Valerie Plame

Valerie Elise Plame Wilson (a.k.a. VPlame1488) is a stereotypical dumb, American, blonde bimbo and anti-semite who first gained national attention in 2003 when a member of the Dubya Administration "accidentally" blew her cover as a super-kewl CIA spook by leaking classified information about her employment to the press in a scandal that would become known as the Plame Affair (which should not be confused with Plame's upcoming adult video series of the same name). Unfortunately, Plame did not mysteriously die of dioxin poisoning or kill herself after having her cover blown and has since gone on to write a book and campaign for Satan in the 2016 Election.

The face of someone who is clearly not crazy.

In 2017, Valerie Plame once again gained media attention when she came up with a brilliant plan to get United States President Donald J. Trump banned from Twitter before he could "start a nuclear war"... Srsly. While her goal was already fucking stupid, her plan was even stupider – start a crowdfunding campaign to raise A BILLION FUCKING DOLLARS from dumb liberals for the sole purpose of buying Twitter and banning Trump. Only later did our savvy ex-CIA agent learn the fact that Twatter is actually worth ~~at least 15 billion~~ 44 billion.

Yes, this brave woman is truly a shining example of the finest that America's great "intelligence" community has to offer... and a shining example of why fucking noone trusts U.S. intelligence agencies anymore. Ten bux says that she was only hired in the first place because tits and because the CIA just hadn't met their monthly vagina quota yet.

The Sixteen Words

"Iraq has aquired nuke-u-ler weapons from negroes."

Plame married a deader version of Robin Williams.

Bob Novak's beautiful nose hair.

On January 28, 2003, President George W. Bush gave his infamous State of the Union speech where he uttered the sixteen words that would change Murika forever and eventually lead to the U.S. invasion of Iraq, massive destabilization of the middle-east and the rise of radical Islamic extremist groups that want to destroy western society.

	“	The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa.	„
	—Dubya lies to America... how shocking!

Realizing that the president was a complete buffoon and an obvious puppet of ZOG, a CIA agent named Valerie Plame Wilson decided to send her husband—Joseph C. Wilson, former U.S. Ambassador to Gabon and professional Robin Williams cosplayer—back to Africa to find out the truth about Saddam Hussein's alleged uranium deal with the Nigers.

On July 6, 2003, Joseph C. Wilson wrote an article in the Jew Pork Times where he revealed that he could find no evidence that Saddam had tried to buy massive amounts of weapons-grade yellowcake uranium from a bunch of third-world black people.

	“	I spent the next eight days drinking sweet mint tea and meeting with dozens of people: current government officials, former government officials, people associated with the country's uranium business. It did not take long to conclude that it was highly doubtful that any such transaction had ever taken place.	„
	—Joseph C. Wilson, on being gay in Africa

A little over a week later, on July 14, 2003, a cuntservative columnist and professional ugly motherfucker named Robert D. Novak wrote an article in the Washington Compost where he revealed to the entire world that Valerie Plame is some sort of WMD operative in the CIA – a fact that was considered classified information by the U.S. government.

	“	Wilson never worked for the CIA, but his wife, Valerie Plame, is an agency operative on weapons of mass destruction. Two senior administration officials told me that Wilson's wife suggested sending him to Niger to investigate the Italian report. The CIA says its counterproliferation officials selected Wilson and asked his wife to contact him. "I will not answer any question about my wife," Wilson told me.	„
	—Bob Novak, flinging the shit at the fan

The Plame Game

Even after Richard Armitage was revealed to be behind the leak, Plame still continues to blame Vice President Headshot for absolutely no reason.

Obviously, the outing of an undercover CIA agent is kind of a big deal—especially when America's notoriously dirty partisan politics can find a way to turn it into a massive political scandal—and the outing of Valerie Plame was almost immediately jumped on by Democrats who realized that moar scandals in the already godawful Bush Administration could potentially help lead them to victory in the upcoming 2004 Presidential Election.

The Democrats and the Wilsons both believed that the Sith Lord Darth Heartfailius (a.k.a. Dick Cheney) and his minions had leaked Plame's identity as a CIA operative to the press as retribution for his article refuting the Bush Administration's false claim that Iraq was attempting to obtain Hiroshima Firecrackers. To this day, Valerie is butthurt at Cheney.

	“	If we want the truth, maybe Cheney should waterboard himself...	„
	—Easy there, Valerie! (archive)

	“	So When Will Dick Cheney Be Charged With Espionage?	„
	—Valerie is buttmad at Cheney (archive)

	“	Mr. Cheney made that impossible.	„
	—Accusing Cheney of ruining her career (archive)

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The real story, however, was fucking boring and involved Deputy Secretary of State Richard Lee Armitage accidentally learning of Plame's employment from a memo and then mindlessly blabbing this information to Bob Novak, a reporter that he had only just met. Fat fuck Karl Rove then confirmed to Novak that Plame was CIA – which is all a far more believable story when you consider the fact that the Bush Administration was not known for its competence.

