ITT, we discuss the crazies we have met in our lifetime. was a massive collection of stories on a /b/ thread about crazy people. The archived content is below.

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This article needs an assload of editing. Sort the win, delete the fail.

"ITT, we discuss the crazies we have met in our lifetime" is an epic thread that appeared on /b/ on February 4, 2007 at 19:16, and hit 500 replies before being deleted on February 5th.

ITT, we discuss the crazies we have met in our lifetime.

Dan

One kid I'll never forget is Dan.

When I was sixteen, I was a whackjob, so they put me in a young adult program. Basically for crazy kids.

One of the guys there was named Dan. I never really found out what was wrong with him- I figured he had schizophrenia or MPD, maybe even OCD. Anyways, he loved to smell. I'm not talking about a little whiff here and there, he was smelling CONSTANTLY. He had a good sense of smell, too.

He'd say things like "I've smelled the dinosaurs before." "Have you ever smelled the past?" and he'd be totally serious. One time, he asked a nurse what time it was. She was a real bitch, and she just said "well what time do you THINK it is, DAN." and he took a big whiff and was like "SMELLS LIKE 4:10", and he'd be off by like thirty minutes, at worst. I'll remember that moment for the rest of my life.

He once told me I that I smelled like a bunny rabbit. Another time he said I smelled like a frog. I asked if that was a good thing, and he just said YES. And walked away.

Dan also liked to taste things. He would lick the walls, trays, tables, anything he'd get his tongue on. This one time, he picked up a puzzle box and started licking it.

A nurse caught him doing this, and she said "DAN! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" "stop what?" "WHAT YOU WERE DOING!" "drugs?"

Sometimes Dan got really scary. When we sat around watching tv, Dan would be there talking to himself, but he'd say some fucked up shit, like, "You dirty fucking liar, stop lying. How many times have you lied to me? You fucking slut, I'll kill you. Slut." And sometimes he'd talk about the bitches on tv (ie. Sarah Jessica Parker or something).

Dan used to travel to the moon a lot. He said it smelled like lillacs and rocks. Dan was also obsessed with drugs and raves. Every night, he would ask "is there a rave going on? does anyone want to do drugs with me?"

He once told us about the time his friends gave him mushrooms. This shocked the shit out of me because I just couldn't see dan doing drugs. The world fell in on him or something, and he could walk through walls. He said it was a great religious experince.

Dan hated the staff and nurses, because he was convinced they were stealing his emotions and colors. He often said, "the nurses don't let me feel." I swear I heard him say once that they took away his yellow.

When Dan got mad at someone, he'd say stuff like "you don't have any emotions" or "you don't deserve your feelings." And then he'd walk away.

Sometimes, Dan'd put on this weird english accent. One of the girls would be talking about a picture or some shit like that, and Dan looked over all haughty like, and said "THAT'S NOICE." It became a kind of meme amongst us.

He also had this weird noise he'd make all the time, kind of like a MWOMP sound. You know how the adults sound in charlie brown? something close to that. He'd walk around and just say MWOMP all day. I miss that sound.

When I was admitted into the hospital, Dan had already been there for six months. I heard from the other kids that he'd probably be there for a whole year. It's sad too, because no one ever came to visit Dan. I heard that his parents just couldn't handle him, so he was put into the program. I would give anything to see that kid again.

SO TALK ABOUT CRAZIES NOW GOGOGO

1 02/04/07(Sun)19:29:53 No.20072444 2 02/04/07(Sun)19:33:25 No.20072607 3 02/04/07(Sun)19:37:05 No.20072760 4 02/04/07(Sun)19:41:39 No.20072945 5 02/04/07(Sun)19:44:06 No.20073061 6 02/04/07(Sun)19:48:21 No.20073253 7 02/04/07(Sun)19:59:42 No.20073742 8 02/04/07(Sun)20:00:03 No.20073757 9 02/04/07(Sun)20:04:15 No.20073948 10 02/04/07(Sun)20:06:17 No.20074029 11 02/04/07(Sun)20:09:26 No.20074151 12 02/04/07(Sun)20:14:06 No.20074347 13 02/04/07(Sun)20:17:18 No.20074491 14 02/04/07(Sun)20:22:21 No.20074720 15 02/04/07(Sun)20:26:41 No.20074881 16 02/04/07(Sun)20:31:52 No.20075091 17 02/04/07(Sun)20:33:34 No.20075173 18 02/04/07(Sun)20:37:21 No.20075343 19 02/04/07(Sun)20:56:03 No.20076055 20 02/04/07(Sun)21:03:41 No.20076255 21 02/04/07(Sun)21:10:18 No.20076531 22 02/04/07(Sun)21:30:06 No.20077354 23 02/04/07(Sun)21:31:40 No.20077417 24 02/04/07(Sun)21:38:42 No.20077707 25 02/04/07(Sun)21:46:17 No.20078075 26 02/04/07(Sun)21:50:11 No.20078263 27 02/04/07(Sun)21:50:53 No.20078297 28 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Sort these

02/04/07(Sun)19:29:53 No.20072444

There's this nutcase in one of my classes that has autism and is obsessed with Pokemon. During class she'll yell and scream about how much she loves Rayquaza. She will also scream and whine, loudly, if something doesn't go her way.

This is a college class, too.

02/04/07(Sun)19:33:25 No.20072607

Yes.

There was this kid named Jon. He screamed all the time. I rode the short bus home and always had to sit next to him.

