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Chicken Smoothie
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Chicken Smoothie is essentially a dumbed down version of Wajas, where you can adopt virtual pets and then... nothing. They don't breed, fight, or shit, they simply get progressively bigger and sparklier until your eyes can't take any more. This massive circlejerk of furries, sparkle artists, and 12 year-old girls is run by Tess and Nick, two furfags from New Zealand, and their posse of self-important artists. All users are required to keep their loli mouths on the artists' e-peens at all times, or they might not crap any beautiful new dogs next month! The place is begging to be trolled.
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Users
Chicken smoothie users are smart, well rounded individuals. What time isn't spent fucking their dogs is put towards designing their TOTALLY ORIGINAL fursonas. They're known for being incredibly skilled artisans, creating masterpiece after masterpiece depicting yiffing canines in MSPaint. One look at the site's oekaki proves that. With such an abundance of skill to choose from, is it any wonder that when an artist with a small amount of talent does come along, the members swarm to them like flies to fresh roadkill? To keep these users coming, Tess often gives them the great honor of designing art for the site without any form of pay like the official artists. Unless you count the armies of furries aching to suck your cock pay, there's no compensation for your hard work.
The users are also almost all illiterate christfags. If your signature does not profess how much you love Jesus, you may as well not even bother posting because the users know that you're a hellbound sinner and will give them AIDS. Does this go hand in hand with the mind boggling levels of ignorance found on this site? You decide.
In addition to this, you will quickly notice that the vast majority of the site's users maintain the mentality that by posting poorly worded rants throughout the forums that they are able to stop animal cruelty. The 'Animal Chatter' section of the site is where this stupidity manifests in all it's narrow minded glory. Threads are fuelled by 'omg dis is so meen' responses, of course, whining about it will definitely stop people raping puppies! There is also a massive double standard when it comes to animal cruelty. Remember kids, it's inhumane to visit a petting zoo, but it's deemed acceptable to get your cat de-clawed, because you're too fucking lazy to teach your retarded pet not to scratch your shit!
The elite users of Chicken Smoothie are those that have spent the most time whoring themselves out for pixel dogs. They pride themselves on their huge collections of pets that they've acquired through many long, sexless nights while their friends went out to have actual lives Disregard that, CS users have no IRL friends.
Forum
Exploring the forums in any sort of depth is an invitation to be bukkake'd with stupidity. Not surprisingly, the fact that everything revolves around animals has made this a furry paradise, where people from all over can talk about their love for wolves and horses and fish, oh my. They even have a thread on how BAAAAAD fish are treated, along with the usual "I want to suck wolf dick so badly!!!111!1" threads. Ironically, despite all their complaining about wanting to be an animal more than a human, or how awful humans are for hurting animals, they sit around on their fat asses in front of a manmade computer all day, clicking and collecting pixel dogs instead of actually going outside to help animals.
Engaging in a debate with a CS user will quickly degenerate into replies made of excessive caps, abuse of exclamation marks, and whining about what a mean poopyhead you are. While animal threads are most popular, threads inviting users to whine about their insignificant teenage problems take a close second.
Admins
When the site started, Tess was the sole admin. She drew dogs and rats which didn't grow at all, and the site had no account system because she couldn't code one. Soon she recruited her brother Nick to help with the coding and the art for a few adoptables. Nick sucks less dick than the rest of the staff, but he still can't code for shit.
Tess, on the other hand, has now delegated everything about the site to other people. Other people do the art, moderate the forum, and code the site, and Jew only pays them in virtual money for it. She even had her brother make adoptables, resulting in art that looks like it was scribbled by an autistic toddler on LSD. She can't seem to manage her staff, who rampage through the forums doing whatever they please, and she doesn't have the balls to fire the untalented and tracing members of her artist team. She also blocks all PMs from the members, so if one of the helpful moderators bans you for posting a picture of your dog, OH WELL! It's not clear what she actually does besides handing out super speshul custom sparkledogs to anyone who sucks up long enough and haxing herself uber rare pets.
