Murder

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Not such a bad a way to go

Blunt instruments are commonly used to end lovers' spats

For those who live OTI, just consider murder an IRL permaban. Refers to the premeditated killing of one human by another human (usually). Being completely and utterly, undeniably pwned by another individual. Some people find the need to murder themselves; this is referred to as suicide. If they create profound internet drama in the course of doing so, this makes them an hero.

The most common motive is hatred of the victim by the murderer, with the second most common being the stupidity of the victim and third most being the desire to be subject matter on CSI. The prevailing method is violence. The typical result is death, although not always the death of the would-be victim. Some argue that all murders are committed by niggers, but it is actually the smaller black population that gives this appearance.

Unsolved murders are left alone to "age" in a casket of oak for many years, thus earning the name "cold case". Murder connoisseurs say the primary difference is in the scent of the murder, and that aging can bring out many subtle flavors usually missed by the palate. If stored incorrectly, however, aging can cause the murder to go stale, resulting in lulz loss.

Rape and murder often go hand in hand. In this case, the motive is not hatred of the victim but simply the need to shut her the fuck up.

PROTIP: if you are ever on trial for murder, pleading "I did it for the lulz" will instantly make it justifiable. Try it.

"Premeditated"

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Premeditated.

There is some debate as to whether premeditation (meditating before killing) actually helps. 90% of murderers report that it does not, 1% are ninjas, and 2% believe that "you should experiment and find what's right for you." The rest were killed by their victims and were unable to partake in the survey.

Another interesting fact is that the majority of murder victims know the person who kills them. Therefore being a sad basement dweller with no friends might be a good survival strategy, just not for humanity,because your can't reproduce that way, its called natural selection. Then again, what about that goldfish in your room...

Not to be confused with premedicated.

Hate-Based

Murder against particular ethnic groups has existed since the beginning of time. The largest hate-based mass-murder to date is the Holocaust, however Hitler did it for the lulz and has no pix so it doesn't count, and no, Holocaust Porn is merely anecdotal. The largest occurrence of hate-based murder not fueled by lulz was the 9/11 attacks carried out by the Jews. The Armenian Genocide is another great example of mass-hate-murder.

Killing lots of people need not be the only type of hate-crime, however. Sometimes a few, well-placed killings will be enough to make members of the target group fear for their lives and thus no longer bother you. However, the murderer must be sure to make the killing obvious, as people will not get his message if such murders are hidden. Ways of accomplishing this include:

• Burning
• Lynching
• Stabbing with a Knife, Sword, or other pointy objects.
  • NOT guns. These are boring.

PROTIP: Leave the body (or bodies) for others to find, as this generates maximum lulz.

Famous Murderers

Murder is best when done for the lulz.

Idea for a song: Murder. A guy... A guy gets murdered. And eaten. At an all-you-can-eat buffet. Uhhhhh... Oh! And that happens forever. Yeah.

Individuals

• Charles Manson
• Cho Seung Hui
• Chris Benoit
• Gerry McCann
• Hitler
• Kevin
• OJ Simpson
• Tyler Peterson
• Zezima
• Dexter Morgan
• Dylan Klebold (one of the an heroes at Columbine)
• Eric Harris (the other an hero at Columbine)
• Henry Lee Lucas - The real guy that inspired the movie Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. Also the only person George Bush ever gave a death row pardon to.
• Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski - Contract killer in Jew York and New Jersey, racking up a high score of 250
• John Wayne Gacy, aka "The Killer Clown" - Added extra lulz to his kills (mostly shota) by dressing up as a clown, having his victims handcuff themselves, then strangling them and hiding them in his crawlspace.
• Jeffrey Dahmer - Batshit insane sick fuck who brought men home, raeped them, zombified them, and raeped them again. Also notable for convincing Milwaukee police that the half-naked boy that ran out of his apartment drugged all to shit and bleeding from his ass was his boyfriend and not his prisoner.
• Ted Bundy
• Glenn Beck
• Miley Cyrus

Groups

• Anonymous
• American troops
• Al Qaeda War Heroes
• Furries
• Jews
• Jeffree Star
• Minorities
• Police officers (see police brutality)
• Scientologists

Entities

• AIDS
• Assburgers
• Cancer
• Diabeetus
• Frunz
• Obesity
  • Childhood obesity
• Various less popular diseases and disorders

Victims of Murder

• You (future)
• Jews
• The World Trade Center
• Tupac
• black person
• The people responsible for these statistics

People who deserve to be murdered

• You
• Republicans
• Democrats
• Chris-chan
• Boner-nosed bastards
• Furries
• Blazesonic
• Leeches
• Wyatt Mann
• black person
• Your mom
• Emos
• Rootbrian
• The list goes on...

See Also

• Ero Guro Gallery
• August Underground's Mordum Sick movie with oh-so-much murder
• Death
• Disorder
• Guro
• Necrophilia
• Shock sites
  • Rotten.com
  • Ogrish.com

• Murder only gets you 3 years in prison if you're a 16 year old girl in Australia.