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The Lion King: Difference between revisions

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Revision as of 23:28, 16 September 2014

TURN BACK IF YOU ARE AGAINST FURRY INCEST



   
“ 		 
The moment you come up with something new, we'll find something else it vaguely resembles, and blast you for being an unoriginal hack. When a multi-billion dollar corporation blatantly rips something off, we'll shut our mouths, see the movie, buy the overpriced merchandise, and tell you to quit hating
  		„
  		 

—Ain't that the truth.

The infamous deleted rape scene from the movie.

Originally a manga by Osamu Tezuka Broadway musical, The Lion King was made into a shitty movie last Thursday by the Disney company. Now, since nearly all the characters are covered in fur, this is, unsurprisingly, very popular with the furry community. As with anything that involves even a single talking animal, furfags draw many hentai pics of the characters, which will ruin your childhood.

The Lion King contains the voice acting talents of Darth Vader, that kid from Home Improvement, and the dude that played Ferris Bueller. The movie is peppered with subliminal sex messages and also contains references to Adolf Hitler.

Plot

Promo for an upcoming prequel.

The movie is supposedly about the "circle of life" or some shit. By the time you hear the first words in the song you'll quickly understand how shitty it is. (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LEEEBIniiiAHHHHHH LAGALI DABIDAAAA ENYAAAAAAAAA). Basically when the king dies, his son is supposed to become king, but everything gets fucked up when a jealous asshole tries to kill our protagonist so he can take his place at the throne (plot lifted from Hamlet). In between all of that there are at least 100 songs that the characters sing which will make your ears vomit.

Characters

  • Simba: A whiny son of a bitch that is afraid to become the king because of his emo attitude and guilt that he indirectly killed his father. Simba's character is a little bit of a reference to Jesus Christ.
  • Nala: Simba's cocktease that finds him after he runs away. She's all like "Go back!" and Simba is like "No, fuck you."
  • Shenzi, Banzai and Ed: Three hyenas that are Scar's goons. Banzai was voiced by Cheech Marin, Shenzi was voiced by Oprah Winfrey and Ed was voiced by Jim Carrey. When Banzai found out the film was not as racially diverse as he had hoped he said "Ethnic diversity my ass".

Deleted characters

  • Mheetu: Mheetu was supposed to be Nala's younger brother, but after Disney realized they didn't need him, he was promptly aborted. He was supposed to be the one is the stampede,to lure Simba, who would in turn lure Mufasa. The fandom has come to the consensus that he is Sarafina's rape baby with Scar.

Edit: Mheetu has been found in a foreign comic! HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, UNNAMED CUB AND LIONESS BOTH OF WHICH SUCK COCK

  • Bhati: A Fox, one of the more familiar creatures of the furry fandom, for the furries to fap to. She was a shit-talking, useless rat that did nothing.

Kimba

Unbeknownst to most, The Lion King is a ripoff of a Japanese manga and anime series called the Jungle Emperor (Kimba the White Lion in English). After realizing an opportunity to make a ton of money, Disney tried and failed to get the rights to Kimba, then decided they didn't need permission and shamelessly stole the Japanese classic anyway. Disney then added a little Hamlet and the Bible into the plot in order to create the illusion of originality. They took Kimba and switched the "K" with an "S" in order to create Simba. To anyone who actually knows something "Simba" means lion in Swahili. Kimba's name was supposed to be Simba, but the dubbers couldn't do it at the time for copyright reasons. Disney, however, can do whatever the fuck they want. Through selective copying and pasting, the Disney team was able to disguise their theft.

Did you know?

  • As just mentioned, Simba actually means lion in Swahili. Hence the movie's creators use this as an excuse to say that they didn't rip-off Kimba. But other names have meanings too: Rafifi means friend, Nala means gift, Pumbaa means dimwitted, Shenzi means barbarous, and, from the sequel, Kovu means scar, Zira means hate, Nuka means bad smell, and, according to TV Tropes, Kiara means princess. Also, Vitani was originally named Shetani, which means devil. But the creators thought this was too dark, apparently. They also changed Zira's suicide, which was originally supposed to be more deliberate. In the original version, she even said, "No, Never!" and let herself fall. However, you can still see her smiling as she falls, because she believes that she will be with Scar and Nuka. Nuka's death also originally had a deleted extra line; after he says "I'm sorry, Mother. I tried.", he was also supposed to say "I finally got your attention, didn't I?" But once again, they thought it'd be too dark, and that kids would try to kill themselves to get their parents' attention. However, that didn't stop the fact below.

Lion King II: Simba's Pride

As if the first movie wasn't enough to corrupt your children, Disney brought it upon themselves to make a sequel to make moar Jew gold. In true Disney fashion, the plot is entirely unoriginal, as the movie is essentially Romeo and Juliet in the pridelands and with furries. The songs are even worse than the first movie, making this the only movie that will want you to drill your ears out before you hear the dreadfulness.