If he wanted something, he'd scream. If he didn't want something, he'd scream. If he felt like it, he'd scream. The only way to shut him up was to threaten to take your shoes off.

Yeah.

02/04/07(Sun)19:37:05 No.20072760

I was in residential for a little over a year in high school. My roommate Marcy was this crazy bipolar chick. One night, someone was in the bathroom, and she really had to piss, so she stuck her ass out the window and pissed on the roof. It was really cold, and the piss froze.

Another girl always had an itchy asshole and used to rub it on poles. Always clothed, as far as I know. She probably needed it stuck in her pooper.

02/04/07(Sun)19:41:39 No.20072945

In the public high school I went to they had a special program for autistic kids. Some of these kids were a lot older than teenagers, so I'm not really sure what type of program this was, but after sharing the same building with them for four years you start to get some really fucking hilarious stories.

Bob: Bob was a walking calendar. He was a minimally funtioning autistic, but his true talent was with dates. You could tell him any date in history and he will tell you the day of the week that would have been. For example, Jesus was born on a Wednesday. So was I, apparently.

Bingo, AKA, Nala: This girl was nutzo. She used to carry around a plushie of Nala from the return of Lion King, or whatever shit sequal that was, and would only answer if people addressed her as such. Before Nala she was Bingo. Bingo was a dog. Nala/Bingo used to wear at least 5 watches on each wrist, and would constantly stop you in the hall to ask you what time it was. Regardless of your answer, she would always correct you and say "no, it's 2:05" or whatever time she KNEW it was. They say once to test her they left her alone in a room for a few hours with no watches or clocks and gave her some puzzles and games to play with. When they came back and asked her what time it was, she knew on the dot.

Nathan: Nathan was probably the coolest. He used to walk around to every classroom door and check to see if the doorknobs were functioning properly. Sometimes he would carry a toy screwdriver with him. Nathan also would walk throught he halls with his hands over his ears because he HATED the sound of lockers slamming

Samir: Samir would always be talking to himself as if he was the voice of his own mother. One time I went to the bathroom durring class, and Samir was in there pooping, WITH THE DOOR OPEN, telling himself how to wipe. When he was done, he had to argue with himself to get him to wash his own hands. Samir loved to make chains out of paperclips and sometimes kids would step on the ends that dragged along the hallway ;___;

Black kid in a harness: This kid was dangerous! I never knew his name, but he tried to attack my friend Carrie when she and I were sneaking outside to smoke cigarettes. His caretaker had to yank him back, and it was really kind of funny/sad.

Superman girl: She always wore the same superman t shirt every day, and had pigtails. She was really fat and liked to walk around the hallways eating popcorn from a microwave bag.

02/04/07(Sun)19:44:06 No.20073061

In seventh grade there was this nutjob in my science class that was obsessed with faces and eyes.

During free time he would tell the girls about how easy it would be for him to sneak into someone's house, sedate them, and cut off their face. He would then tell the girl he was talking to about how nice it would be if he cut off her face. He would get all confused when the girl got creeped out or angry. It was like he didn't understand that what he was saying was fucking scary.

Things got really fun when the teacher partnered me and a few girls with him to dissect a frog. The first thing that strange little mother fucker went for was the frog's face. He cut it up, peeled the skin back, took out the eyes, and squished them between his fingers.

02/04/07(Sun)19:48:21 No.20073253

There was this autistic kid in high school named Chris. He knew absolutely everything there was to know about world geography, from the Gross Domestic Product of Nicaragua, to the total land mass of Russia. He had this habit of bobbing back and forth constantly. Because of this, during a student election, one of the candidates dressed him up as Ray Charles and had him sit behind a piano - from what I can tell, this was the candidate's only platform. He won by a landslide.

02/04/07(Sun)19:59:42 No.20073742

Not the greatest story, but I'll contribute.

One kid I knew back in highschool loved remote control cars. He'd bring them to school and race them down the hallway, laughing his fucking head off. He used to get beat up a lot.

I remember the time he picked a fight with one of the cooler kids, too. Said cool kid bumped into him in the hallway, and he was like "Oh, sorry."

But crazy kid FLIPPED OUT and started screaming and smacking the guy- sissy slaps and all. Cool guy was like "WHAT THE FUCK!?" and pushed the kid off of him. Crazy kid fell, got up and ran off in the other direction like a maniac. Some of the funniest shit I've ever seen.

02/04/07(Sun)20:00:03 No.20073757

Justin, an autistic kid in my old highschool, once whipped down his grey jogging pants in the middle of the Remembrance Day ceremony. During the moment of silence. It was fucking amazing. Another time, he stood up to leave class about five minutes before it was over, and he was sporting a HUGE fucking boner. It was impossible to look away.

02/04/07(Sun)20:04:15 No.20073948

Back in the day I worked at a mall. I worked in the big CD store (not the small shitty one). There was this guy who thought he was superman. Halloween was the best, because he'd be dressed up as Superman and go running around the halls and stores. He'd ocassionally fuck up some CDs or tapes or posters or something, but I was always happy to see him. Everything to him was SUPEHMAH! SUPEHMAH! "Supehmah, he likes this CD! Supehmah!"

Anyways, one day he was running around the mall and was getting all sweaty. He stopped by a kiosk selling tee-shirts. Including Superman tee-shirts. So this kid (okay, he was more like 27) grabs one off the dispay and wipes his face all over it. Now of course, his parents/guardians/social workers aren't around; they dump him off in the mall precisely so they don't have to deal with him. (Considering he did reek of shit and urine on occasion, he probably had to be told to go to the bathroom in the morning every day.) The kiosk guy is all freaking out, like, "hey! You gotta pay for dat now! RONG NOW!" But the kid just went on about how he was superman and the shirt was superman and everything was superman. So the rent-a-cops get called and show up to take him away. Well, one of them is fat and has a shaved head.

