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Complaints Forum

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The real rules
The real rules
File:Rulesshit2.JPG
The rules.
Typical Complaints forum post
Typical response to the typical post
Oh, ok

The Complaints Forum, or colloquially Complaints, is the most popular forum on DevianTART. Complaints is where users go to complain, and their complaints are met with more complaints about their complaint. These complaints about their complaints are met with complaints about users complaining about their original complaint in the Complaints Forum. The cycle is never ending.

Purpose?

Complaints is serious business

DeviantART is an epicenter of lulz revolving around temperamental 'artists' and pedophiles. Naturally, because of the dangerously high levels of dumbfuckery that DeviantTART is rife with, there exists the almighty COMPLAINTS FORUM, where DA's healthy population of furfags can climb onto their soapboxes and rant about Fursecution in long, pseudo-political tirades, and 16 year-old girls who claim to be TROO ARTEESTS can flock to whine about life in general. Because of this the trollability level of this particular forum is through the roof, as there is nothing moar lulzy than a bunch of socially-inept anime douchebags arguing over what created the universe or what country America will bomb next, and then thinking they are 100% right.

mngamojemo. No, srsly

Forum Whores

This is common knowledge in complaints

On every DA forum, one's rank is measured by how many posts that person has made. TARTlets who do not have a post count in the tens of thousands are to be shunned as anti-social and worthless noncontributors in the great art community that is DA. Forum whores usually get sexual gratification by bragging about their Post Count. They are unable to obtain arousal from an image larger than 50x50 pixels.

Most Complaints Forum whores either wind up banned for trolling or become a senior during one of the administration's random, Nazi-esque seniorization sprees. A small minority continue posting until they finally drink themselves to death or work up the courage to cut their wrists lengthwise this time. Beginning whores are put under scrutiny by older whores, and they are constantly called "trolls" or "spammers", and reported the fuck out of, for fear the new-whores might get some reputation or possibly in the near future supersede them.

The most famous forum whore ever was Shadowgamers, an english schoolboy, obsessed with mecha-porn and genital mutilation. He spent a good portion of his pathetic life posting in caps lock and watching as the other forum whores battled each other for cock-sucking rights. His reign ended when he was banned for being an Accident Retard. Not one person has been pathetic enough to replace him as of yet.
As Shadowgamers was finally granted the coveted ' ! ' at least 100 years ago, noone remembers precisely what he did to get so well-known. Most of the current Complaints regulars worship his memory with no real idea who he was. It's a totally unprecedented phenomenon.

Prince-Charles the ugliest basement dwelling dyke fag in existance
POSTING IN CAPSLOCK MAKES YOU LOOK BADASS IN COMPLAINTS.

Most of these people rightly feel that their lives will be totally without meaning if they don't lurk constantly, waiting for some poor moron to show up with a halfway-objectionable position or behavior. When a decent victim appears, they proceed to harass him/her/it with acres and acres of tl;dr argument, old memes, and all around drama. This ritual, which is what passes for lulz on the pathetic hellhole that is DeviantART, will continue until all threads have been locked, at least 100 people have been blocked from the victim's userpage, and the victim has commited suicide. When no n00bs are forthcoming, the Complaints whores are forced to attack one another, in order to convince themselves that they still know how to use Wikipedia to construct or knock down pointless, boring arguments.

The Complaints Tavern

In early 2009, a dyke by the name of SylverKitsune created a chat room for the Complaints Forum, called The Complaints Tavern. People who suck the right dicks are allowed to be Bartenders, a privclass that has the ability to ban members and kick people out, which has led to obvious drama.

Grievances

DeviantART's recent release of a Groups system, after years of people trying and failing to make clubs using regular accounts, has allowed the Regulars the chance to be even more secular, elitist and cliquish. (Don't bother trolling Complaints if you don't know those words. They're useless fuckers, but they're useless fuckers who are smarter than you, or at least know English better than you- they won't differentiate.) Members with high enough Forum Post counts, which in this case matter even more than pageviews, are listed as Top Bitchers, and get special updates about highly trollable places on deviantART. Complaints, unlike /b/, IS your personal army, but only if you become popular enough.

In the first few weeks of the group's existence, Grievances members bitched about a constant inbox flood of new updates, especially the Top Bitchers, who could have easily asked to be dropped to Members if the updates didn't also make them feel like famous, smart, sexy people who could get laid if they wanted to.

When the Top Bitchers category was first announced, group founder BleedLikeAGod announced that nobody with a flashing swastika avatar would be promoted to one, which led to much bawwwing about Nazicution.