Plame Whore

After being outed, Valerie quickly became addicted to acting like a fucking Kardashian.

Damn, I should have outed myself years ago!

Despite claiming to be massively butthurt over the leak, Valerie Plame reacted to her newfound fame not by distancing herself from the public eye and forging a new identity to protect herself and her family, but by embracing her status as a "celebrity" and appearing in a fucking Vanity Fair article with her husband in 2004.

On October 22, 2007, Valerie's "memoir" entitled Fair Game: My Life as a Spy, My Betrayal by the White House was released. Not only is the book a glorified, self-fellating load of crap, but at least 10% of the book's content is blanked out on the orders of the CIA. You're literally paying full price for 90% of an already shitty and self-serving fantasy book.

	“	█████████████████████████	„
	—An excerpt from Valerie's book, Fair Game

In 2010, Fair Game was adapted into a live action film starring Naomi Watts as Valerie and fucking Sean Penn as her ugly little gnome of a husband – who ever said that Hollywood likes to fudge the truth? The movie was made by the same people behind The Bourne Identity, so you know that this is going to be some Michael Bay grade shit.

I'm With Herpes

"I have the best sheeple!"

Valerie and some bitch that noone cares about.

Ladies and gentlecunts, please welcome the 45th President of the United States of America!

On April 13, 2015, the Wilsons wrote an article for USA Today that praised the anointed high-queen of the Democratic Party, Hillary Rodham Clinton. The Wilsons praised Clinton's amazing diplomatic skills that led to the death of four Americans in Libya, further destabilization of the middle east and the creation of ISIS. Most of all, however, they praised her because at least she wasn't George W. Bush or a goddamn Republican.

	“	As Secretary of State, Hillary's tireless diplomacy helped repair our nation's international reputation after the damage caused by the disastrous policies of the Bush administration.	„
	—Actually, she pushed for a lot of the same exact type of shit

	“	Clinton is the most qualified and trustworthy person for America's future.	„
	—HA HA HA, OH WOW

	“	Hillary stood with us, as she has stood with so many over the years, and we are proud to stand with her for our country now.	„
	—Like she stood up for Christopher Stevens?

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In August, 2015, the New York Slimes reported that Valerie Plame had already begun helping her long-time scissor sister in her presidential campaign and never-ending quest to "Make America Elect A Clinton Again" – because, as we all know, the best way to avert global nuclear armageddon is to elect the candidate who is known for her insistence on invading other countries to solve all our problems and has let American citizens die to help divert attention away from our illicit arms deals with "moderate rebels" in the middle east.

Fortunately for everyone, America dodged a bullet on November 8, 2016, and Hillary Clinton will never be president despite her twisted belief that she is somehow "entitled" to hold the position because of her "experience" and vagina. For some strange reason, however, Valerie was horribly depressed upon learning that the world had narrowly avoided entering a full-scale war in Syria and quite possibly World War III itself.

	“	There are no words. The sadness I feel for my country...	„
	—Valerie, on Donald Trump being elected president (archive)

	“	Still in mourning for my country so need to step away from Twitter for awhile...	„
	—Valerie, still butthurt 6 days later (archive)

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Let's Buy Twatter and Ban Drumpf!

This is a dumb idea. You're welcome.

On August 16, 2017, Valerie Plame attempted to get more attention for herself by revealing her brilliant plan to stop global atomic annihilation. Valery created a GoFundMe campaign to "Buy Twitter" for the sole purpose of banning President Donald J. Trump from the platform – because World War III will be fought with memes instead of guns.

	“	If @Twitter executives won’t shut down Trump’s violence and hate, then it's up to us. #BuyTwitter #BanTrump	„
	—Valerie, not understanding what violence is (archive)

	“	Let's #BuyTwitter and delete Trump's account before he starts a nuclear war with it. The whole world will thank us when we do!	„
	—Actually, no, we won't.

	“	Trump has already brought us closer to nuclear war than any time since the Cuban Missile Crisis.	„
	—Sources?

	“	We can’t take Trump's nukes away (yet!), but we can take away his biggest megaphone and stop him from tweeting armageddon.	„
	—Valerie, not understanding that Kim Jong Dong is a blowhard

	“	There’s a real danger that Trump’s tweets could actually start a nuclear war. Let’s delete his account before that happens.	„
	—Valerie just wants to ban Trump

	“	Trump has fully weaponized Twitter: it’s not something that just happens “online.” Time and again his use of this huge global platform has major consequences in the real world.	„
	—WEAPONIZED AUTISM

	“	Valerie actually believes this shit...	„
	—It’s time to shut him down. The bad news is Twitter has ignored growing calls to enforce their own community standards and delete Trump's account. The good news is we can make that decision for them.