LEH LUHOR!! LEH LUHOR!! So the kid starts running at "Lex" and starts flailing at him. It was pretty funny seeing this guy drag this kid out of the mall while he was yelling "Lex Luthor" the whole time.

02/04/07(Sun)20:06:17 No.20074029

In highschool we'd all gather in the lunchroom in the mornings and do whatever. A table or two over from us sat the ESE kids. Among them was this kid named Odis I think. Anyway one day he came over to out table and started talking to us. Seemed like a nice guy. This guy Eric we sat with decided to keep him as a pet and started calling him Claud. He'd be at the table very morning. I remember once he was holding up fingers and asking us how many there were there. One of us decided to fuck with him and told him some really large number like two thousand three hundred and twnety three and Odis let out this horrible scream but without changing his facial expression at all. Scared the hell out of us. Some time later Eric punched his sister for picking on him and the retard wrangler took him away :(

02/04/07(Sun)20:09:26 No.20074151

Ex-girlfriend of mine was batshit. One day, she's sitting in a math class. She complains that she can't figure out a problem. Other friend of mine starts hopping around her like Quasimodo and muttering, "Nyaha, I will help you, hehe,". She runs out of the room screaming, "OH GOD, HE KNOWS, HE KNOWS," and cried for hours. She used to trash her room when she was upset and several times I had to keep her from filleting herself with a knife. But the quasimodo thing is more indicative of her madness.

02/04/07(Sun)20:14:06 No.20074347

Not a very interesting story, but it still kinda freaked me out a bit.

When I was around 13, I was eating a nice meal at Cracker Barrel when I hear some guy, probably in his early thirties or so, yell things you'd expect from a three year old, like "OOO I'D LIKE THAT, MOMMY LOOK AT THIS AT WHAT'S ON THE MENU" and stuff like that. His parents (who were like in their sixties) and the waitress talked to him like he was 3. I was pretty freaked out by what I was hearing, so I look behind my shoulder with a perplexed look on my face and the guy sees me. His face gets all red and he starts sobbing.

02/04/07(Sun)20:17:18 No.20074491

There's this one guy who lives in my city. He's 30/40 something I think. He's crazy about a certain soccerclub, Feyenoord. He rides around town on a bike screaming the name of his club to everyone he sees.

When you yell the name of another club back to him, he gets really sad ;_;

02/04/07(Sun)20:22:21 No.20074720

Just a couple weeks ago, I was at a game shop, for Friday Night Magic (I know, lame lulz) and there's this retard and his dad there. The Dad is fairly normal looking, but the kid has the autistic face, and this huge gut. He was wearing a tight shirt, and tight athletic shorts. So me and this other guy are in the middle of a game, and the retard just shouts "DAD, I GOT PIZZA, ON MY FACE". Then, after the tournament was over, on the way out, I heard him say "Dad, can I start getting treats yet?". Yeah, and the kid had this really high scratchy voice.

02/04/07(Sun)20:26:41 No.20074881

When I was sixteen I took a driver's training course for a couple Saturday mornings so I could get my permit. It was in a building that was off of this small alley where a bunch of old bums slept, probably the groadiest area in this small town. In the first class there was a kid who, before the class started, was going on about shooting horse tranquilizers. He explained that he shot them in a vein between his big toe and the next toe, and he also told the people he was talking to that he knew a guy who shot them into a vein behind his eyeball so his probation officer wouldn't know about it. That was easily one of the most bizarre scenes I've witnessed first hand.

02/04/07(Sun)20:31:52 No.20075091

My mom used to work with disabled people at the local YM-YWCA. One of the elderly ones (maybe like 50-60, they always look older than people who know how to take care of themselves so who the fuck can really tell?) found out where she lived when one of her co-workers was giving them both a ride home.

He started coming to our house at least once a week expecting a meal and my mom didn't have the heart to tell him to just go away. And he wasn't even polite or nice. He would arrive at the door and say "Where's my free meal?". He would occasionally complain to my mother about her two young children who he found irritating. HE was the one irritating US. He behaved more like a child then me or my brother! He was rude and he smelled, and repeated the same 8 dermatological facts he knew over and over as if they were extremely interesting!

So one day when my mom saw him coming, she told us both to hide until he went away. We repeated this a few times until he stopped coming.

02/04/07(Sun)20:33:34 No.20075173

My sister is a real nutcase... She used to develop many cumpulsive behaviours, like brushing her teeth extensively for over three hours; crying like a maniac whenever somebody said a loud word to her; threatening to kill herself at the slightest occurance; being a devoted vegan and other crazy shit. to make a long story short, she is now on antidepressiva, and doing "normal" stuff again. but those were some hellish years.

02/04/07(Sun)20:37:21 No.20075343

A friend of mine went to an alternative school, whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean, and for some reason they had hired a semi-retarded teacher. Everytime you'd say Ghostbusters around him he'd start singing the theme loudly.

