The Outer Worlds

The Outer Worlds (a.k.a. Fallout: Space Vegas, TOW, Space Dyke Simulator 2019 and Fallout 4) is a 2019 vidya game by Obshitian Entertainment that serves as the sequel to the company's 2010 hit, Fallout: New Vegas. Much like its predecessor, The Outer Worlds is a western-themed FPSRPGOMGWTFBBQ game that is filled to the brim with dykes and other assorted homosexual degenerates since Obsidian's staff are a bunch of virulent Social Justice Warriors.

Unlike Fallout: New Vegas, which was built on Bethesda's shitty Frankensteined Gamebryo engine, The Outer Worlds is instead built on Epic Games' Unreal Engine – the most overused piece of shit in the gaming industry. Despite being built on a superior engine almost a full decade after its predecessor, The Outer Worlds somehow still manages to have characters with faces so fugly that they look like they were ripped straight out of a 2006 Bethesda game.

Because 2019 was an absolute shit year for gaming, reviewers will ultimately be forced to decide whether The Outer Worlds deserves to win Game of the Year over the downgraded Nintendo Switch re-release of 2015's The Bitcher 3: Wild Cunt.

	“	Fallout in space.	„
	—Video game reviewers

Story

“	A mad scientist named Phineas wakes you up from 70 years of Cryo-Sleep so you can destroy capitalism across two whole planets. Also all women are bulldykes and you get to shoot shit with lasers. None of it is actually interesting because Obsidian knows that you aren't going to play this for the story anyways. This theme of capitalism is a large reason why the game won't feature crafting. We felt like doing a lot of your own crafting sort of took away from one of those themes that we were trying to hammer on quite a bit and get across. If players were able to make their own goods and avoid paying for them, it lessened that message that we were trying to talk about.	„
—Obsidian, on TOW being a watered-down game and anti-capitalist propaganda

Characters

The Stranger is you. You get to choose which homosexuals get purged from this world. Phineas Vernon Wells is literally Rick from Rick and Morty. He wakes you up from Cryo-Sleep and you can promptly thank him by shooting him in the face. Alex Hawthorne is a mercenary that you accidentally crush to death with your escape pod. You then steal his identity and his space ship. ADA is a lesbian AI who resides in Hawthorne's space ship. Ellie is a lesbian space pirate. Parvati Holcomb is a lesbian who shits in the streets. Nyoka is a pink-haired lesbian nigger. Clive Lumbergh is an entrepreneur who breeds Cystipigs, a form of cancer-ridden swine that taste like bacon, and sells them to hungry consumers. One of the few morally good characters in the game. Also he looks like a typical Fallout 3 raider and talks like he just suffered half-a-dozen strokes. Catherine Malin is an evil dyke who wants you to murder Clive. Shoot her in the face immediately. Moon Man is the mascot for Spacer's Choice and an avowed white supremacist. Basically a racist version of Vault Boy.

Attributes a.k.a. The DCSPIT System

Body

Strongth lets you carry more shit and do more melee damage. Dexterity lets you reload faster and swing melee weapons faster.

Mind

Intelligence increases critical hit damage. Perception increases the damage you do with headshots.

Personality

Charm boosts reputation increases and shortens companion ability cooldown times. Temperament gives you health regeneration.

Skills

Melee

One-Handed Melee Two-Handed Melee

Ranged

Handguns Long Guns Heavy Weapons

Defense

Dodge Block

Dialog

Persuade Lie Intimidate

Stealth

Sneak Hack Lockpick

Tech

Medical Science Engineering

Leadership

Inspiration Determination

Perks

Like in New Vegas, you get a perk every other level. Unlike in New Vegas, however, all of the 42 perks that you can choose from are complete shit.

Tier 1

Toughness increases your max HP. Slow the World makes V.A.T.S. last longer. Lone Wolf increases your attack damage when you're traveling without companions. Literally Lone Wanderer. Strider makes you walk faster. Cheetah makes you run faster. High Maintenance increases weapon/armour durability, because of course Obsidian had to put weapon durability in this shitty game. Precision increases your companions' critical hit chance. The Negotiator makes vendors charge less caps for items. All For One gives you more XP for companion kills. Traveler allows you to fast travel while over-encumbered. Quick and the Dead increases your Action Point refresh rate. Pack Mule allows you to hoard more junk in your inventory. A Few Bits Moar increases vendors' ammo and consumable stock. Resilient increases your armour rating.

Tier 2

Run and Gun increases your accuracy while moving. The Reaper is literally Grim Reaper's Sprint. Weird Science increases science weapon damage. Speed Demon increases your movement and action speed in V.A.T.S. Scanner increases weak spot damage while using V.A.T.S. The Collector highlights interactive objects sooner. Snake Oil Salesman lets you sell items for more caps. We Band of Brothers gives critical hits a chance to reset a companion's ability cooldown. Tag Team gives companion abilities a chance to reset the cooldown of your other companion's ability. Rolling Thunder causes kills to reduce the cooldown time of companion abilities. Harvester restores some HP when you kill an enemy. Hoarder reduces the weight of consumables. Pack of Pack Mules allows your companions to hoard even more junk in their inventory. Soliloquy gives you a speech bonus when traveling without companions.

Tier 3

Wild Science further increases science weapon damage. Steady Hand removes all weapon sway and accuracy penalties while moving after making a kill. Confidence guarantees a critical hit after killing an enemy. Armour Master increases the armour rating and all skill bonuses from worn armour. Super Pack Mule allows you to hoard EVEN more junk in your inventory. Tactical Master allows you to temporarily move at normal speed in V.A.T.S. Revenge increases your damage while inflicted with a status effect. Last Stand is literally Nerd Rage. Boom, Headshot! causes headshot kills to explode and damage other enemies. Similar to the Meltdown perk from New Vegas, but far less fun. Don't Go Dyin' On Me! revives your companions when you do drugs. Penetrating Shots temporarily reduces your target's armour rating with each hit. Thick Skin reduces the damage you take from explosions and plasma. Tit for Tat restores some of your health when you hit enemies with melee weapons. Solo Sneaker makes you stealthier when traveling without companions.

See Also

• Fallout: New Vegas - What The Outer Worlds wishes it were.
• No Man's Sky - What The Outer Worlds will be.
• Cyberpunk 2077 - The reason everyone will forget about this game in 6 months.
• Starfield
• Mass Effect
• Borderlands
• Bioshock
• Futurama
• Rick and Morty
• Moon Man

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