The ED Civil War

This article is crap. You can help by completely re-writing it.

Excuse me The ED Civil War,

I saw what you did there and just wanted to say:
"Do you mind? We have standards here."

	“	Welcome to the glass parking lot. This is all that's left, a testament to the west's dependency on lulz and the lengths they'll go to to have them.	„
	—Killhamster

It is the fate of every popular website on the planet to become the grounds for a squabble so huge that it divides the majority of its users. Some users side with the original site and its administrators and some attempt to found rival websites. It usually happens after the original site has been around for a while. Encyclopedia Dramatica was born in 2004 - and since about the age of 4 began to feel the first effects of being fucked from the inside, kind of like Madeleine McCann.

War? What War?

Some argue there is no 'civil war' - just a bunch of butthurt users clawing and screaming at one another as all good trolls do.

This is not a War...

Encyclopedia Dramatica is not homophobic, sexist or racist because there is a page for literally everyone on ED. You only have to look at the Loli page to realize nothing whatsoever is sacred.

Cliques (including, but not limited to) Niggers, Furries, Kikes, Muslims, Fundies, Faggots, Armos and moot are all very easy to make fun of because of the evolutionary flaws which drag them to the bottom of society - not unlike pandas.

Other groups - men, white people, heterosexuals etc. are more difficult to make fun of, since they are considered the norm. Their pages are written like somebody read one of the pages about themselves and decided to even the score. The pages should instead read as inherently lulzy, and point out the pathetic flaws of said topic with constant referrals to the ED:Style Guide. However retards will often make edits to pages such as these by simply replace the word "nigger" with "cracker" and thinking they have a page on white people.

Such edits usually cause arguments like these:

This page is unfunny. A butthurt reader saw a better page and tried to get their own back. --Lulzlover
- Lolwut this article is racist/sexist/prejudice for the lulz! You motherfuckers can't handle being told what goddamn fucking disgraces you are! Don't forget the suicide note on MySpace before you go! LULZ --Drizzlingcumbucket
  - Your edits are a load of bullshit - you're just some newfag who thinks he's got anonymous on his side! --FuckingMudkipsYEAH
    - You have NO IDEA what satire is do you? --Monkeyspunk
      - Stop BAAAAAWWWWWW-ing about the fucking page and rewrite it yourself you fucking crybaby! --Buttonhole
        LOL the talk page is even funnier than the article --Heyguiselol
        NIGGERS COCKS JEWS FAGGOTS LULZ AM I RITE --Anon789
        Y'all niggas are posting in a troll thread --Al Sharpton
        FUCK YOUR SHARPTON -- Vanessa Hudgens
        I can't believe I created this page. Seriously, what was I thinking? *facepalm* -- MudkipsPlz

Some wars are more frightening than others.

Many pages on ED have editing wars which involve users cutting, vandalizing and insulting one another on the talk page. Eventually some of the users will be named and shamed for being hypocrites who like to dish out the shit but can't take it themselves if they're lucky, but are usually B& for their faggotry. They are the lifeblood of ED. This is not the so-called "Civil War". Such sacrificial lambs are what keeps ED going.

Examples from the talk pages:

THIS is a War

Noone has firmly established the exact start of the war. Most likely, it was shortly after anonymous declared jihad on Tom Cruise and Scientology.

Most of the bullshit that anonymous gets up to is confined to the internet. Seeing an opportunity to cause some IRL damage, members went and protested against this false religion, and this is where the trouble started: Anonymous - which attacked those who took the internet too seriously - were starting to take themselves too seriously; and became what they hated most.

The Players

The battle is not only between moralfags and hatefags - it's also between newfags and oldfags. Even the internet is not safe from drama.

Originally the newfags and moralfags were attacked for ruining Encyclopedia Dramatica's good name. It was turning the sacred internet hate machine into a cyber vigilante patrol - destroying the very purpose of ED. Sadly the mods and admins either couldn't ban someone for being unfunny or were too damn lazy to spam their userpages.

The newfags and moralfags re-grouped and started freely attacking users who had pointed out their faggotry by saying the oldfags weren't funny anymore and that hatefags were too dumb to realize that the best way to really hurt someone was to pretend to be their friend.

Just like liberals vs. conservatives the newfags and moralfags want to see a change in ED saying it has become stale and non-threatening whilst the hatefags and oldfags want to see it stay the same before it's flooded with users who like anime and anthro art too much.

The admins and mods sat back and laughed whilst scratching their balls.

The Outcome

The "war" is still in progress. Some have fallen and gone back to ranting about how fucking awful ED is in their LiveJournals. Some continued their aimless assaults, utilizing an endless stream of proxies to register new accounts only to be hammered yet again. A scant few realized that they were acting like retards and quit, watching from the sidelines, laughing quietly to themselves.

In the future, the remaining members may look back on this and either lol or try to forget the whole fucking thing. Some users will turn it into the new Godwin's law. Others will claim that this is proof you can in fact troll a troll, but this is an attempt to hide their unholy blasphemies by saying, "LOLs I wuz only joking guise and joo fell 4 itt!" or as they say on Usenet, "Jus trollin guv, honest I was!" "Trolling" people into fucking you up the ass with your own idiocy is not and never will be a form of trolling. It's just getting fucked up the ass, and at best because you *WANTED* to get fucked up the ass, nothing more than that.

Whether you think this is serious business or not shows what side of this shit-flinging contest you've chosen.

A Note to All ED Haters

Is this the end of Encyclopedia Dramatica? Not fucking likely.

There are tens of thousands of users at ED. No matter how many are busy fighting each other there will be ten times more hunting for lolcows and drama llamas to feed their hunger. The 16 year old tartlets, the semen-stained furfags and money-grubbing Scientologists will not cheer and cry "We've won!" There are plenty of users waiting for them to drop their guard, and drop their guard they will.

CLICHÉ ANONYMOUS BULLSHIT PROPAGANDA GOES HERE

Bunker's Law

A satirist's popularity is inversely proportional to the percentage of people that understand him.

This is based on the observations of Carroll O'Connor, known as famed bigot Archie Bunker on All In The Family. Towards the final days of playing his Archie character, racists and homophobes would walk up to him on the street and thank him for standing up for what they believe in.

This law may be at the root of the cancer that is killing ED.

External Links

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Featured article October 9, 2008
Preceded by Dadagiri	The ED Civil War	Succeeded by South Park

The ED Civil War

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