Luvmonkeys

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Nice mustache!

Ashley Bennett (known as LuvMonkeys and Insomniac-of-Heart on DeviantArt) is a known art thief, weeaboo and all together lolcow that first appeared on 4Chan. After pictures of her crafts (that looked suspiciously like feces) were posted on /cgl/, Anonymous flocked to her page to offer up some critique. They had no idea about the drama that was to come.

The Chronicles of Dramu

When The Shit Hit The Fan

It's not what you think.

On November 18, 2011, LuvMonkeys uploaded a picture of her latest cosplay endeavor to DeviantArt. Said photo was supposedly of a brooch she had made for a costume, but rather than looking like a piece of jewelry, it quite literally looked like she squeezed it out of her ass.

The picture received a lot of attention from the cosplayers of /cgl/, where a large hole was recently left in anons' hearts by Pixyteri's absence. Like a drama godsend from moot himself, her DeviantArt account was subsequently posted, revealing a treasure trove of sewing and crafting monstrosities. Rage was induced when it was known that she sold these things. Horrified by what they'd seen, users offered up constructive critique at first. They gave suggestions on how to improve or what supplies she could have used instead.

Rather than taking the criticism, Luvmonkeys flipped the fuck out.

DeviantArt Escapades About missing Pics

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  It begins.
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  What the brooch was supposed to look like.
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  And she questions how they found her so fast.
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  Her art, with a helpful edit by anon
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  Does he have spider veins?
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  Her beautiful artwork! UGUU
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  A tender moment.
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  For sale for $50
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  For sale for $30
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  She made the vest herself! Also When you see it...
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  what is this i don't even
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  A Panty costume, apparently
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  If the customer doesn't like it they can fix it with their clearly superior sewing skills, it's not her responsibility, duh.
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  God have mercy.
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  Crying ukes are so kawaii!
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  Made by herself, for herself.
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  For sale for $15
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  Her Draculaura attempt
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  Fucking RUN
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  Got a little poop on your head there
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  How can anyone be this retarded.
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  Ashley can't keep her stories straight.

The Truth Revealed

One by one, those who knew Luvmonkeys IRL made themselves known in the thread, revealing that more than eleven people were sick of her shit. Luvmonkeys caught onto this and started deleting friends on Facebook, somehow managing to avoid most, if not all of them.

With these 'mutual friends' came more stories about Luvmonkeys and her batshit insanity: Tales of autism and many other long lists of mental diseases she expressed and/or claimed to suffer from were told, including, "that time when she was upset about not being able to go to a meetup because she didn't get her camera...? The camera was going to be a gift from her grandfather - who died the day of the meetup. 'Sorry I can't go, guys, my grandpa died! Guess I'm not getting my camera now.'"

Inevitably, someone contacted little Ashley about her thread on /cgl/, at which point she responded by posting a sob story about the meanies at 4chan on Facebook. To this day no one knows if she really posted in that thread, defending herself in the only way that she knows by blaming EVERYONE ELSE for everything ever.

A few more threads were made, but died down within two weeks when nothing interesting happened.

Facebook Fail About missing Pics

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  Typical excuse
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  I don't think that means what you think it means.
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  Pajamas in a public park = classy.
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  She's not sick!
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  What eyebrows?
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  Professional cosplay makeup.
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The Sewing Sow

Ashley's love of crafting fine goods and professional attitude have made her a popular commissioner among friends. They were guilt tripped into hiring her and then paying up front for their costumes, only to end up stashing them away in the back of the closets, too ashamed to be seen wearing them in public.

Her costumes come in a one size fits all design, skipping out entirely on the measurements of her client and instead using her own Jersey Shore reject mother as a dressform, to ensure that everything she makes can comfortably fit everyone from the anorexic to even the largest landwhale.

Ashley chooses only the best fabrics for her costumes and when asked about her preferred materials was unable to name what fabric she used, probably because she's too money hungry to spend anything more than to pay for what she grabbed from the discount bin at Walmart. She can bullshit an entire costume in a day. She comes from a long line of seamstresses, which includes her grandmother, who is a professional, and can "Sew just about everything!" but still hasn't taught her granddaughter how to hem fabric, leaving poor Ashley to turn to Facebook instead to see if anyone can explain this mystical process to her.