How To Be Popular On Complaints

Are you a truly sad and pathetic motherfucker with delusions of grandeur? An Aussie faggot, a bald-headed dyke? A 98-pound transsexual? A Jew whose imaginary friends are emotes? A 28 year old ex heroin addict who still lives with his parents? Do you fap to Pokemon, believe Obama is the Antichrist, love guns more than women, know every Anime by heart? Are you a pedophile, a Nazi, a furfag, or just all-around scum? Not to worry! Just because you're friendless everywhere else doesn't mean you can't be popular on Complaints! Any lifeless, perverted basement-dweller can become a beloved legend just by following these simple rules:

  1. Don't type in l33t, chatspeak or subtext. Treat anyone who does like they were boasting of beating AIDS-infected infants.
  2. Talk constantly about your loathing for weeaboos, fantards and /b/tards, even when you're all of the above.
  3. Be ready and willing to pose as an expert on everything from Star Trek to microbiology. Keep Google open at all times to keep the deception going. Never, ever back down from a debate point, no matter how stupid. If all else fails, post a dictionary entry and claim it proves your point, even when it clearly doesn't.
  4. Never, ever post a thread that anyone could possibly have made before you. Consult the Dead Horse list in this article, and remember, all current events are instantly old news. The Complaints Forum is constantly on guard for a deluge of posts from morons complaining about them, and the regulars are so vigilant that a single thread constitutes a deluge.
  5. Other Complaints Forum regulars are allowed to pull nonsense that would get a newcomer flamed like a naked Vietnamese girl. Hell, if they're established enough, they can even admit they are a pedophile with a sexual attraction to burning, naked Vietnamese girls, and be treated with total sympathy, while other non regulars will be flamed for expressing their dislike for people who have sex with children.
  6. Complaints Forumers only flame people who are asking for it. A good way to tell if someone is asking for it is that at least two regulars will be flaming them.
  7. Do not ever, ever, ever take things seriously. Displaying any emotion beyond cynical aloofness makes you an emo, and if there's one thing Complaints doesn't like, it's emos.
  8. Last but not least, get a memorable avatar so that people can be assed to recognize you.

Now you're on your way to becoming a full-fledged Forum Whore! Wow. Die in agony.

File:Massive Horse Shits by Shaysomething.jpg
Popular regulars can get away with posting crap like this!








How To Troll Complaints

This is remarkably easy to do. Complaints regulars have the same craving for lulz as any /b/tard, but are too pussy to find or make any on their own, not to mention that all of them wish, first and foremost, to be e-famous rather than Anonymous. They therefore have to take what comes, and since most legitimately lulzy tArtlets know to stay clear, they end up feeding the most obvious trolls.

Most Regulars will pretend a troll is convincing for at least the first thread, before tiring of the charade and moving on. Many more will pretend to be taken in so entirely that they even convince themselves, and will post threads about how terrible of a person the troll is.

The only way to actually fail at trolling this forum is to have an account that was opened recently, and/or doesn't have any art. No other traits are considered convincing by such a lulz-starved audience. It's a lot like how Creationists prove to themselves evolution is wrong using one or two illustrations from 19th-century textbooks.

These are the traits most successful in provoking Complaints butthurt:

  1. Typing lazily — Some trolls have been successful for months with grammatically perfect and eloquent posts that happened not to be capitalized. Grammar Nazis are even more common than the regular kind, and their posts reaming the trolls out for their mistakes are always riddled with errors.
  2. Acting as though you are a brilliant artist — This is deviantART we're talking about. Most people can't draw worth squat, but like to convince themselves that they can. If they see their self-delusional behavior mirrored in someone whose art is even the slightest bit worse, their hate will become volcanic.
  3. Being too stereotypical of a teenager — This is quite obvious. Regulars who aren't teenagers convinced of their own maturity are twentysomethings who laugh at fart jokes but claim to have IQ's of over 9000.
  4. Being intolerant but not eloquent — It doesn't matter how much you hate, it just matters how many words, and with how much detachment, you can use to write about it. Whether it's about hating on autism or furries or Christians or Atheists, if you can't write a multi-paragraph post with lots of links to blogs you found on Google to defend your views, you do not deserve to live.
  5. Act like you're the one who is butthurt — This is the most important step.

A recent successful troll is Hyperosity. Read on and learn from her successes.

  • Firstly, she claimed to have been accepted into Art School, but had nothing in her Gallery except three Anime recolours.
  • She typed with a grasp of the English language that varied wildly from one post to the next.
  • She spent months enraging the locals and getting pageviews as fast as an AIDS patient gets new opportunistic infections.
  • She posted a journal listing people she hated, thus galvanizing the entire community against her, even the few fence-sitters who were left.
    • They did it for the e-fame, obviously.
  • Though she was eventually called out by another person/sockpuppet who posted a screencap of her admitting to being a troll, this revelation got no response from the regulars except for ass-covering bullshit like "OMG I KNEW IT THE WHOLE TIME" and "ME TOO I WAS JUST PLAYING ALONG".

