about to cum, fist him. Wait for reaction.
Buckin Bronco, The (Adapted for the ladies) BEGINNERS' VERSION. Get man. Tie down his arms and legs. If you choose, gag him. Then, cowgirl up. When you're mounting him, scream "I have AIDS!" ("I want a baby" also works.) See how long it'll take him to buck you off. INTERMEDIATE VERSION. Only tie down his arms. ADVANCED VERSION. No binds at all! Good luck.
Date Night Have a romantic, candle lit dinner with your partner. Then, have passionate, lengthy sex. Next, casually suggest taking a long, hot shower together. When you're in the shower, "accidentally" drop the soap and ask him to pick it up. When he bends over, ram a loofa up his ass.
Deflowering, The When some fag won't have sex with you, force feed him Viagra, then mount. It's super effective.
Farts and Bubba Franks This move involves one dog, a goalie mask, some pizza, an ice cream cone, a rubber hand, staple gun, and a hot supermodel with a goblin mask. First, force a goalie mask onto a black Labrador retriever and apply pizza to its penis. Now carefully staple a rubber hand to your inner thigh; be careful! Now here is the tricky part: freeze in place a chocolate ice cream cone, ice cream side up, to one of your titties. Got it? Okay, now all that's needed is a supermodel with a goblin mask to watch the events take place. Now after all this is done, let the dog fuck you doggystyle. What a hot sex move for an adventurous couple! Have fun ladies!
Mowing the LawnShave off all your pubes, get a good wax job, think Brazilian and be a good little virgin girl.
The Happy Dyke Read the list of sex moves above, written by men for men. Then, become a lesbian, turn invisible, and marry your partner's dildo. (editors note - who's going to perform the ceremony if they can't see her?)
The Holy Roller Buy a crucifix about as thin as your pinky. Prepare to give your boyfriend a handjob. Wait till he starts cumming, then immediately pull the crucifix out and wedge it into his dickhole to block the cum. While he is screaming place your head underneath his dick with your mouth open. Quickly pull the crucifix out and let the blood and cum drip into your mouth. Then go ahead and read Genesis 9:5 out loud. It states as follows: "And surely your blood of your lives will I require; at the hand of every beast will I require it, and at the hand of man; at the hand of every man's brother will I require the life of man." Enjoy!
Hot Dog, The Give dude a blowjob. When he's about to cum, bite his dick off.
Juicy Juice, The Refuse to allow man to cum on your face, say it's degrading. Then, when he goes down on you, make sure to smear as much pussy juice on his face as possible. See if he comments.
Party Foul Ingredients: a raging party,1 gay boy, 1 straight girl, and a horny drunk guy. OK, the girl tells the horny drunk guy that she REALLY wants to give him some oral satisfaction but he has to be blindfolded while she does her job. Once the horny drunk guy is blindfolded and sitting in a chair, he gets his oral pleasure, when he cums while his dick is still in the oral socket the girl whispers in his ear, "Ohh yeah, that WAS good." And pulls his blind fold off so he can see that he just got head from a gay guy. Works best if some cum is dribbling down the gay guy's face and if he has a shit-eating grin. Last step: Run!
Unhappy Ending Just like it sounds. Instead of finishing you off, the masseuse shoves her thumb up your ass!
Scissoring Often used by dykes. One woman puts scissors in her vagina and penetrates another with it. Kinda like a double-headed dildo, but with scissors.
Sex-Change, The After your man makes love to you in any sort of way mentioned above, take a pair of garden shears and cut off his penis at the base, preferably diagonally, and then put a dildo on and fuck the wound as hard as possible until he passes out.
Taffy Pull, The Once you and your man are in bed, and he has fallen fast asleep, reach into his pants and, holding the base of his member, stretch out his penis as far as you can. Don't take too long because he'll immediately start to get hard from the physical contact and won't stretch as much.
Tea Party, The Get a group of guys to sit in a circle with their dicks hanging out. Dress each of them up in miniature doll costumes and make them play tea party.
Ball Banger When you and your guy are getting it on, as he's starting to come, reach forward and force one of his balls into his ass hole. It will give him a new sensation that will likely give you more time to climax.
Double Scream Right as your man starts to come, reach up and slap him across the face. It's really funny.
Chinese Penis Pull Get two of your guy friends together. Tell them you're going to treat them to double duty and that they'll be able to doubly penetrate you. That will get them over! Anyway, while they are blindfolded, put a giant sized Chinese finger cuff on them, one penis on each end. They won't know that it's not your hand until you take off the blindfold. By this point, they'll be so swollen, the thing won't come off until they've both come inside it. That's the only time they'll get flaccid again.
Charlie's Revenge: When you are going down on a guy, you wait till he is about to come and then you punch him in the upper thigh or calf. This will cause him to get a charlie horse and make him unable to cum.
Ein Brerah (Hebrew for "no choice"): Basically, the one being fucked has no choice, so raep the bitch.
Theft: The Jew fucks a chick then steals her cash while she is flapping around like a fish out of water.
Zeh Hakol (meaning "that's it"): You stick your fist up his or her ass and continue to thrust it in there until santorum leaks out and you eat it. This is synonymous with felching, except instead of cumming in their ass and eating your cum, you eat the creamy white substance that forms. Awesome.
Menachem Kusek: You run a bank and masturbate furiously to the Gaza strip
Meshugener: Whilst fucking your jewess ogress doggy style, begin counting your Jew golds on his/her back. Not only is this sexually stimulating for you, it should also be sexually stimulating for your partner.
Nosey: The Jew uses his/her boner nose to penetrate their partner, either in the vagina or tuchus. Anal should only be done if you are a really filthy Jew.
