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One Piece
THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF JAPAN!!$$
One Piece is a series about pirates created by Oda, who came up with the idea after reading his favorite Dragonball hentai doujins. Despite this, there is a significant lack of theft, pillaging, rape, wooden limbs, pirates, sodomy or mass executions, which automatically makes it shit. Instead, a roaming crew of do-gooder clichés travel the high seas whilst performing every power-up short of a Super Saiyan or actually crapping themselves in the attempt.
Predictably, each crewmate has a dream (alongside a TRAJIC PAST) which they feel they need to achieve but won't, as Oda knows a cash cow when he sees one and will stretch out the series until he dies of heart failure or is knife-raped in the butt by a pissed fanboy. As a result of this, One Piece could be perceived as a comment on the pseudo-limbo we find ourselves residing in: always wanting something just out of reach and living lives blighted with disappointment. Alternatively, it could be perceived as a money-making behemoth and easy TV which teeters on the verge of being universally slated as bullshit by having a relatively badass moment every 70 episodes or so.
One Piece is immensely popular despite having the worst character designs in history, features countless scenes of characters sobbing like bitches, and will be 1/16th away from completion upon its 40,036th episode, to the point hopefully no one will care, since Eiichiro Oda, who unlike Masashi Kishimoto has no idea when to end his shitty series. It should be noted that his show's content is not appropriate for anyone above the age of 10.
The Plot
Because it would take fucking forever to go into detail on the entire plot so far, we' instead providing you a handy fill-in-the-blank "Story Arc" form:
While out sailing, the Straw Hat crew arrives at [insert name of island here]. They are greeted warmly at first, but the Straw Hats soon begin to notice that something is wrong. The scene then cuts to [insert name of main villain here], who is going about his business doing stereotypical evil things. Luffy is pissed off when he hears about this from [insert name of random crying victim here], so he proceeds to challenge [villain] to a fight, but only after at least three episodes are spent with a flashback of the past featuring even more crying. The villain then sics his/her henchmen on the remaining Straw Hats, and the battle for [island] begins.
All of the Straw Hats are pretty evenly matched with their foes, but Luffy finds that [villain] is much stronger than he expected. Just when it seems that all hope is lost, he receives words of encouragement from [insert name(s) of victims here] and his crew, and he is able to pull through and defeat [villain] by using a new attack that he has recently developed. With [villain] defeated, the citizens and the Straw Hats all have a big celebration in which they all get drunk and have a massive orgy.
The crew then sets sail for the next island, while the citizens of [island] cheer them on, telling them how they'll never forget what the Straw Hats did for them. [Repeat until dead.]
The Characters
| The Crew | |
|---|---|
| Monkey D. Luffy | Think Mr. Fantastic from the Fantastic Four being stuck through a blender with a 13 year old boy. Luffy was born and raised in Pallet Town. It was here he met Shanks who would pass the time trolling him while he was looking for some booty around the town. He is the captain of the Straw Hat Pirates and can't STFU about becoming the Hokage- I mean, the King of the Pirates. He choked down some fruit which made his whole body goatse) His middle name is just "D" which according to God has some sort of deeper meaning behind it, but the joke's on you when Oda reveals it to be short for dongs. |
| Zoro | The one with a sword fetish. One of the few pirates in the series to have some balls and kill people. This alone makes him the most badass character by a long shot. (Of course if you watch the 4kids version during breakfast you don't get to see that action.) Wanted to have sex with his now dead childhood friend, Kuina, and failed. He is now stalking her shit clone, Tashigi, in order to pass the time with her. Just last Thursday, turns out he was god's incarnate, capable of growing heads and arms, also boost his arm without steroids. After the time skip he's back with only one eye as if his poor sense of direction was not enough. |
| Nami | Kinda like Misty, except she puts out and loves money a lot. This busty redhead is ranked the 4th most popular Anime character by her Wapanese fans in a 4kids poll. Because Nami is a woman, the only way she can fight is to pretend that she's smart and blabber off some meteorological bullshit before electrocuting someone (from a safe distance). This, of course, is useless, because everyone that watches this show doesn't have the brains to understand any of it and would rather stare at her enormous breast implants and fap. |
| Usopp | Some penis nosed sniper, but instead of shooting cool shit and blowing things up, he shoots Tabasco sauce into people's eyes with a sling shot. In the English dub, he's voiced by Howard Dean himself. He also has a retarded alter-ego named "Sogeking", in which he disguises himself by putting a fucking mask on and hoping nobody will recognize him. Amazingly enough, this works on Luffy and Chopper. |
