Linus Torvalds

This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.

An early photo of Linus Torvalds after a hard night of "coding".

“	Software is like sex, it's better when it's free.	„
—Linus Torvalds, speaking like he's ever been laid.

Linus Torvalds (AKA Linyos Torovoltos) is the creator of Lunix and all around nerd stud muffin, his OS was named in the honor of its creator. Currently, having written the almighty 2% of the Linux kernel, he works for the OSDL, because his blue cabriolet he got from Transmeta did not start anymore. Linux is the communist or anarchist version of Microsoft. Being the Nordic, incorruptible, honest Finnish euro-patriot he is, he moved to U.S.A. as soon as he got a chance to work for a standard quality American IT-company (no future, vapourware solution and generally fucking everyone left, right and middle).

Unlike Hans Reiser, Linus has yet to achieve killing anyone (that can be linked back to him—and his wife is a multiple karate champion so she would just fist him if he tried).

He was a lazy student at the University and only cared about coding, which is frequently brought up during lectures by his former teacher, who is himself now a successful alcoholic.

Being a license pussy

At least 100 days ago Linus unveiled his newest ply to piss Linux users off, a big ordeal over what versioning system his already failed software was going to use. We all know git is the best, CVS is hell, and SVN is for Jews, so he decided to fuck shit up by choosing BitKeeper. Just like all of the other communists predicted, the BitKeeper people wanted to make IRL money from their product but the commies only had GNU money. In response, the open sores Nazis wrote Git and had a huge crybox convention to moan about how bad real software companies were and announce their new software.

Ever since then, the communists have been telling everybody who they can get near that Git is superior to every other version control system, and if you disagree, you are a fucking idiot and have no idea what you are talking about, even if you are a PhD working for Google.

Recent trolling activity

OpenBSD developers: protecting you from evil Hackers.

“	Once a monkey starts masturbating it cannot stop.	„
—Chinese Proverb

In 2008, Linus inexplicably decided to start a mailing list flamewar with some security obsessed assholes which was really an egomaniac ploy to seduce over 9000 newfags from Digg to start a campaign of relentless mockery and rain mayhem and drama down on the Lunix community. Despite the short-lived masturbating monkeys meme causing minor lulz, the plan ultimately backfired when the newfags decided that security was serious business, leading Linus to descend further into the pits of alliterative failure with an even worse retort:

	“	PS. And to get wider distribution for this message: Digg users - you're all a bunch of Wanking Walruses. And you can quote me on that.	„
	—Linus Torvalds naming the next Ubuntu distro

	“	Is "I hope you all die a painful death" too strong?	„
	—Linus to hardware manufacturers

Later, in 2012, Linus once again criticised OpenSUSE developers for making their system overly secure:

	“	[I]f you have anything to do with security in a distro, and think that my kids (replace 'my kids' with 'sales people on the road' if you think your main customers are businesses) need to have the root password to access some wireless network, or to be able to print out a paper, or to change the date-and-time settings, please just kill yourself now. The world will be a better place,	„
	—Torvalds to bad security devs (emphasis added)

Since then, some e-Psychiatrists has been further speculated that Linus is a psychopath.

See also

• Richard Stallman
• Alan Cox
• T. Reginald Gibbons
• Shanley Kane

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Linus Torvalds is part of a series on Psychology