Samael

Trying and failing.

Names: Samael, warlord101, Robert Brettell

In the vast reaches of the InterWeb, there are many people from many different parts all over les tubes. One such retard is Samael. Oozing from the dark abyss of Fur Affinity, Samael is a 20-year-old British furfag who draws inflation porn of his completely original character, a "butter dragon". Some argue that his fursona is actually just a fat yoshi, but they are obviously spreading slanderous lies because they're jealous of his fatceps, quadruple chin and moobs. He is worshipped as a talented vore and inflation artist by furries everywhere, even though he is a retarded piece of shit with a fetish for bed-sore causing health problems and respiratory failure.

Within the fandom

Characters

Samael joined the furry fandom at the tender age of 16. He almost immediately started spamming tons of sketches, to which furries slowly flocked in order to observe his brilliant artistic talents.

Samael's fursona is a butter dragon. To anybody that isn't one of Samael's fantards, they can see that his 'butter dragon' is actually just a fat yellow yoshi with wings and a hat stuck on. Despite this, he has (at the time of writing) 954 watchers and over 30,000 pageviews, meaning that either Samael has a lot of online friends willing to view his page all the time or a LOT of furfags fap to blobs of living fat weighing in at over two metric tons. Hope for the former but expect the latter.

Older DeviantArt entries suggest that he had a mate, spencerdragon. However, spencerdragon ditched his furaffinity over two years ago, most likely along with his mateship.

The name Samael was liberated from an old video game called Discworld Noir.

	“	I think I actually first heard it in 'Discworld Noir' - the pianist was called Samael, I seem to think. "Play it again, Samael." "*pauses and turns around* ...nobody is ever going to believe you said that."	„
	—Samael on his fursona's name.

Another one of his favourite characters is Tia, a hueg boa constrictor with anatomy comparable to an oil pipeline. Tia is Samael's original variation of the Babylonian sea goddess Tiamat, the monstrous embodiment of primordial chaos.

Art Style

The majority of his works of "art" are little more than pencil sketches of circles with blobs for arms and legs and a head stuck on somewhere in the fatrolls. Furfags for some as of yet unknown reason, furfags are actually retarded enough to pay for these drawings. Again, anybody that isn't a fan of him can see that his pictures suck. Even Samael himself can see that he's not a good artist, as demonsrated below.

	“	I think I can finally start referring to myself as a drawing machine again. Not necessarily a GOOD drawing machine but a machine none the less.	„
	— Samael on how he's a mediocre artist

	“	I seem to have lost my direction and whatever I draw comes out poor and feeling horrendously incomplete.	„
	—Samael on how he's a mediocre artist continued

	“	But, clearly, there is something I'm doing wrong. Perhaps there's some glaring aspect of my style that I'm just not picking up on that seems simply 'not right' or I've just botched something so often that it's gotten ingrained.	„
	—WELL GEE I WONDER WHAT THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE

	“	Have I done something to offend you all?	„
	—Yes, they are all in your gallery

	“	Unless it's my art, in which the same thing gets repeated about three hundred times. Anyway, those who know me will probably know that I'm a fickle, hidebound creature that seldom ventures out of a certain comfort zone. Unless I'm being vocal about something, I appear to have no personality, lack initiative and prove myself thoroughly uncultured.	„
	—do I REALLY need to say anything?

	“	Firstly, I'm pretty sure fat eevees have been drawn before. Secondly, my art is not good, not great, not exceptional. At the MOST it is mediocre. Thirdly, what works better? Flat colours or the fully-shaded thing?	„
	—mediocre artist is mediocre

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Point System

Samael thought of the brilliant idea of giving points to his fantards for anything to get art off him, but him being a total Jew about it he pretty much played favourites and was being very selective about who the points went to. He played the point game from 17 March 2008 to 21 May 2008. There are however over nine-thousand journal entries about how many people have certain numbers of points. God and Samael only know how much arse-kissing went on during those two months.

	“	Just a little note to say, I thought up a little contest, regarding my pics. You know how I sometimes award points? And so far they don't really mean anything aside from credit? From now on, every picture I post will have a question, usually related to the pic or just random trivia related to whatever's going through my mind when I post it, that'll be worth a point. Furthermore, from now on, those points are currency. Gather up enough - I'm thinking ten - and you're awarded free arts. Sound worthwhile to anyone?	„
	— Samael being the Jew he always is

After a while he pretty much Jewed everyone over the points program by scrapping it without notice, and in the end result no art this shows how much of a self centered arsehole he really is.

Gallery of Fail

• 
  fails at being thin.
• 
  Fails at drawing females.
• 
  Heart attacks in 3...2...
• 
  He is also retarded
• 
  Samael and Gullibles' sexual fantasy
• 
  Doing the impossible as well
• 
  One of his fantasies to rub himself down in butter

A brief overview of his FA page shows that he has over 850 pics in his gallery, mostly comprised of inflation porn of his fat ass yoshi ripoff.

See Also

• Dragomike
• Tolstoy

Methods of Contact

• AIM - Wrl101
• MSN - [email protected]

External Links

• his FA
• his DA
• his twitter, password protected
• Tumblr account
• [email protected] his email and possibly his MSN
• his ustream. Password locked.
• [email protected] possibly another email

Samael is part of a series on Furfaggotry Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.