- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Greenwood Park Mall shooting
|
STEP THE FUCK OFF! Greenwood Park Mall shooting looks like shit but it is NOT a {{crapstub}}. It is a work in progress! If you require assistance beefing up this article, then hit up the experts on our IRC.
|
| |
|---|---|
| Jonathan Douglas Sapirman | |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
|
| Highscore | Killed 3, injured 2 |
| Top 50? | Hell no |
| Style | Single player |
| An Hero? | PWned by NPC |
Fucking Robert Crimo... Payton Gendron... When will these fucking shooters stop? We'll never know! But oh well, it does rack in traffic to our site so that's good :). On July 17, 2022, in de_greenwood, a low-score, generic mass shooting by a generic lowlife 56% took place. Like the Couch Cuck, he started SHOOTING FUCKING EVERYTHING until his rampage quickly ended with a twist. He got PWNED, not by himself, not by police, but by an ARMED CIVILIAN!
The awakening
As this case is fairly recent, for now, this could be updated in the futurah. Here's what we got. The skinny ass twink behind this poorly acted attack is said to be 20 year old Jonathan Douglas Sapirman. He was a 4channer, probably a right wing extremist, and he did not want to leave his PC behind for the feds, so he threw it in the oven with a bottle of butane. Doesn't that seem FAMILIAR?. From this we don't know much yet sadly. At young age, Johnny boy was left behind with Mama cuz father went to get da milk. I'm pretty sure this guy is another Adam Lanza copycat (2 in a month lol), as we can see on their imgur posts POSTED ON 4CHAN that he tries to do that same stupid Lanza shit. We don't know any of his socials yet, so stay calm edgy YouTube content creators, you're safe for a while ;). Notice how all these recent mall shooters can only get 3 PWns and after that they stop? Well that's stupid. Anyways after that we don't know anything. Here's the link to the 4chan post.
Loadout
| Class Setup | |
|---|---|
| Item | Accessories/Bonus |
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
Another mall shooting
An hour prior to the minor lulzfest, Johnny boy went in the mall and sat there in its restrooms, probably shitting his life out before becoming a badazz. After 1 hour and 2 minutes, he came out the shit-infested unclean food court bathroom and went in to do something good for society. He fired 24 rounds of ammunition from his Sig Sauer rifle, killing 3 people and injuring 2 in a matter of seconds. Sadly, this bright start would come to a quick end when some armed dude called Elisjsha Dicken who did a 360 no scope on Jonathan and ended it all in 2 seconds of bullet travel and brain death. She called the cops and told them what happened. The Johnson County Coroner has identified the deceased victims as 56-year-old Pedro Pineda, 37-year-old Rivera de Pineda, and 30-year-old Victor Gomez, all from Indianapolis.
Graded Score
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kill count: | 3/20 Meh |
| Accuracy: | 14/20 Took everyone but 2 |
| Style: | 5/20 FUCKING GENERIC |
| Butthurt: | 2/20 No one cares it's kinda common nowadays |
| Bonus: | 10/20 Republicoon joy! |
| Total score: 34/100 (E+) | |
Police action
Wanted Level:
S.W.A.T. Team
See Also
- Patrick Crusius - Fellow spic exterminator.
- Noah Esbensen - Fellow 2022 mall shooter.
