Call of Duty: Modern Warfare (2019)

Preorder for Mountain Dew

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2019 (a.k.a. Call of Duty: Windows Doorframe) is the 9797th entry into the bloated corpse of a generic FPS franchise. The game is highly innovative for creating shit that breaks the game with great quantities of bugs and lag to offer for anyone who’s stupid enough to still be playing a COD title. All for sacrificing your entire data space and possibly burning your shitty PC and console device you are using for a lackluster game. Wow! This is also the last mainline slop they would ever care about before Warzone came to rape the franchise’s core fanbase into the ground for Jew money.

This shit is broken yo!

The only way to play the game

Just like every other COD made at least 3 years ago, Activision decide to neglect them cause they were not paying the bills. As such, numerous hackers flooded the official servers in those games. These hackers even were able to access the users of games and steal valuable data from them. It became such a problem but no one in the company gives a shit about it. Too busy suing modders to care. So if you were to somehow travel back in time, then you get to witness mediocrity at its peak without getting anally raped by hackers and what not.

LOAR

Top 5 Moments before Disaster

Main story focuses on a fictional country known as Kurdistan. Americunts were tasked to absolute nuke the living shit out of a chemical factory in some shitty Caucasus country and steal the toxins for themselves. They were then pwned back by Americunt backed resistance force mistaking them as Russkies. Not Captain Price was tasked by strong independent waman to retrieve the chemicals for Jewish interests. Fast forward to London, DEI hire and his team were pwned by a couple of sand niggers raving havoc on the Whities for giving them a somewhat better life. Gaz met with Not Captain Price as Gaz almost got shanked by a Jihadist. They met with the bomber who claims to be a victim. Unfortunately, the counter-terrorist team forgot that they were supposed to bring their bomb refusal kit. So Price, in homage to the cancelled R6: Patriots game, throws him off the balcony to die and everyone lived happily evar after! Back in Kurdistan, CIA SWM Alex came back from teh first anal raping to meet with American puppets who almost tried to kill them Israli-style. Alex, hamstringed along with a woman who would’ve been dead right now by Sandmen (if biology hadn’t done so), bombs all the Russians for teh lulz and for enslaving the poor Arabs as an example of White privilege. Back in London, Gaz, Price, and the meatbags raided the shit out some terrorists living in London thanks to current immigration policy. They learned where man these sand niggers respond to “Wolf” is at. Alex was notified and successfully captured the furry after bombing a local hospital. They captured and held him in their embassy for epic tourturing while his right hand man launched an attack on the embassy the very same day. After almost getting raped by the Arabs, the team decide to throw him in a big vault with no guards to check for any intruders. Predictably, the furry got away and thus the mission must continue. Girl power then convinced themselves that they should attack the furry’s men on a highway bombed by -A-m-e-r-I-c-a-n-s- Russians. It turns out that the woman’s cucked brother stole the chemicals from us in the first mission and betrays us by forcing every gamer to play as a woman with plot armor, Auschwitz style. It’s revealed that the Russians decided to invade the Kurds after enough trolling from them, sparking the biggest lulz ever. After another anal butt rape, CIA woman located the betrayer and tasked the team (again) to find him. They were finally able to kill the furry but the others got to get away. After the whole shebang, the US government finally declared the freedom fighters as terrorists when they were useless to Israel. Alex gets pissed and switched teams. The team tracked the furry’s right hand man to Mother Russia with CIA asset Not Nikolai from the (4th) first game. After capturing RHM, they used the most reliable CIA tactic of kidnapping and extortion. However, we don’t get to kill the little gremlin since moral fags would pwn the player for having fun. Gang shootouts commenced and we traveled to the next location to find the woman’s brother. Barkov’s family were captured by the ULF by guilt of association and Price and the team has to moral fag Hadir in order to find the location for epic pwning. The team attacks the gas factory against the entire military and win. Unfortunately the detonator decide to kill itself from the cringe and Alex has to be a martyr for his new Reddit cause. For some reason, Farrah somehow was on board with Barkov and decide to say a cringe-worthy line before stabbing him. The chemical factory that contains chemicals fortunately doesn’t decide to contaminate the area after an explosion like all other American operations and the team lived happily ever after (IDK guys, maybe it’s scientific). Price decide to leak the next Modern Warfare 2 game to nostalgia bait the gamers into another game. There’s a whole Spec Ops game nobody cares about and neither should you.