	“	SHUT IT DOWN! THE GOYIM KNOW!	„
	—{{{19}}}

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If, by any chance, you believe that she was just being sarcastic, you are wrong. She legitimately believed that she could gain control of Twitter with a measly billion dollars. It was only on August 24, 2017, that Valerie was finally informed that a mere billion dollars would not give her control of Twatter.

	“	Well, I think the best way of putting it is that Trump has weaponized Twitter.	„
	—Valerie discovers weaponized autism

	“	Yeah, well a billion dollars is really ambitious and I’ve just learned today that it’s only going to buy like an eighth of a controlling share of Twitter.	„
	—Valerie clearly did not think her brilliant plan through

	“	The point is I want to shine a spotlight on showing how dangerous Trump and his Twitter button can be.	„
	—Valerie, thinking that a "Twitter button" is a thing

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This man believed that Valerie was being sarcastic and symbolic. This man is an idiot.

On August 27, 2017, the old faggot who played Luke Skywalker in Star Trek decided to throw his support behind Valerie's GoFuckMe campaign. While he was intelligent enough to realize that the campaign was beyond absurd, he was not intelligent enough to realize that Valerie was not being sarcastic and was just legitimately retarded. He also wasn't intelligent enough to realize that Russia had nothing to do with the outcome of the 2016 Election and the Democrats were "hacked" by one of their own staffers.

	“	Let's #BuyTwitter and #BanTrump! With my #ArmageddonAnxiety growing daily- I donated gladly! #GoodLuckValerie	„
	—Mark Hamill, getting Jewed (archive)

	“	#BuyTwitter is symbolic & satirical (Raise $1B? LOL!) Plus-I WANT him to keep tweeting-it’s all admissible evidence for #TrumpRussia/Mueller	„
	—Mark Hamill doesn't understand that Valerie is just plain stupid (archive)

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You cannot stop the Tweetman!

	“	Trump just tweeted he'll "totally destroy" North Korea. If that doesn't break Twitter rules re: threats, what does?	„
	—Plame hates when America defends itself (archive)

	“	25 million people live in the country Trump just promised to eradicate. This isn't a game. He has total authority to carry out that threat.	„
	—Bitch, you will respect Trump's authoritah! (archive)

The Jews Are Responsible For All The Wars

Valerie Plame is spotted at the Battle of Charlottesville.

This looks shopped. I can tell because the tits aren't saggy enough. Sieg heil!

Oops, my bad!

On September 21, 2017, Valerie Plame finally decided to reveal to the world that she believes that the Jews are responsible for all the wars by retweeting an article from an alternative news site called The Unz Review – a site that has articles that support David Duke and express other problematic opinions that are based entirely on facts.

	“	America’s Jews Are Driving America’s Wars	„
	—Valerie Plame, pointing out what we already know (archive)

Despite the article being 100% true and accurate, Zionist Twitter didn't take kindly to it and the ADL goon squads were quickly dispatched by Grand Rabbi Shekelburg to begin the process of damage control and to ensure that the goyim remain ignorant to ZOG's diabolical schemes. Plame's Twitter notifications were soon overrun with angry liberals screaming about how anti-semitic she was being and Alt-Right Christfag Jew-huggers bitching about how she was defaming the chosen people of God's holy land of Israel.

Several more of Plame's old Tweets bashing die Juden were then uncovered, proving that her retweet wasn't merely a "mistake" and that she is truly enlightened to the many atrocities that have been committed by the kikes in the years since they won World War II and made up the "Holocaust" to smear the memory of Germany's noble soldiers.

	“	I never heard this story about 9/11: The Dancing Israelis	„
	—Valerie learns that Jews did WTC (archive)

	“	Other rich Jews?	„
	—Valerie realizes that Jews have all the money (archive)

	“	Well, they are both Jewish... Natalie Portman To Play Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg	„
	—Valerie can detect (((them))) (archive)

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	“	OK folks, look, I messed up. I skimmed this piece, zeroed in on the neocon criticism, and shared it without seeing and considering the rest.	„
	—Valerie, after the Jews started attacking her (archive)

But was it enough?

	“	ONE BILLION WAS NOT ENOUGH	„
	—Valerie Plame, after finding out Twitter's real value. Also Jews.

Quotes

	“	I think just last week John Oliver said who would imagine that when Twitter was invented that we’d be on the brink of armageddon, and everyone kinda laughs at that, but people who really follow this, and as you know, this is what I used to do in my old job at the CIA.	„
	—Valerie admits that the CIA are a bunch of dumb lazy fucks