Call of Duty: Black Ops

What would have been a much better game.

Select World at War. Ctrl+C. Ctrl+V. Profit!!

80% of Black Ops player emblems are swastikas.

Totally not gay

Call of Duty: Black Ops (AKA Nigger Ops) is the latest Modern Warfare 2 mod, changing it from a first person shooter to a camping trip simulator. Developed by Treyarch and published by the money-grubbing Jews over at Activision, the mod encourages players to out-camp one another using motion sensors, claymores and camera spikes. Features include lag, blocky graphics made with MS Paint, muffled sounds, buggy gameplay, the ability to shit talk 12 year old boys and an emblem system that gives 12 year old kids the ability to draw pictures of cocks and swastikas. The mod also has an inbuilt Theater Mode that records your gameplay. This means that every single unskilled faggot who plays this monstrosity of a game can now create Youtube videos of himself sitting in corners, complete with slow motion effects and a emo soundtrack. If you're the type of gamer that likes to explore maps and get into gun battles, then Black Ops is not the game for you, as 99% of those who play Black Ops treat it as an Anne Frank RPG and will hide in buildings for the entire match. A few weeks after its release, Activision confirmed that Black Ops was only created in order to make the original game, Modern Warfare 2, look better. Mission accomplished! Black Ops is so atrociously bad that it makes MW2 look like a playable game.

Showing their dedication and love for Modern Warfare 2, COD fanboys proceeded to migrate to the newly-released Call of Duty: Nigger Ops; leaving MW2 in the gutter with jizz in its hair and a tear in its eye. This proves that the loyal fans don't actually care what they play, as long as they don't have to play it for long. Be assured that when the next COD game hits the stores, they'll leave Black Ops for the game with tighter tits and that new car smell down there. Once again, this shows that almost any game with 'Call of Duty' branded to it will be purchased by mindless kids, basement dwellers and zombies.

Black Ops is proven to be a somewhat effective birth control software. Since its release, birthrates in developed countries have dropped by 9001%.

Treyarch and their fanboys

Call of Duty Lag Ops was developed by a company that is notorious for releasing sub-par Call of Duty games. Since the release of Black Ops, Treyarch have continuously told everyone that they are willing to listen to community feedback. This "willingness to listen" has netted the company a vast army of basement dwelling fanboys who will ferociously defend Black Ops as if their life depended on it. When criticizing this overrated expansion pack, be prepared to listen to scores of irate fanboys making remarks such as "Hey, at least Treyarch are listening to the community! UNLIKE INFINITY WARD!!1!". This is in the same league as buying a broken-down washing machine for $2000; only to say that you're content with it because the person from customer service answered your phone call.

Campaign

Once again, the campaign is short, contains some pointless playable flashbacks to Reznov's days back in World War II while retaining the same ethnic genocide featured in Modern Warfare 2 by allowing the player to kill countless spics, North Vietnamese forces and Russian soldiers; all to prevent some toxic gas called Nova 6 from being released onto the American public. Nothing has changed significantly.

The campaign starts out with your character Alex Mason being tied to a chair and raepd with dildos while being interrogated by Chris Hansen in a room with TV screens showing random 5 second videos of the world. You can actually break free in the main menu, and then go and |33t haxxor a shitty 40 year-old computer (that probably shouldn't even exist) for background details not in the campaign.

The first mission starts out as you accidentally a Castro look-a-like (whoooops!) and his hooker. It was pretty lulzy when they realized that they hadn't done shit. So you go around shooting Cubans until you get raped by some Cuban. Then, Castro and a Russian gay couple known as Nikita Dragovich and Lev Kravtchenko laugh at you before pissing in your mouth. So you go on between flashbacks of viewing your porn passwords on a wall to being strapped to a bondage chair and even to pwning JFK.

And guess what? Before you know it you're trippin' bawllz! There's your Russian buttbuddy who helped you escape from prison appearing all over the place! He even saves your life and sucks your cock... but he wasn't even there. Yep! He was an hallucination!! Your caretaker handler catches you fapping and you swear that you were just getting a blowjob from an invisible man.

The game climaxes when you realize those fags brainwashed you in jail so that you would kill JFK. Luckily your forgotten oldfag friend brainwashed you to kill them back. This fucks up your unit's operations because you killed a Nazi scientist who made Nova 6, a poisonous gas that kills everyone and is planned to be released by other deluded, brainwashed fucks like YOU across America. Also did I mention that they all must die? Eventually you choke Fagovich and your friend protects you from Kravtchenko blowing himself up to kill you.

And that's it. 60 dollars for bullshit some fag pulled out their ass.

Zombies

In a pathetic attempt to add moar value to Black Ops, three shitty new zombie maps were added. There are little differences to the zombie gameplay found in Call of Duty: World at War, other than playable political figures being added.