Artists
Without a doubt, one of the most self-important group of shits on the internet, CS artists believe they're doing the world a favor by gracing Chicken Smoothie with their art. Every month, they expect users to worship their latest paintbucketed pixels, and any who don't can look forward to being mobbed by the masses of cocksucking white knight furries. The resulting pets are excellent examples of how not to use default brushes and the smudge tool, featuring messy coloring and unoriginal markings. The artists' favorite pastimes are flouncing around the forum being rude to users and abusing their moderator powers. They are every bit as delusional as the members; most are furries, one is a Nazi, and one believes so strongly that she's a vampire that she drinks blood.
Not only are the artists incompetent at coloring cartoon dogs and horses, a good portion of the site art is traced! Yes, though the forums have an angry message at the top of every art subforum warning that tracing will get you the banhammer, their own artists trace the site adoptables. The site admins are aware of their tracing artists, but are too chickenshit to fire the ones responsible, fearing butthurt from the users. As hard as they go at newbies and small-time artists for theft, official artists and popular members get off scott-free. Anyone who tries exposing them for being thieves face the banhammer, as well as their posts being deleted.
Malk
The most popular artist on the site, Malk is an artist from France. She makes her own versions of the adoptables, which are actually good when compared to the rest of the site art. However, she is more rude, stuck up, and generally full of herself than the rest of the staff combined; her signature is a perfect example of this. Despite her blunt, abrasive personality, she is worshipped by the fantards as an artistic god.
Malk once had her own site, but was too stupid to make it work, and the whole thing went to shit. Refusing to give up on her crappy site, she merged it with Chicken Smoothie, and now is part of the CS staff.
On August 16th, 2012, Malk officially retired from CS.
equimagine
Equimagine is the site's resident horse artist, shitting out painfully bad equines every month without fail. The only reason she's on the team is that she traced some horses and offered to let Tess use the lines for free. Jew, not wanting to pay real artists to make horse adoptables, immediately accepted. Nobody fucking likes her art. Users avoid her designs like the plague. Those that do bother adopting them shove them deep into their collections and only have them for completion purposes. Equimagine is also the site artist most guilty of tracing. While others have traced here and there, it's doubtful that any of her art is original.
On December 1st Tess announced that equi had 'retired' as an artist from the site and that Jew is taking over her position.
Shima.Luan
Yet another tracer on staff. She used to run a popular art shop, selling traced artwork and recycling commissions by recoloring them for new customers. For some reason, the users never realized they were getting old, recolored commissions for the price of custom artwork. She never bothers posting anymore, just stays behind the scenes reusing the same three designs in all of her dogs when she can't find other people's designs to rip off. The users of course, possessing the collective IQ of a dead fish, praise her designs every month as new and original art. Shima also draws furry porn on FagAffinity for IRL money, pulling the same dishonest tactics on the hapless furries as she does with CS users.
Mods
Mods and artists go hand in hand. Some site artists are unfortunately also moderators, and bring the same incompetence and USI they're so well known for in their art to the modship.
The actual mods aren't much better, often just oldfag lolis with ego problems. They flit around the forums, being rude and unfriendly to new users and genuinely confused people, while ignoring the actual problem posts and users. Those who remove their lips from the cocks of the staff to voice anything other than praise are of course subject to the banhammer. They hardly listen to the users, and usually let things go to hell until the whining masses threaten to overrun the place.
Sorren Fey
The same mod that was trying to be funny, Sorren Fey is, without a doubt, the rudest mod on the CS mod team. Sorren only posts to tell someone off. As per usual on shitty adoptables sites like these, plenty of users bow down to mods like Sorren to suck her e-peens, even signing up to this site to delete her article or turn it into a thing of praise. Or, perhaps more in-line with Sorren's piss poor behavior, Sorren herself vandalizes the article to make herself feel better.
