Boxing: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 16:20, 27 August 2018

Boxing is the pussy version of MMA, where you are only allowed to use your hands, and only after covering them in several layers of pillow stuffing.

Boxing further differentiates itself from MMA by being the most corrupt sport in the history of mankind. Tampering with gloves, tampering with judges, tampering with referees, and tampering with your mom are all commonplace. In fact, if a match concludes without one fighter having fouled the other to hell and back, each spectator is given a full refund along with a pair of shitty Everlast gloves that he can beat his wife and kids with.

History

Boxing was invented in 1066 when the French invaded England. The English, being proper gentlemen, wanted to suck the schlongs of their conquerors; unfortunately for them, most of the Frenchmen were too busy sucking each other's cocks already, so the English had to fight amongst themselves for the few available dicks.

What followed were close to a thousand years of very manly men beating the shit out of each other with their bare hands. Eventually, as always, some faggot decided to completely ruin the sport by adding a bunch of bullshit rules:

No kicking
No grappling
No biting
No eye-gouging
No groin strikes
No heterosexuals
No breathing

Additionally, all fighters were now required to wear leather hand-condoms so that they wouldn't get AIDS while fisting each other inside of the ring. As time went on, the gloves became more and more padded and the fighters started slapping each other with their shit-covered gloves as a joke. Thus, modern boxing was born.

Boxing's popularity soared during the 60s and 70s thanks to the media constantly showcasing how niggers could beat the white man. Once white people started taking boxing seriously and started winning, the media immediately stopped showing it and started complaining that the sport had become weak and devoid of talent. Expect that to reverse once another Great Black Hope shows up.

Famous Has-beens

Muhummad Ali

Born Cassius Clay, he converted to Islam and changed his name. Aliaboos regard him as the best boxer of all time, even though his record clearly shows that he wasn't. He also pussied out of the draft and claimed to be a conscientious objector despite being a boxer and belonging to the religion of suicide bombers; this action led to him becoming a part of the 100% of young black men who end up in prison for nigging. Eventually, he ended up getting Parkinson's disease from getting his ass kicked so much.

George Foreman

George Foreman wasn't a boxer as much as he was a giga-nigga; Instead of looking for a weakness, swarming, tricking, or wearing down his opponent, his style consisted of simply punching the poor SOB so hard that he would fly into next week. While in his prime, his right cross was used as a form of execution: disappointed promoters would bring their failed attempts at rasing the next champions and have Foreman use them as punching bags.

After retiring from boxing for the millionth time, Foreman settled down and became the smiling, cuddly grill salesman who we're all familiar with.