Trolling Tactics

• Kill the crawler at the worst possible moment.
• Throw a Monkey Bomb next to a downed player.
• Teabag a downed player until they die. Bonus lulz if they have rare/Pack-a-Punched weapons.
• Refuse to open any doors or open every door before the team is ready.
• Convince a player with bought perks (preferably all four) to dive on top of you in a corner.
• During a Fire Sale, run around and use every box possible, but do not pick up the weaponry.
• Steal other players' kills (Typically only works during the early rounds).
• Stand in front of players in small, crowded spaces to prevent them from shooting.
• If you are the last one alive, run straight into the zombie horde. And don't forget to record!

Trolling Tactics (Kino Der Toten)

• Use the teleporter before anyone else can get in it. Bonus lulz if everyone has enough points to Pack-a-Punch.
• Grab the Max Ammo before everyone reloads after a Flaming Furries round.
• Throw a cymbal monkey at a mystery box when somone uses it.
• Wait until everyone is ready to teleport and upgrade their weapons, then teleport without them. Bonus points if they all die.

Trolling Tactics ("Five")

• Stand in the elevator doors so they cannot close when someone is trying to use it.
• In the smaller elevator, lie prone horizontally across the door so players cannot get in or out.
• Enter a teleporter at the same time as somebody else. You'll see.
• In either of the elevators, if there is one guy falling behind, hit the elevator right before he gets in.

Multiplayer

How to play

1. Equip Ghost as your first perk.
2. Choose the motion sensor for your equipment.
3. Select the FAMAS or AK-74u and stick a suppressor on it.
4. Put retarded looking tiger camo on your gun. (Literally half the dickheads in the game have this camo because they think it looks like the fall camo from modern warfare 2 and thus makes them look l33t.)
5. Sit in an obscure corner and wait for an enemy player to run by.
6. "Well you're the one who got killed noob lolololololol!!11!11!!one!1!!11!"
7. ????
8. PROFIT!

The Nigger Ops mod is remarkably similar to the game its source code was ripped off, Modern Warfare 2. The only significant difference is the price system which shows Treyarch and its Jew nature. Every gun and their associated stats are the same as that found in Call of Duty 4 and Modern Warfare 2. The only difference is that the guns are skinned and named to those used in the Cold War. Oh, and they sound much shittier than before because Treyarch doesn't believe in crisp sounds, choosing instead to focus on annoying ambient sounds.

Black Ops multiplayer still features the same shitty gun research as well as little changes to perks and other multiplayer elements found in MW2.

AND GUESS WUT?! You get to put stickers on your gun! BEST GAME EVUR! You can now put penises on your guns and swastikas! Also. for the 10 year old britfags, you can paint your face! Just like a rapist clown!

Trolling in Multiplayer

• See that afk fag? Place a claymore near his feet but be sure that he can see it and wait for him to come back, lulz will ensure.

• Trap them in a corner, especially in search.

• Throw decoys at your camping team mates and downed second chance users, moar lulz will be generated if done in Search and Destroy.

• Tell your fellow teammates your favourite weapon isn't the FAMAS or the AK74u, an hero's should be expected.

• Follow a teammate around the map, claiming that you're not (Prepare for prepubescent screaming). This will not work, as noone in this game moves more than 5 meters per match.

• Don't camp.

• Mention Halo in any possible way shape or form. Record for extra fun.

• Camp like shit! Then, when people call you on it, tell them you're "tactically hiding."

Quickscopan

Before Black Ops was released, Treyarch decided to bow to the populist opinion of casual gamers worldwide and nerf the shit out of the sniper rifle weapon tier in an effort to put a stop to quickscoping. Optic fanboys worldwide held up their fists in anger at the decision, while unskilled casual gamers everywhere rejoiced and celebrated the fact that the new mod would require less technical abilities than before. And what a great decision it was. Now, instead of having players ruin the game by using different types of weapons, every Black Ops game consists of 6 players on each side using nothing but assault rifles and SMGs.

OMG BLACK OPS IS BALANCED

This a typical "Treyarch fanboy" statement made by somebody who is unable to distinguish between the words "balance" and "boring". The multiplayer mode on Black Ops is so mundane and uninspired, that some of the bigger COD-related Youtube channels and personalities have decided to return to previous Call Of Duty games such as Modern Warfare 2 and Call of Duty 4. The fact that a lot of people are willing to put up with the shit that goes on in MW2 really serves to highlight the fact that Black Ops is so mind-numbingly boring, the player is at risk of having a stroke while playing it. The great thing is: Since all of the unskilled defensive players are too busy hiding in corners and playing with their motion sensors on Black Ops, games such as Call of Duty 4 and MW2 are now relatively fun to play again.

See Also

• Call of Duty 4
• Call of Duty: World at War
• Modern Warfare 2
• Metal Gear Solid
• Halo Reach
• FPS
• Troll
• War

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