CPS Fiasco

The luvmonkeys drama picked up again a month or so later. Pics surfaced about the horrible state her living room and general house was in, and Anons that knew her confirmed them. (Her mother posted a picture of the house on Facebook, which legit-confirmed it.) Something about her dad abusing her was dug up from her journals too, and it seemed like something serious. So in a rare caring moment, a few anons decided to call Child Protection Services.

Ashley found out and freaked, baleeting her journals and eventually her whole Luvmonkeys deviantArt account. Unfortunately, it could take weeks for something with CPS to happen, so the delicious dramu stood at a stand still for a while.

Eventually it became known that nothing happened at all. The only good that came out of this episode was that Ashley laid low for a while until she went full retard again with her new deviantArt account, which, via Facebook status update, she was completely flabbergasted by /cgl/ finding it so quickly (she friended almost everybody from her Luvmonkeys account).

Drama Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

Luvmonkeys drama recently when another /cgl/ thread was started with a picture of her ridiculously off-kilter Ayame commission, (which she totally measured by letting mom wear it!) In the hours following, many anons criticized her cosplay while attempting to give helpful suggestions. Instead of gratefulness, she gave them the perpetual middle finger. Soon after she baleeted the images. She was eventually forced to create a new account (see below). After a few hours of hassling, things settled down again. She continued to post the world's shittiest art and cosplay things. With the drama episode coming to a close, /cgl/ located her tumblrs, including an AskRoxy (Homestuck) blog.

The Battle of Desu

Sugoi story bro

Voldemort's escapades

A tripfag took it upon herself to act as an overly obvious troll and spam luvmonkey's DeviantArt with poems, confessions, a rick-roll, and praise. All the while, anons spammed her deviantart page with questions and accusations, while a whitenight by the username Spaniel122 defended the living brooch out of her. Hours later, she switched to a new account but was discovered within minutes because it had the exact same icon as her old one. The tripfag immediately began again. Ashley's friends messaged the tripfag about "cyber bullying". After Katsucon 2012, the trolling died down. However, with Ashley's journal about her brother (see below), the tripfag gave up.

Brother's Cancer

"His cancer is just karma!"

On March 11, 2012, Ashley posted a deviantArt journal about her brother's cancer. Her brother has a daughter and a wife, and currently has 4 knots where the cancer was found and an immunity to chemo. In the journal, she said claimed her brother's cancer to be a good thing because he wasn't being mean to her any more. Of course, this was screencapped and posted along with much rage. Many anons messaged her berating her for her lack of compassion and selfishness, but in her BLAME EVERYONE ELSE fashion, she claimed her mother to have said the same thing and to have called it karma.

The fallout came when one anon told her she was not welcome at Animazement, and she later posted on the AZ group wall whining about how she wasn't going anymore. Not soon after, Ashley made (yet another) facebook status about "going to sleep forever".

The Day /cgl/ Stood Still

"I like their hospital better."

For a long time, Ashley drama remained pretty normal. Many people, including the tripfag from before had lost interest in Ashley. That is, until one anon decided to call her out on some of her shit.

The main subject being her claims of abuse from her father. Points were made and just when Ashley found herself backed into a corner, she mentioned she was slitting her wrists at that very moment. When the anon threatened to call the local hospital, Ashley even had the gall to say she wanted to go to the 'nicer' hospital because she liked it better.

What Ashley didn't expect were several anons calling said hospital, reporting her suicide threats and requesting the police to be sent to her doorstep. /cgl/ held its breath and waited for a lulzy Facebook status...and yet it never came. Hours passed and finally, an entire day went by without one single attention-whoring post from Ashley.

Rumors circulated that she was dead. Many speculated she was not dead and was in fact, grounded. As of right now, nobody truly knows what has become of our beloved Poop Brooch Princess.