| Sanji | Basically he's Brock from Pokemon. Any time he sees tits he explodes and will defend to the death any character with a vagina. In the original Manga, Sanji is a chain-smoker but 4kids makes him a lollipop addict instead. After thinking too much about tits without fapping, his adrenaline makes him shake his leg at a high velocity, to the point where it bursts into flame for no fucking reason. It's been recently revealed that Sanji's actually a faggot when he was shown crossdressing with a bunch of traps on an uninhabited island. |
| Chopper | A reverse furry. He was born a reindeer but ate a magical fruit which made him a freak of nature. Despite being a furry, Chopper is also the ship doctor. That's right, these motherfucking pirates trust a furry brat with their lives. In an attempt to not fail so hard, Chopper can digest a "Rumble Ball" which allows him to transform into even more fucked up shapes than normal. After the time skip he gets so addicted to it that he becomes able to transform at will. |
| Robin | Theoretically she could jack off 20,000 men with her Devil Fruit power, but unlike Nami, she doesn't put out. Because 4kids has a sadistic joy of deflating stiffies, even her cleavage is censored. She was originally a member of a terrorist organization but after a bunch of epic fail realized it would be best to an hero. She is wanted by the government for being able to decipher poneglyphs which according to them is a talent that could destroy the world. |
| Franky | A cyborg sent back from the future to rescue Sarah Conn- I mean Luffy. Has a tendency to do at least 100 poses without any pants on in every episode. Every single part of his body is made out of metal, except his balls, which are extremely tiny and account for how often he bursts into tears. During the time skip he breaks into some lab and turns himself into the T-2000 model. These modifications cause every male character to shit pure rainbows of joy whenever they see him doing anything that involves his robotic parts in any way. |
| Brook | One day Oda's editors commented on the popularity and sales of horror stuff thanks to the fanfiction known as twilight. In order to make some extra cash, he decided he was going to add his own element into the manga and call it thriller bark. The result is the strawhats met some skeleton who asks to look at girl's panties and makes bad puns. Apparently he's a musician whose crew was killed. He ate some fruit that allowed him to come back to life. He's a musician and his best friend is a fucking whale. Because he died at least 100 years ago, he also qualifies as the old pervert stereotype for the show. After the time skip he becomes none other than Michael Jackson himself. The reason he is a skeleton is that his Devil Fruit allows his soul to return to his body after he has died. However, because he is a fucking retard, and the ship he died on was lost in a bunch of fog, he couldn't find his body and didn't find it until it had rotted away to a skeleton. |
| Other Characters | |
|---|---|
| Red-Haired Shanks | Luffy's childhood hero. Possibly the only cool character in the whole series as his daily activities involve drinking twice his body weight in sake. He gave Luffy a straw hat in the first episode and promised him butt sex when he returns it to him as the Pirate King. |
| Gold Donger | The former pirate king. Received the IRL Banhammer for being king of the ass pirates. Now everyone wants to find his treasure so they can be king of the ass pirates as well (and possibly end up getting the IRL banhammer too)! |
| Coby | The show's personal punching bag. Seriously. All this guy does is get beat up until he's forced to get on his knees and suck cock. |
| Buggy the Clown | Definitely the creepiest character in One Piece. Not only is he a fucking evil clown, he can split his body into a million pieces and control them individually. Using this ability, he can separate his cock from his body and rape innocent children without even being near them. It should be noted that he has one of the most powerful Devil Fruits in the series, and would be practically invincible if he wasn't such a fucking retard. |
| Dracule Mihawk | A dude with a giant crucifix-sword with an insanely high level of sheer badassery. Zoro wants to kill him so he can become the world's greatest swordsman. The first time, Mihawk beat the shit out of him and told him that he needed to give more handjobs before they fight again. Some time later Zoro asked Mihawk to train him in exchange for blowjobs. |
| Gaimon | A nigger-in-a-box. He got into this state at least 100 years ago when he fell into a treasure chest and got stuck, and then got abandoned on an island by his crew. |
| Kuro | He wears gloves with a blade on each finger and runs fucking fast (but he feels like the world around him is slow). After getting bored of being a pirate he decided to disguise himself, find a delicious, rich and beautiful loli, and eventually, did it. Unfortunately, having buttsex with Usopp's girlfriend was something Luffy didn't want to tolerate, so he pwnt Kuro in the ass himself. |
