Ted Bundy

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Super Ted.

He did it for the lulz.

	“	I'm the most cold-blooded sonofabitch you'll ever meet.	„
	—Ted Bundy, being an Internet tough guy in the days before the Internet.

Ted Bundy (born Theodore Robert Cowell; November 24, 1946 – January 24, 1989) was the greatest fucking hero to men on earth sent by God to show you dumb-ass bitches a valuable lesson in life, since it's a well known fact that you women are the inferior gender and deserve to be victimized and disposed of for being the promiscuous, stupid whores you are.

After more than a decade of denials he confessed shortly before his execution to thirty homicides committed in seven states between 1974 and 1978; the true total remains unknown, and could be much higher.

The reign of Ted Bundy should never be forgotten, as his epic tirade against niggers has been constantly researched and acknowledged by troubled men everywhere. Some examples of men doing the world a favor are Richard Ramirez, John Allen Mohammed, David Berkowitz, Scott Peterson and many fucking more.

Crimes

There is no definitive consensus on when and where Bundy began killing women. It is thought that he began killing as a form of revenge against women, after having been friendzoned by a woman he was interested in, since most of his victims somewhat resembled the woman in question. Such similarities included, but were not limited to, having two legs, two eyes, teeth and, most importantly, hair parted in the middle, which Bundy had a massive boner for.

Bundy told different stories to different people, and he refused to divulge the specifics of his earliest crimes, even as he confessed dozens of later murders in the days preceding his execution. Some circumstantial evidence suggests that he abducted and killed an 8-year-old Tacoma girl in 1961 when he was fourteen years old, an allegation he denied repeatedly. Bundy committed his earliest documented homicides in 1974 when he was 27. By then he had (by his own admission) mastered the skills needed to leave minimal incriminating evidence at a crime scene. There is alot of proof out there that some nigger did the murders. Then the Jews framed Bundy as they thought they could blame whites for crime.

Modus Operandi

Ted, eyeing up the ladies.

Bundy was a fucking sexy man and scored more pussy than you would ever dream of getting. He was handsome and charismatic, traits he exploited in winning the confidence of his young, attractive female victims. He typically approached them in public places and feigned injury or disability, or impersonated an authority figure, before overpowering and assaulting them at a more secluded location. He sometimes revisited his secondary crime scenes for hours at a time, grooming and performing sexual acts with the decomposing corpses until putrefaction and destruction by wild animals made further interaction impossible. He decapitated at least four victims and kept the severed heads in his apartment for a period of time as mementos. On a few occasions he simply broke into dwellings in the dead of night and bludgeoned victims as they slept.

Capture, Escape, Recapture, Escape Again, Recapture, Execution

Initially charged in Utah in 1975 and convicted of aggravated kidnapping and attempted criminal assault, Bundy became linked to a progressively longer list of unsolved homicides in multiple states. Facing murder charges in Colorado, he engineered two dramatic escapes, and committed at least three additional murders and several violent assaults in Florida before his ultimate recapture in 1978. Failing to acknowledge that had been doing humanity a favor and those women were asking for it, prosecutors gave him three death sentences in two separate trials for the three known Florida homicides, before sending him off to Ol' Sparky.

	“	I'd like you to give my love to my family and friends.	„
	—Bundy's last words. Classy to the end.

Gallery

Gallery About missing Pics

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  If you kill enough people, maybe they'll make a movie about you, too.
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  Ted's dead, baby.
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  You amuse Ted.
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  An uncanny resemblance

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

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  Bundy, in happier times, with his family and slutty wife.
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  Al Bundy approves.
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  Why yes, they did include necrophiliac rape scenes in the movie about him
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  Ted's gay car. What kind of man drives a fucking Volkswagen Beetle? Srsly. What a fag.
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  Ted's murder kit.
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  Bundy reacts to his sentencing.
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  Quaint.
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  Om nom nom...
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  America's Bad Boy
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Bundy's Fangirls

I love you too, ladies

In the months leading up to his execution, Bundy received countless letters from female admirers, wishing to make love to the violent serial killing rapist, one of the most infamous of which was Ayn Rand. Then again, this is more than you've ever got. Maybe if you murdered hundreds of women, girls would like you too. Go on, it'll be easy. There's plenty of knives in the kitchen drawer. Go on. The blood must flow.

DO IT FAGGOT.

GOTTA FEED BLOOD TO TO THESE VOICES IN MY HEAD!!!! MOMMY.. YOU WILL HAVE TO GO FIRST, MUM! THEN THE LITTLE SCHOOL CHILDREN WILL BE NEXT, THIS IS A MISSION FROM JESUS!!!

See Also

• Murder
• Misogyny
• An hero
• Nice guys

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Ted Bundy is part of a series on The History of The Lulz

[Shut UpSing Me The Song Of My People] In Chronological Order 399BC: First recorded troll-banning 0AD: Knock knock! Who's there? It's Jesus, LOL 571: Birth of Muhahahahahammed 600: Blood orgies 1077: Invention of the meme archive 1100: DEUS VULT! 1337: Start of the Hundred Years War 1492: The Americas are culturally enriched 1573: Tycho doesn't invent the funny webcomic 1605: Guy Fawkes invents terrorism. 1789: The beret is mightier than the crown 1801: Invention of the Triforce 1850: World's first OH EXPLOITABLE image 1865: End of the Nigger Market 1877: Trolling world record broken 1888: First successful mixing of hookers and lulz 1914: World War 1 1927: Teh f1rst sk00l sh00ting 1939: World War 2 1944: The Lollercaust doesn't happen 1945: "Nag? Naga? Well... it's nagonna be there tomorrow that's fore sure." - Harry S Truman 1948: Best Korea is founded (along with Good Korea) 1955: America gets BTFO 1960: Awesomeness of swords discovered 1963: CIA did JFK 1987: First televised An Hero 1993: World Wide Web becomes available, Waco 1999: Counter Strike played IRL 2000: End of teh world due to computer errors. 2001: Bush, Saudis, and Jews do WTC 2004: ED founded 2005: Katrina and 7/7 2007: Cho Seung-Hui becomes the King of School Shooters 2011: Utoya Island Swimming School is opened 2013: ISIS founded 2015: Paris Attacks 2016: Donald Trump is elected president of the United States. (For the lulz.) 2017: Country music is back 2019: First livestreamed kebab removal

Ted Bundy is part of a series on Psychopaths

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Article of the Now February 19 and 20, 2024
Preceded by Lesbian	Ted Bundy	Succeeded by TBA