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Fat
A word that describes about 95% of all LiveJournal; actually, about 95% of all on the internets. Also, one who cannot fit into MRIs. Fat people are abominations, the filthiest eye-sores known to mankind, they deserve to be slaughtered like the pigs they are and roasted on a spit to feed the starving people they stole life-saving food from the mouths of. A fatty is without exception angry, bitter, and cynical. They like to eat, talk trash with their fat friends, eat, act petty, eat in secret, cry about how this shallow and materialistic world is so unjust to their kind, and most importantly, eat while crying.
Fat Mentality
Fat people possess fat mentality, which subscribes to the following assumptions:
- It is not my fault I am fat. (yes it is)
- Because I am fat, I can be a bitch.
- If I'm a bitch and people don't like me, it's because I am fat (nobody likes a fatty - seriously, unless they put out and leave), and they are racists.
- Real women have curves. (curves =/= ballons of fat)
- Marilyn Monroe was a
size sixteen. (she was actually a size 8, 5'5", and weighed roughly 112 lbs-- putting her at a BMI of 21 [overweight being 25]. The size 16 myth was circulated by fatties, to feel better about their own lard asses. Weight notwithstanding, Marilyn Monroe was hot. You are ugly.) - Men who like thin women are secretly gay (like fashion designers).
- I am a victim. (no, you are a fat whore)
- You must change the airplane seats to fit my enormous fat ass. (stop eating so much)
- I deserve a free electric mobility cart because Twinkies aren't a choice. (you deserve a push down the stairs)
- I have had sex with over 100 men from bars, I must be
hota whore. - Baby Got Back was about fat women. (No, women with great asses.)
- More cushion for the pushing. (I do not want to wonder if I am fucking your pussy or your sweaty folds)
- It's better than being uncomfortably overweight. (same thing whore face)
- If you find me unattractive, you're fat-phobic. (I find you disgustingly repulsive)
- If you don't like my "womanly" body, you're a pedophile. (you are no woman, you are a punching bag that talks back)
Some say that the fat mentality is the main reason fat people are unattractive. This is a lie. Fat people are unattractive because they are a bloated mockery of the human form.
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Obesity and Oral Sex
It should be noted that fat chicks give great head. Fat girls give the best head because they're always hungry, but caution must be taken. In cases of too much enthusiasm, a fat woman may take ejaculation as the time to bite and swallow anything in her mouth. This is also because they are accustomed to putting large amounts of food in their mouths at all times, and crave hot meaty sticks shoved down their gullets. Furthermoar, due to natural selection, fat chicks often lack a gag reflex, enabling them to easily unhinge their gaping jaws and swallow objects many times the size of their own, already enormous heads. It should be obvious that any fat chick with a working gag reflex has a built-in solution to her problem of being fat! Fat chicks who do not give great head are probably fat dykes. Research is inconclusive regarding fat men and cunnilingus. For information on fat men and fellatio, please see gay.
How Fat People Should be Treated
Written at least 100 years ago by Thomas Jefferson, the Declaration of Independence states that all people are created equal. However, fatties are not people, and besides, who cares what a slave fucker like Thomas Jefferson says, amirite? Therefore, mass extermination of fatties is recommended and even encouraged by God himself as laid forth in the Bible in that part about flamethrowers.
Do it for great justice, and for the lulz.
What Happens When Fatties Are Enraged
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As you can clearly see, when enraged fat people are known to refrain from physical action because, well, it's action; and action is exercise which is against fat people's morals. Instead they make really loud unnecessary noises and threats they know they are too lazy to carry out as well as an array of feral, guttural noises even more savage sounding than Helen Keller before Anne Sullivan taught her to sign. Approach with caution and earplugs are mandatory when approaching these not so gentle giants.
Weight Loss Advice for Fatties
- Stop eating.
- Throw up.
- Eat less.
- Cut off both of your legs.
- Stop participating in the Olive Garden tradition.
- Stop eating.
- Quit IRL.
