Pixar

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Ultra-realistic HD graphics

One of the most unfunny jokes of at least 100 years ago.

A prominent computer-animation movie studio that formed at least 100 years ago. Pixar's movies use extremely simplistic and predictable plots. To compensate for this, and trick the audience into thinking their movies are actually good, the quality of the animation, voice acting, and musical score is over 9000. And dance a happy little dance for Pixar's securities fraud and conspiracy to drive down employee wages.

History

It was one fateful Thursday evening following the success of Star Wars. In a corporate party gone terribly wrong, George Lucas invited a bunch of his media exec friends over for lots and lots of McDonald's hamburgers. They met in a dark corner and began to pass around the pot. By morning, nobody could remember a thing but from that day on, Lucas began to feel queasy and suffer from nausea. Nine months later, Pixar was born.

Being too embarrassed and self-respecting to join Teenmommies, Lucas quickly abandoned his newborn child on the streets, hoping never to see it again. After spending a few years in the orphanage, Pixar was eventually adopted by billionaire philanthropist and lovable asshole Steve Jobs.

Pixar became briefly successful in the mid-to-late 1900s and was well-known for producing entertaining quality family films. However, like its turdfather Lucas, Pixar soon squandered all of its money, pissed away all of its respect, and began whoring itself out to pedophile Walt Disney. Since then, the studio has largely been ruined by the likes of Michael Eisner and other Jews.

Employee fuckery

	“	The secret wage-theft agreements between Apple, Google, Intel, Adobe, Intuit, and Pixar (now owned by Disney) are described in court papers obtained by PandoDaily as “an overarching conspiracy” in violation of the Sherman Antitrust Act and the Clayton Antitrust Act, and at times it reads like something lifted straight out of the robber baron era that produced those laws. Today’s inequality crisis is America’s worst on record since statistics were first recorded a hundred years ago — the only comparison would be to the era of the railroad tycoons in the late 19th century.	„
	—--Let's assraep Woody!

DreamWorks

Moar info: DreamWorks.

For every Hollywood there is a Grindhouse, and Pixar is no exception. Dreamworks is a shitty animation company that has come-up with amazing animated features such as Madagascar, Shrek, Kung Fu Panda, How To Train Your Dragon, and even movies that spawned mediocre movies that would later be cancerous memes thanks to 6-year-old boys via reddit and Know Your Meme, such as Shark Tale, Over the Hedge, Turbo, and Bee Movie. It can be noted that said films are highly respected by 13-year-old-boys, which should come as no surprise, considering their high amounts of Anti-Lulz.

I do recommend the article about cancer (usually people refer to that as a DreamWorks film, but it's actually not; coincidentally that shitty studio behind that film bought DreamWorks in 2016).

Major films

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This guy is owed millions

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I came

• Toy Story: A toy getting jealous because his owner found a better toy.
• A Bugs Life An ant causes the grasshoppers to be angry.
• Toy Story 2: Said toy gets kidnapped by a toy collector.
• Monsters Inc.: Two monsters in a company while one finds a kid just to shut the business down.
• Finding Nemo: A fish trying to find his son.
• The Incredibles: Retired superheroes.
• Cars: Generic movie about generic characters but with a twist, they're all cars!
• Ratatouille: A rat becomes a famous chef but controls a mediocre chef to become an even better chef than they both imagined.
• Wall-E: A robot falls in love and goes to space where he finds out humanity's fat.
• Up: An old guy and some fat kid go to South America. It's about as interesting as it sounds.
• Toy Story 3: Took over a decade to make this one yet it's the worst in the trilogy.
• Cars 2: Lightning Mcbitch gets challenged by Franchesco Berlulzey.
• Brave: Some Disney Princess wants to fight for herself but isn't allowed by her mother.
• Monsters University: Mike and Sully go to college.
• Inside Out: Some girl from Minnesota moves to San Francisco. It's not even about her, it's about her emotions, which I guess are like people but they are emotions instead or something.
• The Good Dinosaur: Imagine if dinosaurs didn't get hit by that meteor shower over 9000 years ago...
• Finding Dory: A fish trying to find her memory.
• Cars 3: Lightning Mcbitch becomes old and wants to be faster than Jackson Fuckhorn.
• Coco: A Mexican folklore of the dead. Kind of rips off Book of Life.
• The Incredibles 2: Mr. Incredible stays at home and spends some time with the kids.
• Toy Story 4: A love story between Said toy and Bo Fuck.
• Onward: Two brothers try to save their dad, with some creepy ass animal hybrids along the way.
• Soul: Some black nobody goes out of his way to become the best jazz player ever.
• Luca: Two Italian boys must hide their sea monster forms from a bunch of humans.
• Turning Red: Chinese-Canadian girl turns into a red panda.
• Lightyear: An origin story of Buzz Lightyear that nobody asked for.
• Elemental: A story where all the Greek elements live in a city.

Gallery

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  John Goodman and Billy Crystal from the hit Pixar film, Monsters, Inc.
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  Every horrible face you all movie covers.

See Also

• Disney

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