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Blagogate
Rod "Fail" Blowjobitch was the self-proclaimed governor of the shithole known as Illinois, tormenting the citizens with lulzy Pay-to-Play tactics and selling Barack Obama's senate seat to some black person whose daddy made money by stealing from fellow blacks. Although it is believed that Blagojevich is of Serbian descent, he is actually some sort of Serbian Jew hybrid (yes, contemplate that combination for a moment and ask yourself, "is that not what satan shits?") because of his insatiable lust for money and the blood of Christian children as well as his propensity for rape and deviancy. He was the second douchebag to be charged last year with fucking up a state; the first being Eliot Spitzer,who was another greedy jack-off with hookers and blow. Blagojevich has barricaded himself inside his multi-million dollar mansion to make sure that the authorities don't steal his precious Jew gold, but it's pretty likely he'll be v& anyways. To make matters worse, he also had an approval rating even lower than Bush's, which really brings up the thought that maybe his nickname could have something to do with it. Blagos career was coming to an end before the feds because he cheated on his wife (the daughter of Richard Mell, a huge political kingping) with his nigger nanny. Once this went down, a public feud errupted between the two.
Why he is a Jew:
—Pretty much based off anything that has been recorded. | ||
—Talkin' bout his Jew gold. | ||
'nuff said
Made his security detail pay for HIS coffee. What the fuck?
Was the first governor in 100 years that refused to live in the capital.
How do i fucked Illinois?
In 2002, Rod ran for governor and won after several hours of heavy ballot rigging. He started off by taking money from the schools "because children can learn at home on their own time" and "my hairdo looks like a helmet so I am loved". He proceeded to fill his greedy Jew pockets by stealing moar money from taxpayers and pretty much everyone else in America he could squander from. Soon after, the feds got pissed for Blago not giving a share of the cash and decided to wiretap his house for the lulz. After a bunch of IRL trolling on Rod, they discovered his attempts to sell the senate seat of Barack Obama, even though it was pretty obvious to everyone in Illinois when he ran this ad for it:
V&
On December 10th, 2008, the Partyvan came by Blagojevich's house and gave him the banhammer, thus indicting him on over 9000 counts of conspiracy, racketeering, bribery, pay-to-play shit, and a million other things that noone really cares about, but that can still get him IRL banned for 30 years or more.
First reports on being arrested (playing the same clips of him over and over)
Candidate #5
While the Spitzer case had it's 'Client #9' and cheap whores, Rod had a bunch of liberals begging for his cock in order to occupy the senate seat vacated by Barack Obama after he stole the presidency - and some of the rich ones were willing to give Blagojewvich some of that sweet, sweet cash. Among those were 3 people, named Candidates 1, 2, and 5 (because the feds don't know that the numbers 3 and 4 exist). The most notable was #5: Jesse Jackson Jr., son and cocksucker of civil rights activist Jesse Jackson, who is most likely believed to be the highest bidder of the position. He outright denied the claims in the traditional words of his people, mixed with the most retarded sounding voice nearly surpassing that of Barney Frank's.
Holy shit tl;dw. Anyway, there are numerous flaws with the assertion that he bribed Blagojevich for the senate seat, including:
1. He is a nigger so he has no money.
2. Not even Rod would be dumb enough to let another nigger have a chance at the presidency.
3. BECAUSE IT WAS A SIMPLE MEETING GUISE NOTHING HAPPENED I REPEAT NOTHING HAPPENED.
Another possible candidate for the position was Lisa Madigan, but that's only 'cause her daddy gave her some power, so noone gives a shit about her. Most likely his buttbuddy Pat Quinn will take over for him and start yet another era of fail and AIDS in Illinois politics as long as Illinois doesn't actually kill itself after being raped for the past 9 years by both Rod and George Ryan.
Another nigger steals the senate seat
It turns out there was a nigger out to get Obama's seat (lol, no blacks currently in the senate, srsly affirmative action, biotch!), but not who we all thought it was. Instead it was some old negroid who thought he could pull off another presidential victory like his home boy Obama. Obviously the senate didn't need another nigger fucking up the country and refused to let him take Obama's seat, but pinned it on the fact that he forgot the signature of Jesse White on his senate approval paper (he may also have been refused because he was endorsed by the guy who's been getting facepalms recently due to the scandal, but this is unknown). Roland immediately took the arguement that it was racism and got some of his brothas to back him up on this one. Hoping to initiate another Million Man March, he went marching up the capitol to steal the bike senate seat back from those bigots, but ended up being thrown back out just like any other nigga who's marched up Capitol Hill (the only reason Obama was allowed up was because he was part white). In the wake of the whole mess the jackasses from the senate decided to give Burris the job as senator, even with a massive corruption trial ahead for the person who appointed him to the job.
