ITT Tech

Typical ITT Tech grad.

ITT Technical Institute is a fictional college invented by the telemarketing and infomercial specialists of the world. Designed to ass-rape both your wallet and your credit score in exchange for a dumbed-down education that is worth absolutely nothing, it is home to mostly dumbasses that were not accepted to real colleges, and were too stupid to realize that community colleges offer degrees that are actually worth a shit for far less money. ITT, for those who don't know, was once International Telephone and Telegraph, a phone company. Now it is the world's largest supplier of pumps, the ones that move liquids, not the shoes. It is also a major defense contractor, which is another reason to hate it.

This is because graduating from ITT Tech is roughly equivalent to getting a GED, and the student body clearly reflects this. Attempting to transfer credits to a real college is a sure-fire recipe for lulz; though only the admissions office at said college will be enjoying it, due to ITT Tech being an unaccredited institution. ITT Tech has been shown to be nothing more than a pretend college that is marketed towards the self-righteous and arrogant retards that are gullible enough to fall for pyramid schemes. This could create tsunamis of lulz, as borrowing $40,000 from loan-sharks to pay for an education any back-alley night school can provide is what should be (but sadly isn't) enough to create an heroes en masse.

ITT Tech valedictorian.

The so-called students that attend this phony college are usually looking to learn more about computers or graphic design. What they inevitably find is a Florida-style operation that a poorly-trained dog could tell was shady, and emerge with a degree and 3D modeling skills which are sub-par to middle school students with pirated copies of Maya.

The so-called instructors are classic examples of incompetence. Mostly living in economy apartments and driving Honda Accords and shitty pick-up trucks on their meager salary (which they hardly earn), they are not exactly motivated to do their jobs properly. This is just one factor in the utter uselessness of ITT Tech. Covering only the bare minimum on each subject, the instructors have been known to gloss over any legitimate questions with a polite diversionary remark. They are unfailingly polite because they are invariably Chinese, and likely to be named Mr. Cheng. Barely speaking English, they are just one more reason to deport the fucking immigrants that are taking our jobs.

On the hierarchy of education, ITT Tech is one step above beautician college, but below Computer Science III. In fact it's a mystery why they don't take Computer Science III, because every county in the United States has a fully accredited, and cheap, Community College.

Job Placement

Making a guarantee that contains as much truth as Missouri contains win, ITT Tech promises job-placement for their graduates. Much like their façade of being an actual institute of higher learning, this is nothing more than a scam to sweeten the bait for unsuspecting suckers.

The best job placement goes to those that graduate at the top of their class, which isn't that hard considering the competition. Job placement from ITT Tech usually amounts to an entry-level tech support position (for those lucky enough to be overqualified for telemarketing). However, this is not entirely bad, as attested by this satisfied customer;

	“	I used to flip burgers. Now I earn $20,000 a year and probably will for the rest of my life. Thanks ITT Tech!	„
	—ITT Graduate, totally rolling in it

Planning to aim a little higher than entry-level tech support? This may pose a problem, given that you will be laughed out of every job interview you are extraordinarily lucky to be given. This is mainly due to the fact that you just wasted 18 months (and countless years of the future repaying student loans) receiving a retarded skill set in your chosen field of profession.

ITT Technical Institute is just one of many failures, providing nothing more than a false sense of identity and a watered-down education. There are literally hundreds of schools just like ITT Tech, but do not be fooled, because they are all operated under the same global Zionist conspiracy. Chances are that if you go to ITT Tech, your AA in your chosen field of profession will lead to a job as a floor associate at Best Buy, or in the case that you are a woman, a fall-back job as a stripper (assuming that you're not a whale).

Courses

You too can technically graduate with an AA degree (getting an AS requires at least a pulse, so it isn't offered). You will get hands-on experience with engaging subject matter in the following courses:

• Blogging 101 using Wordpress.com
• How to stop your HTML from being displayed
• Right-click on Microsoft Word
• How is babby formed? How girl get pragnent?

Advanced Courses

Graduating with an AA not good enough? How about a BA that's worth pretty much the same thing? The weak are usually weeded out in the beginning, but the smarter lot move on to more advanced topics such as:

• Pre-Algebra II
• Accelerated Introduction to Microsoft Paint
• HTML tables in Microsoft Frontpage
• Word Processing 101
• Computer: What is it?
• BBCode 101
• Web Design With Forumotion

Notable Alumni

ZOMG MAEK VIDEO GAMEZ

Required reading.

What does every basement dweller dream of? That's right, playing video games as a job. It's easy! Just graduate from a technical college and YOUR FUCKING JOB will be to sit around and play video games all day!

	“	Programming takes zero effort! All I have to do is tighten up the graphics on Level 3 every once in a while, and I can have a large penis and win at life!!!!111`~@!	„
	—Mike Sandy

	“	My mom said I would never get anywhere with these games. That's because I was 300 pounds and living in her basement. But now look at me! I'm totally a bro, and my mom says I can bring girls home whenever I want!	„
	—Technical College Graduate

	“	Look at this amazing new game and its awesome graphics!!	„
	—ITT Tech Game designer

Academic Rigor

Typical student presentation at ITT Tech.

See Also

• Art School
• DOS
• Mediacrat
• ITT
• University of Phoenix
• CSIII
• MIT OpenCourseWare

External Links

• http://ittakestime.org For people who need somewhere to cry about being raped.
• Tighten Up the Graphics, YTMND meme spawned by the original ad.
• http://certification.comptia.org/resources/registration.aspx Somewhere you will not find ITT Tech.

ITT Tech is part of a series on acronyms

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ITT Tech is part of a series on Education [Drop OutGo To School]

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Featured article April 3, 2008
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