- Stop eating.
- Do a fucking pushup.
- Stop eating.
- Post noodz on BBWChan.
- Go on Dr. Phil.
- Get rejected by pro-ana/pro-mia LiveJournal groups.
- Stop eating.
- Sue McDonald's.
- Eat less.
- Take a lot of diet pills.
- Don't put lardy shit like jam on everything, a whole chicken is enough as it is.
- When going to a buffet, the term "all you can eat" IS NOT A CHALLENGE.
- Stop eating.
- Get liposuction.
- Try drinking water instead of deep fried milkshake, just because its banana it doesn't mean its healthy
- Have celery instead of a sheet cake when you want a snack.
- You may find this enjoyable. Let's face it, you're never gonna get laid anyway.
- Srsly: Stop eating.
- STOP BEING FAT.
- Did we mention stop eating?
- Eat less.
It worked in Changi, it worked for Ghandi.
Euphemisms
Fat women will never refer to themselves as "fat". They will use other, gentler words to describe their disgusting obesity. If you see a fatty use any of the following words to describe his or herself, please correct them:
Heavy
Fat girls will often describe other fat girls as heavy (or heavyset). Example:
- Normal person: "Hey, I'm looking for this stupid fat bitch, was she here?"
- Fatty: "Excuse me, but did you see a heavy woman here?"
Note: Do not confuse with "top heavy", which means huge boobs. (See Scarlet.)
Chubby
A chubby is a fat girl who thinks she is proportionate. In reality, a chubby girl is not proportionate. The problem with the adjective "chubby" that sets it apart from the other euphemisms is that fat girls who describe themselves as "chubby" are in total denial of their fatness. The following exchange is not uncommon with a fat girl:
- Normal person: "Wow, you're fat."
- Fatty: "No I'm not, I'm chubby."
Note: Truly proportionate girls are top heavy (see above) and callipygous.
Curvy
Fat women like to justify their lard filled asses by saying that they are curvy or voluptuous as opposed to fat. This is a brazen fucking lie. Fat feminazi whores believe that they are equal in hawtness to Bettie Page or Sophia Loren, because of their tit sizes. This is not true, as curvy women are actually attractive. Any fatass who does this is only lying to herself and deserves to burn in a fire. It just confuses people to the point where women are offended by men who call them "curvy" because of the fat fucks using the term to describe themselves, when men are actually giving them a compliment.
A similar incident happened on the hit TV show I Love New York, but no one really gave a shit, because she is an ugly Negress who looks like a goddamn plastic muppet. The results of said offensive comment were somewhat lulzy.
Healthy
A word that is being ruined by fat woman much as "curvy" was. Something so obvious shouldn't have to be spelled out, but here goes: a five foot tall woman who weighs 100 pounds is "healthy". A five foot tall woman who weighs 200 pounds is a beluga.
BBW
BBW stands for "Big Beautiful Woman",other more appropriate translations for this acronym are "Bulbous Beastly Whore", "Bloated Beached Whale", or "Big Bulging Waistline". Fat women think they can get away with calling themselves "beautiful" if they qualify it with "big". This is not true. BBWs are also eatbeasts, who happen to have seven chins coated in pickle juice. BBW is also the term preferred by so-called FAs, or fat admirers. The act of trying to locate these Moby Dick's is known as Hoggin. Extremely fat women (like "Stuck-in-the-bathtub" fat)call themselves "Super Sized Big Beautiful Women".
Rubenesque
Often found in personal ads or used by fatties attempting to "take pride" in their fatness. Peter Paul Rubens was a 16/17th century painter. Many of his paintings show women with fat rolls, exaggerated ass cleavage and cellulite ripples.
Bear
This is what fat hairy men like to be called, if they are gay and most likely closet fur-fags. The whole Bear scene reeks of rotten ass. While at one point hailed as an alternative to gay body fascism, it's now just another money-making label for homo. Being fat doesn't give immunity to AIDS, but it does ward off non-BBW's. Hence, gay.