As it turns out, Ashley stayed offline for two days. Supposedly her mother posted a status on Ashley's facebook saying her daughter had been kept in a psych ward during her absence, totally not grounded. However, Ashley has been known to use her mother's account. When Ashley came back, her Facebook once again returned to obsessive Twitter-like status. She wrote long and hard about her stay and her new meds, though refused to show her wrists.

Currently, it's generally accepted that her "suicide" was bullshit.

Cosplay Contest Funsies

You know you're doing it wrong when your cosplay looks shittier and is less accurate than a halloween costume.

Almost immediately following her return, the Otaku House Cosplay Idol 2012 contest was underway. Ashley entered her unfinished and completely inaccurate cosplay of Draculaura from Monster High in a desperate grab for more attention and asspats.

Unable to garner votes that weren't from herself, and dismayed that the only comments were from people pointing out just how bad her costume was, Ashley whined on her Facebook to call in the whiteknights. She then went to the contest page to complain to the commentors directly, because guys, she was only doing so for fun and didn't take it seriously. Gosh! Ashley was completely oblivious as to what entering a contest meant and got butthurt to the fact that she wasn't getting the asspats she so craved that she had gotten the year before (with her only slightly better constructed Hetalia costume.)

As she does every other time when someone points out how she creates piles of shit, Ashley made up excuses for everything from having the wrong wig and shirt to why people didn't have the right to point out the costume's flaws unless they were going to give her advice and tutorials on how to fix it. When all else failed she claimed that aside from the wig she made the entire costume until commentors proved that was bullshit, to which Ashley quickly changed her story, saying, she hadn't intended to lie and that she thought it was obvious she hadn't made the shirt.

Her only defender had made a hasty exit after commentators out-argued her. Ashley, born without the ability to know when to shut up, subsequently proved that whiteknighting oneself was possible.

Hilarious Hygiene Hijinks

She's manlier than Prince.

Ashley puts as much effort into her appearance as she does her crafts. Due to her extremely low pain tolerance to anything that isn't slicing her wrists while responding to DeviantArt comments at the same time, her facial hair has been allowed to grow to the point of putting a boy entering puberty to shame.

Refusing to pluck or even shave her eyebrows, Ashley resorts to bleaching it instead. This often results in accomplishing nothing more than making her them look like shit (What is up with this girl and shit?) with a mixture of yellow and brown patches. Her 'stache doesn't get that much care and is more often or not, only concealed by caked on foundation and powder. In one notable instance, Ashley applied liquid latex to her forehead and eyebrows and upon removal, ripped out a chunk of her eyebrows. Probably the closest thing to a proper waxing she'll ever achieve.

As bad as Ashley's personal hygiene is, her family home is supposedly far worse. People that have been unfortunate enough to visit this level of hell have reported copious amounts of animal fur and a heavy stench of pet urine. These claims are backed up by Ashley's own photography where she all too happily uploads photos of her living space, while being completely blind to how disgusting it actually is. The worst areas of the house, as we've come to discover, actually are Ashley's own domain including her bedroom, workroom, and bathroom. The family pets have also suffered from these poor living conditions and in one of Ashley's own blogs she mentions one of the cats eventually died after prolonged suffering from "a breathing problem like...a cold I guess" that more than likely went untreated due to Ashley's claims of their family's financial situation.

'Professional' Make-Up and Modelling About missing Pics

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  She let her cat die of an undiagnosed respiratory infection, ever hear of a vet?
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  Her totally pro special effects makeup
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  Pluck, damn you!
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  Her workspace, and her collection of trash and hair she keeps on the floor

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  Wallowing in her own filth
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  Won't even pluck for a close-up
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  It's... in her hair
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  No, we're pretty sure no one wants to see any of that.

Links

• All related dramu threads, (via Mediafire)
• Facebook
• Facebook roleplay
• ashykins
• luvmonkeys Baleeted!
• insomniac-of-heart New Deviantart
• HetaliaWorldForPeace
• Fanfiction.net account

See Also

• DeviantART
• Lolcow