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Speed Demos Archive
A speedrun is the result when a gamer plays a video game a bit faster than an average Let's Play. Now, imagine a whole website that is solely dedicated to speedruns. Well, there is a website. And that is Speed Demos Archive (also known as SDA, or Sped Demos Archive). Typically, a speedrunner would play the same game for days on end while hoping to achieve the world record. To compensate the boredom and the wasted time, they get a false feeling of a world record if they actually beat the record. The videos are played on their original console and the administrator requests a recording of the nerd playing the game with his shit-stained hands to ensure that the bastard didn't cheat.
Contributors and members
Most of the speedrun contributors to SDA are sexless asspies who suck at both at life and video games, but have figured a way to gain a false title on the internet as a LEETMASTER OF [insert game title here]. The players themselves are commonly misinterpreted by the public as having "skills" at a game. But the truth is: most of the speedruns were the result of replaying the game hundreds of times before submission, meaning that the final product is a fluke and not based on any actual skills. The actual, typical outcome of an SDA member playing a game would be far below average. Yes, even lower than Tobuscus or PewDiePie playing a game.
Siglemic
Smeglemic is a Jewish long-haired hippie that begs for donations on Twitch, while simultaneously practicing for his never-existing 100% runs on Super Mario 64. Siglemic is known for being an Asian woman, and he actually doesn't deny the rumor. This results the fans being easily misguided and fall in love with this pedophilic man-child. Unsurprisingly, he takes speedruns seriously and doesn't put down his fucking controller and get some fresh air, just like all of the other speedrunning faggots. His unsophisticated fanboys are also infamous for spawning the shitty meme of "IZ TIS TEH URN???" (translation for the people with an education, "is the the run?"), obviously suffering by dyslexia. They also are the final boss when it comes to spamming "RESET!!!" in the chat room of his twitch account.
Wersterlobe
Worsterlobe is an Australian, four-eyed, Pokemon and Sonic geek. He is widely known for having an extremely severe case of USI in the Speed Demos Archive community. He treats his fans like they're a pile of trash, despite the fact that they actually do of the attributes of a pile of trash. Wersterlobe got kicked off of The Sonic Center, and his brother Mike89 tries to stick up for his low-life brother. Oh, and if you ever accuse Werster for tool assisted speedrunning, then Werster will get butthurt and send all of his fanboys to attack you via YouTube, Facebook, or even Twitter!
YSG/BlueGlass
BlueGlass is a mentally retarded midget that will always be prepubescent with his extremely high and obnoxious voice. He watches nearly all of the runs in the marathon, and he is adored by all of the people watching the streams. He actually thinks he is famous on the internet, but in reality, he is only famous because he is fucked up. And the people who are watching him are also fucked up, since every time BlueGlass opens his fucking mouth, they scream in the chat "YSG!!!!! YOLO SWAG GOD!!!!! BASED YSG!!!!! YSG SPEAKS!!!!! YSG > EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!!!!! YSG Kappa!!!!! YSG FrankerZ!!!!!" It should also be known that his voice and laugh are the most soothing sounds known to man.
Oh, in case if your wondering, he does speedrun. He speedruns Ecco the Dolphin on the Sega Genesis. However, his runs are always flawed since his brain is too fucked up to even comprehend what the hell is going on in the game. Everybody in the room and in the chat thinks he has a great commentary over his runs. Too bad he doesn't realize that they're just toying with him and pretending to sympathize his sorry ass.
Speedruns
The speedruns themselves are a rough demonstration of the fastest humanly possible way to beat the game. But the visual result is completely fucking lame and bears little to no difference from tool assisted speedruns except the fact that the contributor didn't waste a couple hours of his life saving and reloading states to produce a "perfect speedrun" but instead wasted months of his worthless life reloading from the beginning each time he fucked up.
Either way, the results are the same: extremely lame-looking and style-lacking worthless videos consisting of the player purposely bumping into enemies or committing suicide to "save time" and doing anything but creatively exploring the game, taking on a variety of challenges and beating the game in style.
