789chan

After an entire thread of people shouting about how Atlus is gone this is what the mods actually believe will work

789chan is a small backward ass website found in the far corners of the Internet. It is nothing more than the sad remnants of Legi0n and has no activity on it whatsoever save neo /cwc/. To call it a chan would be an insult to the fettered shit pool that is imageboards on our fair nets. The board more closely resembles a shining example of the Internet despair basement dwellers are willing to sink to in order to maintain their ever assaulted egos. It is a wretched hive of dorito taco wrappers and failed expectations.

When 789channers aren't getting yelled at to take out the trash or being sent to the principals office for refusing P.E. they can be found recycling the recycled recyclables from other places with more activity than 789chan has seen in a full year. The mannerisms of its members is best described as a half fucked to death transplant of Legi0n's MANY memorable memes and its "culture." However, that is only if your definition of culture is two faggots fighting over who gets to rape the pile of horse bones that were once a dead horse but have long since been beaten beyond the realm of death.

In addition to the torrents of "JULAAAY" and "Do you guiz think Chris/Robb/ADF is going to post today?" 789chan also shares some of Legi0n's mods. The notoriously fuckfaced Atlus makes his home here and noted member SeanieB owns the board proper. Together they form a dynamic duo of failing at webhosting. With the *chan being a highly condensed ball of teenagers trying to feel better about themselves after TODD just had to point out hey they smelled like "fartlunch" AGAIN after third period, it naturally contains high traces of delirious carebabying, coolguying, and a nasty case of USItis (permanent if left untreated). Atop this kingdom of angst, trollharding (not to be confused with hard trolling), and going to bed because its a school night sits a chosen few who spend their days being idolized by 13 year olds influent in google searches. These few control the attention of the board and are considered HIGHLY DANGEROUS and "epic ween" (ITS FUNNY BECAUSE WE'RE ON THE INTERNET xD).

Legi0n Team Squad 7 PT 2

The real story here isn't the faceless hordes clamoring to secure more pictures of an autistic mans dick but instead the shepards who guide this faggot herd. Not unlike its predecessor, the 789 mods see no irony in their enjoyment of lolcows and the disastrous state of their own lives. Luckily, with the aid of several dozens (this is 789chan afterall) they are able to maintain their luxurious state of denial. However, if you veer too closely to endangering their hugbox then surely watch out because they have an IRC network and can ban you!!! Of course after they ban you be sure to check every open proxy ever made because chances are its still not blocked. Their response will be that you are just very upset and that you spending twenty seconds typing the word proxy into a search engine is extremely tryhard. Obviously their failure to learn basic website management skills is seen as just another plus to the long list of GREATS that is 789chan. But don't take my word for it! Take a look at this lovely bunch of netizens yourselves:

SeanieB

Sean aka Seanie B: P-P-POWERWORD: Sean Brackeen is the owner of 789chan and is the lord of all that is posted there (I'm sure one of your users will get his allowance soon so you can pay for your website). He is always very busy because he owns a very successful ISP business on which 789chan is hosted. You can tell that it's a successful business because it has its own Google+ page with the only content being a picture of a pokemon (pokefaggot says what?). Everyone knows how much business customers love pokemon! Unfortunately the ruse hasn't been successful so hopefully after posting more pictures of creatures from a childrens show he can start making that sweet loot.

In the mean time SeanieB has little to no money whatsoever in which to pay his server fees. Luckily he lives in Escondido, California where he sits on his unwashed ass all day refusing to do anything with his life outside of playing Internet hero in his own private wonderland. He takes this role very seriously and is awarded precious donations by trollshielding half the board. Wouldn't be much of a circlejerk without a circle would it?

