Azumanga Daioh
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Azumanga Daioh, is a manga-turned-anime featuring schoolgirls, lolis, pedophiles, and a hell of alot of shit stuck in between. The series is notable in that it features only one main male character, and he is a raging pedophile. It is also that rare kind of anime filled with schoolgirls which lacks all manner of softcore Rule 34, even lacking so much as a pantyshot. Athough that doesn't stop otakus smelling the scent of vaginas in the air whenever they watch the show, which inevitably causes furious masturbation. To make up for the lack of breast groping gags, every character is therefore one or more of the following:
- A lesbian,
- Completely mentally retarded,
- Somewhat intelligent or a genius,
- So athletic, they could run in the Olympics,
- A raging alcoholic,
- A raging pedophile,
- An animal plushie,
- An animal,
- Or just plain batshit crazy.
Although the manga and anime have ended several years ago, series creator Kiyohiko Azuma decided to revive the series after working on Yotsubato! the whole time.
Fun fact: "Azumanga" is a portmanteau of the author's name; "Azuma" and the word "manga", while "Daioh" comes from the magazine in which it was originally published, Dengeki Daioh. ISN'T THAT INCREDIBLE?!
Plot
The entire series follows a small handful of schoolgirls over 3 years crammed into a series or two, yet none of them seem to age in the slightest or grow bigger in the chest area. Nothing really interesting happens and it ends with them leaving school. The writers were obviously drunk and left to their own devices while writing the script. And that's about it, you're pretty much up to scratch. This video sums up the whole series in a nutshell.
Characters
Chiyo Mihama
The token loli of the series at around 8 years old, which means she has never even heard of the word "tits" let alone have any, so don't bother fantasizing about her sexually unless you're secretely that way inclined. She is the mega ultra super genius of the entire show, which is why she's in the same year as a bunch of retarded teenagers. But don't get too excited before you fuck a random person on the street and try to raise it as a super-genius to make money off of it (not that you can get any anyway), because a minor getting into a higher education school never happens IRL, by law.
Because of her age, she is completely fucking useless at sports and is vulnerable to getting raped by pedophiles, because even Kimura is interested in some sweet virgin loli pie. She's also fucking rich, and spends most of her time at home alone with her dog and mounts it as a mode of transport. Late into the series, she looks after Sakaki's wild cat and invites Sakaki to her house for tea and crumpets. She's also notable for wearing that fucking stupid penguin costume.
After the end of the series, she's living in America getting some western manmeat.
Ayumu "Osaka" Kasuga
The dumbshit character of the series and is also transfer student, who is nicknamed for the place she came from and is the first member of the "Group of idiots". In the first episode, she was expected to act like a typical "Osakan", who is apparently meant to be loud and have a sense of fucking humour, but she's the Slowpoke of Azumanga Daioh; she's dumber than a bag full of bricks and has a really wild imagination, imagining stupid shit like Chiyo's pigtails being sentient beings controlling her every move, or Chiyo being able to use them as wings. She falls asleep in all of her classes and yet somehow still manages to pass her exams at the end of the series.
Everyone who watches this shitty animu will always erotically fantasize about Osaka at least 100 times in every episode because of the gormless and "plain-looking" face she has. In the English version of the animu, she was given a Southern accent to reflect the fact that her parents were brother and sister.
Tomo Takino
She is basically Osaka if she was a hyperactive whore with the stamina of a fatass who has never excercised a day in her life, and she is the second member of the "Group of idiots". She is somehow the best friend and total bitch to Yomi, sharing tampons when they're outside of school, and is the Queen of USI, trying too hard and challenging people to competitions she can't win, like challenging Sakaki to a race. She has a secret gay thing for Chiyo, pretending to hate on her loli arse but in reality, she stalks her Facebook and faps to her pictures every night.
Her entire appearance on the animu is just one big impulse; her body can't keep up with her mind. It's almost as if she has to do stupid shit to survive, but all it really achieves is to piss the viewers off by annoying the fuck out of them. She cuts her hair late into the series which makes her look like more of a dyke for fanboys, who believe she is gay for Yomi while others think she craves the touch of the higher species. Oh and she smashes watermelons on the beach, to show that she really hates the cock.
