Cardcaptor Sakura

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finally Tomoyo's dream come true

The room of a typical Cardcaptor Sakura fan

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Lee and Sakura. Ahh... true love

Cardcaptor Sakura, formerly known as Cardcaptor Syaolong (more like "sho [is] long" amirite!!1??1), the story chronicled the story of Lee Showron, a little boy from China who whores his way over to Japan with games of strip poker. The title comes from the main character's habit of having each of the strapping young pedophiles who rapes his tight little eight-year-old ass sign one of the cards in his deck, so he can have a memento of his sodomy forever.

Surprisingly, this turned out to be too much for even the Japanese, who held rallies and protests, several of which turned into the Azn Riots of 1996. So the writers went back to the drawing board, trying to find some way to make the manga less controversial. In the end they ended up changing the main character to a girl, adding a voyeur dyke obsessed with the girl, putting Lee and his homoerotic sex with otherkin in the background and the manga instantly became a pop sensation.

The Characters

• Sakura: Sakura is an 11 year old horny girl who loves to masturbate with her magical wand and use it to hurt that yellow creature Kero, while he cries and just say "stop don't be mean! waaah!" She first wanted to fuck with an older guy named Yukito,but then she realized that he was with the KKK and wanted to have inhuman buttsecks with a guy named Tori, so she instead wanted Lee Syaoran. Sakura's job is to gather all the tarot Clow card set to trade them for a huge dildo. She is always supper happy and all her friends think sunshine and kittens shoot out her ass.

• Tomoyo: Sakura's obsessed fangirl BFF. Tomoyo creates all of Sakura's Lolita clothing and videotapes her, then posts the videos on YouTube. Imagine Misa from Death Note with twice the IQ and half her age, and that's pretty much her. She'd gladly fuck Sakura if given the chance.

• Toya and Yukito: Sakura's older brother and his faggot boyfriend. Toya tried to cover up his gheyness by dating a woman that was over 9000 years older than him, but the lure of Yukito's pale, tiny cock proved to be too much. Sakura was Yukito's fag hag until she discovered a true man in Shaoran.

• Shaoran: Once gay for Yukito as well until the authoresses decided to make him straight for Sakura. See above.

• Meiling:Like Tomoyo in her love for her cousin Shaoran.

• Terada-Sensei and Rika: Who, boy. Can anyone say "Micheal Jackson"? This dumb fuck doesn't even try to hide his taste in lolis. And Rika likes this guy back! Suffice it to say after the end of the series, Terada will leave Rika for the next piece of eight-year-old ass he can find.

• Eriol: Seriously, Eriol...how much gayer does it get? It's almost not worth commenting on this character because the gayness of his name just speaks FOR him. About the only other think worth nothing is that fanfic writers love pairing up Tomoyo with this guy for some reason. Usually, fanfic revolve around Tomoyo wearing the strap-ons she fantasizes about using on Sakura and buttfucking Eriol.

• Kero: The talking stuffed animal that follows Sakura around. Easily the only character worth a shit on this show, although somewhat negated by all the furry art surrounding him.

• Chiharu, Yamazaki, Fujitaka, Nadeshiko, Sonomi, Naoko, Yue, Kaho: Tired anime cliches. Move along, move along.

Shippers

As you can expect, legions of Shippers are at war, Sakura/Lee vs Sakura/Yukito vs Sakura/Tomoyo, a fierce battle is in process and many /b/tards are going to get hurt, emotionally and, in many cases, physically. Of course, the only real couple is Sakura & Lee since both declared their mutual feelings (and eventually Lee sodomized Sakura for fuck's sake--see above photo). Also, they have a son, confusing also called Lee Syaoran, the traditional way ( from said buttsecks ) and another one magically (without buttsecks ) called Watanuki. This all happens in the fail animu known as Tsubasa Chronicle. Yes, Card Captor Sakura characters do make appearances in other Clamp series. Clamp is known for having lots of crossovers, leading their fans to believe that there is entire OHMYGODSODEEP Clamp universe where all of their stories are somehow interconnected to one another through dimensions or fanfic shipping sex. Of course, the obvious truth is that Clamp has so little originality, that they just recycle the same characters over and over again.