| Arlong | A fishman, who periodically raped Nami in her childhood. He has a long nose like Usopp does, except it has spikes on it. It's more appropriate for BDSM. |
| Smoker | A cigar enthusiast who spends his free time hunting down little boys half his age, and pretty cool guy who doesn't afraid of his superior officers. Also has the ability to turn into smoke (Get it? His name is Smoker, and he can turn into smoke! Pure comedic genius, amirite?) |
| Princess Vivi | The wimpiest, whiniest, most annoying bitch in the series. Doesn't even put out. Gets ditched by the Straw Hats in the end and replaced with another woman who didn't bitch nearly as much but still didn't put out (see above). |
| Carue | A lucky duckie. |
| Portgas D. Ace | Luffy's badass porn star older brother. He was almost killed by some fatass, and was locked up like a nigger who got caught by the cops. Recently it's been discovered that his father really is Gold Donger. This begins at least 100 flashback episodes of how his father would rape him in his sleep. Luffy and the Whitebeard pirates attempted to rescue Ace from the government, but failed resulting in him being fisted to death by Akainu. This of course causes over 9000 chapters of flashbacks to the good ol' days when Luffy, Ace, and Sabo (see below) would run around in a fucking jungle beating the shit out of wild animals. |
| Crocodile | A total ripoff of Captain Hook. He has a hook for one of his arms, and he surrounds himself with banana-crocodile hybrids that eat people. He can turn himself into sand and terrorize the people of the desert, but his weakness is water. Yeah, water. So if somebody were to spit on him or piss on him or ejaculate on him, he'd be fucking dead. Luckily for him, all the niggers that live in the desert are too stupid to think of that. Some fans have speculated that he used to be a woman. |
| Marshall D. Teach | A fat ugly nigger who has the ability to become even blacker. In a big fat 'fuck you' to science, Oda makes this loathsome cunt's Devil Fruit power the ability to turn into pure darkness. He nearly killed Ace over 9000 episodes ago. Recently, he broke a bunch of pirates out of jail, killed and raped Whitebeard, and almost destroyed Marine Headquarters. Some argue he will be the final boss of One Piece. |
| Edward Jewgate | Also known as Whitebeard, and the strongest man in the world. He's a large man with a wide handlebar mustache, a neck thicker than his head, and no beard. He gets pissed off when his beloved son, Ace, is captured by the World Government and sentenced to death. He comes to fight them in an all out battle to save Ace's life. He also has really hot nurses to take care of him in his old age. Murdered by Blackbeard. |
| Donquixote Doflamingo | Some overly flamboyant guy who doesn't take things seriously, and has weak ass underlings. He publicly announced to everyone that he is after Crocodile's ass
At least a 100 years ago, the faggot used to be a celestial dragon living in Mariejois. His retarded naive dad believed that they were part of human race (which jews are not) so they decided to become illegal immigrants, only to be raped by filthy non-Jewish scum. After getting owned so much as a kid, Doflamingo decided he will one day own the entire world by cutting all their dicks with his string only to get iron fisted by luffy and his emo, treacherous apprentice Law. |
| Enel | Pronounced "Enerooooo" by wapanese faggots, he can turn himself into lightning and electrocute anyone he wants. Nobody can defeat him because of his lightning ability, except Luffy, who is coincidentally made of rubber, which coincidentally nullifies all effects of lightning, and Luffy coincidentally shows up just as Enel is about to wreak havoc. Also, he is a Jew. Now he's living on the moon with a bunch of fucked up robots with Hitler mustaches. |
| Conis | Annoying blonde angel. Absolutely useless to everyone as she can only whine and get raped by Sanji. |
| Foxy | Despite his name, he is arguably the ugliest character in One Piece. Yet another man with a phallic nose (seriously, wtf?), Foxy turns into an emo whenever people make fun of him. He has the ability to za warudo with his "Noro Noro Beam" for thirty seconds, which is just enough time for him to nose-rape you. |
| Aokiji/Kuzan | A really tall nigger who raped Nico Robin in her childhood. He has the ability to turn into vanilla ice. He recently quit being a marine after getting the shit beaten out of him by Akainu (see below). |
| Rob Lucci | The main villain of the "Water 7" arc, and a member of CP9. His only friend is some fucking bird. He can also turn into a leopard. He is the only One Piece villain that doesn't have a fucking retarded evil laugh. |
| Monkey. D. Dragon | Luffy's Dad. God fuck me knows how he is Luffy's father, who is the leader of the revolutionary army after reading 1984 over 9000 times. All he has done in the story so far basically consists of him standing on the balcony of a fortress on come island in the middle of nowhere while glaring out at the ocean. |
| Monkey D. Garp | Luffy's grandpa. A great child abuser who can also play basketball with his own black giant ballsack. |
