Space

WARNING: Space has a Terrible Secret!
Consult The Gabber Robots for appropriate protection before reading this article!
(Wut?)

One of the many planets identified in Space.

Space is a boring void designed by old people sometime in the 1950's to totally mess with people by disabling the victim's ability to call for help (let alone breathe). It is also a majestic fairy-tale wonderland that Atheists use as proof that God does not exist, and for Joss Whedon to set his miserable television shows. It is supposedly populated by gay niggers and other foreign intelligent life-forms, however we have never been able to confirm that such life exists out there.

Space generally consists of black holes, planets, galaxies, asteroids, comets, and all-in-all; nothing of value. Sometimes space can be lulzy and decide to throw huge chunks of rock into regions of the Earth populated by genetically diseased dumbasses. It is a well known fact that polen cannot into space.

The truth is that space was invented by NASA during the 1950's as a plot to give the Ruskies srs penis envy. CSIII-graduates from both countries spent at least 100 billion dollars building bigger rockets with moar thrust and a larger payload in order to prove they had the most potent nukular arsenal, the pre-tubes analogue of an e-penis. In order to keep this elaborate farce afloat, they started strapping primates into these rockets to prove that they were doing it all in the name of science. Naturally, as soon as these rockets passed the clouds, they entered the Kingdom of Heaven, where God promptly bitch-slapped the rockets right back to Earth, instantly killing said monkeys.

In spite of the fact that it doesn’t actually exist, many people claim to have been in space, even walked on the moon. NASA has video of two men that they say “walked on the moon.” Some argue that this video was doctored, and the two men are actually Jews in full body condoms dancing Hava Nagila in the Israeli desert at night. This issue is a popular one for basement dwellers on conspiracy forums and Libertarian IRC channels.

People who claim to have been in space call themselves “astronauts,” and will go to great lengths to convince you of its reality and having “been out there.” In reality, these people spent months tripping constant balls in a CIA holding cell, being read Star Wars slashfics by Rick Moranis over a loudspeaker.

Also, according to a bald man, Patrick Stewart, space is teh final frontier. This sexxxy bald man's opinion is bullshit. (The last two sentence were written under the influence of Experimental Space Drugs.)

According to Portal 2, a British ball and a space-obsessed ball are trapped in space.

Space Bar

The Space Bar is the largest key on an ordinary keyboard. It is used to make you look less retarded on the internet. Without the Space Bar, your ED articles would look like this;

	“	Ihaetstrikethruihaetmemesihaetjewsihaetshirley conranihaetpieissquareihaetfurryihaetmyselfianhero	„

The Apollos

Apollo 1

Jews opposed to Nazi Wernher von Braun fill the space capsule with velcro, copies of the Protocols of The Elders of Zion and lit menorahs, providing us with our first taste of Crispy Astronaut Latke.

Apollo 7

Hookers and blow are smuggled into space thereby inventing the biro pen, bendy straws and the sex position known as the Weightless Reverse Cowgirl.

Apollo 8

From Stickipedia; "About an hour after starting his sleep shift, Borman requested clearance to take a Seconal sleeping pill. However, the pill had little effect. Borman eventually fell asleep but then awoke feeling ill. He vomited twice and had a bout of diarrhea that left the spacecraft full of small globules of vomit and feces."

Crew dump Borman out of the airlock and defect to the Soviet Union.

Apollo 10

NASA discovers that the "Lunar Module" which they had commissioned from Tony Soprano on Long Island is in fact an old tumble dryer covered in gold foil and shunt-welded onto the chassis of a Hindustani Ambassador. They realise that the Moon landing will have to be faked.

Apollo 11

Armstrong and Aldrin are fed LSD and stuffed into an isolation tank whilst special effects supremo Ray Harryhausen produces a realistic movie of a moon landing complete with sword-fighting skeletons and a rubber brontosaurus. Armstrong's inpromptu speech on stepping into what he thinks is the moon - "where dem selenite wimmin at?" - is hastily over-dubbed by actor Ronald Reagan.

Apollo 13

Spoiler :Some idiot "accidentally" filled the o2 tank with c4.

James Lovell and his fellow Kerbals were in a gold painted washing machine which was over 9000 kilometers away from earth and they were on their way to the moon. After James pressed the self destruct button an o2 tank exploded. Guess what? They didnt fail at life but they failed at everything else.

Apollo 14-20

All further flights cancelled in order to divert the money to the 1972 Committee to Re-elect the President.

Apollo 440

Produced the single "Lolita", "Lost In Space" and "Dude Falling Down A Staircase", and the soundtrack to PlayStation Game "Vapid Racer".

V'Ger

Thanks to Carl Sagan and Star Trek, this is probably the most famous of all of NASA's satelites and is what Stephen Hawking referred to as "A road map and an invitation for aliens to come and kick our collective asses."

Famous Lady Astronauts

Major Tom

Not strictly a lady, but David Bowie instead. Nuff said

Ulala from Space Channel 5

Famous for the words "Up, right, right, down, shoot, shoot, shoot" and her friendship with Space Michael Jackson

Colonel-Engineer Valentina Vladimirovna Tereshkova

First woman in space, who threw up whilst trying to parallel park Vostok 6. Voted "Worse Space Pilot Eva" until her title was stolen from her by Christa McAuliffe, who tragicallly mistook reverse for third gear during the launch of the Space Shuttle Challenger.

Lisa Nowak

Led to 3058 stories on Google when she tracked and attacked another lady astronaut over a male astronaut. Or something.

Ripley from Alien

Wears tight white panties. She's only in a film though. Real lady astronauts have to wear daipers like as if they were permanently on the blob. Yuk.

Barbarella

Invented "Tits or GTFO In Space". Commenting on ED; "Make love? But no one's done that for hundreds of centuries!"

Fact of the day

The Americans in the form of NASA spent millions of money developing a pen that would write in space [1]. The Russians, in contrast, simply wrote on the walls with fresh virgin blood.

Personal space

Main article: Personal space

According to research from the German Institute For Phrenology different races have different ideas about the comfortable distance to remain from other people, that is, the concept of "personal space". So next time a Chinese person walks straight into you on the street, just put it down to a celebration of cultural diversity.