02/04/07(Sun)20:56:03 No.20076055

in a nearby village, I knew a guy who was fucking obsessed with football and beer. not a disabled retard he was, but rather just a drunkard and slob. anyway, you could talk to him about football for hours and he knew everything. from the members of uruguyan national team of 1960, to the exact results of the worldwide football season of 1978. every single team.

if you would bring another topic, except of football, he would just ignore you and change his topic back. crazy fucker. was in his mid 30´s and hung with teeangers. he never tried to raep or seduce or do anything else with anybody. all that was on his mind was football (as in played with foot)

02/04/07(Sun)21:03:41 No.20076255

There was this girl, Sherridan, who could never remember people's names. She was vaguely special ed, quite slow, butt ugly, and prone to attempting (and failing) flirtation with anyone with a PENIS. She always forgot my name in particular; I had convinced her that I was imaginary, that my name was Chris, and that my name was Joe on three separate occasions.

One day, when waiting to get picked up, she approached me again and asked me what my name is. I said Shagrath. And she believed it. She asked what kind of name it was. I said it was Orcish. She asked what part of the world that was in. I said it was Eastern European, from the country of Orczakhistan.

She believed the whole thing. I wanted to see how much further I could take this. She next asked me what kind of pet I had. I said I had a komodo dragon. No questions asked, she believed me. I told her we could afford it since we were a rich European family.

She believed that whole thing.

02/04/07(Sun)21:10:18 No.20076531

In high school, I worked at a Blockbuster by a group home. There was this guy named Jimmy, about 35, who walked to my store from the group home - about a mile and a half - every single fucking night. He was a big guy, had a shaved head, and always wore heavy metal t-shirts. He'd hang around our mini-mall for hours, panhandle, hit on teenage girls and ask people for rides home. He bought previously viewed videos every day, though, so we didn't mind him hanging around unless he really started to scare people. He knew all the customers' and employees' names, even if he hadn't seen them for years. We'd stand around and talk about Black Sabbath if I didn't have a lot to do.

Anyhow, one time he disappeared into our public restroom for a couple of hours. We finally sent a guy back to knock on the door, and Jimmy came out a few minutes later. After he'd gone home, when we were cleaning the restrooms, we found a little hole, about an inch wide, through the wall between the men's and women's restrooms. I don't even know how he'd manage something like that without a drill.

He used to work at the Dominicks down the plaza from us, but he got fired for shoplifting. He told EVERYONE this. Then he tried to get jobs at all of the other stores in the plaza, and couldn't understand why nobody wanted to hire him.

02/04/07(Sun)21:30:06 No.20077354

There was this guy who was homeless and a bit crazy. He was often around the park, that I passed when I went to where I played magic: the gathering tournaments. He had a voice that was always loud and slurred. One time I was walking home, and he came up right in my face and he started shout/chant/singing these strange lyrics that sounded like some sort of English punk song. Something like "Hope you keep warm/Hope you stay cool/fuck the UK/Yeah, yeah, yeeeeaah." I had no idea what he was going on about, I just smiled and said, "That's nice." Once I'd left the sidewalk in front of the park, he left me alone and went to shout at the next passing people.

02/04/07(Sun)21:31:40 No.20077417

I knew this one guy who said that he had five different consciences in his head and two of them made fun of him when ever he said something stupid, one of them he said was a quiet voice who barely said anything other than "what are you doing" or "who is that you're talking to right now?" or something. One of the other voices he said loved to sing and the fifth one liked to control him and make him do bad things against his will apparently. He talks out loud to himself a lot and I asked him why he did and he said that the voices in his head don't make fun of him if he says something that they think is stupid, like they are "afraid to talk outside of his head" and that talking out side of his head is their only fear so he does it a lot if he doesn't want to listen to them but still talk to them.

02/04/07(Sun)21:38:42 No.20077707

Once in 8th grade there was a rather beasty girl named Samantha Carrol, we always knew there was something wrong with her, but this was most evident when she told us that we all had guardian angels, sad part was that they all had the same names, it was either one of three, corey, james, or kyle. She would come up to you randomly and say shit like "your grandparents say hi!?!!#%" "my grandparents are dead..." "i know ^^"

then one time she said a 4 year old pushed her down on the ice and she shattered her ankle, but she was walking on it the next day....

and one day before school she was singing dude (looks like a lady) by aerosmith before class began and she was rocking it up with the air guitar solo...

Then right before school got done she pulled out a bottle of lotion, and this bottle was no ordinary bottle, it was a value tub of lotion, like 1 gallon sized... and she pumps a handfull into her hair and trys to lather it up as if it were shampoo, which made her hair even more greasy than it already was.

02/04/07(Sun)21:46:17 No.20078075

Back when I used to live in a small town in Northern Arizona, there lived a local legend by the name of Steve Reel. This was a pretty small town, and everybody knew Steve. Steve was a pretty weird dude, and you would always see him walking around town up to god knows what. He was slightly retarded, and looked kind of like a rat, with his overbite and his slicked-back black hair. He was also a notorious party crasher. If there was a wedding or a family reunion in town, Steve would be there.

Fucking weird-ass though.

02/04/07(Sun)21:50:11 No.20078263

A friend of mine went insane after several years of excessively consuming weed. Paranoid schizuphrenia. Being high was the normal thing for him, the only times when he'd not continually hang on his bong was when he was at school and when he was sleeping.

Anyways, he started talking about abstruse and absurt stuff like conspiracy theories (Illuminatus, et al), Jung's numerology and some esotheric stuff like astrology and tarot. He was dead serious about that shit, he dismissed all logic and any arguments. It was unbelievable how deluded some of his stuff was.

Now all this was but a mere bother but the problem was that we both were some of the biggest computer nerds in our age group and he started believing that I kept cracking his computer and do bullshit that would have made no sense whatsoever. Kept telling me about the strange stuff that happened. It was impossible to convince him otherwise of course. For me it was worse than you can probably imagine. Because he just wouldn't believe me, no matter how reasonable I explained shit to him and we were good friends at that time.

The most ridiculous event took place when some day he suddenly stood on my doorstep (unannounced). He went all the way to me (lived about 4-4.5km away from me) to tell me this: The night before he was abducted by aliens. Dead serious. I thought he was fucking joking at that time, sent him home and dismissed the matter because it was to fucking absurd to me at the time.

<cont>

02/04/07(Sun)21:50:53 No.20078297

Continuation of >>20078263

Things seemed to be getting worse for him because one evening on a week day we were chatting and he told me how desperate he was and that he was in the process of cutting his arm to kill himself. I jumped out of the house, into the car and sped to him. He was a bit drunk but coherent. His arm wasn't badly cut because he used a rather dull butter knife. He started to cry and I tried to comfort him. Then we talked some and I told him that he should go to sleep and I'd not leave until I was sure he was asleep. Missed school the next day as well but I was 18 by that time so that wasn't a problem.

Our contact gradually broke off at this point because we graduated and went seperate ways. Several months later I heard from my then girl friend that he had tried to kill himself again. This time his parents caught him, his mother freaked out, called the police and he was institutionaluized for 2 weeks or something. He got sent home and was meant to take medication which he refused to.

After a year during which I did my civil service and he somewhat recovered, we went to the same uni to study informatics. We became acquianted again and he was indeed a lot better. However during the last 3 months or so, he started to go apeshit on me again. For some obscure reason he now despises me with all his heart.

Some weeks ago he accused me of cracking his server, deleting some project files. At a recent birthday party he threatened to beat me up because I accidentally touched him. The next day he told me that he didn't want me in his "wolf pack" as he calls our mutual group of friends.

And that's the current status. Last time we talked was on the phone that morning and he hung up serveral times. We'll see what is yet to come. Crazy motherfucker. lol

02/04/07(Sun)21:53:22 No.20078419

In my town, there's a local guy by the name of Mad John. Everyone knows Mad John, who's in his sixties. Even my mum remembers seeing him before he was mad, at a happy festival decades ago. Rumours are that he went crazy after swallowing an entire sheet of acid tabs at once.

He'll wonder around the shopping precinct, talking with this odd foreign accent, though he's never been abroad, making loud, racist comments, and talking about his 'traves' abroad.

I used to work in the post office. My boss was from Pakistan. One day Mad John came in, and started talking about his 'days in Dubhai', where he was apparently whipped and shot. He also played guitar for The Who at one point, and used to buy weed from Richard Branston when Richard opened his first drug shop in Glasgow.

02/04/07(Sun)21:54:33 No.20078483

Back in middle school I took the bus home. There was this tard who sat across the aisle from me, and he would always spaz out. He looked like an addict going through withdrawl; he would flail around, tense up his hands into claws, and drool out of his mouth. He also loved to talk to himself in tard-speak. For the most part, he kept to himself. However, every now and then he would notice me and start shrieking at me.

I also remember that he loved this picture book about dogs. I swear he must have read that book every fucking day. Of course in this case, read means stare at the pictures and flip through the pages at random.

02/04/07(Sun)21:54:44 No.20078489

There was a schizoid girl at my highschool. My friend and I were stage crew for school shows and performances during our senior years, and we were at rehearsal for a performance that was being done for a national competition. Anyway, this schizoid girl somehow managed to pass audition and get herself a filler part. Being stage crew we only really need to learn where the props are to be moved around, which takes about 20 minutes for us, so we spent almost all of the rehearsals just sitting around and talking about shit. Then one day, out of fucking nowhere, the schizoid comes running over from across the room (from where she absolutely couldn't even hear us talking) and screams at one of my friends "IF MY FATHER HEARD YOU SAY THAT HE WOULD BE ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE" We were all pretty fucking scared. She looked about ready to kill him. It didn't end there, though. The teacher directing the performance came over to us and had a big "this is very serious" moment, trying to coerce some kind of confession out of us. Finally, after 30 minutes of us saying "the girl is fucking batshit insane, we didn't even say anything to her" the fucking teacher finally goes "well, she is schizophrenic..."

What a fucking bitch. I heard last year that the schizo showed up in an English class. Except she'd actually graduated four years ago. She had a book and took notes and everything. Fucking craaaaaaazy.

02/04/07(Sun)21:55:57 No.20078545

I remember way, way back in preschool...so I was 4.

There was one kid who was different, I don't remember his name but he was a different fellow, I donno if he was retarded since he was faster than the others.

He never said anything, well he did but mostly just warbles of sound, he was always moving around the playground like the lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots or somthing (gyrating his body and flailing his arms smoothly).

One of the earliest memories of my life was watching the teachers trying to get him down from the top of a teatherball pole. He seemed like he was having a ball up there too, yelling in a strange high pitch and twirling around the pole.

02/04/07(Sun)21:59:31 No.20078718

I had a borderline retard named Vincent in my 8th grade Phys Ed class. He would do the weird hand gesture thing like Gilbert Grape and make these weird guttural throat noises all the time, even when class was quiet.

The kicker is that during gym he stripped completely naked to change into his gym uniform. No shame whatsoever. One time when he was naked we convinced him that the angry mexican gangbanger in the class needed a hug. the spic shoved vincent away so hard that he tripped and cracked his head open on a bench.

the spic got a week suspension. Vincent got 11 stitches and stopped doing the weird throat noises so it was a win-win.