A sample of this movie's immense faggotry

New characters

Deleted characters

  • Chaka: Simba and Nala's non-existant son, though some people *coughAkrilcough* still insist he was in the movie.
  • Timira: Chaka's no-reason-to-be-there-except-as-a-future-bitch. Proof? When he was deleted, She was deleted.
  • Binti: Zazu's girlfriend. But since he's gay she wasn't needed.

Fun Fact: Kovu was supposed to be Scar's son even though that'd make him and Kiara cousins. That's the most obvious shit in the world yet Disney still concepted it? Fail.

The story

Since the directors of SP were not creative at all they cut out some carboard drawings of animals to dance around like tards when Kiara was presented. (Note: The cub at the of the first movie looks NOTHING like Kiara.) Afterwards we see the Tardcess about to run out into the world with a high possibility of being stepped on or eaten without babysitters. But does she care? (Kiara: "Okay, okay, can I go now. Please?")

Simba says "Sure go ahead, but stay away from the outlands." Kiara ask why and Zazu explains. 10 seconds later she ask the same question even though they just fucking told her!)

Nope. Also, how is it that even though Simba is (or was. SP raped all the 1st chars colors) gold and Nala is cream Kiara is ORANGE??? Must be a tard gene. So she runs off and her fail babysitters attempt and fail at keeping up with her (what tards lack in brains they make up in speed apparently) and she runs of into the outlands where Simba, Nala, AND Zazu just told her not to go literally 5 seconds ago. She bumps into her future owner Kovu. They go from growling at each other to almost being eaten and to Kiara shoving her vagoo in Kovu's face. Kovu goes WTF??? Understandable. Simba magically pops out of nowhere roars at Kovu for no reason. Zira (Kovu's mother) does the same. They talk, not saying anything important and leave.

Then Simba once again tells Kiara she could have been killed. And Kiara says she doesn't want to queen because it's no fun. Cue stupid pointless "We are one" song.

To the outlands!!

The crap lions live here (excluding Nuka). All we learn here is what Zira said 2 minutes ago: "SIMBA MUST DIE!!!!!11!11111!"

Then Kovu grows up, saves fail hunter Kiara from a fire (why? The world may never know...) and proceeds to molest every one of Simba's lionesses with his eyes (and nose) until Simba tells him to GTFO. Kiara flirts with Kovu again, who rejects her...again. Then they go hunting the next day in which Kiara fails again. The lesson SOMEHOW ends up in them being chased by rhinos. And for SOME REASON that teaches Kovu the definition of "fun". (Which is stupid. Was he NOT play-fighting with Vitani as a cub?)

Seeing Kiara has to the hots for Kovu, Simba invites Kovu into the orgy den. Vitani, who is panting like a bitch in heat whilst watching her brother be in a perfect spot to kill Simba, does not approve.

She snitches to Zira who goes "Kovu cannot betray us!" (Though obviously he can.)

Simba takes Kovu out on a walk to tell him some pointless circle of life crap (and probably rape him) but Zira and her pride have all come to gang rape Simba. Zira implies Kovu cooked this up and Simba believes her (lolwhut). After being chased up and down Simba once again tells Kovu to GTFO. No really. It even has a song to go with it!

Kiara's upset about Quiffy's exile and runs away to look for him. After the most sickening song in the entire movie is heard Kovu suggest they run away so they can fuck each other and forget everything else. Kiara however insists that they go back, and since he has no balls or a spine he listens to her. They go back to see Zira and Simba about to fight and jump in the way. Simba ask Kiara to "stand aside". Zira just tells Kovu to GTFO. Neither move, Kiara all of the sudden becomes smart and preaches Simba's own message to him.

Kiara and Simba nuzzle (hinting daughter/father incest fucking later on once the credits role).

Zira tells Vitani to do something, even though there was nothing to do in which Vitani says "No, fuck you. I'm going over to the good side with my brother so I can suck him off later. Cheers." Zira threatens her daughter's life (looks like she wants Kovu to herself), the others are disgusted, ditch Zira, and join Simba.

Does this phase Zira?

Of course not! She leaps at Simba and for no reason at all, Kiara jumps in her way sending them both over the side of a cliff.

And look!

The dam broke. One of these bitches is going to drown. And you guessed right. It's Zira.

Everyone (even Kovu) forgets her death in the next scene and all go back to the Orgylands to live on Orgrock. And again, for no reason at all, Kovu, Kiara, Nala, and Simba roar from Pride rock.

Mufasa says "Well done, my son." Even though Simba DIDN'T DO SHIT!

What?!?! MOAR LOINS?!?

That's right folks! The Disney Machines turns it's attention back to the height of it's success (followed immediately by it's downfall), to milk it for all it's worth. The Lion Guard debuts in 2015, with yet another carbon-copy rape child of Simba and Nala called Kion.

