Crap: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 16:42, 28 July 2011

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Warning!
This article contains some fucked up pictures. Deal with it.

Crap or "brown gold" can either be used literally when talking about fæces or figuratively to describe something as being of fucktard quality. Some argue that crap is sexually arousing, but they are mistaken. Crap also passes for any article found in Uncyclopedia. Not to be confused with crapp.

Ooh eeh ooh ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang

The word crap is the retarded sibling of shit which is much more offensive and entertaining. If wanting to pwn someone or incite funny internet drama, thus increasing the lulz, don’t use this word, you’ll just make a dickhead of yourself.

Crap also plays an important part in teh English language. It can be used for damn near anything. Examples include, but are not limited to, teh following.

Holy crap!
Hey, you stepped in some crap.
I ain't puttin' up with your crap.
Bullcrap! (Used in objection.)
This is a crap movie

Funny crap

Poop Back and Forth

Scene from the movie: "Me and You and Everyone We Know", in this amazing scene a underage sea nigger meets a older white female online and engages in cyber scat sex. The young sea nigger boy then meets the older white female in a park an shares a kiss.

Uses

Literal crap can be located in a toilet, up your nose or on your mother's chest. It is made when your body rejects the disgusting junk you ate which probably includes cum as you are a filthy, dirty whore. It usually comes in solid form but is known to liquefy if your stomach has a moment of clarity where it realises just how pathetic a loser you are and decides to make you constantly shit yourself in front of everyone. It smells terrible so if you plan to put it in someone’s food you’ll need to disguise this.

The toilet is generally regarded as the best place to crap but other options include on a lawn, on a car, in someone's mouth, or Gaiaonline. These options are even more fun if you don’t have permission to do them but will need planning to avoid inevitable prison where you will be gang raped by Bubba, making Goatse look like a virgin.

It has been common knowledge that if you shove food up your ass you will crap out your mouth. This is in fact a healthier crapping option and is recommended based on extensive research done on an episode of South Park.

revenge

"Man this party sucks... I'll let 'em know how I feel with an Upper Decker"

The Upper Decker: The act of defecating in the upper tank of the toilet. When the next poor unsuspecting person flushes the toilet they get a bowl of beef stew or a top tank clogged with a log. The Upper Decker is a weapon of terror and should only be used on people who deserve it. Below are step by step instructions.

1. Stealthily remove the lid from the back tank of the toilet.
2. Stand on the toilet seat and steady your cheeks directly above the back tank.
3. Begin defecating while trying to keep as quiet as possible.
4. When finished wipe all remaining fecal spatter from your anus and hide the used toilet paper. Between the pages of a magazine or under the bathroom sink is a good hiding place.
5. Quietly replace the lid to the back tank of the toilet.
6. Casually exit the bathroom and perhaps even the premises.
7. For extra points and many lulz, remove the chain from the flush handle so they have to reach into the shit-water to get the toilet to work.

Types of Crap

Excerpt from My Studies on Crap.

“Hard Crap”

This is usually the first crap that comes out of your rectum. It is hard, yet supple, and has a nice texture and consistency. Unless you're constipated, this crap feels lovely when it slowly leaves your bowels. Usually, the color is a nice dark brown. And, if you haven't had enough fiber in the day, there should be some chunks of last night's tuna or cabbage floating around" -- Coloring with Nelson

Floaters

Farts? In my shit?

HOLY SHIT! MOAR POOP!

Stolen from a website that refers to shit as "poop":

[Clean it up] [What is this shit?] 0

GHOST Poop: The kind where you feel the Poop come out, but there is no Poop in the toilet. aka the Brown October

CLEAN Poop: The kind where you Poop it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the paper.

SATISFYING Poop: The kind where once you're done, you feel as though you've lost fifty pounds. You leave with a sense of accomplishment.

WET Poop: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels un-wiped, so you have to put some toilet paper

between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with a stain.

DECEPTIVE Poop: The kind where you feel like you're about to shit a torpedo, but it turns out to be CORN poop.

SECOND WAVE Poop: This happens when you're done Pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poop some more.

POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD-Poop: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG Poop: The kind of Poop that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY Poop: It's so noisy, everyone within earshot giggles.

DRINKER Poop: The kind of Poop you have the morning after a night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN Poop: (Self-explanatory)

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-Poop-Poop: The kind where you want to Poop, but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP Poop: This is when it hurts so badly coming out you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS Poop: (Also known as "The Power Dump", or "The Cannonball"). The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

LIQUID Poop: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

Pablo's Revenge: (Also known as "Mexicindigestion") You ate out at a Mexican restaurant and were an hero on the salsa. You may have gained the respect of your amigos, but there's a price to pay: an extremely unsatisfied feeling after pooping , and flaming butt cheeks for a day.

UPPER-CLASS Poop: The kind of Poop that has no odor.

THE SURPRISE Poop: You are not at the toilet because you think you are about to fart but...oops...a sneaky Poop flies out.

DANGLING Poop: This Poop refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Pooping it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

YOUTUBE Poop: Okay now...

The Many Colors of Crap

Crap is usually a dark shade of brown. However, not unliek the Gay hanky code, the same shit can come in many different colors:

Red: Too much ~~beets~~ surprise buttsecks.