Cardcraptors

Okay, so you and I are Card Captor Sakura fans right? I watch this show for its simple, yet engaging storyline, multi-dimensional characters, fun music, well-thought out episode plots and thUHHHHHH I just want to stare at the kids. Well, imagine if your favorite anime didn't have any of these things. Oh wait, it happens all the time, its called "The Dubbed Version". It happened to Card Captor Sakura in what was known as one of the biggest dubbing clusterfucks of all time. Some two-bit company called Nelvana decided to make a few changes to the hit magical girl show if it were to have success in the English-speaking world; as if there weren't pedophiles outside of Japan. The new series aired in North America with the following changes:

• No Japanese names. Sakura Kinomoto is known as SaKURa Avalon. Even worse, Tomoyo Daidouji is now known as Madison Taylor, which sounds more like a US President than a hot 10-year old Japanese lesbian.
• Completely rearranging the episode order. This included splicing the scenes up; in other words, each episode was really just a huge clipshow consisting of scenes from other episodes.
• In turn, the alleged girly atmosphere of the show was covered up by giving more emphasis on male characters.
• All references to romantic interests were erased. Sakura no longer wants to fuck a guy twice her age. Rika and Terada's lolicon doujin-inspired romance were thrown out the window. Tomoyo and Syaoran also seem to have overcome their homosexuality.
• The opening theme songs that you used to sing along to in stolen women's underwear were replaced with a much better AMERICA>JAPAN opening theme. You have to admit, the Batman Theme had more effort than this.[[1]]
• No reason to watch the show.

Why all of the changes? Our top Anime Experts have three theories. 1. Nelvana saw this a show for girls and wanted male characters to appear earlier. Nelvana feared that their younger male viewers were flaming gay and would be turned off if the show had too much emphasis on a young asian girl in skimpy costumes. Apparently, Nelvana never heard of Sailor Moon, which was known to have just as many male viewers as female viewers. And its easy to see why.

2. Its all a conspiracy. While the show was airing, concerned Christian assholes made the perfectly logical claim that exposure to Cardcaptors would lead kids to taking an interest in tarot cards, feng shui, and witchcraft. Its a stretch, but I should point out that this isn't the first time that Christians have trolled anime fans. Surprisingly, nobody made any complaints about pedophilia.

3. They did it for the lulz. All of this dub vs. sub drama gave the producers an idea: How can we troll the fuck out of the typical anime-loving, child-obsessive, mouth-breathing loser and walk away with some easy merchandising profits?

Fanart

It's all pedobait.

Gallery

• 
  hey, what are you looking at?
• Pedobear you're gonna love this.
  Pedobear you're gonna love this.
• 
  ceiling cat cant watch me here.
• This game doesn't exist. But in here it does!
  This game doesn't exist. But in here it does!
• They didn't even put any thought into their cheap merchandise.
  They didn't even put any thought into their cheap merchandise.

See also

• Beyblade - If we could turn some tarot cards into a tv show, we can turn some fucking TOPS into one just as good!
• Neon Genesis Evangelion - Emos kill people that don't believe in Jesus or something
• Pokemon - The same fucked up bullshit as Yu-Gi-Oh. In the eyes of Pokemon fans, Yu-Gi-Oh is a terrorist supported cult full of nerds, molesters, and retarded little kids.
• Digimon - See above.
• Yugioh - If Beyblade could turn some TOPS into a tv show, we can turn some fucking cards into one just as good!
• Zoids - Giant fucking anime robots beating the shit out of each other.
• Tsubasa Chronicle - The same faggots, older, still no tits.

Cardcaptor Sakura is part of a series on Anime Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage.