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Lance Carsello

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This page was recently edited by Lance himself lol. He used his wife Joanna Hughes as a sock.


Lance "Carsello" Matthews is a rapper/scam artist with a Canadian tranny fetish. One can assume he developed this while serving two jail terms for fraud. Born 44 years ago because his black person didn't have the decency to pull out, he now resides in the Bronx, NY with his lonely mother (his brother Lamott Matthews is in jail currently). While pretending that he lives on the Upper West Side (87th and Columbus), Lance can be found fucking chicks with dicks. Despite being in jail twice, Carsello lives by the moniker "fake it until you make it". His angle is writing fraudulent checks to attempt to live his delusional dream life. Also, HE IS A FAT FUCK. REALLY FAT AND OLD. You can help by exposing this fat fuck and lulzing him out of hiding.

Dilema Rockstar

> mfw when questioning if this is a joke.

Carsello's most notable project is his Fred Durst wanna-be rap/rock persona known as Dilema. Since Carsello has spent so much time in jail, he has failed to realize that pop culture has moved on since the 90's. Moreover, for some reason, nobody has informed him that he has no talent and that he is just embarrassing himself. Yet, somehow, Carsello writes fake checks and gets musicians to collaborate on the sonic ear-rape that he unleashes upon the world.

Apparently, Carsello is not familiar with the Itunes Store. He constantly pimps his music on the ground-breaking web 1.0 site CD Baby. To this day he has only sold 18 albums and has less than 200 views on most of his laughably amateur Youtube videos, where he often resembles Carlton from the Fresh Prince - if Carlton was a crystal meth fiend. With 18 albums sold, Carsello is now known as the only person to sell less albums than both Kevin Federline and Heidi Montag.

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“ 		 
People used to call me a fraud and a con, but they hate that I write fucking hit rock songs
  		„
  		 

—Lyrics from "MF Rockstar". Ps - They still call you a fraud and a con.

Fashion News Network

File:Niggastolemycamera.jpeg
Nigga stole my camera

Carsello's current scam is an attempt to launch a 24 hour cable network. Basically, the shows looked like shit that wouldn't even get 200 views on Youtube (like his current Youtube videos) and Carsello. To this day, hasn't paid a single member of the staff. He has, however, written them fraudulent checks from 3 different overdrawn bank accounts.

According to Carsello, FNN already has deals with Comcast, Century 21 stores, Macy's and Direct TV. In actuality, Carsello hasn't made a cent from FNN and has zero advertisers but still continues to pretend that everyone's big payday is coming. The hilarious part is that none of the footage he has recorded to date is usable due to not getting any waivers signed from the hosts and on camera talent and because he didn't pay the staff. There are also 4 lawlsuits under way to derail Lance's opportunity to rip off even more people.

Regardless, Lance continues to lurk online and propagate his fake music for the masses.
ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ

Joanna Hughes

File:Joanna Hughes .jpg
Joanna's Self Published Book

Two years ago, Carsello discovered a new way to scam himself some money. He found a young transexual dancer, actor and writer named Joanna Hughes, from Ottawa, Canada. He got her to fund some of his bullshit projects in return for a green card marriage. Despite the fact that they are married, Carsello is constantly trying to fuck under 18 year old girls that he sneaks into clubs and is planning on divorcing Joanna in February after she officially gets her green card. You know what to do, internets:

Report a fraudulent marriage to the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency (I.C.E.). Call I.C.E. at (866) 347-2423 with as much specific information as possible.

Currently, Joanna (formerly "Joseph") is helping Lance with his long list of scams, which means her marriage is not the only law she is breaking. Joanna should realize that American prisons are not as cushy as those up north in Canada, eh? Not to mention Canada has an extradition treaty with the USA, in case she decides to run back to mommy.

The Fuck is this shit, nigga ?

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“ 		 
my ears can't fucking handle this bro
  		„
  		 

—anonymous

Carsello Gallery

0____o

Lance Carsello Matthews
1050 MORRIS AVENUE
BRONX, NY 10456
1-631-894-8538

Joanna Hughes
46 W. 87th St. Apt A
NY, NY 10024
1-646-425-5626
[email protected]

Related Articles

Links to Faggotry

CRITICAL

MUSIC SITES

OTHER FAILED COMPANIES/SCAMS

JOANNA'S BULLSHIT LINKS

FASHION NEWS NETWORK LINKS

Featured article December 9, 2010
Preceded by
TSA 		Lance Carsello Succeeded by
Curtis Got Slapped By A White Teacher!
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