Obama lies about Blagojevich
The Copypasta:
In other words, America's first black person President is being taken down by has become the man.
LOL IMPEACHED
Charged with corruption and faggotry, in a 114-1 vote, Rod Blagojevich was impeached by the Illinois senate and will be attending boycotting his own trial soon. Moments after removing him from office, the Illinois Senate also voted unanimously to prevent Blagojevich from ever holding political office in the state again. You can catch the drama here. "Now what was our hero Rod doing?" you might ask. Well, instead of attending his impeachment and only making one appearance at the trial to repeat the same bullshit arguement like before, Blago decided to play it cool and go out for a jog. A FUCKING JOG.
Quinn steps in, more faggotry ensues
As of last Thursday, Pat Quinn had officially taken Blago's job. Somehow expecting something different from Blago's vice pimp admiral, the inhabitants of the North Shore and niggers paid to show up praised Quinn as the end to all corruption in Illinois and stroked his cock. Invigorated by this pleasure, Quinn decided to run for governor, as his plan of running again for lieutenant governor for the next twenty years did not make his cock hard enough anymore. Quinn proceeded to do the typical to get into any office in Illinois Chicago (attack ads with the announcer quoting himself as the source, loading niggers onto a bus and giving them a hundred dollah if they vote for him, asking the North Shore for another cock-stroking, breaking into mausoleums for Jew gold and anything that could be used to register a potential voter, etc.) As expected, Quinn's campaign coffers loaded down with Jew gold won him the election, mostly because the amount of money you have is directly proportional to the number of political activists that vote for you and whether or not you win Chicago.
Blago's Media Blitz
Like every smart politician before him, Blago tried to maintain his "innocence" by going on a bunch of talk shows and other old media that noone watches, though it did spark some lulz seeing as that he still thinks he can be governor.
Previous Video | Next Video
Blago Radio
Broadcasting from WLS in Chicago, Blagojevich did the impossible and got to host his own radio show for the day. Mostly it was just TL;DR stuff and some call-in questions, although he did finally admit to having a bad hairdo. For additional lulz, WGN is in talks with Blago for him to have is own full-time radio show.
Survivor: Blago Edition
Just when it seemed that Blago could not have gotten more self-absorbed (seemingly following in the ways of Chris-chan), it was recently leaked that he may be starring in his own reality-television series (No, I am not fucking kidding you). It supposedly has to do with celebrities on some island in the Caribbean, though the term "celebrity" doesn't really apply to an ousted governor currently in the midst of a corruption trial.
UPDATE: LOL DENIED
'NUTHER UPDATE: Turns out Rod's bitch Patti Blagojevich was allowed to go on "I'm a Celebutard, Get me out of Here!", but failed miserabely right from the start. At the end of the season, she supposedly ran off with the nigger basketball player whom she was fucking with throughout the show.
Blago the Rapper
Yet another cereer change for our bumbling buddy:
Why wasn't his failure noticed before?
Well, besides residents of Illinois consisting of democrats and niggers, people just couldn't see that behind the hair and smile was something truly terrifying taking place. Blago actually did give a warning to the people of the state, back in one of his old 2006 ads for his reelection as governor:
The future of Rod
Despite all the charges, Blagojevich still plans to keep his job as governor of Illinois and eventually run for president in 2016, that is, until the feds send him to prison, though he'll probably just pay them off with part of the gigantic pile of money in his room. He said he might run for the Senate (CANDIDATE #5, ANYONE???) but that's bullshit because although he had the power to appoint anyone to the senate seat left by Obama, all the democrats in the Illinois party hate him and don't want anything to do with him even if he spills the beans on their corruption scandals as well.
See Also
Links
- First reports of arrest
- Calculate your losses from Blago & friends today!
- Finding excuses for low approval rating
- Rod Blagojevich Jokes
- Bad hair day
- Least popular governor in the U.S. (now down to 0% lol)
- Petition for resignation (DO IT FAGGOT)
- Las Vegas ice hockey team to have Blagojevich Night.
- ZOMG BUTTHURT
Boy, you guys are fukken golden...
| Featured article December 14, 2008 | ||
| Preceded by iRONAS |
Blagogate | Succeeded by JuggaletteJenny |