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Auchimura

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Auchimura is the "Lonely Blue Crocodilian" who lives in Coaldale, Alberta. He's not a real crocodile, of course; it's just his fursona, a-tee-hee. He is 24 years old, and is within the top 10% of artists on DeviantART. He also has the lingual and social capacities of an unspayed dog on anabolic steroids, with a gangrenous eye and severe brain damage.

Warning!
Auchimura is the fat crocodilian right now for sure.
Here Kex Andy.
Here is Auchimura for sure. The image is distorted due to the immense gravitational pull being generated by his head.

He has an inflation/ fattening/ sumo fetish, which culminates into many bizarre MS Paint drawings of Vector the Crocodile and Kex Andy (his own crocodile character and alternative persona). This would be all well and good, if they did not all look practically identical. In a nutshell, his entire gallery consists of three pictures, drawn with slightly differing portliness. These are replicated with different colors, at different MS Paint-restricted angles, with or without Vector style clothing, with or without feeding tubes and half-assed backgrounds. How long before all the possibilities are exhausted is anybody's guess, especially after submitting over 200 of them. Don't bet on seeing any Rule 34, though. Someone once said that he is the best artist ever (SAUCE PLZ). If this were true, then we all might as well become an heroes.

If you desperately want to like Auchimura, though, do not be turned off by his artwork. He has written a fanfic about his favorite Sonic character being inflated. Try your best to read it without getting the urge to give yourself a DIY hysterectomy with a poker iron here HAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS, it was baleeted. Yes, English is his first language. He's also 24 years old.

Psyche

 
He don't interest about pickles, y'know!

Auchimura has an unnerving desire to overstate how lonely he is and threaten suicide (see screencap to the right if the comment becomes hidden) should he face the smallest hurdle in his OL life. He has created a suicide picture and two pictures which showcase his self-defeating and e-tantrumish nature. (Unfortunately, they're now gone.) It could be suggested that he entered the world of the Internet to ease said loneliness, but consequentially distances himself from potential friends by submitting said dramatic pictures and, of course, being a furry inflation faggot. There's even another suicide picture, and another "Sad" one which should have been titled "Kex Andy is Upset that he is Called Kex Andy". Have no fear about the suicide pictures, however: he can bring Kex Andy back to life at any point if any of the following conditions are met:

Account Hijack

 
The aftermath of the account hijack

/i/ discovered his DeviantART account information on 7/24. His password was changed and at present, shock images including the pain series are being uploaded.

He is guaranteed to make another suicide/ "Mad Upset"/ or "Lonely" picture after he sees, or one of his friends shows him, this article. He may even suicide IRL; or pretend to, and come back with a different account three or four days later. Either way, keep an eye on his page.

EDIT: Auchimura's account has been B&. However, there is a possibility that he will be back.

DOUBLE EDIT: On 7/25, Auchimura's ban was lifted. Fuck.

TRIPLE EDIT: Gore and dead babies remain, along with more lulzy images guaranteed to give any TARTlet an aneurysm. The account is still active with more lulz appearing every second.

QUADRUPLE EDIT: Account b& again. Gore is gone, but lulzy comments remain all over deviantArt.

Memorable Quotes

  • "If Vector drink lots of cokes, how much weight to become a fat crocodile" - From one of his Writing.com polls. (yea, the sentence sounds fucked up, we know)
  • "Feel the smooth, feel the groove, it all I need" - His quote at deviantArt. There is a 2-5% chance he actually knows what it means.
  • "What are saying" - A very common phrase, not surprisingly. Also look out for "What you means" (this response can be especially elicited when hurling random Simply Red lyrics at him).
  • "I know (name)" - Same as above, and replace (name) with the recipient of the comment.
  • "That was marvelous (name) & I like it" - Auchi's form response for all giftart and trades.
  • "Okay, you know what, you are crazy right now" - Auchi has no idea WTF you're talking about, thus decides you're crazy. Right now for sure.
  • "All right I'm become the big huge fattening crocodile for sure" - Grammar is dead, long live grammar.
  • "auchimura think that thecaptain fox is the homosexual fox right now for sure and then auchimura takes a sword and kills the captainfox and you say goodbye yourself" - Spamming the comments of someone who wouldn't give in to his begging.
  • This is not a quote as such, but all of his RP style comments here (BALEETED) are worthy of several awards for best Comedy Drama.
   
“ 		 
Don't ever do again, If you do again I will use suicide picture for sure.
  		„
  		 

—Auchimura, on being a melodramatic lolcow

If you want to relive all your favorite Auchimura moments from the comfort of your own home, follow these simple steps:

  1. Type a sentence.
  2. Delete one or two randomly selected words, preferably pronouns, conjunctions or verbs.
  3. Add the phrases "for sure" or "right now" ad nauseum.
  4. Occasionally start sentences with "Here" if it includes someone's name.
  5. Confuse many/much and plural usage regularly.
  6. ????
  7. Become outcast from your family and sent to live in Coaldale, Alberta. PROFIT afterward, maybe.

If you still feel uncertain, here are some lovely examples.

  • "Polly put the kettle right now for sure."
  • "Here Rupert Murdoch."
  • "How much foods will Kex Andy eat to become the cardiac arrest crocodilian? 100, 200, 500, 1000, 2000, or Forever Fattening?"
  • "What are poking anus with right now."
  • "All right I'm become the Governor of South Dakota for sure."

Auchimura is 2426 YEARS OLD.

Auchimura's Greatest Hits

Here's a little more insight into the hilariously inept emophant that is Auchimura.

 
Sober up, Auchi.

"

 
How to win friends and influence people: Vol. 1
 
CRAWLING IN MY SCALES
 
No comment needed.
 
Strange how the only compliment he can think of is "marvellous".
 
Did you know that Auchimrua likes to stick things up his ass?

Auchimura's Gallery

Being a 24 year old, Auchimura would have many years of drawing experience, or at least understanding of what things look like, and how to translate that to paper or a computer screen with aesthetically pleasing results. Let's delve into his glorious works of art.

  •  
    I feel heart attack.
  •  
    Hey, look, a mirror.
  •  
    Another mirror.
  •  
    Jeez, another mirror?
  •  
    Auchimura sure does love mirrors.
  •  
    No shit?
  •  
    Inflation: it's a lifestyle!
  •  
    Before I opened the thumbnail, I honestly thought this was a lake.
  •  
  •  
    Watch out it shitty recolor.
  •  
    WARP FILTER, BITCH
  •  
    He's also a writer!

Oh... well, at least he knows what pie-charts look like, right?

Tribute Gallery

It can't be said that auchimura's work hasn't touched the hearts and sparked the inspiration of many people. Here are some tribute pictures from various sources.

  •  
    Oh yea, hovering in the air on your side is RELLY relaxing.
  •  
    Yiffy!
  •  
    HOLY LOL!!!
  •  
    This image proves that Don Vito is Canadian.
  •  
    The pic that got me banned from his page.
  •  
    A gift pic I made for Auchimura. As you can see, the fat crocodillian loves eatin poo!

See Also

External Links

 

Auchimura is part of a series on

DeviantART

Visit the DeviantART Portal for complete coverage.

 

Auchimura is part of a series on

Furfaggotry

Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.

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