His other activies include: Writing LinkedIn entries for his nonexistent company Lost Signal Networks and then proudly proclaiming himself CEO of it. Can't be much of a business without business customers can it Seanie? He also has listed himself as a "Managing custom server systems for customers, DDoS mitigation, rollout and management of network monitoring systems, customer support, On-call for managed systems/DDoS incidents." which translates to I CAN INSTALL CLOUDFLARE LOL. This is probably why 789chan has an elite hacker board so that top secret DDOS mitigation research can be compiled and used to combat Latvian botnets. Don't bother to ask him to do anything like improve the site or get a real fucking job, he is very busy, he must spend all his free time covering up Atlus' previous failure. If you would like to talk to Sean please say hello!:
E-Mail: [email protected]
[email protected]
Phone Number: (760)-888-5221
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/seanieb64

Atlus

File:GuessWho.jpg Note: Holy shit I reqlly believes Atlus runs /cwc/. Atlus is legi0n's FORMER premier butthurt mod who was transferred over to 789chan because Sean Brackeen doesn't know how to run a website. His previous claims to fame have been admitting to a bunch of subterranean CWCfags that he indeed lost virginity at 21, figuring out how to google sockpuppets, and writing himself into an article here at ED. Finding the very legi0n board he was a mod on to be too harsh he decided to ban everyone who made fun of him because of his sweet e-brags. He proceeded to chimp the fuck out and demanded the thread be deleted off the now deceased /cwc/ board. He was awarded a demodding for his courageous Internet actions. Following his act of quitting and taking his ball home Atlus migrated to 789chan to continue his hugbox with his good friend Sean. In exchange for being cool on the Internet once more Atlus merely had to run the entire website. Which was fine for him because it's not like he's a twenty year old or something. Left once SeanB took an HTML class at community college.

To see more Atlus click here or [[1]]

WhoreosNMilf

LOL SO RANDUM xD

Is a bottom-rate /cwc/fag who finds the phrase "wat" to be the highlights of humor everywhere, but especially on the Internet. He spends most of his time on the /b/ or /cwc/ boards trying to churn further Internet popularity for himself. Due to his use to Sean being little more than a cockpuppet he speaks mostly through parroted words or chan memes. Once in awhile he will remember that he is capable of expressing himself to which he will quickly scribble "wat" onto something for hilarious lols out loud. If you accuse him of being boring, unoriginal, or an exact copy of every other mod boasting about their two bit website authority he will be sure to call you upset and mad for the next 6 hours, wake up, and continue talking about how mad you are. He is very serious about the Internet.

IntroMan

Homor

The opposite of SeanieB, opposite in that he is a fat fucking pig, doesn't pretend to know anything about computers, and makes SICK PODCASTS. He is beloved by every person on /cwc/ and is considered the highest ranking and most respected of the staff. Homor's interests include shitty webcomics about fat people being unable to wear shirts, get upset when you call him a sad sack of garbage, and rage screaming for g-lines after his feelings have been hurt. Despite these short comings many believe Homor to be the high point of 789chan which is why its members do whatever it takes to make sure he stays around.

Everyone Else That Posts

789chan Boards

Lol there are no boards because there is no one to talk to on 789chan its deader than your parents love for you. There are however titles to web objects that appear to be image boards but that's impossible because no one posts on any of them. Sean also changes the subjects to keep people interested enough to slip him some of that hard earned e-cash. Such boards have included:

• A STEAMPUNK BOARD - It's so fucking steam punk you guys. Srsly, fucking steampunk. Fun fact this empty waste of space used to be where 789 members went for fashion advice.
  
• Literature - Yes its on a chan. No it's not funny that no one can type correctly on it. IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY, THE HOT TUBS TOO HOT
  
• Drugs - 420chan definitely doesnt have this covered jegus fuck no
  
• General Hacking - Where DDOS research and elite forum hacking goes on. Basically Hackforums.net x 5.
  
• Linux/UNIX - QUICK CALL THE PENTAGON WEVE GOT SOME INTERNET THUGS ON THE LOOSE
  
• Bitching&Crying - The most active board on the entire site. Home to most of the interaction between chatfrens and forumbuddies in their evergoing search for Internet respect and a girlfriend in Canada.