| Gecko Moria | One of the Shichichichbukai or whatever, a group of seven pirates that have become ass-slaves of the government. He is a giant who steals other people's shadows to make zombies, half of which are utterly useless. He says he wants to be the Pirate King, but he never does anything about it except sit around in his ship all day and jack off. |
| Perona | A whining loli bitch who likes to make people turn emo with the use of ghosts. In recent episodes, she raped Zoro in his sleep and made him her slave. |
| Bartholomew Kuma | Another Shachibookie. He's a giant motherfucker that has the ability to blow with his hands. Easily the most loyal to the government. He got tired of Moria fapping instead of following the governments orders, so he blew up Moria's ship. Later on, [[troll|he sent all of the Straw Hats flying in different directions across the world. In other words, if you don't follow the World Government, he'll fuck you up. He's also a Christfag. After the time skip we find out he was actually a good guy who had been brainwashed by the grolious reader. |
| Kizaru/Borsalino | A retard who doesn't even know how to use a phone, yet is one of the highest ranking members of the marines. For someone who has the ability to move at light speed, he is really fucking slow and couldn't even win in a fight against an old man. |
| Boa Handcock | Just like her name implies, she's a bitch Oda thought up one afternoon while he was fapping. She has huge tits and dresses like a stripper. She has bigger tits than Nami and Robin put together. Has the ability to make people rock hard just by looking at them with her breasts. Caught Luffy trying to see her boobs over 9000 episodes ago. After revealing her TRAJIC PAST to him, she makes it her life goal to fuck Luffy at every given moment, but Luffy refuses, making it canon that he is actually gay. Also has two giant sisters who can turn into fucking snakes. |
| Emporio Ivankov | A trap with a giant head and the ability to make everyone else trannies. His introduction to the series spawned thousands of Rule 63 pictures on DA and Pixiv. There is some speculation that this character is Oda's vision of his dream self. In response to fan mail, Oda himself once drew what most of the main characters would look like genderswapped. |
| Akainu/Sakazuki | He thinks that if someone's father is evil, then that person MUST be evil too. He managed to successfully troll Ace, and killed him for the lulz while Ace was busy being butthurt. He is now in charge of the marine fleet. |
| Big Mam | A really fat bitch that showed up last thursday. All she cares about is candy and is willing to destroy an entire island to get it. Probably batshit insane and her crew is full of furries, fail. |
| Hody Jones | Some racist shark-man that wanted to destroy the human race, because he believed that his species, the Fishmen, were superior. The reason for this butthurt is that in the One Piece world, fishmen are basically the equivalent of niggers. Hody was going to carry out his plan by taking huge amounts of steroids, but in the end, the drugs turned him and his crew into old men. |
| Sabo | Luffy and Ace's other brother that noone knew about until around 600 chapters into the story. He is the son of some upper-class pricks, but feels ashamed of his heritage and societal power. Thought to have been killed over 9000 year ago, however it was recently revealed to everyone's surprise that OMG HE WAS STILL ALIVE!!! Now he works as a lieutenant in the Revolutionary Army, and ate Ace's devil fruit so he can turn into fire. |
| Trafalgar Law | A guy with the ability to telepathically take apart other peoples' bodies and reassemble them, as well as swap personalities. Supposedly, he can also use his powers to grant someone eternal youth at the price of becoming an hero. He formed an alliance with the straw hat pirates last Thursday, and was also declared a shichiboo-who-gives-a-shit.
Law was apparently an AIDs victim born in a country full AIDs people. The joos declares that AIDs are contagious (even though they're not) just so they could start a lollercaust for the lulz and gaining more jew gold. Law would later survive, and decided to pull a Columbine on the whole world, only to fall in love with a retard who can't speak named Corazon, who later turned out to be some kind of secret government agent. |
| Donquixote Rocinante/Corazon | Donquixote Doflamingo's dumbass younger brother who works as a spy for the marines. He managed to pretend that he was mute for at least 100 years by using his Devil Fruit, which gives him the ability to make things quiet. Decided to drag Law around the fucking ocean trying to find a cure for his Jew-AIDs, and eventually succeeded, only to be killed by his brother shortly afterwards. Wears face paint reminiscent of the members of KISS. |
| Bartolomeo | Weird cat-man who is obsessed with Luffy, and considers himself to be the Straw Hats' number one fan. He only appeared recently in the story, but claims to have been following their heroics ever since the 4th island the Straw Hats shat upon. His ability allows him to create invisible shields, which are virtually indestructible. The only problem with this is that he has an orgasm every time one of the Straw Hats come near him, making him lose concentration and causing his shields to collapse. |
"The Will of D."