The site, to the present day, is obsessed with the crappy, FPS title Quake and is first priority on the site. When it comes time for a new speedrun of Quake to come up every last other video can piss off because the site loves it so much even though everyone has seen enough of that game played on the site over 9000 times. And this clearly shows that SDA is very desperate of enhancing their site by abusing a run that they think is actually amazing.
The majority of the speedruns are always filtered with these glitches that bypass the actual game. So instead of actually impressing the audience, they leave a WTF facial expression. Even Let's Plays are more impressive than these horrible excuses of speedruns. Because at least the players actually play the game how it's suppose to be played.
Marathons
Every year, all of the basement-dwelling homosexuals gather up in one specific place to do a 5+ day marathon of non-stop gaming. While doing this non-sense, the 13 year old boys ask their parents to crack open their wallets and donate to those money-hungry asses. Instead of actually donating to charity, why not donate to a bunch of losers that will donate the money themselves? Oh, and they do these marathons multiple times a year. Joy.
The speedruns they record live are always faulty and has face-cams of them clapping their fucking hands off when they manage to preform a glitch. They also put an "estimate time". So if they do manage to beat the time, at least they have something to feel proud of after the amount of time he wasted.
They also give away merchandise when you donate a certain amount of money. Apparently those brain slugs don't realize if you donate something, you shouldn't get something in return. Look up the word "donate", you fucking morons.
Stivitybobo Drama
Stivitybobo, a Banjo-Kazooie speedrunner was at the centre of a shitstorm during SGDQ 2014 when it was confirmed that he and a few others got drunk and had sex with some beta speedrunner named Sam's wife. It's clear that the wife was getting tired of her scrawny husband's micropenis. Afterwards, Stivity sent an apology letter to Sam, which can be read here.
—also i fucked your wife lol | ||
A car crash of horrors on so many levels.
SDA on YouTube
—Speed Demos Archive, manipulating blind fanboys. | ||
They even have their own JewTube account. There, they upload all of the shitty speedruns. They are recently excessively uploading the videos that were from the AGDQ marathon. Because you know, why watch the world record when you can watch a "speedrun" that is most likely faulty with a face-cam of all of the basement-dwellers? They also monetize their videos. Which shows that the bastards who are hosting the channel are gaining the Jew Gold from all of the speedrunners busting their asses to make the speedruns. The same thing is happening with World of Longplays.
SDA on Twitch
If you thought that the scumbags wasn't already utilizing enough video sharing sites, they decided to go on Twitch. Just like all of the money-hungry Jews, they place ads on their streams. But instead of doing something different and actually regarding the meaning of "variety", they just play good 'ol vidya games. Whether it is Sawnik, or Pokemon. They most likely never bring anything new to the table.
If they make one little mistake in their "speedrun", they must reset. Since the majority of the viewers in the chat spam "RESET" every two seconds. Goes to show how mature the fan-base really is. But instead of dropping the fucking controller and realizing how much time you are wasting, they insist to keep on speedrunning the same games over and over again. Because that's all they are good at.
Oh, and don't make fun when they fail at a certain part. Because they will ban you from the chat due to their autism.
How To Troll Speedrunners
- Say that they use tools when they complete a speedrun.
- Poke fun of their ugly appearance, and rub it in on how they are still a virgin.
- Tell them that they are wasting their time for being nonproductive.
- Spam "reset" in the chat on Twitch when they make the slightest error.
- When they actually achieve a world record, spam them that it was just a fluke.
See Also
- Tool Assisted Speedrun
- World of Longplays
- Video Game Reviewers
- Let's Play
- Nerds
- Basement Dwellers
- 13 year old boy
- Asspies
- Retrofags
External Links
SpeedDemosArchiveSDA - Their YouTube Channel- The Site
- Their Twitch account (Speed Runs Live)
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Speed Demos Archive is part of a series on Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage. |
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Speed Demos Archive is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
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