50 Cents

	“	You guys are really hurting my feeling can you kill your self to make me feel better. Lol	„
	—50 via Twitter

50 cents (aka Curtis Jackson, aka 50¢, $0.50 or Fifty Pence) is a youth leader and community organiser for the Republican Party. This inspiring young black person from New York City rose from humble roots, selling crack cocaine on street corners, getting discovered by wigger rapper Eminem to living the American Dream and becoming one of the nation's leading advocates for all things USA: from conspicuous consumption and being the poster boy for Capitalism to being one of the leading advocates for 2nd Amendment rights and spokesman for the NRA.

He is best known for getting shot a lot, rapping about all the crimes he's ever committed without getting arrested for it, his hit video games about shooting people and being the only valid reason to have a twitter account. Following Mr. ¢'s twitter feed is mandatory (or he will shoot you) and probably the only thing on the Internets that will make you LOL WUT and/or ROFL after all these years. This is what happens when a manchild discovers the World Wide Web for the first time.

NB: if you're not fluent in Ebonics, Fiddy's tweets have been translated into the Queen's English by the Oxford English Dictionary for clarity @English50cent.

Background

Mr. Cents was born to a 15 year old crack whore in some New York Ghetto. Shortly after returning home with her newborn and dodging the usual incoming gunfire, 50 cents began selling crack because he gots to support da family. The average life expectancy for Queens inhabitants being what it is, his mother died at the ripe age of 27 after being date raped and gassed in her home like a Jew. 50 then had to step up the crack selling. After being arrested, he somehow managed to earn his GED in prison while also adopting his new fursona as a rapper.

Leaving his drug dealing ways behind, 50 began his "musical" career and began writing songs. His first single cleverly entitled "How to Rob" was a moderate success. In a fitting reaction, he was then shot nine times by Mike Tyson's evil henchman. Why Mr. Tyson wanted 50 cents dead is still unknown but it is widely speculated that he wanted all of 50's delicious ears.

	“	I was scared the whole time.... I was looking in the rear-view mirror like, 'Oh shit, somebody shot me in the face! It burns, burns, burns.	„
	—This just in: Getting shot in the face burns.

God's cruel sense of humor allowed him to survive the nine gunshots. 50 mistook God's joke as some sort of miracle and went on to fully recover. His street cred for getting shot attracted wigger rapper Eminem and his rapping career took off. He then bought shares in vitamin water because nothing shows how hard you are better than a shity tasting water supplement drink.

Rap career

Even though 50 had made several recordings, he obviously didn't have the talent to make it to the big leagues. According to sources within the music industry, 50 cent met an up and cumming rapper named m&m at a rave/disco that was being thrown to celebrate m&m's coming out of the closet. Because of 50's enormous endowment, he was directed immediately by m&m towards the notorious super producer Dr. Dre. Dr. Dre had been taking it up the ass from the Jews and eazy-e at the same time for many years and he was obviously no stranger to the game.

The fact that 50's face had been riddled with gunshot ammo in his youth seriously affected his speech patterns. Not to be discouraged by a small technically (like being able to speak fluent English), Eminem told Dre he would do all the writing for his new disabled friend, since he would like to see what his words sounded like coming from the black man he always wished he was. Dr. Dre then bought 50 Cent for approximately 1 million pieces of Jew gold. Shortly afterward, Eminem began to ghost write for him, and Dr. Dre slapped the tracks together using music he stole off of limewire. He got really famous and black people love him, play his songs on the radio, etc. Nobody really gives a fuck about that nigger shit though.

He thinks he is an actor how cute

Photos emerged in early 2010 showing 50 cent in a very thin state. People began speculating. Is it Cancer? Is it AIDS? Crack? Unfortunately none of is true(except possibly the AIDS and crack). 50 was sitting in his gold plated chair one day and his success finally got to his head. 50 cents is now an actor! His skinniness was preparation for a future roll he would be playing as a cancer patient. Don't fret though, he can still get cancer later.

Twitter shit

	“	I'm not crazy I'm special.	„
	—50 cent

In August 2010, 50 cent's twitter account exploded with some absolutely batshit insane tweets.

It all started when 50's management handed over the keys to his twitter account, which proved to be like handing the keys to an alcoholic autist with Tourette's. He starts out complaining about taking out the trash.

The previous picture depicts a particularly offensive tweet he made joking about shooting up a gay wedding. This came after Perez Hilton called him a douchebag. Fiddy got butthurt and responded with one of the greatest tweets in the history of twitter. Anti-gay-defamation organizations are now calling for an apology. 50 cents ~~has yet to respond~~ does not give a flying fuck. He has way too many more people to offend.

	“	I can't belive my grand mothers making me take Out the garbage I'm rich fuck this I'm going home I don't need this shit	„
	—50 cent, Twitter

	“	I took out the garbage She mad cause I havent been over there a lot I been working my grand father was laughingAnd shit fuck that	„

	“	This fucked up man I'm on gawker.comThey sayin I'm a bad grandson I love my grand mom to deathShe was just bossing me around	„
	—50 responding to Gawker's post.

	“	I really don't like when people call me crazy I'm not crazy I'm special and I don't wish bad on anyone. Learn to love me	„
	—Man when I figure out how to use the spell Check on this motherfucker you niggas in trouble