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David Kozák
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This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
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| David Kozák | |
| Born | 12 August 1999 |
| Died | 21 December 2023 (aged 24) |
| Nationality: | Czech 
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| Highscore | Killed 17, injured 25 |
| Top 50? | 38th |
| Style | FPS, Single player |
| An Hero? | Yes |
| Motive | Edge |
In 2023, shortly after Robert's schizo chimpout in America, our hero of the day, Saint David Kozák became enlightened to the word of Ilnaz Galyaviev and finally decided what Eastern Europe truly needed: A new generation of sk00l sh00ters. He was able to score surprisingly well, managing to outdo his Ruski hero and even sniping an indirect kill, but sadly decided to exit this cruel, cruel world as soon as the Party Van arrived. Still, the act of such a destructive and deadly school shooting anywhere outside of the United States, Russia, or Brazil should be an inspiration to us all.
Lore
Born in Hostouň only a few months after the homos at Colorado had their showdown, David was characterized as a bright young man with a completely normal and responsible interest in firearms, something not too rare in slavic shitholes. As a kid, he tried sniping his loli sister with an air rifle, but managed to get away with it, convincing his dad it was just an accident. At the time of the sh00ting, he was studying Polish history at Charles University in Prague. He was actually characterized as a really good student, even winning awards for his groundbreaking thesis. Of course, he decided to throw it all away in exchange for 15 minutes of fame. Many such cases!
Kozák's female friend, known as "Alice", was worried about his mental state, noticing his constant suicidal tendencies mostly caused by academic stress. She forced him to visit numerous psychologists, who were able to witness firsthand how his intentions progressed more and more towards a murderous plot against his parents and random strangers. Psychiatrists in the Czech Republic are required to send their medical reports to the patient's general practitioner (which would thwart our hero's intention at legally buying guns), so David didn't tell him the name of his general practitioner. Thus, no report was sent. The only health-related information shared to the practitioner (in order for him to write a report for the gun license) was that David must wear glasses when using firearms. According to a post-mortem psychological evaluation, Kozák was a "schizoid with narcissistic and antisocial traits" and had "a very solid IQ".
Being the sick fuck that he is, in his free time, he liked to watch animus and jerked off to zombie and corpse-themed Jap porn.
The Plan
David often spent his days reading information online about mass murder cases, including Sir Anders Behring Breivik and the Czech "Forest Killer", who killed 3 people in a forest in order to prepare himself for a would-be massacre. In September 2023, he finally decided to target his University for his attack, downloading floorplans both of the building and making notes of probable number of students in each of the classrooms.
His grandmother gifted him around 13,000 dollars, which, combined with a shitload of money he had saved up already and money he was earning at his airport job would help finance his mass murder. Despite telling several friends about his gun purchases and even warning "Alice" about how he "started exercising" as he will "have to carry heavy bags in a month or two", noone actually cared enough to intervene.
Despite living in Eurocuckistan, David had a legal gun license and owned four semi-automatic pistols, a semi-automatic rifle and a shotgun, all of which would be used in his reach for the High Score. Given this impressive arsenal, you'd expect him to manage to pwn at least 100 frags and defeat Sir Anders' rightful place, but he didn't count on the pigs reaching the rooftop so quickly.
Loadout
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RESULTS!
On 15 December 2023, David shot dead a 32-year-old man and his two-month old daughter in the Klánovice Forest, taking great care to take out his phone's SIM card, wear plain clothes and use a different type of glasses from the ones he normally used so as not to be tracked down. This was, of course, mental preparation for finally becoming a mass murderer. After the double murder, David was one of about 4,000 different suspects in the case, though the cops didn't manage to question him in time for the attack.
Six days later, on 21 December, David finally decided to make this world a better place and murdered his father at his home in before travelling to his desired target: Faculty of Arts in Charles University in Prague. There, he opened fire on students and faculty with two semi-automatic pistols, killing 13 people and wounding 22 others, also firing at police and bystanders from the balcony, wounding three. One more died by jumping off the building. After 20 minutes of god-knows-what tomfuckery, the cops finally decided to break into the school, where David went for a surprise shotgun mouthwash.
When the cops searched his home, they found a letter in which he confessed to the forest murders and cited his motive as revenge on society as the attacker felt misunderstood. David's attack is the deadliest mass murder in Czech history, earning him his national highscore.
List of frags pwned
Sadly, the full named list of victims has not yet been released to the public. Here's what we have so far:
- Anonymous, age 32, murdered in the forest a couple days prior to the main lulzfest
- Anonymous, age 2 months, daughter of previous anon
- Stanislav Kozák, age 50, father of our local wannabe corpsefucker.
- Lenka Hlávková, age 49, musicologist.
- Jan Dlask, age 50, teacher.
- Klára Holcová, age 20, student and athlete.
- Lucie Špindlerová, student.
- Magdalena Křístková, student.
- Aneta Richterová, student.
- Anonymous Dane, student.
- Anonymous Emirati, student.
- 6 other Anons, students.
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 17/20 Not bad at all, though I did expect a higher payout from so many guns |
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| Accuracy: | 8/20 Learn how to aim better retard |
| Style: | 10/20 Generic school shooter, you only get bonus points for being original enough to do it outside of the US |
| Butthurt: | 10/20 Caused plenty of butthurt in Czechia, the rest of the world moved on in a day |
| Bonus: | 20/20 For getting to the top 50 and becoming An Hero |
Wanted Level:
Federal Bureau of Investigation
External Links
