Olympics

Someone's family is getting sent to siberia over this.

The Olympics are an international event where nearly naked men get together in the worst slums of the world and "wrestle" against each other. The best top gets a gold medal for a prize. These are still less gay than the original Olympics in Greece, where naked men had full sex with each other while covered in olive oil. And as to leave no doubt, women were banhammered from these greasy orgies. Greece is full of cock and dick and screaming faggotry.

Another popular sport takes place just before the Olympics, where angry azns worldwide try to extinguish the Olympic Flame as it runs through the streets because Tibet is allergic to fire or something. Anon of course has great ~~sympathy for Tibet~~ antipathy for China and is helping out for the lulz. If you're lucky they will kill the mascot because it was "threatening someone".

Sports

All Olympic sports are divided into Men's and Women's version, so there won't be any hints of heterosexuality. Everyone who wins the Olympics turns into a tranny within a few years anyway due to the heavy doping and bizarre rituals such as dining on sheep testes and taking loads from the other athletes.

Swimming - People get owned by Michael Phelps
Diving - divers compete to see who can do the most flips before entering the water. no, i'm not kidding. If you're lucky, someone might hit their head on the diving board and bleed AIDS into the pool, creating massive lulz at home.
Luge - The international sport of people crashing in poles.
Gymnastics - The officially endorsed sport of Pedobear. lolis wear ~~little~~ skin tight clothing and do flips and bounces to show off their developing bosom to the world. Not surprisingly the most watched Olympic sport in America. There is also a male version, watched only by gay men.
Track - black persons run around in a circle. Of course 99% of all competitors are black because niggers have tons of training running away from the cops, their children or running to welfare offices. Southerners get all butthurt that running in circles by niggers is allowed and racing around in circles isn't.
Shooting - White rednecks try to shoot said niggers.
Fencing - for all the weeaboos fags out there who dream of competing in the Olympics one day, there's fencing. Too bad katana isn't one of the three disciplines.
Archery - same shit as above
Trampoline - Faggots pretending they could ever jump as high as niggers.
Equestrian - for the horse lovers of the world
Synchronized swimming - Swimming upside down. First introduced in 1969 to remind everyone that the Olympics are gay
Wrestling - Another gay event. Large sweaty men in tights grope each other's bum. First one to get laid loses.
Judo - Like wrestling but slightly less gay due to addition of more clothes.
BMX - wannabe badass punks riding little girls' bikes.
Badminton - Cocks
Weightlifting - BBW ex-communists lift weights while screaming and pretending to be super saiyans. Probably the closest any sport in the Olympics comes to being straight, because the events have sexual names like "clean and jerk" and "snatch". Tragically, however, weightlifters suffer grievous injuries at an alarming frequency.

2008 Beijing Orimpics

The Olympics are about sports, not about politics.

China's amazing Shoop-da-gook technology: before & after.

Team China has their eyes on the ball... and the gold.

Beijing was fortunate enough to win the bid for the 2008 Orimpic Games, and they have delivered on a promise to give the world an amazing competition. Plus plenty of Michael Phelps cawk.

The August 8th Opening Ceremony of the Orimpics started off with a bang. The nation that invented fireworks gave the world the most impressive display of photoshopped fireworks ever seen. The fun did not stop there; after ¥1 Billion Renminbi and years of hard work, Chinese computer engineers managed to create a program able to shoop an attractive child over an ugly child with talent. China unveiled its new "Shoop-da-gook" technology during a masterful rendition of William Hung’s “She Bangs.”

As the Orimpics got underway, Team China dominated the in the child labor competition, winning the gold with two of the youngest loli to have ever competed. It wasn’t long before everyone was asking how China managed to train some of the best underage athletes in the world. The Chinese reveled their forced labor training camps where loli are selected at the tender age of 3 for rigorous training in making high quality Nikes and lead-covered sports equipment for other teams. (Team Wal-Mart was disappointed in the Chinese decision to reveal secret training exercises.)

While performing well in the child labor competition, the USA "Redeem Team" has hurt China's chances of earning the gold in the Orimpic Basketball Tournament. However, hopes still ride on Yao Ming to bring home a metal. The Chinese state-sponsored coaching staff hopes by training Ming into the ground and destroying his career as a basketball player, they will be victorious in earning the gold for Team China. In a statement to the press Ming said, "If I don' bring home the gord they wirr kirr my famiry an' reprace me with any one of severar mirrion erigiber Chinese basketbarr prayas." You can bet that Ming's famiry will be cheering for him during the games.

2012 London

Phelps showed up yet again.

2016 Rio De Janeiro

This was a shitcluster-fuck long before it even began. Brazil is one of the most corrupt cuntries on earth, and the games were a great time for developers and politicians to absorb the Semen Of Constructions Contracts. Yes cuntface, Michael Phelps was there again. Thus completing the suck. Throw in an outbreak of the Zika virus, and this could be the recipe for the lulziest Olympics ever: