- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Satan: Difference between revisions
imported>Suki |
imported>Suki |
(No difference)
| |
Revision as of 21:30, 4 June 2015
Satan is too cool and notably the best known troll in the history of the universe, given the most names out of any supernatural entity, even God. He is also falsely believed to be the bane of good. He has admitted to being the bane of good, but since he is a liar he is then necessarily not anything he claims to be. Satan is also known to say that he is wrong most of the time and he will lose the ultimate battle.
Satan knows that the only reality is the carnal reality, the material world and its laws. Satan was permabanned from heaven for giving this knowledge to Eve, who had to tell Adam because this ultimate truth went way over her head. Adam and Eve were subsequently banned from Eden because they began to cover up their sexyparts, successfully ruining God's only dick joke, marking one of Satan's best trolls evar.
Satan is the light of salvation for human-kind, taking all of God's mistakes under his large black wings and protecting them with his irrevocable power. Satan is the answer to the paradox "Can God make a rock so heavy that even he cannot lift it?" Satan is that rock. Now despite,his bad reputation,Satan is one of most honest,sincere and cool individuals ever to exist so... NOW WORSHIP SATAN FOR ALL E-TERNITY, PATHETIC MORTAL.
Satan's Contributions to Trolling
Satan is one of the world's most influential IRL trolls who started by getting Adam and Eve B& from the Garden of Eden roughly 6,000 years ago in an act of epic lulz thus causing the downfall of humanity - wars, hunger, niggers, Jews and the Holocaust (see, two wrongs do make a right) and ultimately the internets.
Satan's trolling has been known to inspire the following:
- Jews (He gave them the idea to come to earth)
- dykes
- Richard Dawkins
- Adolf Hitler
- Rule 34
- TheAmazingAtheist
- Heterosexuals
- Whites
- Kanye West
- Pain Series
- Fred Phelps
- AkewsticRockR
- Hippies
- Everyone on ED
- You
As further proof that Satan is damn good at his job, none of these people actually like or even believe in Satan. All of these things go to prove that Satan is the second greatest IRL troll to ever exist. The first being God himself (again, ever read the story of Job?).
Hell
What, exactly, is Hell?
Hell is a large cave hidden inside the moon. Managed by Lucifer Armstrong and the rest of the illuminati, Hell is a very happy place. However, the connotation of "Hell" has been skewed by white people with cardigans, also known as Christians. The Christian concept of Hell entails fire, chaos, and dystopia. In truth, none of this is accurate. Actually, Hell has just had a broken air conditioning system for a while. They recently remodeled, and the bed bug problem is gone. Thank you, Obama.
People going there
- Those who edit Encyclopedia Dramatica.
- Those who wear hats indoors.
- Those who wear summer hats in the winter.
- Those who wear winter hats in the summer.
People already there
- William Shakespeare for plagiarism. Especially how he stole proverbs and other sayings and presented them as if he coined them. But worse, much worse than this, worse than hack analysis, worse than e-psychiatry, worse than old meme, worse than trying too hard and worse than quoting a Tv Show is to favour wordplay and other stylistical schemes over pedagogics.
Lasting Influence
Satan's influence over modern individual thinkers is highly prevalent on the internets. Taking their cues from The Great One himself, completely original young thinkers can be found all over LiveJournal, DeadJournal and especially Vampirefreaks. Typically, many of them cultivated screen names based off the works of Dante and Milton such as xxxSatansGoatseManBitchxxx or 6satans6jizzbin6.
The other telltale sign of Satan's presence OL is the continuation of cryptography, which is his favorite hobby. His most hardcore followers will attempt to obfuscate the true, sinister nature of their messages within a highly complex system of transposing, dropping, and replacing letters and words when communicating.
Example 1: "I am in the final stages of planning a gruesome end to my foes" would be written as "Tihs is so fuck up ppl wr talkkn shit n i start to cry n now i jus wana smoek a big 1 n slit my rissed."
Example 2: "That woman would be most suitable to join me inside my dungeon for a night of exquisite pagan sex ritual" would translate as "teh grrl in Hot Topic is so hot i trid to aks her out but im to shy n just looked so stupid. I haet myself. Good news i get to moev into my moms basement tomorw."
Fun Facts About Satan
- Tom Cruise is gay for Satan.
- Satan uses Unix in all his partitions.
- Satan uses Windows Vista.
- Satan has had hot, sweaty sex with every Republican president in the past 100 years and a majority of the Democratic ones. Jimmy Carter is a prude.
- In previous years, Satan employed backmasking to spread the word and cause people to commit suicide. Now that everybody just steals all their music from the internet, Satan has given up and joined the RIAA.
- Jesus is Satan's bitch and has to suck on Satan's cock on a daily basis.
- According to careful research by the Led Zeppelin Research Group, Satan is sweet. A tool shed also seems to be involved somehow.
- Satan invented heterosexuality for the lulz.
- Satan Causes Global Warming.
Sightings
Satan on The Maury Show.
Everyone knows Satan originates from the Jews
Official ED Policy on Satan
—? | ||
Satan in video games and on the Internetz
Satan also tries to conquer the virtual world of video games and the internetz by forcing n00bs to face unseen horrors.
People Commonly Accused of Being The Antichrist
- Jews 110%
- Jack Thompson
- Barack Obama
- Dan Quayle
- Marylin Manson
- Michael Jackson-BALEETED!!!
- L. Ron Hubbard
- Hillary Clinton
- Richard Dawkins
- NephilimFree
- Chris Crocker
- YouLoveMolly
- VenomFangX
- Kim Jong Il
- Bill Gates
- Tom Cruise
- Vladimir Putin
- Dstohl
- BayHorseCrew
You-You aren't that important- Your Mom
- Every single Pokemon
- The Jonas Brothers
- Harry Potter
- Edward Cullen
- The Pope, Darth Benedict
- Josef Fritzl
- David Hendren
- Boxxy However it has been confirmed she is shit. You can't fuck a male God/make believe sock-puppet.
- Jesus
- Steve Jobs
Gallery
-
Satan is badass. -
-
"Go back to hell, Satan...the humans are mine!" -
"Omniscient I am not, but well informed." -
-
Merry Satanic Christmas! -
-
One of Satan's fiendish earthly manifestations. -
Satan's brides are chosen to bear his ungodly spawn. -
Typical German satanists. -
He doesn't quite worship himself yet. -
Real Jewish thought and actual Biblical text paints Satan as something more like God's prosecutor. So, Godot is the Devil. Good times. -
Satin -
Who knew, fundies were right all along, the endtimes be upon us. -
Satan in his pig suit ready to give you some loving. -
He's only really evil in the off-season. -
Satan in retarded flash cartoons. -
Hell is actually pretty chill, yo -
Satan's prophet -
See Also
- Ann Coulter
- Black Metal
- God
- Halloween
- HAIL SATAN EVERYDAY
- Satan, guide my cock!!!
- Satanic Ritual Abuse
- Satanism
- Your mother sucks cocks in Hell
- Richard Dawkins
- Christopher Hitchens
- Republican Party
External Links
|
Satan is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
|
Satan is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |
| Satan is part of a series on Obscure Religions  |
|
|---|