Black: A lot of white girls have something black in their arseholes. This is not unusual.

Blue-green: You've eaten food with too much food coloring, such as Fruit Gushers. Go ahead. Eat 3 bags and see what happens. Hint? Lulz.

Yellow: You have a disease. You're going to inevitably shit yourself to death. It means you have too much fat in your poop and you're not absorbing any nutrients.

Purple: What the Fuck???

White: ~~That's not shit, faggot~~. You can get white shit from eating sufficient amounts of white chocolate, it is literally the funniest shit you've ever seen. Or it could mean you have renal failure and need to get your ass to the emergency room NAO.

Scat

Cathy, eating shit pasta, made out of her husband's shit.

The Scat fetish involves anything involving crap remotely sex related.

In the video below scat queen Veronica Moser discusses the German scat porn industry in vivid detail.

Coprophilia - Eating crap. The main reason people do this is because they have autism, or are in some way retarded. But this goes for the vast majority of people on the interbutts.

Human Toilet - As part of BDSM play. Basically you shit on them. They claim not to enjoy it. Types of shitplay include:

Cleveland steamer - the person craps on another person's chest. So called because of the many shit-colored people that inhabit Cleveland.

Dirty Sanchez - smearing crap underneath a person's nose to make it look liek a mustache.

Chili Dog - shit on her chest, then fuck her shitty tits.

Hot Carl - wrapping someone's face with Saran wrap and shitting on it, letting them feel the warmth.

Rusty Trombone - fuck someone's ass, then they suck the chunks off your dick. Also know as a Fudgesicle if you do it when they have the runs.

Go on. Click. You're a sick fuck and you want it.

Wife walks free after feeding husband feces-laced meal.

Hot chicks do their best, it's unladylike.

Online humiliation with scat

Amateur webcam scat videos.

Risks

It is possible to catch AIDS from shitplay if teh cock is yanked out of the asshole and inserted into the mouth without washing. This explains why so many fags have AIDS.

Crap as a Drug

Discovered in Africa there is a new drug on the streets that is made from fermented sewage called Jenkem. Jenkem is huffed giving you an intense high and hallucinations. Used by poor people and totse members.

	“	With glue, I just hear voices in my head. But with Jenkem, I see visions. I see my mother who is dead and I forget about the problems in my life.	„
	—BBC article: Children high on sewage

Variations of Crap

At least 100 percent of people who fap to this shit are sick fucks. Holy crap! Where is Blockatiel when you need him?!

Answerbag
Crapola
Craptacular
Craptastic
Crapunzel
Crap-O-Rama
MCR
IBS
C+Rap
Poop
Google Chrome
Poopsicle
Steve Jobs

Other Noteworthy Crap

Politics Crap (Liberal and Conservative)
Evolution Crap
Homophobic Crap

Buttsecks Fail

The following is a story about failed buttsecks. It's pretty goddamn funny, but very gross. Then again, what on this page isn't?

Gallery of Crap

Shit Gallery About missing Pics

If you click to get the bigger picture, you can almost smell the sweet aroma.
I iz Scatbear, hug me!
A challenger appears.
What passes for poop in diaper.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Sexy.. I'd scoop that up with a spoon and chow down like it was...grandma.
MOAR CRAP PLZ!!!111
Even 16 year old girls like having shit smeared on their faces, too.
A blonde has found a brown dildo in her toilet!...Nevermind...it's just a piece of shit.
It's a tail!
Oooo!!! You filthy whore! :D
Why hello there!
Babies love it!
An early Crap prototype.
A cake made out of shit to give to Jew.
Crap as a fashion statement.
I don't know what this is.
Fantasy realized.
The American Dream.
Heck yeah, poop
Ooooooo! The poop is so big! Ugh! Ugh!
HOLEE SHITTING FUCK!!
At least she can't miss.
Jesus was a coprophile.
and so are the Crapanese
Mämmi (pronounced ['mæm.mi] in IPA) is a Finnish traditional Easter dessert, a malt porridge which is baked in an oven. It is made of water, malt and rye flour and is dark brown in appearance. The Swedish name for it is memma.
Isn't love great?
Fight the power!
'Nuff said!
Imagine all the jenkem you could make out of that.
Support our Troops!
Brock watches Jesse take a shit. You fapped to this didnt you,you sick fuck.
That's a lot of shit
The Scatsons
What you should do after having a good shit.

What you should do after having a good shit.
Face in the shit
Tastes Good
Some people like collecting their own shit and storing it in condoms.
The corophile himself , holding a shit filled condom.
OM NOM NOM NOM
Smurfs also are scats.

External Links

Crap is part of a series on

Sex

Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article November 28, 2006
Preceded by Torpark	Crap	Succeeded by Nigger manual

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 File:Shitfilledcondom.jpg|The corophile himself , holding a shit filled condom.
 File:Guyeatingshitoutofacondom.jpg|[[OM NOM NOM NOM]]
-File:Scat_smurfs.png|[[Smurfs also are scats.]]
+File:Scat_smurfs.png|Smurfs also are scats.
 </gallery>}}

Crap: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 16:42, 28 July 2011

Contents

Ooh eeh ooh ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang

Funny crap