/cwc/

Fortunately for the sperglords who inhabit this husk of a retard playground there exists a new addition to feed their insatiable need to spam "you mad" twenty times in a row, because they're edgy. A bit of history lesson first. /cwc/ originally lived on a board for rejected Chris-Chan trolls who were turned away, from the CWCki, due to the severe epidemic of unfunny that unfolded after teenage boys finally discovered that they could FUN of people on the Internet. Unfortunately they were never good at it and the only place anyone find their jokes amusing was in anime clubs, shit lolcow forums, and alone with their hand. Overtime they began to feed off of each others need for validation and a label that would finally stop the wrestling players from dumping milk on their head AGAIN. This bizarre almost jailhouse gay phenomena finally metastasized into full blown troll-shielding where they could remind each other with every post that they were the COOL KIDS ONLINE NOW. All of twenty people took note.

Eventually Legi0n (much like 789chan today) began to degrade into a parade of furry sympathizers and autism hand holders until it finally imploded on itself from everyone leaving what could only be described as a "national embarrassment" members of Congress held a moment of silence shortly after the news was delivered. BUT WAIT. Could it be? Did /cwc/ manage to survive?

Yes. By beating the odds of becoming completely disgusted with themselves and the basement lairs they now inhabited they arose from the ashes to once again coat every surface, bit, and pixel with their learning disabilities, delusion, and desire to see anything better than them (read: most things a well adjusted person becomes used to) burn in the fires of their own virginal rage.

The definition of trying too hard. HIGH COMEDY GUIZ!

Soon they settled into their sea of dicks and got to sucking them, with great vigor. This mass orgy of unwarranted self importance soon drew various lolcows to the fold in the hopes that they too could be as cool as someone who brags about the Internet. These nerds were hardcore tho no poofs or fairies allowed, Internet vigilantes only. When the spastic netard flipped out on them they declared themselves funniest people to ever use the Internet, or ever will, despite going after well known and mined lolcows to cut their baby teeth into. After another string of people who were on welfare came bitching they knew they had a hit on their hands so they began their ritualistic shielding of each others egos in order to maintain the lie that they weren't distant from their parents and have seen the outdoors for several months out of the year. There they continue to pump furiously at the sight of any snippet or post, funny or unfunny, that can help maintain their frail happiness.

• 
  This guy has seen everything online, as all good trolls have.
• 
  Where 789chan gets all its best ideas.
• 
  Even their own users dislike their users.
• 
  SO FUNNY HE SAID JULAY xD - 789chan user
• 
  Great thread.
• 
  Nothing says Internet trolls like My Little Pony.
• 
  It's okay, you're all faggots.
• 
  These guys are very in the know.

Humor - ITS LIKE THE LOLS KEEP COMING FROM NOWHERE

Typical 789chan user with typical blurred picture

As a despicable jewish imagechan and cabal, the abudance of humor is usually sourced from people finally realizing that they are complete failures and leaving the Internet to focus on other ventures unrelated to shouting JULAAAAAY at their weeaboo friends whenever they are pushed from the computer (GOD MOM IS SUCH A BITCH I /HAVE/ TO MAKE FUN OF CHRIS CHAN MOM. MOOOOM! NOOOOO DONT TURN OFF THE INTERNET). 789chan is a unique and eclectic mix of:

• Jokes that weren't even funny on Legi0n
  
• Jokes other 789channers can repost and feel like they were RIGHT THERE IN THE ACTION'
  
• Jokes that were old before they even came into existence
  
• 4chan jokes from 6 years ago
  
• Chris-Chan jokes someone managed to copy+paste
  
• ROBBAAAAAAAAY!
  

Through sheer will and professional therapy, their parents have purchased to no avail, they were able to bind these unsavory components into a 789 dialect of exclamations and statements reflecting on their proud history of no one wanting them around. It emphasizes the depravity of being on the most obscure imageboard no one can remember and in the same phrases imparts a spot of enthusiasm for not living with their parents anymore. To common people it sounds like a severely ADHD child has broken into McSugarBurgers and managed to still communicate with English. Some scientists argue that their dialect is a blend of exposure to autism and a token desire to be seen in a crowd of faces. Top e-psychiatry experts are working on the cause as we speak.

Master Trolls

SO CALL ME MAYBE, SO HERES MY NUMBAH.

See Also

Adf-fuensalida
Robert Wayne Stiles
Butthurt
Unwarranted Self Importance
Basement Dweller

789chan is part of a series on Chans Visit the Chans Portal for complete coverage.