The Science Behind The Lion King: What We Learned in Walt Disney's Classic

In this film by Walt Disney our children learn very much, so do their parents, and we can see this throughout this amazing movie.

Racism

We learn how to treat other races with respect, for example all the African animals except for the villains are voiced by British actors. The Hyena's either speak with a Latino or Black accent, even Pumba and Timbo have an accent of some sort.


Homosexuality

Simba is raised by a same sex couple, even Disney has admitted to this, which creates a normalization of faggotry for children.


Original Content

Most of the story was taken from:

  • Kimba: The White Lion: Look it up.
  • Hamlet: really.
  • Some old book about a effeminate (homosexual) lion: According to the studio itself.
  • The Egyptian story of Ra the Sun God or something: Who's son gets vengeance by killing the God who killed his Father, than becoming King.

Subliminal Messages - SEX, DRUGS, etc,

Here's a fun list:

  • That ass on the cover.
  • The sex in the dust, along with other places.
  • Those animals humping.
  • That dick named Brave.

Gallery

  • JESUS CHRIST IT'S SCAR GET IN THE CAR!!!
    JESUS CHRIST IT'S SCAR GET IN THE CAR!!!
  • FUCKING FURRIES...
    FUCKING FURRIES...
  • What the shit??
    What the shit??
  • Why Shenzi was the leader of the 3.
    Why Shenzi was the leader of the 3.
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Typical Lion King Fanfiction

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, Simba had a sexual craving that could only be cured by a highly sexual lioness.

He leaned over to Timon and said, “Timon, I think I need a little bit of sex to fill that hole in my soul.”

Timon replied, “Why Simba, I thought you knew that me and Pumbaa here were a traveling two-man sex act from the beginning.”

x

Simba was five years old, newly exiled by his gay pedophilic uncle, and very thirsty. For sex. Being alone in a desert for as long as he was tends to have that effect on a lion.

A red-headed meerkat and a morbidly obese warthog stood before him.

“Who are you?” he said.

“I’m Timon,” said the meerkat, “and this is Pumbaa. We’re a traveling two-man sex act.”

x

“So, how about it?” said Timon, brandishing a breast.

“Nah, I’m not really into men,’ said Simba. “You know, I think it’s time you kept up with your promises and found me a girl.”

“When did we promise to get you a girl?” said Pumbaa.

“You promise that you’ll get me a girl every time my birthday comes around. Just as long as I let both of you have your way with me. Now I think it’s time--”

“Simba, I think it’s time for us to have our way with you again,” said Timon.

“Are you going to get me a girl?”

“How about we dress Pumbaa up in that grass skirt we have lying around?”

“Can we remove the penis?”

They looked at Pumbaa.

“No,” he said.

“Come on.”

“No.”

“Damn, we’re never going to find a use for that grass skirt and Hawaiian headpiece,” said Timon.

Many hours of unabridged sex followed, although, all throughout, Simba protested strongly.

“Stop it Timon. Stop it. Pumbaa, get your hoof out of my ass.”

“Hold on a minute,” said Timon. “Hey Simba, instead of protesting, how about you scream my name?”

“No,” said Pumbaa, “get him to scream his own name.”

“Yeah, that’s kinkier.”

“No wait,” said Pumbaa, “how about we get him to dance for us?”

“How are we going to sex him if he’s dancing?”

“Oh, right,” he said.

Simba had had enough. “Hey, how about you two go sex each other, and I’ll just be over there looking for some female genitalia?”

“Good idea,” said Timon. “No, wait a minute--”

But it was too late, and Simba was gone.

And Timon and Pumbaa were sexless.

A tumbleweed tumbled.

Timon turned to his life partner.

“So, you want to watch that TV series we made?”

“What,” said Pumbaa, “that Disney one?”

“Well it’s not like we’ve done any others.”

“Nah,” said Pumbaa, “I’d rather watch Brother Bear.”

“Jeez, Brother Bear?” said Timon. “I couldn’t bear that one. Get it? Bear? Bear, Brother Bear? I’m great, I know.”

A moment passed.

“Kiss me.”

x

Simba was tumbling through forest, ripping away at branches and spitting at things like an orphan having a seizure.

The kind of seizure you have when you’re watching a sadly underfunded Disney film.

He screamed every time a leaf tickled his back and started to cry every time he stepped on a thorn, but then he started having another seizure.

Also, he laughed every time he saw something that reminded him of female genitalia. Like your face.

(editor’s note: pwned)

A minute passed before Simba started to calm down. Ahead of him he saw a light that shone through the forest canopy. Upon entering it he found himself in a clearing. At the centre of the clearing, a really suck-ass PC sat on the damp leaf litter. The monitor was green with generic rolling hills. Whoever was here last had forgotten to log off their account.