Mini-Mods
With the actual mods having their heads stuck too far up their asses to actually do their jobs right, many of the users take it upon themselves to bring down the righteous fist of justice upon other members, who are usually either new users looking for help or another user expressing their love for an animal that isn't a wolf. These mini-mod users tramp around the forum being helpful and making posts in ALL CAPS to anyone they deem to be doing it wrong. When other users fail to respect their authority, they resort to threats of reporting them if they don't drop it, while seemingly unable to leave without getting the last word themselves.
Drama
While Chicken Smoothie lacks in major drama, the users make up for that with constant petty drama and shitstorms. The most popular reason for starting a catfight with another user is of course, a "stolen" character or fursona.
Signs of a Stolen Character
- Same eyeburning shade of hot pink
- Has scene hair, just like theirs!
- Has a speshul necklace given to it by its dead mother, that's their original idea!
- Has their unique, trademarked swirly markings
- Is also a bat-winged wolf; that's their species!
When not crying about that, users like to spend their time raging at people who rip off new players while simultaneously doing the same thing. They also enjoy sending rude messages to people who ignore their trade offers or don't offer highly enough on their favorite neon wolf. Polite, mature users are nonexistent or soon driven off.
Notable Threads
Furry Thread: Predictably, this is one of the most popular threads. Most posts are made by 13 year old furfags bitching about fursecution, and then in the same breath yammering about normal activities like yiffing with minors in furry cybersex parties. All other posts are pictures of their cum-stained homemade fursuits and MSPaint drawings of their fursonas. Frequented by batshit insane lulzcow, Meisuweasel, and run by Meisu's spineless buttbuddy, Jerry.
Otherkin Thread: Just what it sounds like, a thread full to bursting with especially delusional furries who really believe they're wolfdragons and winged foxes. Mostly talk about acting like animals in public and complaining about how misunderstood they are u gaiz. Anyone who suggests that they are actually insane or shouldn't bark in public is met with the blood curdling rage of their animal spirits and MUST be a troll. Frequented by Engrish spewing moron, Kuwaizair, and run by an extra bitchy passive-aggressive furfag with a God complex, Wendigo, who thinks she's ttly leet and originally wrote this part of the article to big herself up brah. Wendigo has many asslicking sycophants who praise her like jebus and approve of everything she does. They all hang out together on their wittily but aptly named bitching forum, Spineless Chicken, where they swim and rub each other in their communal pool of self-righteous semen. In particular Kamaliah spends much time one upping and bitching with Wendongo. Kamaliah likes to swan around ChickenSmoothie minimodding and sticking her retarded and unwanted two cents in everywhere, wetly slapping people in the face with her minimoddy wang of righteousness, probably while rubbing herself while she does so. But it's okay because she has her nose so deep in Wendongo's cavernous anus that nobody can hear her anyway.
Any Thread About a Controversial Topic: Biblethumping Jesus freaks vs normal people, shitstorms ensue.
Wolf Awareness and Conservation thread: Lonely wolfaboos bawwwing about how humans are "omg so meen :(" for how wolves are treated in America. Run by notable dog humper sublime, who also is known for going batshit insane and throwing a fit when someone who doesn't think wolves are THE BEST ANIMAL IN THE KINGDOM11!!ONE! shows up. Tread lightly in this thread, because if you aren't familiar with how a wolf's dong feels in your ass, you'll be pinned as a selfish, arrogant hoominz, a wolf hater, and unfit for their furry utopia. This place needs the ever loving shit trolled out of it.
The Things that Annoy You Thread: One of the fastest moving threads on the whole websites. It is full of 12 year old rants about how their parents won't buy them $300 phones and wanting more attention for their art. There is guaranteed drama on the thread as long as the mods aren't sitting on their arses.
Gallery
External links
See also
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Chicken Smoothie is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
| Chicken Smoothie is part of a Series on Cyberpets |
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Chicken Smoothie is part of a series on Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage. |