Big-Boned
This euphemism is used by both sexes to make the fact that they are such colossal lardasses seem like a natural phenomenon, and completely beyond their control, by insinuating that they have very large bones. It is most often used in defense of ones monolithic proportions, but unfortunately for those that use this euphemism nobody buys this bullshit. (PROTIP: Offer to pay for an all you can eat buffet for them if they can prove they are big-boned by going to a doctor for an X-ray.)
Whale
A Whale is a derogatory term for a fat girl or woman. See also Fat whore. Whales are generally considered good at giving blowjobs. They have to, or else they would never get any cock. They also swallow since they are always hungry. Sex with whales is usually known as whale hunting. A common sub-variety of whale is the Welfare whale.
Real Beauty
A self contradictory euphemism that in theory can be used by any ugly but entitled-feeling woman to describe herself. It is mainly used, however, by overweight women who have convinced themselves that the media is to blame for other people's disgust with their rippling blubber. Such women will often evoke the squat and chimplike America Ferrera as a typical real beauty.
Other
- Eggplant-shaped
- Full-figured
- Thick
- Mammoth
Appropriate Names for the Fat
These names are totally appropriate and are considered the correct way to address persons in the fat community. These should constantly be used in conversations with these people.
These include, but arent limited to:
- Lard Ass
- Tuba Luba
- Aisle Blocker
- Hawg
- Crisco Kid
- House Cow
And the greatest complimentary title in the fat world:
- Pork Beast
Chubby Chaser
A chubby chaser is someone who loves "chubby" girls only. Many Chubby Chasers choose to live in blissful denial that there is anything '"perverse" or indeed "unnatural" about the desire to copulate with giant wobbling grease-coated fatsacks. In fact, some have even been known to be seen in public with their hyperfleshed darlings. However, in 2004, sexpert Yosuf Sindinchilchrun of the University of Newcastle UK carried out extensive studies and identified Chubby Chasing as "worse than being ghey, since even gheys don't feel the need to bring fat people home to meet their suicidally ashamed parents."
Chubby Chaser's Theme Song
Health Problems Associated with Obesity
Obesity is a huge health hazard. Out of all the obesity-related diseases, the top one is Eyeburn, which comes from looking at fat people naked. Since people can't control their weight (thanks to jobs that make them sit down all day), obese people must shut their eyes real tight when they are naked and near a mirror or they will become ill.
Occasionally, being fat can cause mental health problems, such as insanity (see Shay). This is the only possible explanation for why this video even exists. It can also present other brain-related problems, such as loss of coordination, as in the tragic case of the Grape Lady.
The final disease suffered by fatties is the dreaded Diabeetus, which prevents them from eating the sugary junkfood for which they live.
Secret Fatty
Sometimes abbreviated as "SIF" for "Secret Internet Fatty." A secret fatty is a person who takes photos with the camera angled from above to hide their girth from the camera. Secret fatties are heavily afflicted by the internet disease. For more information on techniques used by secret fatties, see article on fat girl angle shot. to view an example, look at missalyssum
Fat Sports
There have been many fat sports but only a few of them are amusing.
1. COMPETITIVE EATING
2. EATING BABIES.
3. EATING Dissected-chan
4. MOAR DOUBLE-CHIN CONTEST: for the benefit of Chin-chan
5. FUGLIEST FAT-ANGLE SHOT COMPETITION
6. DEEPEST FAT VAGOO CONTEST
7. LONGEST STRETCH MARKS LEAGUE
8. THE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE!!!
Reactions to this article
As with most of the content on Encyclopædia Dramatica, this page has caused quite a few angry reactions and lulzy rants from butthurt readers. And since the offended party in this case is comprised of fatasses, it makes everything just a little bit lulzier. For examples of the aforementioned whining, see this article's talk page.
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How chubby-chasers practice -
You know you like it. -
FAT ADMIN! -
Because fatties cannot reach their private areas, they must resort to alternative methods of masturbation.
-
When fat people react to physics. -
The pole is rated for 400 lbs. maximum weight limit...which isn't enough for this. -
BBW: only one of the adjectives fits. -
Not a goddess, quite the fatty. -
More to love, more to hate - an example of blindness-inducing image, featuring areems. -
Actual quote from the LiveJournal of AlanaJonze: "flu + bleeding + chemo = unhappy pirate syndrome for which i am the postergirl." -
When their gravitational pull attracts them, it's impossible to get them apart. -
Being obese has its advantages. -
Fatties often mistake sex for food. -
Or try to mix sex and food. -
Fat blocks sex gland receptors. -
The only type of person fat people seem to hook up with. -
Fatty with moose knuckle. -
"I'm melllttiiiing... I'm meeelllttiiiing..." -
Luke Skywalker's mother? -
Sexy time for the "big-boned." -
If you're quiet, you can hear it singing. -
Pwned -
Letting it all hang out. -
Fat in all the right places. -
This zombie is fat. -
Fat people plz step away from the camera. -
John Travolta is also fat. -
Fucking fatties in #ed. -
Typical fatty. -
GOOD LORD O MIGHTY! -
Fat bitch is fat. -
Even fat people do cosplay. Dear god. -
The only thing fat girls are good for.... -
At 530 pounds, thesugarmonster drinks out of a menstrual cup. -
MAN THE HARPOONS -
thx 4 teh add!!! -
Proper treatment of those who choose to offend visually. -
OMG another fat Asian baby! -
No, you may not eat flowers..fatass... -
HOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT! -
Look mom, I'm in a rock band! -
Don't laugh at this man. He might pour antifreeze in your drink lolol. -
-
Corsets do not work, fatty! -
-
cheese?!?! -
A secret fatty would never take a picture like this. -
Fat fuck getting what he deserves. -
Furfags invade every conceivable thing imaginable. -
It's a little known fact that Kate Moss is actually pretty fat. -
If you own one of these, you are probably fat and a really good chance you will be dying alone. -
All fatties worship Mayor McCheese -
A fatty in natural habitat -
Fat bitches -
First KFC opening ever. ACHTUNG: it makes you fat, niggas. -
-
Fatty tries to eat her own foot. -
Beware of whale. -
You couldn't find a ham that big even at Costco. -
John Cleese assesses a wild fupa (fucked up pussy area). -
Fat women give head because they're hungry. -
7th level of attention whoredom. -
That dildo must be having a blast. -
TNH. -
If you look closely they say a chair will appear. -
-
-
Typical Asian parenting. -
Now we know what they mean...
Final Thoughts
—The Truth | ||
Fat Related Articles
- Man The Harpoons
- FA/FFA
- Fat Acceptance Movement
- Pro-Ana
- American
- BBWchan
- BBW Porn Sites
- Fat Chicks in Party Hats
- Food pyramid
- Pregnophile
- Krispy Kreme
- Hogging
- WisCon
- For a more complete list of fat people, please see appropriate section in MRI
- Epic fat guy
- Oprah Winfrey
- Tim Russert
- Paula Deen
- Tori Sue Heck
- Tubcat
- Fat Princess - God dammit, Sony.
- Mario
- Wario
- Shay - Warning: do not read while eating
- Anyone whose page is tagged with {{fat}}
Fat External Links
- Fat porn (at 7898chan) is only a click away [1]
- It figures--Leonard Nimroy is a chubby chaser!
- Fat loss for idiots
- Fat woman bites off boyfriend's tongue during a kiss
- Fat gives you cancer
- Non-fat turncoat bitches trying to make fat people out to be something other than subhuman. In England, they are known as The Cancer That's Killing Society.
- A place where hambeasts intentionally become even more fat and show themselves off
 Fat is part of a series on articles which are the subject of retarded edit wars |
Beware all ye who tread here Atheist • Ape • AQ Worlds • Black Jesus • Christian • Chimp • |
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