Yomi
The opposite of Tomo, pretending to be the most mature person in the series by acting the oldest, although it's just a complete ruse. She likes playing sports and is pretty athletic, but she is a total anorexic fatass, constantly going on diets because she's bigger than a house. Her jelly-rolls and stockings make her erotic to Tomo, so Tomo injects her food with lard to keep her from shedding all that weight.
She also loves to sing, but sounds like 10,000 dying cats. Fanboys better not tell Sakaki that, or she'll have an epileptic fit.
Sakaki
The first of the two teenage characters in the entire series to own a pair of tits the size of watermelons when compared to the others. She barely speaks, is the tallest girl in the series, has a batshit insane psycho-bitch-lesbian-stalker and has never worked out a day in her life but is the most athletic girl in the entire school, yet her tits never seem to get in the way. It's later revealed that she has an obsession with cats and all manner of things cute including Chiyo, resulting in her keen interest in bestiality, being a lolicon, while being a lesbian at the same time.
Despite the fact that she loves cats, one cat in particular hates her with a passion for some reason and is frequently seen biting her hand off, eventually going so far as to gather an entire army of cats to rape her and Chiyo in an alleyway, but a wild cat she found at a zoo-like thing saves her and she decides to keep it at Chiyo's house during the day while she's getting nearly raped by Kaori at school, because "her mum is allergic to cats" and won't let any in the house. Boo-hoo. Some argue that her obsession with cats is the true reason for Caturday, but people still don't give a shit because Caturday is awesome.
Kagura
The second of the two teenage characters in the entire series to own a pair of tits the size of watermelons, which is ironic because usually girls with large tits suck at sports. She is a stereotypical female jock with a strong passion for sports; she lives, breathes, eats, shits and would fuck sports in the arse if she could, and she makes up the third and final member of the "Group of idiots", because as you'd expect from someone who arse-rapes sports, she is a total fucking retard and cannot divide by zero to save her life. Despite her obsession with all things sporty, she is second best to Sakaki. It's because Sakaki is better than Kagura without even having to try, she sees her as a rival or some shit, but nothing ever comes of it and it's completely forgotten by the end of the series.
There's nothing truely noteworthy about her, she just sort of exists in the background. But her grins make her the female equivalent to the Cockmongler.
Kaori/Kaorin
Annoying jealous-girlfriendy type dyke who's gay for Sakaki but doesn't realise that Sakaki has her well into the friend zone. She is constantly stalking Sakaki wherever she goes, inviting herself along to any "trips" the group go on to scissor each other. She constantly plans to rape Sakaki, even in her sleep, but whenever she's around her she gets too nervous to actually do it and has a fucking heart attack. To rub salt into the wound, the next in-series year she gets changed to Kimura's class and is split up from the main cast, and has very little screentime afterwards. Any screentime she does have, she is constantly stalked and almost raped multiple times by Kimura.
Chihiro
Kaorin's friend who was forgotten after the third episode, and all she did was work on some projects and get taught absolutely everything by Chiyo from day one, and then burst into tears at the realisation that she's a fucking retard. Her short hair-cut and similar appearance to Tomo suggests she's a dyke and is most likely Kaorin's first crush, least until she saw Sakaki's huge tits.
After the aforementioned third episode, she is never seen again. She probably lost her iPod, killed herself and became An Hero.
Yukari Tanizaki
The best teacher in the whole fucking world. She is the cancer of Nyamo's life, known to be almost always drunk, never gets any and as such is quite possibly a virgin, has questionable driving skills which can scar an 8-year old for life, and she can speak and teach Engrish. She never shuts up and is often competitive towards Nyamo, trying to out-do her for popularity, going to such length as taking her entire class out to the swimming pool and not getting fired. Nobody knows why Nyamo is friends with her, but it's thought that they are gay for each other because everyone in anime wants to fuck each other, right?