Apparently, characters who have the initial "D." in their names have some sort of mystical importance in the world, which Eiichiro Odick refuses to explain. Instead, we get to sit through chapter after chapter of Oda dropping vague hints about the meaning of "D.", the most recent of which implying that "D." carriers are destined to kill God or some shit. One can only imagine the looks of pure raeg on readers' faces when he Oda finally reveals that "D." stands for "Dongers".
4Kids = Trolls
In one of the most epic trolling events to ever take place, a company called 4Kids decided to piss off all American One Piece fans for the lulz. They acquired the rights to the One Piece anime and decided to completely edit the series to see how loud fanboys could BAWWWW. They cut down the series to half of its intended length, replaced cigarettes with lollipops, guns with water pistols, edited out blood, and "religious symbols" (a fucking Christmas tree), and assigned each character with the most obnoxious voice actor they could find.
Although butthurt about these edits, these were not the reasons why One Piece fans were so upset with the dub. All hell broke loose only as soon as fans realized that 4Kids edited out all tits from the series, consequently turning all the chicks into males and bringing One Piece to a whole new level of faggotry. Just look at any One Piece forum and search for "4kids dub", and you will be supplied with hours of fanboys BAWWWWing about how they can't fap to Nami while watching cartoon network with their younger siblings.
After at least 100 episodes of replacing bullets with "poison suction cups", editing out black character's faces and getting the names of the leads wrong, 4Kids had a terrible case of troll's remorse. The One Piece team quit and would have killed themselves if it wasn't for the fact that the entire editing staff they hired was comprised of concerned mothers and racist Catholic priests. The problem of the ensuing gang of roaming, unemployed pedants and Republicans was soon solved by Oda, who had them all shot upon learning of said westerners cheating him out of his precious cash.
Funimation has recently bought the rights to the dub, and have brought it back to being much closer to the Japanese version, with the exception of renaming the show DBZ 2.0 and retaining 4kid's retarded name changes. The new dub aired on September 29th, 2007 and nothing of value was lost.
Despite its butchery by 4kids and dubious initial appeal, One Piece is a beloved staple of the animu diets of 13 year old boys, who either watch all 600 episodes or so and then won't shut up about it being awesome or will watch all 600 episodes or so and then won't shut up about it being horse barf.
Trolling One Piece Fans
While the show is complete shit, there are numerous fanboys and legions of 13-year old boys who will defend it to the death. Being so it isn't very hard at all to troll them, but lulz are almost guaranteed if you do.
Occasionally Oda decides to skip a chapter in order to enjoy some time off. These breaks happen at least 100 times a year and can last between 2 weeks and 6 months. During this time, the season of rabid fanboyism and bawwwing is at record highs, making it ripe to troll. The easiest way to troll is make fake spoilers around the beginning of the week when they are dropped from the motherland and have the fans speculate whether they're real or not. If you are truly up to the challenge you can read the entire series over 9000 times and see how many people you can convince that its real until someone who can translate japanese proves you wrong. If done properly a winrar could be you.
Other methods of trolling include:
- Asking when the next chapter is released.
- Asking where you can download the 4kids dub online.
- Asking how many years until the series is finished (answer is never, see pokemon).
- Calling the character Zoro Zolo every time you mention him.
- Telling them that Bleach is better.
- Commenting on how much the art is shit.
- Using this article as a basis for any argument.
Gallery
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So tight, even a Jew-nose cannot penetrate it. -
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Probably the responsibility of some fangirl due to lack of penetration. -
Bad Shoop -
Aladdin crossover or something. -
That can't be anatomically possible. Seriously, wtf? -
Her tits look like those Dutch wooden shoes. -
Luffy asking for it. -
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See also
External Links
- Trolling destination
- Arlong Park Forums <-- Post a thread on how the 4kids dub was better than the Funimation one, and watch the lulz trickle in.
- Yibis Fansubs <-- A good place to shit on moronic die hard One Piece fanboys like chrislongden3.
- Yonkou Fansubs <-- An even better place if you're too stupid to shit on moronic die hard One Piece fanboys like chrislongden3 and end up getting trolled by them yourself (which is highly unlikely, because this link was added by chrislongden3 fanboys after the link to Yibis was added, this demonstrates their level of arguments).
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