Out of the Loop

It’s safe to say that the COD community is a toxic cesspool akin to Chernobyl and 1945 Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined. The franchise at that point has already dabbled in multiple settings and genres, all of them have been received with the warmth and glee akin to domestic violence. When the developers made the same shit over and over again, people complained that it was monotonous and begged the developers for something different. When the developers tried something new, the kids whined about how it’s too different and wanted everything to be the same. After a dwindling sales record and the fear that their studio will be shot in the head by their overlords, Infinity Ward had to create something fresh that is also rehashed somehow. New engines, no more loot boxes, maps with more than three lanes akin to the Golden Era of COD, more ways to customize your guns, and most importantly, Nostalgia bait. When they revealed the trailer, all the fanboys went berserk and pre-ordered the games, not learning their lesson since the fanbase is mostly made up of children and pedophiles. Graphic whores praising the games new ways to fuck up your frame rate; Normies, game journalists, video essayist, and more retards across the globe were starting to get interested; Rejects from animation were jerking off how the game have a gritty and realistic reload animations (for fuck sake); And the franchise started to pick up steam on JewTube and Jeff Bezos’ new monetization scheme. It even implemented a battle pass akin to their first failed battle royal from BO4. It seemed to go great for the company. However, when the game first launched, it became apparent that all is not what it seemed.

Special Reap Operations

Average Spec Op Experience

People who like Spec Ops from the previous MW installation can be safely assured that the developers hate them with ferocious intent. Mode was a clusterfuck of drugged up enemies, rocket spamming against you, shitty respawns, shitty story, lack of classic missions, operations that took way too long to complete, lag, game crashes, almost no checkpoints, and much more ways to fuck you up. It’s basically akin to having scolding shit pouring over you multiple times. Additionally, Survival was locked to just PlayStation for no reason but to fuck with normal people. After a while, Infinity Turd had to fix their shitty game. It’s widely believed that it was initially supposed to be in a bad state since they were experimenting on live service, which is just an excuse for the developers to not do their job, for a while and wanted to try it out. Fortunately, this is just the only bad thing most of the player base doesn’t give a shit about. The rest of this turd pack can only go up from here.

The Community Hub with Guns and Explosions

Summary:

The gameplay consists of sitting in an area that can’t be easily noticeable and waiting for rushers to come so that they could commence sexual assault on them. Then, rack up all the kills to deploy a AC-130 or a nuke, which at this point, everyone in the enemy team will ragequit before it even happened. The fanbase bitched and whined that the game is basically a huge sweatfest, just like in 2009 (Nostalgia much?). There are many reasons for this. The maps had way too many paths to travel through, the visuals and lightning were very indiscernible, footsteps sound like elephants (hence the term Elephant footsteps), cross-play means that the gamers with PC will always dominate over console fags, return of killstreaks, and introduction of gunsmith were just some of the reasons why the game is what it is. The game also implemented a matchmaking system that punishes you for being too good at the game.

Absolute State of Play

The absolute state of COD

This game features a boatload of cosmetics that stray away from the main setting of the game because the Kikes at Activision needed to somehow rape their consumer’s wallet since they can’t get away with loot boxes and map packs. So when you decide for some reason to join a game, you will get to meet the Puppet from Saw, a Cowboy, five edge lords, hippies, women who would’ve been dead already, random nobodies, characters from previous games that shouldn't even been here, and more garbage. Because of this and Activision’s insatiable greed, some blood sacrifices had to be made. No more intro music from the beginning of a match, no unique announcers that are funny stereotypes (instead, you get some British cunt that sounded like he smoked 5 packs of fags a day or he’s doing it wrong), fewer mil-slim operators that fit the overall ascetics because the kids will get scared, and more fags and tranny flags in order to save face from their inevitable lawsuit.

100 Ways to Kill

Like all COD titles, there are some guns that are downright broken to play and some that are too useless to be a toy gun. COD’s greatest innovation are the numerous optical sights where most of them are pure garbage.

Guns and More

Assault Rifle

The only thing that people care about.

• M4A1: Starter gun you get when you first join. Amazing considering it’s a starting weapon for newbies.
• Kilo 141: American Desert gun that is absolutely mediocre to play.
• FAL: Marksman rifles for people with carpel tunnel syndrome.
• FR 5.56: Mislabeled rifle for those who want to surrender faster. Aside from the shitty French jokes, this gun is pretty decent in most cases.
• Oden: Shittier version of the FAL, which basically makes it a FAIL.
• M13: Functions similar to the Kilo, except black. What did they mean by this?
• FN Scar 17: From COD to Fortnite to COD, it went on a long journey to mediocrity.
• AK-47: Terrorists favorite weapon and top tier choice for Russian cosplayers. Has a drum mag that turns it into a LMG.
• RAM-7: A new gun that exists. Nothing else. Also ugly as fuck.
• Grau 5.56: Nice gun to look at and use.
• CR-56 AMAX: Has a mag option that turns the gun into a pseudo-marksman rifle.
• AN-94: Slow as fuck firing rate. Choose this if you want to die quicker.
• AS-VAL: Overpowered as fuck. Generator of in-game lulz. It is said that people who used it are cursed to burn in hell after they die.

Sniper Rifle

This game only provided just four sniper rifles and somehow all of them suck dick.

• Dragunov: Slav’s long range pick and Terrorist’s only weapon to get the thing they want to die over there.
• AX-50: Fat piece of shit that took over the Arctic and dances over its corpses in respect to how similar they look.
• HDR: Slow as fuck sniper rifle that made everyone break their counsole. Not to be confused with…
• Rytec AMR: An even greater disappointment that somehow is the first of its kind to only create downsides.

Marksman Rifle

For some reason, the sharp minds at Infinity Ward decided to create a new gun class for reasons unknown to humanity.

• EBR-14: Semi auto junk that requires pointing your cross hairs on the thing you want to die.
• MK2 Carbine: Wild West lever action rifle that has a cool reloading animation.
• Kar98K: WW2 rifle dedicated to old fags. Not an M1 Carbine tho.
• Crossbow: Shitty as fuck medieval weapon that somehow passed selection. Useful for trolling purposes and only trolling purposes.
• SKS: Another Slav junk that can’t hit for shit.
• SPR-208: For some reason, this gun has a fucking scope attached yet the geniuses at Activision decided to classify this gun as a marksman.

Shotguns

One hit wonder machine

• Modern 680: Breaching shotgun that can’t actually do so.
• R9-0: Burst shotgun. Decent if you can actually land your shots.
• 725: A nightmare for gamers back in early seasons of the game. Functions as a sniper rifle in any range and most used by toxic players. The team nerfed it down so that now you have to hit two shots to absolutely obliterate a poor man’s life.
• Origin 12: Crappy Auto-shotgun that doesn’t give the dopamine of a standard shotgun.
• VLK Rogue: Some weird abomination of an AR that functions like a shotgun.
• JAK-12: Use the pyrotechnic option to be a dipshit.

LMG

Campers top pick.

• PKM: Big gun for big boys. Used by Moscovite heavyweights and no life campers.
• SA87: Dog shit Britfag weapon. It’s useful for those who like to get shat on.
• M91: America’s top choice for mowing down retarded sand niggers and children alike.
• Holger-26: G36C rip off from COD 4 who look like he’s trying too hard to be a huge fat ass but everyone uses the smaller mags like it’s an assault rifle.
• MG34: NatSoc gun that somehow time traveled to be apart of an era where guns with five thousand laser sights exist. A blatant nostalgia callback to the MP44, which ironically was a nostalgia callback to the first three games of the now bloated series.
• Bruen MK9: Mislabled gun from the early hey days of the War on Arabs.
• FiNN: COD Ghosts chainsaw gun. Time traveled backward to warn the Brit fags about giant orbital lasers genociding the American natives.
• RAAL MG: Another Cold War gun that has a way too long ass name for something that doesn’t even exist.

SMG

Served as a top pick for wannabe E-Sports members.

• AUG: Austria’s only weapon in the military. Functions more like an Assault Rifle but bullet size place it into the try hard section.
• P90: Mechanically confusing short rifle that serves as a baseline for tryhards.
• MP5: Overpowered as fuck in its heyday. Nerfed down but still functional.
• Uzi: Kikes top pick. Useful for gang members and such.
• PP19 Bizon: Serves as a mini-LMG. Still shittier than the other SMGs.
• MP7: Structure of an UZI. Functions like a Bizon.
• Striker 45: Slow as fuck. Use it if you hate yourself.
• Fennec: Another mislabeled rifle that has an option that can transform you into a shitty action star.
• ISO: This gun functions fine.
• CX-9: Cold War gun that somehow landed in MW. Balanced unlike its Warzone counterpart.

Handguns

Only use it if you have a riot shield

• X16: Semi auto desert gun that terrorists use.
• 1911: Old and reliable for all of US military and old fags alike.
• .357: Revolver that combines well with the western gun.
• M19: CT gun that nobody uses.
• .50 GS: Kikes and niggers top choice for shooting Arab children and themselves.
• Renetti: Burst shot. OP as fuck.
• Sykov: The creators forgot to give something to the Russkies and so they decided to steal from Cold War and shove it in the late stage cycle.

Launchers

Infinity Ward gave more care to launchers than to the snipers.

• PILA: Auto aim weapon for those who want to miss.
• Strela-P: American manual boom cannon that shoots disappointments.
• JOKR: Auto aim weapon for those who want to not know what to do.
• RPG: Commiting jihad since the start of American taxes payed to these freedom fighters.
• MGL-32 Grenade Launcher: Despite what you expected, it suck huge dick.

Melee

Trolling weapons

• Knife: Stabby stabby wins the race
• Kali Sticks & Dual Kodachis: Weeb weapons and nothing more.
• Riot Shield: Nostalgia much?

Nade

This franchise spans for 15 years and yet they still use the most basic as fuck equipment system.

Lethals

For killing people

• Claymore: Campers top pick. Say good bye to your life as you walk by.
• Frag Grenade: Need I say more?
• Molotov Cocktail: Watch your enemies horrifically burn in front of your eyes.
• C4: Fun when used like a suicide vest.
• Semtex: Sticky grenades? Thanks Halo!
• Throwing Knife: Useless piece of shit that somehow trickfags fawn over about.
• Proximity Mine: Vehicle denial. Shittier version of a C4.
• Thermite: Annoying as fuck grenade to deal with.

Tactical

For psychologically damage the player

• Flash Grenade: Gives the enemies a free wallpaper that they can use.
• Stun Grenade: Turns your enemies into old people.
• Smoke Grenade: Covers your ass for about one second.
• Snapshot Grenade: Allows you to wallhack for a bit.
• Hearbeat Sensor: A better version of the snapshot grenade.
• Gas Grenade: Turns the map into the next Auscwitz.
• Stim: Steroids with a misleading title.
• Decoy Grenade: Pointless grenade to use as most player already know that players don’t stand around in one place and shoot constantly.

Perks Working in the Field

Giving you abilities to fuck with people.

• Double Time: Lets you be Usain Bolt for a while longer.
• EOD: Hack into enemy equipment only to get shot anyway.
• Scavenger: Useless as fuck thanks to the Ammo Pack.
• Cold-Blooded: Become a snake.
• Kill-Chain: Broken as fuck perk that lets you rain fire on your enemies and being rewarded for it.
• Quick Fix: Only perk that is actually balanced.
• Restock: Lets you nade spam alone and afraid.
• Hardline: You can take less effort to get your Angel of Death. Unfortunately, it’s not very much.
• Overkill: Lets you use two overpowered weapons in the current meta.
• High Alert: Turns paranoia into a valuable asset.
• Ghost: An improvement on Cold-Blooded.
• Pointman: Rewards you for doing the objective correctly.
• Tuned Up: Lets you get your field upgrades faster.
• Amped: Switching to your pistol is faster than reloading. Now 40% more so.
• Sharpnel: Spawn with extra piece of lethal to punish your enemies.
• Battle Hardened: Immune to the constant flashes from the paparazzi.
• Engineer: Battlefield ripoff.
• Tracker: Lets you stalk your latest victim.

Deathstreaks

Prepare your anus for this huge buttfucking. Initiate the Count Up.

3

Newbies

• Personal Radar: A shittier version of the UAV.
• Shield Turret: Makes you a sitting duck when you use it. Don’t think this garbage can be useful as a camper.

4

Somewhat Advanced Newbies

• Counter UAV: A drone that will be shot down in a few second. Useful for fucking up enemy recons for about 0.0000000000117 second.
• UAV: A drone that lets you see red dots blinking in the sky. Most used by sweats in order to find their latest victim of rape.
• Care Package: Lets you spin the lottery of different war crimes. Somehow, your teammates always get the better kill streak.

5

Spammers

• Cluster Strike: Do something that the Iranians can’t even accomplish in the last 40 years.
• Cruise Missles: Launch a rocket in the sky so you can target someone you have a personal vendetta with.
• Precision Airstrike: Calls the US Military in order to signify the presence of oil.

7

Obstacle Generator

• Infantry Assault Vehicle: A tank that replaces the Wheelson. That’s it.
• Sentry Gun: Acts as area denial to the enemy team, allowing you to capture objectives better.
• Wheelson: Annoying ass mini vehicle that laser in opponents from a safe distance, if you know how to drive it properly.

8

Regular

• Emergency Airdrop: Gambler’s Fallacy in full display. Allows you to get unlucky three times.
• VTOL Jet: A better sentry gun if the map isn’t mostly in the inside. Otherwise, tough shit.

10

Sadists

• White Phosphorus: A lulz worthy weapon that lets you commit war crimes in real time. You get to witness the enemy choke and burn slowly and painfully. Received a shit ton of backlash by moralfags.
• Chopper Gunner: Another overpowered kill streak that acts as a less powerful AC 130.

11

Distraction

• Support Helo: Lets you play the game for you.

12

Sweaty

• Gunship: Acts as a generator of the constant whining of 8-year-olds and grown up man children. Unfortunately, the shitheads at Infinity Ward decide to remove all fun out of a gunship being called on. So they removed the term AC-130.
• Advanced UAV: Same shit as the UAV but immune to damage and turns your red dots into Doritos.

15

Try hard

• Juggernaut: Lets you be God. When activated, all players tremble before you and begs you to not commit anal fisting against their small boy pussy.

Unofficial Official 30

Annoying as fuck to deal with. Infinity Ward really didn’t learn their lesson back in Modern Warfare 2 have they?

• Tactical Nuke: Game ender for everyone involved. This is the final goal for all sweats, try hards, and campers in the game and will guarantee all the hot single ladies in your area to come and fuck in your house.

Operator Skills from another shit game

Operator skills from an operator-less game (And no, shitty ass skins don’t count).

• Munitions Box: A tool that renders the Vulture perk to be rendered useless.
• Recon Drone: Another ripoff from Battlefield.
• Dead Silence: Very overpowered ass feature that installs fear of surprise butt sex into victims of this field. For some reason, the fanbase that complains about overpowered features in their Cock-o-Do games wishes that this ability were to change into a passive ability like a perk.
• Stopping Power Reloads: Now the guns shoot out the whole bullet, causing extra damage and pure pain.
• Trophy System: Nadespam-Counter’s last resort from the horde.
• Deployable Cover: The game’s first introduction of building mechanics. Next they will probably create something truly groundbreaking like split-screen multiplayer or the ability to have two primaries, a handgun, and a melee weapon instead of this weird Post-Halo era where, for some reason, soldiers can’t fit a knife if they want a pistol but can use a whole fucking rocket launcher to replace the secondaries.
• Tactical Insertion: Give the player the ability to get spawncamped by the enemy team.
• EMP Drone: Predecessor of Obama’s Drone Targeting Weapon. Has the ability to kill enemy players, so expect infinite lulz from that.
• Weapon Drop: If you attached an additional three attachments into your gun with this field on, you could spawn the drone to have one of the three attachments you picked out. This is by far the dumbest shit that Infinity Turd has created.

Cut Content

This is the place where Infinity Ward has thought of in one point but decided to cut it out of the final product.

• Ladder: Creates a ladder.
• Last Stand: Holy shit! There are so much overpowered shit that was specifically designed to make camping the ultimate strategy for gaming. The very fact that Infinity Turd decided to cut off this cursed field upgrade is proof that there is a God watching over us and knowing that humanity is sick of this shit. Srysly! It’s proof that they learned one of their lessons and guarantees that the next COD game will be perfect.
• Ammo Drop: Literally a 1:1 recreation of the Munitions Box except a drone is hovering over the dipshit who called it in instead of randomly teleporting to their current location.

Maps & Modes

Remember in the Alpha where there was a new game mode called Gunfight? Well they are the only maps that are small and simple at launch. The other maps are basically a complex maze. As such, the only player who thrived are the campers. Need I say more? There was no map variety at all and only about 8 modes exist at the start of the game.

What happened?

The developers at Infinity Turd spent most of the time creating their new brand-spanking engine for all of the graphic whores to fawn over and all the optical sights in the world just so that they can write it off as an innovation, but neglected to create the actual content at launch and doesn’t have the important features that previous COD titles had. This seems like the same problem that most COD titles since Call of Duty: Ghosts had, except now, it seems like they did it on purpose just so that they have an excuse to use the live service model they keep triting about in order to spoon feed all the popular game modes, maps, and more from the Golden Era of COD.

Infinity Ward’s Funniest Moments

Since the franchise is well known to be funded by the goddamn US Military, the creators took certain ”liberties” in how they portray different countries. Specifically, they blamed all the atrocities committed by Americunt and the Kikes onto Russians, even though people with a IQ above 80 knows that Russians couldn’t be possibly doing that as their country is poor as fuck to begin with. Multiple articles and news segments from Russian media groups bitched about these depictions. But nobody cares cause they lost against some Sand Niggers just South of their border.

The Warzone Effect

After a few months, Activision created another trend chasing battle royals mode called Warzone, leaving the main game and all other games afterwards to be forced at whim to cater to Fortnite fans.

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