Hah! He was going to take advantage of this.

Realising how long it had been since Simba had written anything proper, he summoned a chair and transfigured his paws into fingers so he could type. He spent far too long typing up a stupidly effortless piece of shit that he entitled “Can We Remove the Penis?” which starred himself and his homoerotic fantasies.

Everything was good until he finished and decided to save. Instead of actually saving the story, the suck-ass PC posted it on a generic fan fiction website (editor's note: not this one) and then the suck-ass PC teased him.

“YOU ARE THE SUX00RZ,” said the PC.

So he ate it.

“These computer chips sure taste good,” said Simba. He allowed a moment for Timon to congratulate him on the pun before realising that Timon wasn’t around. He was probably arguing with Pumbaa about whether they should watch Disney’s Timon and Pumbaa, or Brother Bear.

Simba was lonely.

x

Timon and Pumbaa stared at a screen. Two bears frolicked through a field of yellow flowers while Phil Collins sung.

“You know, this really sucks,” said Timon. “I really hate this. Why do I hate this, Pumbaa? I normally don’t mind Brother Bear.”

“I think it’s cause normally when we watch this, we’re ploughing Simba,” said Pumbaa.

“Nah, that was when we were watching our TV series,” said Timon. “Come to think of it, we might still be making it if that new director didn’t come and fuck everything up.”

“Then maybe it’s because we need Simba for something other than sex,” said Pumbaa.

“What? No way, I never heard anything more stu--hey, you know what?” said Timon. “Maybe it’s because we need Simba for something other than sex!”

“That’s what I just--”

“Timon, you’re a genius!” said Timon. He jumped upon Pumbaa’s back, but not like he normally did. “Mush, Pumbaa! We have to go... back to the future!”

“Timon, you have to stop breaking copyright--”

“I said mush, slave!”

Pumbaa then turned into the car from Back to the Future. Only, instead of carbon monoxide, the exhaust pipe emitted a jet of purely noxious fart.

(editor’s note: that day, thousands of square miles of foliage were ravaged by the gasses native to Pumbaa’s stomach. The government of Kenya put forth three billion dollars of taxpayers' funds to ensure that no Pumbaa-related destruction ever happened again. You can help. Please donate to Pumbaa-stop.)

x

The suck-ass PC was now inside of Simba forever. That was, until that fateful day when he literally shat out his insides. But that’s another story.

Simba left the clearing that once contained the suck-ass PC, then came across another clearing that looked exactly like the previous one. In fact it could have been the previous clearing except that it lacked one suck-ass PC, so Simba strolled into the light like a happy schoolgirl.

He was halfway through the clearing when he tripped on a root and broke all four of his legs. Simba fell onto his face, then writhed on the floor. He did not writhe because he was in pain--he writhed because damp leaf litter turned him on. After that, he laid face-up on the forest floor.

So here was Simba, boner-up, completely immobilised because of his broken limbs.

“I want to get up!” said Simba. “Please, I would give anything to get up!”

Now he was tired.

“On second thoughts, I would rather stay down.”

A really saggy lioness fell from the canopy, right onto Simba’s genitalia.

“That’s funny,” said the lioness, “because I would rather you stay down as well.”

So Simba and the lioness made sweet, sweet love, and Simba’s highly sexual needs were satisfied.

It was then that Timon and Pumbaa burst into the clearing. Timon wore a cowboy hat, and Pumbaa wore the clothing of a cabaret dancer.

“What the hell?” said Timon.

“Well, Timon,” said Pumbaa, “it appears that Simba is making love to a fallen tree branch under the belief that it is a lioness.”

“Would it be wrong to sit here and watch him?” said Timon.

“Yes,” said Pumbaa. “But let’s do it anyway!”

Simba later found out that it was really Timon and Pumbaa who were hallucinating, and that he really was making love to another lioness.

He also found out that the lioness was his mother.

(editor's note: due to the lack of funding to Pumbaa-stop, this parody must end here)

Connections to Furries

 
“ 		 

There are about 10 or 12 Lion King mucks out there, some doing better than others. There are about 40 or so private TLK RPG's out there (non forum) that are invite only. There are 40 or 50 or so forums.
 

„
 

—The fact that most furries are white makes it even more confusing.

When the original movie came out in 1994 it was a huge hit with audiences - mostly children and their parents - all over the world. Over a decade later the obsession has not ceased. The Lion King is the ultimate movie for furries - 100% of all furries completely and utterly adore it far, far too much. Even more than Sonic, even more than Rita, even than The Fox and the Hound, Bambi, or yes, even Robin Hood. A list of furries known to adore this movie (more than average) include:

See Also

External Links

The Lion King is part of a series on

Furfaggotry

Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.

The Lion King is part of a series on

Media

Visit the Media Portal for complete coverage.

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