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Angel
Angels are supernatural beings who manifest on the earthly plane as vampires, supermodel private investigators or divine messengers of teh Lord.
Holy Angels
God's angels dwell in the seventh level of eBay, and are likely to be found in the form of sacred collectible plates, t-shirts, gothic jewelery, and nightlights. Like demons, angels prefer artwork that presents them as scantily clad in an erotic pose. Even determined atheists are converted to a god-fearing life when an angel flashes her battle pasties of righteousness.
Angels are elusive but some information about them can be gleaned from recounts of contact that bloggers have posted on the internets:
- Angels are robots
- Vital Spark: "11:11 is a pre-encoded trigger placed within our cellular memory banks prior to our descent into matter which, when activated, signifies that our time of completion is near."
- Angels like to brag
- angels_incarnae Community Rules: "This community is for real Incarnated Angels. No egocentricity! So, maybe you used to be second only to God and were in charge of this and that, but you know what? Very few of us want to hear about how great you were."
- Angels are pushy
- rainbowwings444: "I didn't even want to post this, but some angels that I'm in contact with want me to, and I can't not listen to them."
- Angels are stupid
- tenshirei: "I go by Tenshi, as does the angel that I am in contact with who seems to be somehow bonded with me. We're not clear on much, especially her past..."
- Angels have to fill out paperwork
- dawnwillow: "Anyway, it's come to my attention I used to be a Gregorim, but now I work for a warrior angel in our city, and deal with the bureaucratic stuff so that he doesn't have to."
- Angels need Viagra
- rssefuirosu: "My wife has noted that if I move my wings, my body goes limp, and if I move anything on my body, my wings droop."
Vampiric Angel
One of Buffy's cross-eyed lovers on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She slew him good but, unfortunately, he was revived by drooling sixteen-year-old girls who still spend serious amounts of time discussing the curve of his ass on fan forums. He spends his free time nailing puppies to the wall and raping virgin nuns for the lulz. But he feels really bad about it. On the black person, he doesn't sparkle.
Supermodel Angels
More popular than either of the previous two classes of angels because they have great tits and are experts at kung fu. Supermodel angels can be lured to your home by placing an empty Wonderbra and a box of laxatives on your doorstep before you go to sleep.
On DeviantART
It is a regulation on DA that every single shit-for-brains cunt of a "poet" write about angels. This is the only sure way to get anyone to comment on your latest LJ runoff, as DeviantARTlet's brains are only programmed to recognize smiles using angels. After all, they're not really pathetic, self-absorbed little whores, they're totally angels trapped in this dark, cruel world!! and NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THEM!!!111 They're people like you.
On 4chan
Over 9000 times a day, Gaiafags invade /b/ in a feeble attempt to make the image to the right a forced meme.
See Also
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Vampires • Humanoids • Reptiles • The Rest • See Also Click topics to expand |
