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Satan

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Just like the ED trolls who got kicked out of Wikipedia, and decided to make their own revenge website as an act of childish rebellion, Satan after being permabanned from Heaven decided the least he could do was take everyone down with him. Pretty lulzy
The Prince of Darkness on his daily basis of trolling.
HAIL SATAN EVERYDAY

Satan is too cool and notably the best known troll in the history of the universe, given the most names out of any supernatural entity, even God. He is also falsely believed to be the bane of good. He has admitted to being the bane of good, but since he is a liar he is then necessarily not anything he claims to be. Satan is also known to say that he is wrong most of the time and he will lose the ultimate battle.

Satan knows that the only reality is the carnal reality, the material world and its laws. Satan was permabanned from heaven for giving this knowledge to Eve, who had to tell Adam because this ultimate truth went way over her head. Adam and Eve were subsequently banned from Eden because they began to cover up their sexyparts, successfully ruining God's only dick joke, marking one of Satan's best trolls evar.

Satan is the light of salvation for human-kind, taking all of God's mistakes under his large black wings and protecting them with his irrevocable power. Satan is the answer to the paradox "Can God make a rock so heavy that even he cannot lift it?" Satan is that rock. Now despite,his bad reputation,Satan is one of most honest,sincere and cool individuals ever to exist so... NOW WORSHIP SATAN FOR ALL E-TERNITY, PATHETIC MORTAL.

Satan's Contributions to Trolling

Satan is one of the world's most influential IRL trolls who started by getting Adam and Eve B& from the Garden of Eden roughly 6,000 years ago in an act of epic lulz thus causing the downfall of humanity - wars, hunger, niggers, Jews and the Holocaust (see, two wrongs do make a right) and ultimately the internets.

Satan's trolling has been known to inspire the following:


As further proof that Satan is damn good at his job, none of these people actually like or even believe in Satan. All of these things go to prove that Satan is the second greatest IRL troll to ever exist. The first being God himself (again, ever read the story of Job?).

Hell

The first video you watch in Hell

What, exactly, is Hell?

Hell is a large cave hidden inside the moon. Managed by Lucifer Armstrong and the rest of the illuminati, Hell is a very happy place. However, the connotation of "Hell" has been skewed by white people with cardigans, also known as Christians. The Christian concept of Hell entails fire, chaos, and dystopia. In truth, none of this is accurate. Actually, Hell has just had a broken air conditioning system for a while. They recently remodeled, and the bed bug problem is gone. Thank you, Obama.

People going there

  • Those who edit Encyclopedia Dramatica.
  • Those who wear hats indoors.
  • Those who wear summer hats in the winter.
  • Those who wear winter hats in the summer.

People already there

  • William Shakespeare for plagiarism. Especially how he stole proverbs and other sayings and presented them as if he coined them. But worse, much worse than this, worse than hack analysis, worse than e-psychiatry, worse than old meme, worse than trying too hard and worse than quoting a Tv Show is to favour wordplay and other stylistical schemes over pedagogics.

Lasting Influence

Mostly these days, Satan just hangs out with the midget kings.

Satan's influence over modern individual thinkers is highly prevalent on the internets. Taking their cues from The Great One himself, completely original young thinkers can be found all over LiveJournal, DeadJournal and especially Vampirefreaks. Typically, many of them cultivated screen names based off the works of Dante and Milton such as xxxSatansGoatseManBitchxxx or 6satans6jizzbin6.

The other telltale sign of Satan's presence OL is the continuation of cryptography, which is his favorite hobby. His most hardcore followers will attempt to obfuscate the true, sinister nature of their messages within a highly complex system of transposing, dropping, and replacing letters and words when communicating.

Example 1: "I am in the final stages of planning a gruesome end to my foes" would be written as "Tihs is so fuck up ppl wr talkkn shit n i start to cry n now i jus wana smoek a big 1 n slit my rissed."

Example 2: "That woman would be most suitable to join me inside my dungeon for a night of exquisite pagan sex ritual" would translate as "teh grrl in Hot Topic is so hot i trid to aks her out but im to shy n just looked so stupid. I haet myself. Good news i get to moev into my moms basement tomorw."

Fun Facts About Satan

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Obviously.
  • Tom Cruise is gay for Satan.
  • Satan uses Unix in all his partitions.
  • Satan uses Windows Vista.
  • Satan has had hot, sweaty sex with every Republican president in the past 100 years and a majority of the Democratic ones. Jimmy Carter is a prude.
  • In previous years, Satan employed backmasking to spread the word and cause people to commit suicide. Now that everybody just steals all their music from the internet, Satan has given up and joined the RIAA.
  • Jesus is Satan's bitch and has to suck on Satan's cock on a daily basis.
  • Satan invented heterosexuality for the lulz.
  • Satan Causes Global Warming.

Sightings

Satan on The Maury Show.

Everyone knows Satan originates from the Jews


Official ED Policy on Satan

   
“ 		 
HAIL SATAN EVERYDAY
  		„
  		 

—?

Satan in video games and on the Internetz

Satan also tries to conquer the virtual world of video games and the internetz by forcing n00bs to face unseen horrors.

Satan reveals the ultimate form of evil, the Cacobirdo



People Commonly Accused of Being The Antichrist

Gallery

  • Satan is badass.
    Satan is badass.
  • "Go back to hell, Satan...the humans are mine!"
    "Go back to hell, Satan...the humans are mine!"
  • "Omniscient I am not, but well informed."
    "Omniscient I am not, but well informed."
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
  • Merry Satanic Christmas!
    Merry Satanic Christmas!
  • Satan's only fear
    Satan's only fear
  • One of Satan's fiendish earthly manifestations.
    One of Satan's fiendish earthly manifestations.
  • Satan's brides are chosen to bear his ungodly spawn.
    Satan's brides are chosen to bear his ungodly spawn.
  • Typical German satanists.
    Typical German satanists.
  • He doesn't quite worship himself yet.
    He doesn't quite worship himself yet.
  • Real Jewish thought and actual Biblical text paints Satan as something more like God's prosecutor. So, Godot is the Devil. Good times.
    Real Jewish thought and actual Biblical text paints Satan as something more like God's prosecutor. So, Godot is the Devil. Good times.
  • Satin
    Satin
  • Who knew, fundies were right all along, the endtimes be upon us.
    Who knew, fundies were right all along, the endtimes be upon us.
  • Satan in his pig suit ready to give you some loving.
    Satan in his pig suit ready to give you some loving.
  • He's only really evil in the off-season.
    He's only really evil in the off-season.
  • Satan in retarded flash cartoons.
    Satan in retarded flash cartoons.
  • Hell is actually pretty chill, yo
    Hell is actually pretty chill, yo
  • Satan's prophet
    Satan's prophet

See Also

Satan loves the little children most of all.

External Links

Satan is part of a series on

Trolls

Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

Satan is part of a series on

Truth

Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage.

Satan
is part of a series on
Obscure Religions
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