If asked why she acts like she does IRL, she would reply: "I do it for the lulz".
Minamo "Nyamo" Kurosawao
The opposite of Yukari; a kind, popular P.E teacher who seems to put up with Yukari's lulz-inducing mayhem from attempts to make herself seem like the better man for some reason. But she can be brought down to Yukari's level from time to time, slowly becoming an alcoholic to put up with it all.
She was a total whore when she was younger, as she revealed after getting shit-faced. She told stories of her many sexual encounters to the girls, mentally scarring them and turning them on in the process, except for Chiyo who was ignorant of what sex was. Nyamo doesn't get any during the entire series because Yukari's mere prescence is the ultimate Cock block.
Chiyo's father
Mascot of the show, because the Japanese just love floating yellow cats which make retarded sound effects as they move. He can speak Engrish and Japanese (English and Spanish in the English version), and makes cameos throughout the series, but never acknowledged by any of the characters except in Osaka's and Sakaki's dreams. In Sakaki's dream, he claims to be Chiyo's father, hence where the name came from dipshit. So, by that logic her mother fucked a cat and actually managed to conceive. They all sit down for dinner like a normal happy family until he threatens to blow up the house for asking if he is a cat. In Osaka's dream, they were talking about birds, cats and cats tongues before having her tongue ripped out, because that's a totally normal reaction to telling someone you have a sensitive tongue. Osaka doesn't seems to notice that he is a fucking cat, instead just telling him he looks like Bill Clinton, or "Mori the last Prime Minister", if you're a weeaboo and watched the Japanese version.
He seems to possess fucking huge moodswings with violent tendancies, not unlike The Red Guy from Cow and Chicken.
Kimura
Pedobear in human form with an immunity from the law. He likes schoolgirls and doesn't keep that fact to himself. It all began when Tomo asked him a question about why he became a teacher and BAM! the creepiness began, along with his permanent rapeface whenever he appears. He was heiled as a God by generic male characters for admitting that he likes the teenage pie, but is never fired for sexual harassment. Throughout the series, he tries any way he can to get the girls to dress up in tight swimsuits, and faps to them in the corner, because swimsuits are a Jap's fetish apparently. Despite his all-out obsession with teenage pie, the only girl he wants to fuck senseless is Kaori, which is ironic because she is a raging lesbian for Sakaki. Later in the series it's revealed he has a dumbshit wife and daughter, neither of which seem to care that he pines after the arses of his students.
Internets Relevance
Azumanga Daioh launched a hundred memes that were old before they were invented. Seriously, places like 4chan practically hemorrhage shopped Osaka and Chiyo pics.
Jewtube
Gallery
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Indeed. -
Not batshit crazy at all. -
Let's play pick the dyke... -
Lolicon alert. Neck already pre-broken for your convenience.
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Apparently being 8 years old is old enough to work at McDonalds.
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Osaka's ready for you.
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Sakaki's an anal slut. -
For your fapping pleasure.
Rating
- Action: Can't you fucking read? Nothing interesting happens!
- Lulz: 9001 if you're a fangirl. About 0.35 if you're like how a Trekkie is to Star Trek, to anime.
- Pedophilia: Why don't you take a seat over there...
- Morals: There's no violence or suggested slavery themes, or anything for that matter.
- Overall: It's about the same level as Lucky Star, so it's complete shit. But it's worth a chuckle or two at someone's expense for liking the show.
See Also
- Daniel Benfield - Avid fan of the series.
- Lucky Star - Twin sister of Azumanga Daioh.
External Links
- Kimura sings "Little Girls"
- TOW Page on the Anime. Vandalize for great justice!
- Chiyo on Rule 34.Paheal.net
Uncyc
Also is the Uncyclopedian take on the Anime. Vandalize this, too!Baleeted.And finally, the Uncyclopedian page dedicated to the loli character of Azumanga Daioh, Chiyo Mihama. Get to vandalizing!They huffed this article too.
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