The Local Nazis

One notable feature of the Complaints Forum is its popularity among dA Nazis, which began sometime in 2008 when two users, NihilSS (a small town girl who convinced people she was a "nice nazi" and wasn't a racist) and kombat-unit (a Russian Nazi) , started frequenting the forums. They quickly became accepted among the local population of Jews, niggers, dykes and faggots, who thought it would enhance their internet tough guy personas if they were friends with Nazis. They both ended up banned after a series of racist threads. However, Complaints had already become known as a haven for Nazis, and more and more began to infiltrate the forum. NihilSS unleashed a flurry of sockpuppets on the forum, spamming it with racist remarks and revealing that she was, in fact, a man.

A few months later, kombat-unit sucked enough dick to be allowed back into the forums under the account name torture-device, and even later NihilSS was allowed back as well, under the name Valgaror.

Kombat-unit now has a small cult following in the forums, consisting of Valgaror and other teenage Nazis, as well as some non-Nazi fangirls who want to suck his dick. His tl;dr threads about how not hating Jews is the worst trait ever to emerge in human society continue to get only asspats from the Regulars, and now anyone who enjoys Complaints puts up with quite a few Regulars with tasteful, flashing swastika avatars, as rapid as the strobe lights in a gay bar. They would be embarrassed about browsing the forum in public places if the non-Nazi regulars were not all Jews, niggers, dykes and faggots.

According to sources in Glorious Mother Russia, kombat-unit is either a FTM transsexual or a 16-year-old girl.

Counter-Threads

Often, when someone makes a post that is controversial but lame or just has a vague enough title, some idiot decides to rewrite their post in a stupid, mocking manner and repost it with a similar thread title. This usually results in the new topic getting flamed for being a "cunterthread", and filled with predictable variations of the phrase "in before lock".

Sometimes this snowballs until there are so many counter threads of one topic that nobody can even tell if there is single authentic complaint on the board, which understandably gets annoying (so do it faggot). If you wish to observe this phenomenon in action, come to the Complaints Forum at around 2 AM Pacific Time, and make a thread titled something like "Faith", with a one-sentence body. The absence of mods and the lifelessness of whoever else is on at the time almost guarantees that the board will be filled with half-assed counterthreads within five minutes.

It should be noted that one of these lifeless shit heads once made the best argument ever in this form with a counter thread titled, "My counter thread" which merely contained, "Your thread sucks". Noone knows what happened to this poster, or where he/she/it might be today.

Counterthreads are a prime example of RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE.

Beating A Dead Horse

This girl posted a dead horse.
You can bawwww all you want here, if nobody takes it seriously.

There are many topics on the complaints forum that are considered dead horses. Ironically enough, the phrase "dead horse" is one of them, because somehow it is funny to TARTlets. A dead horse comes about because non-regulars tend to make posts about the same thing every day, such as how their life sucks or how no one likes them because they are furries. Somehow, it is not considered classy to complain about all the shitty art dA is filled with. This is partly due to shitty art being a Dead Horse, and partly due to Complaints insisting that it is not your personal army. If you wish to complain about something utterly eye-raping you found after "accidentally" searching for Naruto slash on DeviantART, it's best to take it to deviantartsnark, which is also an excellent archive of epic failure.

Topics That Are Dead Horses

The idea of beating a Dead Horse is enough to drive most Complaints Forumers to PETA membership. Any posting of a thread which is considered to be Dead Horse will be met with at least 100 horse-or-panda-related plz accounts. The poor OP will be absolutely flooded with remarks about how nobody cares in the slightest about this Dead Horse. Anime is perhaps the worst dead horse topic that even those who don't even like anime got fed up with them because nobody would ever shut the fuck up about it; it got so bad that the admins made a sticky thread for it, which no longer exists because the admins are stupid and thought this would "facilitate discussion", if by that they mean endless wanking against and by anime fangirls. A variant to these threads are "Why is there so much x art?" threads usually started by dumbfucks who don't know how to use the search engine properly.

Another popular topic in the Complaints Forum (one they NEVER tire of) is art thieves. Replies to threads such as this are full of fail and feeble attempts to understand the basics of Copyright Law, or law in general.

Other dead horse topics include:


See Also

Some memorable threads

External Link

Complaints Forum is part of a series on

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