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Al Gore
—AL Gore, on CNN, March 1999 | ||
Who Exactly is Al Gore?
Al Gore, or Cereal Guy is the Emperor of the his own country, Gorea, inventor of the Internets, circa 1992 and the inventor of the pokeball. He has ridden the mighty Moon Worm and slain the ferocious manbearpig with extreme fury. He ran for President of USA but lost to a Monkey over which he was seriously butthurt and grew a really creepy beard. It's rumored that Gore uses unnecessarily elongated words to compensate for his incredibly small penis.
He is a very boring person. Sometimes, when he talks at people, they commit suicide because he's so boring, however, little do they know they are doing it wrong. He also has no friends because of this, and because he constantly uses the word "cereal".
Al won an Oscar, an Emmy and a Nobel Peace Prize all in the same year, basically for being the guy who lost to George Bush. After winning the Nobel Prize he spent the fucking night wanking. This is because his wife, Tipper Whore, is a cyborg with a stainless steel vagina (clang clang).
They have recently started marketing a new sleep aid in form of video entitled "The Inconcievable Truth", featuring the man himself. This has been proven effective and sales have gone up.
Humongous Hypocrisy
How's that for a Fucking Inconvenient Truth "IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!"
Rise Of The Anti-Christ
In ASCII code, "al gore" = 97 + 108 + 32 + 103 + 111 + 114 + 101 = 666, therefore Al Gore is the anti-Christ.
Al's Initiatives
Global Warming
Al Gore invented Global Warming over 9000 years ago to kill off emotards and Jews. He admits it in this quote: "During my service in the United StatesCongress, I took the initiative in creating the Global Warming." How he managed to do such a feat remains a mystery today; some allege while standing on his porch in Tennessee, he threw a lasso around the Sun and pulled it closer to Earth. Others say he was standing on the Sun and threw a lasso around the Earth and pulled it closer to him. The real explanation is lost to the sands of time, unfortunately.
As Al began to regret taking the initiative to create Global Warming, he decided to have a concert to raise Global Warming awareness called "Live Earth". It was held on 7/07/07, and 74,500 tons of carbon dioxide gas were produced by the event. Thanks Al.
Every time Al Gore testifies on Capitol Hill on global warming, mother nature sends a big snowstorm or hailstorm to welcome him. This has happened so many times it has been nicknamed the "Gore Effect". Mother nature enjoys making Al Gore look like an idiot because mother nature does not care what Al Gore thinks the sea level should be. When he speaks at MIT, mother nature doesn't need to do anything to make him look like an idiot since the science geeks there will just play a round of Buzzword Bingo at his expense.
The former vice president's 20-room home and pool house devoured nearly 221, 000 kilowatt-hours in 2006, more than 20 times the national average of 10, 656 kilowatt-hours. This, of course, is why he wants you to conserve electricity. He wants it all for himself.
Al Gore increases global temperature 5 degrees every time he takes his shirt off. Mmmm....oh yes, and he flies around everywhere in his own private jet which contradicts his whole global warming scheme.
World Domination
- Create the Internets
- Invent Global Warming
- ????
- PROFIT!!!
Quotations
- "1000101, lol."
- "BRB bio break."
- "How do I shot web?"
- "Ask not what Mudkipz can do for your country, ask what Mudkipz can do for you."
Al Gore and Science
Al Gore was awarded a Nobel Prize for making his power point presentation, "An Inconvenient Truth". He used his "scientific background" to make this film. Al has a Bachelor of the Arts degree in Government and he took a class on climate science in college. This puts his movie at about the same level as a Junior High science fair project.
We need to save the planet. Carbon Dioxide is killing us. Polar bears are dying..
Al Gore claims that he is inventor of the the internet. Although it is also reported that the internet was born in 1970, via immaculate conception through Al Gore's gaping man-gina. This is a more likely scenario, as it is common knowledge that anyone can follow their land line to the their Isp trunk. Effectively, all trunks are linked up to a giant Belkin router located inside Al Gore's man-gina. The internet is a series of tubes, and goes where ever Al Gore roams.
Al Gore Knows Him Some Words
More quotes from the master of the internet and the environment. These are all true. PROTIP: Bringing up any of these quotes to a Gore fanatic will yield the famous "taken out of context" argument so many assholes like to use when they're getting pwnd in an argument. In short, Al Gore is a professional at pwning himself. Smirk inwardly, for you have won at this point.
Previous Quote | Next Quote | |||||
Some argue that most of these are just Dan Quayle quotes with the names changed, but nobody gives a shit.
Media
Gallery
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The Dark Lord -
Gore rolling in his own smugness -
Gore shows how he can save the Earth with his bare hands -
One of Gore's groupies
Videos
Related Articles & Links
See Also
- Environmentalism
- Greenpeace
- Global Warming
- Bill Clinton
- South Park
- Internets
- Cereal Cat
- Cereal Business
- Climategate
Links
- Angry Al Gore
- Official Manbearpig Web Site
- Scientists successfully create human-bear-pig chimera (for real!)
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Al Gore is part of a series on Fox News [Over To You] |
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Al Gore is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |
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[Sing Me The Song Of My People]
399BC: First recorded troll-banning |
| Featured article August 10, 2008 | ||
| Preceded by 404 Girl |
Al Gore | Succeeded by Chris-chan |