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Judge William Adams

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Judge William Adams
Judge William Adams lookin' cute. no homo
Download Kazaa? That's a paddlin'
Details
Description Texas Judge in Aransas County, known for paddlin' internet users.
Classification Total Badass
Virginity Compromised
Fears Kazaa, youtube, gays, ataxic cerebral palsy, retards, Metallica, disobedience, web cams, belts, Megan's Law, falling pianos, JDAMs and Jews
Values God, beating children, sodomy, Goofy Time
<video type="youtube" id="etyugRjCkrY&start=42" height="25" width="190" frame="false" />
Links
URL Youtube
That's a paddlin'

Judge William "Bill" "The Judge" Adams (AKA Judge Dredd) is 4chan's nominee for father of the year in 2011. He is a don't-mess-with-Texas family law judge, but under the robe lies the most monumental winner you will ever lay eyes on. Hailing from the lovely county of Aransas in Southern Texas, his existence is spent beating his wife and daughter and feasting upon the sandwiches they prepare for him. Make no mistake, while this badass motherfucker doesn't wear a wife-beater badge or shotgun cans of Bud Light, he is the embodiment of win. When he's not busy riding through the woods in his pickup truck, hunting Negroes and defending the people's freedom, he's getting secretly filmed disciplining his disobedient daughter who is also a furry.

   
“ 		 
Get on the stomach or I'm gonna start beatin' you again
  		„
  		 

—Judge William Adams, exercising his second amendment rights like a winner

   
“ 		 
I never got mah lick in on 'er
  		„
  		 

—Judge William Adams, demonstrating his true American colors

   
“ 		 
Turn like a 16-year-old and take it...like a grown woman. Turn over.
  		„
  		 

—His wife Hallie Adams, instructing her daughter on how to assume a proper prone position to receive her father's forceful hand.

   
“ 		 
She won't. She is disobediant. Bend over like I said, damn it! Get up and bend over the fucking bed!
  		„
  		 

—BILL again.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

The Video

Damn skippy it is
He is the law

Last Thursday the daughter of Billy posted a video to YouTube, secretly filmed in 2004. It depicts Judge Adams savagely beating his daughter with a belt. From what can be garnered from the video, Hillary is a bit of a video game fan (note the Starfox Adventures and Sonic Adventure 2 posters on the wall) and a computer geek. Judge Adams, being the upstanding, moral individual (read: patriot) he is, didn't agree with her downloading that evil Rock & Roll music and playing those satanic video games and decided to "give her a spanking." Instead of a spanking, he proceeds to discipline her in a reasonable and fair matter, good ol' boy-style. At the time, Hillary was downloading Japanese music and games that were not yet available for legal purchase in the Jewnited States. Not wanting to miss out on the latest episode of the hottest animu, Hillary turned to the Internets to satisfy her cravings. Disappointed with his daughter's actions, The Judge then decided he was going to beat some sense into the little shit.

Detecting the incoming justice, Hillary smartly placed her camera on a shelf and covered it, leaving it on "record" mode to capture what happened. Seven years later, she released the video, causing the shitstorm of butthurt taking place today. What was captured is grainy images of The Judge relentlessly manhandling and beating Hillary everywhere on her body, threatening to beat her across the face if she doesn't assume his demanded positions. Hillary's mother, another victim of Billy's abuse, is seen shouting at her and telling her to "take it like a grown woman".

Hillary originally posted information about the video on Reddit, but the video quickly spread throughout the various tubes. Because Hillary is a gamer, the video gained momentum on the /v/ board on 4chan, as thousands of basement dwellers lifted their flabby arms in outrage that someone could hurt a white, normal-looking girl that enjoys vidya. This selective vigilantism then spread to /b/ from there, picking up more supporters along the way. Judge Adams should be preparing his asshole for the oncoming shitstorm created by the mass of nerdrage slowly vibrating towards him with the force of a thousand suns, ED will be following all the way, as lulz will undoubtedly ensue. Hope your career works out buddy! (It should be noted that he's already been relieved of his duties for two weeks thanks to his sneaky little rascal of a daughter.)

It is worth pointing out that Hillary has a disability. She has ataxic cerebral palsy and was born with less-than-functioning fingers, though she has since, through a program of physical therapy involving learning to play the piano, managed to get 1337 p14n0 skri11z. This didn't faze Billy one bit, however, and he still beat her to no end. For he knew that, despite her pleas to the contrary, the bitch was faking.

"The Judge" seen here shopping for fresh meat to pound.
Hillary Adams reaction to her dad's new found fame

Transcript

What we have here is a failure to communicate efficiently. Seven minutes of video reduces down to a shorter transcript. Like in the 1985 film Brazil, where the old typist in Jack Lint's (Michael Palin) office at the Ministery of Information Retrieval, what we need is a pretty-good transcript to figure out what all of these pronouns are referring to. Williams gets 14 blows on Hillary and then gets three more after his (lick) comment and perhaps one more while yelling into her ear.

Notes:

  • The mother's name is Hallie
  • Allison is Hillary's younger sister.
  • The trigger for the beating was that Hillary re-installed the music-sharing software Kazaa on her computer in her bedroom and Bill lumps that all together with unlocked computer games as stealing. Apparently Hillary also was taking some of her school exams with the computer.

Scene opens with camera looking at a bedroom with lights off. Voices initially recordered off-camera. 

Bill: (referring to internet/computer/Kazaa)...She put it back on against the instructions.
Hallie: Yes.
Bill: OK, go get my belt. Go get the big one.
Hallie: I have already spanked her.
Bill:I am going to spank her now.
(Light turns on in bedroom but still no one is visible)
Hillary: Is he upset?
Hallie: Yeah, he is. Apparently, that is why you do it.
Hillary: What is?
Hallie: That is why you re-install it, because you don't think that it's a big deal.
(Noise of toilet flushing)
Hillary: Ma, it's a lot easier than paying and I'm sorry.
Hallie: I don't care if is a lot easier than paying.
Bill: Get Alison out of the room. (Walks over and is standing right in front of the camera. He is wearing a tee-shirt. Gestures to Hillary). Get over here. (Closes door and turns off light.). Bend over that bed. 
Hillary: (Walks into camera view). Dad...
Bill: Bend over that bed. Bend over the bed.
Hillary: Well..
Bill: (Strikes Hillary using belt on backside of her legs for the first time). Bend over the bed. (Strikes her four more times).
Hillary: Stop...Dad...stop...stop...stop (interleaved)
Bill: Bend over the bed. I am going to keep beating you on your legs. Bend over the bed. Stand up.
Hillary: No.
Bill: Stand up. (Picks her up on tosses her on the bed) Bend over the bed. Bend over the fucking bed, damn it.  (Strikes her three times on her behind)
Hillary: Aahhhh...aahhh...ahhhh
Bill: (Strikes her two more times)
Hillary: Stop. Stop.
Bill: (Grabs her again). Bend over like I said, damn it. Get up and bend over the fucking bed. (Shoves her) Lay down or I will spank you in the fucking face. Roll over.
Hillary: Dad...Dad..No... Dad.
Bill: I will spank you in the fucking (trails off). (Strikes her three more times). Did she tell you to take that fucking thing off the computer?
Hillary: Ahhh...Stop.
Hallie: (re-enters, stage left. Bill hands belt over to her and stands with arms akimbo). Here, you turn over. One time, you get over on your stomach and you let me spank you on the bottom.
Bill: (Grabs for belt) Give her some more.
Hallie: (To Bill) No. (To Hillary) You turn over. I am going to spank you on your butt. You turn over like a 16-year-old and take it...like a grown woman. Turn over.
Bill: She won't. She is disobediant. Give it to me.
Hallie: No, let me do it.
Bill: Give it to me.
Hallie: Turn over.
Bill: I am going to go get another one. (Leaves)
Hallie: Turn over. Get on your butt now. All the way on your stomach. (Strikes Hillary once). Thank you.
(Hallie leaves)
Hillary: (Sniffs)
Bill: (Muffled) You started it...
Hallie: That is enough.
Bill: You started it.
Hallie: No, that doesn't mean you have to keep on...that is enough.
Bill: (Re-enters). I never got my lick in on her. Get on your fucking stomach on the bed now.
Hillary: Dad.
Bill: Get on your stomch or I am going to start beating you again.
Hallie: (Now back in the room) Get on your stomach.
Bill: Get on your stomach, I said. (Strikes Hillary again.)
Hallie: Get on your stomach.
Hillary: Dad.
Bill: Get on your stomach.
Hallie: Get on your stomach.
Hillary: Ahhh..
Hallie: Get on your god-dammned stomach.
Bill: Get on your stomach.
Hallie: Get on your stomach.
Bill: (Strikes again).
Hillary: Stop.
Hallie: That's... about it.
Bill: (Strikes again). I am going to beat you into submission.
Hillary: (Whimper)
Bill: You want to put some more computer games on?
Hillary: Stop. 
Bill: You want some more?
Hillary: No. (Wail)
Bill: Fucking computer. I told you that I did not even want one in the god-damned house. See all the problem they caused?
Hallie: Yeah, I have. I do.
Bill: All the fucking problems that they caused.
Hallie: I know and I told her "Take your credit by exams. I don't think that you should." She wanted to. OK? She made the decision. I did not want to take them any longer because I do believe she's too immature. And it has caused nothing but arguments and fights since we got it back.
Bill: (Leans over and shouts in Hillary's ear) Are you happy? Huh? Disobeying your parents? (Strikes again). 
Hillary: (Whimper) Stop. Stop.
Bill: See what it will do? Is it fun to disobey your Mom and Dad?
Hillary: No.
Bill: Huh?
Hillary: No.
Bill: You do not deserve to fucking be in this house. Disobedient... What happened to you Hillary? Once you were an obedient, nice little girl. Now you lie, cheat and steal. Putting the fucking game on the... I ought to just keep beating and beating you. 
Hillary: Stop. Stop.
Bill: That is how upset I am. Two months, will buck?
Hillary: Stop.
Bill: Six months. Six fucking months. Got it?
Hillary: Stop.
Bill: Got it?
Hillary: Stop. Yes. (Wail, cough).
Bill: If I hear so much...
Hillary: Stop.
Bill: ...as you raised your fucking voice one little bit to me or your mother or with the wrong... tone, or if you do one little thing wrong, if you look at me wrong...I am going to take you in here and wear your fucking ass out with the belt. You understand me?
Hillary: Yes sir.
Bill: That is what it has come to. That is what it has come to. Got it? Are you happy?
Hillary: No.
Bill: You caused this.
Bill: With your dis-fucking-obedience. You know I am not going to put up with it, don't you? Do you think I was fooling? 
Hillary: No sir.
Bill: Do you think I fool around?
Hillary: No sir.
Bill: (exits, stage left.)
Hallie: I told you: "Don't put Kazaa on your computer." And you know what I am telling you now? Are you listening?
Hillary: Yes ma'am.
Hallie: Don't touch one other thing on your comptuer besides your schoolwork until you are given notice otherwise. Is that understood?
Hillary: Yes ma'am.
Hallie: OK, good night. Now I will leave...you alone. (Leaves and slams door)
(Muffled coversation between Bill and Hallie. Bill says something about not wanting her out of the house)
Hillary: (Gets up and opens drawer)
Hillary: (Coughs) (Sniff)
Hallie: (Re-enters) You're sleeping on my couch in Allison's room. Get a blanket and go down there.
Hillary: How am I going to wake up?
Hallie: I have an alarm down there. Get your blanket and go down there.


BREAKING NEWS!

Judge Dredd himself has been contacted by a local news outlet. When asked for statement, he said, "It happened years ago.. I apologized." That's right guys, he's truly rehabilitated! His bad! Moreover, he made sure to let us know that, "It's not as bad as it looks on tape," proving that he is truly a reasonable, God fearin' man and we have all blown it out of proportion. So go ahead and pack it up guys, its time to leave him alone. In further interviews, he continues to shrug off any accusations and responsibility, still contending that beating his daughter was completely normal. Taking some quotes from CNN.com:

   
“ 		 
'She's mad because I've ordered her to bring the car back, in a nutshell, but yeah, that's me. I lost my temper,' Adams told the TV station. 'Her mother was there, she wasn't hurt ... it was a long time ago ... I really don't want to get into this right now because as you can see my life's been made very difficult over this child.'
  		„
  		 

—Judge Dredd to KZTV, reminding us its his daughter's fault

   
“ 		 
In my mind I have not done anything wrong other than discipline my child when she was caught stealing. I did lose my temper, I've apologized. It looks worse than it is.
  		„
  		 

—JUJ DURR-ED

How can YOU help this father of the year?

Græt success

   
“ 		 
Sheriff Bill Mills said Wednesday that William Adams, a family law judge who handles child abuse cases, has disconnected his phone because of threatening calls and faxes after the video went viral. Mills said Adams told him he did not plan to go to his office at the courthouse Wednesday.
  		„
  		 

— God bless you Anon

Blackmail?

When the video went up on Reddit, people immediately started questioning why the furry waited so long to post the video, instead of reporting it immediately to the authorities. She replied back on Reddit saying that she was saving the video until her dad made her mad. He made her mad just recently, so she posted the video in order for the judge to receive the 99%ers and soccer moms' wraths. He's not up for re-election for another three years! But that does not stop Facebook.

Barred from seeing his younger daughter

Hallie Adams, the ex-wife who could be heard encouraging Judge Dredd in the video, has placed a restraining order on the man she once held down his victims for in order to prevent him from seeing the younger sister of the furry. Apparently she fears for her daughter's safety, somehow not realizing that she is the person encouraging her other daughter's beating in the famous video. Sauce

Update from Jewtube: 01/10/2012

"Please, someone help me. He thinks he's a hero, he thinks he has done nothing wrong and he is some kind of martyr. He is actively lying to and trying to bribe my little sister. He told me he "wasn't mad" to elicit kindness and then blocked my phone number. He promised me my school savings in return for the car and he still has every penny AND the car. He threw away every single chance I gave him at redemption. This shit is still happening and this man is still in office, denying any wrongdoing and shifting blame in any outward direction he can. Please god someone help us." - Hillary 'shoehedgie' Adams

That's a Paddlin'


Vidya gaems? That's a paddlin'


Apparently he has more in common with them Jappos than he thinks


Another Godless Hippie Heathen (Warning: video contains an asshole)


Hillary pounding away at the keys like her daddy pounded away at her


Hillary: Just as planned.

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See also

External Links

Articles

Known Accounts


Judge William Adams is part of a series on
Gay Republicans
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[WAY PAST COOL!GOTTA GO FAST!]


Judge William Adams is part of a series on
Sonic the Hedgehog

Featured article November 2, 2011 & November 3, 2011
Preceded by
FanFiction 		Judge William Adams Succeeded by
Flipnote Hatena
Featured article November 12 & November 13, 2011
Preceded by
Kelseyalicia 		Judge William Adams Succeeded by
GreenReaper
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