Jedi Church

The Jedi Church was started last Thursday by a sheep-fucker who was sick of being forced to enter a religion on his census form and, rather than starting a whiney protest blog about it, decided to make lulz of the situation instead. He demanded of his government that Jedi be recognised as a faith, as everyone has the right to their own beliefs. According to legend, an email was sent back to him stating that if 8000 people would call themselves disciples of the Jedi, it would be recognized.

As with Scientology, the lulz backfired. Within a week 53715 fat geeks who go to Star Wars conventions to argue with Liam Neeson about how Lightsabers work had crawled out of the woodwork. (Note: not a hypothetical anecdote. Neeson himself has complained in interviews that this actually fucking happens.)

Of course, the whole thing fell flat on it's fucking face. Too late, the younglings found out that being "Recognized" does not actually mean anything on paper and that they will be "Recognized but not counted" by the man. Nonetheless they continue to fight for Jedi rights to this day... and the lulz are strong with these ones.

Jedi Doctrine

Member.

Member.

OFFICIAL member.

Member.

Child of Member

Member.

Member and Official Mascot.

Raper of dreams.

	“	The Jedi Church has no official doctrine.	„
	—LOL, WUT?

	“	Is the Jedi religion fiction?	„
	—LOL, yes.

	“	Several other religions openly admit that their text is not the word of God, and that it is only a prescribed behavior or a philosophy of life (e.g. Buddhism, Scientology).	„
	—Uh-oh.

	“	The Jedi religion is just like the Sun, it existed before a popular movie gave it a name, and now that it has a name, people all over the world can share their experiences of the Jedi religion, here in the Jedi Church.	„
	—We have just lost cabin pressure.

So, Who Are These Jedi?

• 
  Quelle suprise!
• 
  MON DIEU!
• 
  SAPRISTI!!!1

People who are Jedi

1. Barack Obama
2. Jesus Christ
3. Satan
4. You
5. Nintendo
6. Your mom
7. America
8. Islam
9. The Goddamn Batman
10. Insane Clown Posse

Jedis in action

In May 2008, the BBC reported that the founders of the church were attacked by Darth Vader. The battle was fierce, could good triumph over evil?

	“	Darf vader, innit?	„
	—Darf Vader, kicking ass

	“	Ouch that kind of hurt. Its really quite painful	„
	—Founder of The Jedi Church, shitting himself

Having had their asses handed to them in by a chav with a crutch in a black trash bag and reduced to whimpering basement dwellers once more, the Dark Side of the force prevailed.

Can I Get Married If I'm A Jedi?

NO! NO YOU FUCKING CAN'T! THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE STORY!

Oh, wai-

	“	In New Zealand, i have been informed that there is no obstruction (nor fee) for an ordained Minister of our Church, or in fact anyone, to obtain a marriage license from the Internal Affairs Department, refer Births, Deaths and Marriages. You should list on your application that you are a Minister of the Jedi Church, and then you will be published in the NZ Gazette along with a list of your affiliated organizations.	„
	—jedichurch.com

	“	A Jedi shall not know anger. Nor hatred. Nor love. Except in participating states and territories.	„
	—The Jedi Code, Revised Edition

If someone had told Anakin and Paddleme about this, the universe could have been saved a lot of trouble.

What Urgent Business Is The Jedi Council (Anonymously) Debating?

Should Jedi Have The Right To Bear Arms?

	“	Course We Should I Totaly Agree How Are We Goin To Take Down The Sith If All We Have Are Our Hands. Do U Think There Goin To Care About The Law Of The Land And Not Carry There Wepons	„

	“	All Jedi should bear arms most packies carry huge knifes around with them	„

Is America Moving To The Dark Side?

	“	america is causing war for money they are self centered and evil and use the UK as a shield and they always have, as jedis it is our duty to put a stop to evil and keep the balance of the force steady	„

	“	Bush is a Sith	„

The above quote may be true, the Jedi council are looking into it.

Should The Jedi Gain UN Approval Before Invading A Nation State?

	“	The UN is a sad joke. Look at what happened to the Old Republic!	„

	“	Wouldn't it be great if one day there was a Jedi representitive in the UN.	„

Should Jedi Be Allowed To Use Their Mind Powers To Gain Sexual Pleasure?

	“	Why the fuck not???	„

They Got One Thing Right

	“	If you would like to have your own page on our Jedi Church website, then please get certified now.	„
	—jedichurch.com

External Link

• Official website
• BBC News report on them getting their asses handed to them by darf vader, innit.

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