Quicktime

Moar like Quickietime...AMIRITE?

QuickTime is a popular Virus often found on Mac OS X, but is commonly mistaken as a media player brought to you by the lovely people from Apple. Like plenty of other Apple software, it is offered to you free of charge, but will consistently harass you to upgrade to a paid version.

The QuickTime media player is perfect for infecting your browsers to prevent you from downloading any audio files. Any attempt to do so will instead open a QuickTime window and freeze all of your apps until it manages to buffer a 16kb midi file. This is part of Apple's philosophy to make your audio enjoying experience as grueling and frustrating as possible.

Features

Fucking useful, Apple, fucking useful

No media player would be complete without features. QuickTime has features such as:

• Opening a new window
• Saving a movie you already have open
• Fullscreen viewing
• Viewing movie properties
• Providing you with ample time to go and get some snacks/cook dinner/die of old age before your movie begins

These features, however, are only available if you spend $30 to buy the pro version, and are definitely not available on any other media player.

Though all the basic features are only available in the Pro version, you can get helpful features such as playback speed and audio balance in the free version. This just further proves Apple is full of Jew and cannot write good software worth a damn for any operating system. It should also be noted that QuickTime cannot play DVDs or Blu-ray discs. If you want to view these formats, you must download another player or delete System32.

Alternatives

QuickTime for PC is in essence, a way for Apple to justify their own claims that PC's are inferior by hijacking your format settings and running useless crap in the background. Its footprint is so large that even fast PC's are permanently bogged down. Even if you uninstall it, the damage has already been done. The solution is to install QuickTime Alternative instead of Apple's useless piece of shit for software.

Why the Need For Another Player

Some argue that QuickTime runs better than any other player. This is bullshit, and these people are trolling you, or just accept anything Steve Jobs summons upon them. Even POS Windows Media Player runs better than QuickTime.

Gallery

• 
• 

Quicktime is a part of a series on Apple Inc.

Quicktime is part of a series on Softwarez Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage.

This article is a crappy stub. You can help by completely re-writing it. Be sure to make it longer, girthier, and more pleasurable.