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Greenwood Park Mall shooting: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 03:35, 29 February 2024
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Greenwood Park Mall shooting is yet another mediocre mass shooting article. You can help by not writing articles on every boring edgelord that goes postal and reminding the author they aren't AlGore. |
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STEP THE FUCK OFF! Greenwood Park Mall shooting looks like shit but it is NOT a {{crapstub}}. It is a work in progress! If you require assistance beefing up this article, then hit up the experts on our IRC.
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| Jonathan Douglas Sapirman | |
| Born | November 30, 2001 |
| Died | July 17, 2022 (aged 20) |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
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| High Score | Killed 3, injured 2 |
| Top 50? | FUCK NO |
| Style | Singleplayer |
| An Hero? | No, pwnt by NPC |
2022, the year of the mass shooter apparently. Kicking it off strong with Payton's buck-breaking adventures, continuing further with Sal the Spic's 21 kills, which puts him as the first American shooter since Patrick Crusius to get on the Top 50. A couple of minor shootings later, including a schizophrenic nigger who shot up a hospital after being deprived of his painkillers, and of course, this month's Robert Crimo. Dishonorable mentions go to Frank James and Raymond Spencer, both of whom failed to get A SINGLE FUCKING KILL!
Jonathan Sapirman✡, after seeing the failfest that was Noah's chimpout at a mall in Denmark, thought to himself that he could do it better. He was wrong, getting cucked almost as hard as AlGore, but instead of by a couch, it was by a 22-year-old Zoomer who shot him eight times from a distance of forty yards with his 9mm Glock. Thus, Sapirman failed to earn his eternal notoriety, and becomes another in the long list of losers whose "mass" shootings were so lame not even the most opportunistic gun control advocates could use it for anything, leaving the shooting forgotten by the general public the very next day.
The Fag with a Mag
As this case is fairly recent, for now, this could be updated in the futurah. Here's what we got. The man behind this poorly acted attack is said to be 20-year-old Jonathan Douglas Sapirman. He was a 4channer and redditor who was active on the r/masskillers subreddit. A right wing extremist probably, he was too scared to show his PC so he burned it. Doesn't that seem FAMILIAR?. From this we don't know much yet sadly. At young age, Johnny boy was left behind with Mama cuz father went to get da milk. This guy was another Adam Lanza copycat (two in a month lol), as we can see on his imgur posts POSTED ON 4CHAN that he tries to do that same stupid Lanza shit. Also, he posted a TON about Lanza on his numerous reddit accounts too. Someone reported his reddit account to the FBI for being obsessed with mass shooters, but they closed the case because he didn't post anything threatening. They also couldn't link him to the account due to his use of free WiFi. Notice how all these recent mall shooters can only get three PWns and after that they stop? Well that's stupid. Anyways after that we don't know anything. Here's the link to the 4chan post.
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Another mall shooting
An hour prior to the minor lulzfest, Johnny boy went in the mall and sat there in its restrooms, probably shitting his life out before becoming a badazz. After sixty-two minutes, he came out the shit-infested unclean food court bathroom and went in to do something good for society. He fired 24 rounds of ammunition from his Sig Sauer rifle, killing three people and injuring two in a matter of seconds. Sadly, this bright start would come to a quick end when some armed dude called Elisjsha Dicken who did a 360 no scope on Jonathan and ended it all in two seconds of bullet travel and brain death. He called the cops and told them what happened. The Johnson County Coroner has identified the deceased victims as 56-year-old Pedro Pineda, 37-year-old Rivera de Pineda, and 30-year-old Victor Gomez, all from Indianapolis.
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 3/20 Go away faggot |
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| Accuracy: | 7/20 24 shots fired with 3 killed and TWO injured |
| Style: | 4/20 Had TWO ARs but still did shit |
| Butthurt: | 2/20 Nobody cares |
| Bonus: | 0/20 Pwnt by an NPC and did absolutely dogshit with two ARs. YOU GET NOTHING. |
Wanted Level:
Mall Cop
See also
- Noah Esbensen - Fellow 2022 mall shooter and Lanza fanboy.
- Patrick Crusius - Fellow Spic exterminator.
- Audrey Hale - The tranny counterpart to this Jew.
External links
Reddit accounts
