Gordon Ramsay

Good times

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Gordon Ramsay

Gordon Ramsay is an Britfag cook and troll-wannabe who has made a name for himself by telling restaurant owners and other cooks how stupid they are. He has made a fortune with several hilarious TV shows, each on the identical theme of showing up each week at some filthy greasy-spoon, telling the cooks there that they should kill themselves, and telling the owner that he is a gutless sack of shit. He also repeatedly exclaims, "Fuck me!" After a week of such abuse, the restaurant owner usually surrenders to Gordon's demands, changes the restaurant name to "Maggie's," gets rid of all the delicious things he used to cook, and adopts Gordon's "new" menu consisting of lightly braised mackerel slices, locally-sourced baby sheep legs with lichen butter, and thumb-sized potatoes.

Tragedy of youth

As a child, Gordon played football. He was chosen to play for Warwickshire at age 12. He was injured many times, seriously tweaking his knee, smashing the cartilage during training. Gordon foolishly continued to train and play on the injured knee, until finally he was kicked off the team. A cripple, with the additional burden of grotesque facial deformities, Gordon had no choice but to beg for coins in front of Claridge's, a fancy London restaurant. The owner of Claridge's, Sir Elton John, took pity on the lad, and taught him everything he knew.

Party boy

In 1994, at the age of 28, Gordon accepted a police "caution" for gross indecency involving himself and two other dudes, both cooks, in the toilet of a London Underground station. Gordon insists now that it was only "hi-jinks" and not sexual. Gordon says that the three, who were discovered at around 4 o'clock in the morning, were celebrating and high on LSD. In a recent interview, Gordon remembers now that one of his friends was urinating in a sink, another friend was walking around with his trousers by his ankles, and that he himself was pissing on the floor with his head against the urinal, when the toilet attendant discovered them and dialed 999.

A "hueg fan," Queen Elizabeth bestowed the Order of the British Empire (OBE) on Gordon in 2007

Serious businessman

In an effort to seem more legit, Gordon made his millionaire father-in-law buy 7 or 8 restaurants in London, New York and Florida for him. In 2009 it was revealed that his restaurant, Foxtrot Oscar in Chelsea, West London, used Jew, and sold at high profits. This is exactly the sort of thing that Gordon forces other restaurant owners to stop doing.

See Also

• Simply Sara

Moar

• Gordon Ramsay

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