02/04/07(Sun)22:01:44 No.20078829

theres this one guy who lives in my city. The guy always walks around with a hammer and wears a batting helmet. He'll walk around to every telephone poll and just hammer nails into them renail old ones..

02/04/07(Sun)22:01:54 No.20078836

My ex was paranoid-schizophrenic, he heard voices in his head and would talk to it. For a while he thought it was god talking to him, but then he said it was just a woman trying to tell him a secret. He never told me what it said to him... He was also a hardcore sadist, and a bisexual neo-nazi and into scat. He was starting to become a furry (I wish I was kidding) and wanted me to buy him a wolf costume. Then I broke up with him. And no, he wasn't a b/tard.

02/04/07(Sun)22:13:38 No.20079376

one boy ive known since childhood is a dude who's commonly known as Fucking Crazy Tetlow. All throughout he would kick the shit out of anything and everything. He tried to fuck his foster sister and tried to get me to as well, i didnt try of course because the bitch was dumb, smelled, 7 and had chocolate round her mouth all the time. By the age of 13 he was smoking weed and started to become majorly schizophrenic. He imagined all scenario's possible when it came to people looking at him. One time he tried to knock an old couple into a pond because they passed his general direction "they were fukin looking at me" no wonder you insane chav. He's in rehab now (lol no effect) and also in some institution for breaking his moms arm cause she bought the wrong game for his xbox 360. Plus he stabbed me a year ago WITH A PEN into my shoulder. My god, top that.

02/04/07(Sun)22:14:22 No.20079406

many years ago a kinda slow kid convinced me it would be a good idea to break into the house next to me.

so after we did that, we hooked the smoke detector up to the 220V outlet for the oven.

it did not end well.

02/04/07(Sun)22:16:26 No.20079504

My ex was a compulsive liar. It wasn't apparent til we started going out for a while. Tried to tell me he was a member of a secret society in Lebanon named the Gielen (after Johann Gielen who just happens to be a popular trance artist and he was crazy about trance) whose mission was to replace dictatorships with democracies.

Though he claims that the following people were members: The entire band Coldplay, DJ Tiesto, the entire band Oceanlab, Tony Blair and George Bush.

Also he claims he was in the top 5 while all the above were not. So he said he was higher up in an organization than the leader of the free world.

He also said he went to Japan for 2 weeks without anyone noticing, had a girlfriend (16) who was shot in the stomach in France and yet died in his arms (but he was at school the next day). The girl didn't show up in the obituaries or the news. "Her" name was Heather Scarsdale.

He claimed to be a world famous DJ and yet if you google searched his name, nothing came up.

He threatened my brother, my friend and two of my exes with death.

There's a lot more than that, too. :P

02/04/07(Sun)22:18:53 No.20079621

>>20078820 That joke is older than the Brat Pack.

Tards learn about different races:

Ivan and the old new kid are both at the sink, washing their hands before they eat snack. Ivan is half Caucasian and half African-American. Evan's skin is, indeed, brown. The old new kid keeps telling Ivan to keep washing his hands, they are still brown and dirty. The old new kid truly knows no better then to make a comment of this sort, he is six years old and mildly retarded.

Finally, after a good two minutes of the old new kid criticizing Evan's hand washing techniques, the old new kid screams out

"TEACHER, EVAN'S HANDS WON'T TURN NOT BROWN."

It was at that point that I read the class "Elmer the Elephant", a book about skin color differences. We discussed it afterward, I really think the majority of them caught the message.

www.tard-blog.com

02/04/07(Sun)22:24:04 No.20079837

I remember in college there was this girl in a wheelchair, and she was outside the main building smoking, i always fucking hate people smoking out there, they have a designated area for that and outside the building doors is not it.

I walked up to her and told her to move to the smoking area, she said "i'm in a fucking wheelchaire give me a break" so I said to her "Smoking stunts your growth" and she looked so fucking angry she could have walked

Students were protesting at how the principal had fucked up and spent too much money on unnecessary shit (3rd time at a different college he'd done it, and they still letr him work?) and he wanted to fire lecturers, this put our courses in jeopardy, so we had a protest, with signs and the press and other stuff, and there was a guy in a wheelchair, he couldn't talk right either or anything, he had a sign i couldn't see what was said on it, and my friend pointed him out to me and said "i wonder what his sign says" and i said "blh blh hfffffghhhhhghblhhhhbblh"

I fucking hate wheelchair people, they scare the shit out of me

02/04/07(Sun)22:29:15 No.20080079

I had this teacher for CCD (Catholic Christian Doctrine/Catholic Children's Detention - like Sunday school on fucking Saturdays) when I was 13 and still went to church and shit. He told us God personally talked to him. One time he said God changed his name in the phone book, repeatedly, from Bill to William. He finally realized that, since God told Moses, "I am who I am," and his name broke down to "will i am," it was a sign that he was meant to do the will of God.

He also liked to talk about Revelation a lot, and how when the agents of the Antichrist came, they'd try to force us to renounce Jesus by threatening to behead us or kill our families. And he told us to let them, because if we renounced Christ, we'd go straight to hell, so letting our families die was better.

Uh... let's see, what else. Oh, he was writing a book about how the world was going to end in about 30 years. Last I heard, he was banned from teaching CCD and possibly excommunicated. Now he goes to Willow Creek. I don't really give a fuck; he's near the top of my list of Reasons To Be An Atheist. I just hope he's no longer allowed to work with children.

02/04/07(Sun)22:42:02 No.20080644

>>20080079 Fucking CCD kids. I went to a Catholic middle school with lockers, so we kept all our shit in our desks. Every time they held CCD after school, we would come back to school and some of our stuff would be stolen or moved around.

02/04/07(Sun)22:42:08 No.20080650

People livin' in Toronto might recognize this one. There's this old lady that walks around town all year long in a leather trench coat (even in the summer) waving her arm in front of her face as if she's directing traffic. She just walks around the downtown area waving her arm and talking to herself. She's been around for years.

02/04/07(Sun)22:46:17 No.20080849

I attended a highschool for emotionally disabled kids. Ben was one of the craziest kids we had there; he was a faker, he liked to pretend to be upset by things when he clearly wasn't . . . One time he refused to leave a room and it got weird. Our teacher, being quick-witted and alternative; threatened to bring in a channeler she was friends with to channel his spirit into the next room . . . He hid under the furnature.

02/04/07(Sun)22:50:24 No.20081048

I work as a food service worker at a state hospital, so i hear quite a few stories.

One of my grandmothers friend's wife resides there, and is schizophrenic. She once hitched a ride under a semi-trailer to see her boyfriend in prison.

There was a retard at a previous job i work at, and she was one of the horny-type of retards. If she found an airman she liked, she would stare at them and pretend to tie her shoe in a sexy way. She once started to do that to me, but figured out i'm a female, so she stopped. One time she was so horny she started rubbing her boobs in front of some airmen and started to dance like she was about to strip. funniest shit ever.

I used to be a 'friend' to a retard at school, and he was the coolest kid ever. He gave me a wild onion flower one day and wanted to marry me. A few weeks later i went on to junior high, while he stayed at elementary. ;_;

02/04/07(Sun)22:55:15 No.20081263

I don't remember any crazies from my youth, but I think that's probably because, for a lot of people, I am that crazy guy.

For instance, I'm in a band with a guy I went to grade school with. I didn't know him well or hang out with him back then, other than that he was in my class. One time in fourth grade, in the middle of class, I looked at him and said "Ryan, it's time to go frolick in the halls. Let's go." He said "Okay, cool." So I got up, went out in the hallway, and fucking frolicked. Several minutes later, Mrs. Hunter noticed I was gone and said "Ryan, wasn't Andrew sitting next to you?" He said "No, Mrs. Hunter, he's frolicking in the halls."

He told me this story very recently, and it struck me as funny because I don't remember it happening at all, but feel like it definitely did happen.

02/04/07(Sun)22:58:26 No.20081360

>>20080849 Another time with Ben, he started acting up in front of our Gym teacher. Making weird noises and comments while he sat on the other side of the room. She had bought a base-ball bat out with her to explain how it had been left outside on the Gym floor . . . She finally had enough and started advancing towards him with this heavy, wooden bat with an exasperated expression. "Come on Ben." she said: Ben screamed; "She's got a Bat!" and ran out of the room. Kim had an IQ just above legally retarded. She was a sad case because you wanted to take pity on her but she was infuriatingly stupid. The kind of stupid that demands a sarchastic comment, the kind of stupid that makes you want to cry . . . She did not have a good time. The worst thing I ever did was to tell her: "Shut up, you worthless sack of Boob-Fat!" The afore-mentioned Teacher was even worse to her though. She reduced her to a sobbing wreck when she had her sit in front of the class and encouraged us to vent our frustrations with her; and also unintentionally induced a screaming, hair-pulling flash-back when she insisted that we read an article on foster families and addoption . . . The last I heard about Kim, she called a couple of the girls at the school to report that she had lost her virginity in a pool in Florida . . .

02/04/07(Sun)23:01:38 No.20081491

There's this old woman that walks on the side of the road every day with this ratty old umbrella. One time I passed her on the sidewalk and she stopped to tell me about how "they" were going to steal my babies and sell them on the black market.

02/04/07(Sun)23:01:50 No.20081499

There is a sketchy ass man in my town known as crazy lenny, I had poison ivy on my balls and after i blew a few lines of coke with him, and he bought me and a buddy of mine some booze he asked me if he could stroke me off, i never ran so fucking fast.

02/04/07(Sun)23:02:16 No.20081515

One time while I was at a camp, we were all grouped up and about to hike through the woods. As we passed a few of our cabins we met up with one of the staff members with this guy - I forget his name. But he was carrying a large stick and seemed to be actively acting out a battle scene from what I assume is Lord of the Rings. I'm not kidding. He was swinging his stick around, making sound effects as if he were chopping up orcs. He'd talk to the other guy and go, "Hey, see those orcs over there, behind the trees?" And then he'd shoot them. With his stick, as if it were a bow.

I'm not sure if he was crazy, or if he just really really really liked Lord of the Rings.

02/04/07(Sun)23:10:34 No.20081843

>>20081360 Phillip and Ashton where a couple of my favorites. I shit you not, these kids looked like younger versions of George Bush and John Ashcroft. Ever notice how John Ashcroft bears a striking resembalance to a Pig? Ashton did too, he had a really nasty sociopathic, misanthropic streak, not the funny kind but the kind that puts your stomach in knots and makes you want to punch him. He would always freak out during community meetings and start squealing away with one of his rants. He really used to grate on my English teachers nerves (He was one of the coolest teachers I ever had by the way); one day Ashton was really pushing it and He just hammered away at him. Immitating the way he squirmed around in his chair: "What's this? What is that Ashton? I don't get it: Where do you get this idea that you're a tough guy, Ashton? Where does it come from?" He got pretty quiet after that.

02/04/07(Sun)23:10:59 No.20081862

There was this autistic kid named Todd that lived down the street from me. My mother would watch over him every now and then because his mom had work. He was only a year younger than me, about 8, but he still shit his pants and had to wear pull-ups. He also couldn't stop himself after being pushed, so if he was getting on my nerves I'd just push him and he'd keep running until he hit a wall while going "Ahhh!"

02/04/07(Sun)23:11:44 No.20081879

Back in the 4th grade, I sat next to a rather odd kid.. You see, at first glance, you wouldn't have seen anything wrong, but once you made conversation with him, something was wrong. I vividly remember him only ever telling me he ate little debbie cakes for breakfast, but that's not the point of this story.

He wore an emerald ring, and intrigued, I once asked him why he wore it, and where he got it.

The story started pretty normally, he had gotten it from his uncle. But his uncle wasn't just ANY uncle, you see, his uncle lived on mars, and in fact, he was from mars, too. To supplement the tale, he even drew me up a picture.

Now a picture? What? Well, I learned something new about martians that day. They can co-exist with humans, in a human form, but not only do they have a human form, they also have a "larva form", and a "battle form". Whenever this guy went home, he told me that he turned into his larva form, and only used the human form for going to school. He was going to visit his uncle on mars next month, and up there he would also have to go into his battle form.

After 5th grade I didn't hear any more about this guy, I missed out on seeing how he turned out by having to go to a private middle school.

oh yeah, He also was a co-founder of an organization named "The Dark Carnival." He tried to get me to join it, too. Their slogan/signature phrase was that "Before you joined the dark carnival your eyes were closed, but afterwards you open them up and see the world in all it's evil around you". Shame i never joined, eh?

02/04/07(Sun)23:15:35 No.20082034

I remember there use to be this crazy ass black guy at my college last year. He was about mid 30s i would guess and almost always wore a cap and this green jacket while carrying this plastic bag.

I remember he would always hang out at this grassy area and shout shit at people or just cuss. Sometimes it seemed random, others it seemed to be a real comment. I remember this cute white girl walked by and i said "wow what an ass to a friend" the very next second the black guy yells out "big booty on a white girl! *rambles off to other nonsense shit.*" he ramble on to himself sometimes about a treasure in the library, or sing ( i think) like about a black alley where they play pianos yeah"

I remember one time i was sitting around with some friends and one of the girls asks i wonder if he can actually carry a conversation with somebody, so this mike gets up and decides to try it. He asks the black guy if hes got a cig, black guy says no, but mike pulls out his own cig anyway. then he asks the black guy for a light. the black guy says no he doesnt have one, but that doesnt matter cuz he lights his own cig anyway. he then trys talkin to the black guy but the black guy just walks away a couple yards and continues his mumblings. I find it odd that although he would yell shit all the time he couldn't even mutter out more than a word to mike. hmm... i miss that crazy bastard. best part of my day.

02/04/07(Sun)23:18:50 No.20082173

my aunt used to babysit retarded kids because she never had any kids of her own and has the catholic guilt and all.

my favorite was this fat kid with double Y chromosomes. he was ultra-competitive in anything athletic but he lost all the time because he was fat... and retarded.

when he lost he used to bang his head into walls. if it was drywall he would leave dents.

02/04/07(Sun)23:20:05 No.20082231

>>20081843 One time, as we were waiting for the buses. Ashton basically all but threatened one of assistent teachers, telling her that she had better: "Watch out." I was standing right by them and I looked him dead in the eye and firmly told him with a straight face: "Ashton, go outside and root around for truffles. Maybe it will calm you down." He just looked at me for a minute and walked away.

02/04/07(Sun)23:24:41 No.20082432

Back in 2000-1, there was this new freshman who may be crazy, but was fucking scary. I only knew him as "J" for a year before I found out his real name. This guy always sat at the furthest table from everyone else in the cafeteria, reading magazines. He was a bit overweight, big shoulders, messy hair, and had a brow that made it look like he was always pissed. He never ate anything, his backpack weighed a hundred pounds, and he never made a sound when he walked.

Many of the seniors tried to fuck with him. Someone throws a frozen popsicle dead center at him. J doesn't even look; he leans a bit and moves his book just enough so the treat hits the table where his book was and bounces over his shoulder. He ignored it. Nothing phased him, from insults to a condom filled with BBQ sauce, and the seniors stopped after a few days, afraid he was going to come into school with a gun.

After that, rumors spread about J beating the shit out of a bunch of guys. Some kid picked a fight with him after school to see if any of it was true. With over a hundred of us watching them face off outside, J just stands there with his hands down. The other guy jabs a few times, J takes the hits and doesn't flinch. Suddenly J hits the guy in the ribs with one punch: guy hits the ground gasping for air, and J walks away.

Everyone was afraid of him, no one fucked with him. When I talked to him at the end of the year, he turned out to be a pretty cool guy. After his freshman year, J lightened up and everyone liked him, but another fight when he was a Junior made everyone remember how dark he was (broken nose with three headshots). He was voted most likely to kill someone.

02/04/07(Sun)23:27:21 No.20082548

A few years ago I somehow managed to go out with this good looking English-Scotch Jew chick. She wasn't jewish religion, though. She was a Wiccan. I didn't know this going into the relationship, either. She said she celebrated Channukah, I assumed she was a kike. Whatever. So, things go fine for a while, la-di-da, She asks me to go to her house, I say sure. I rode my bike into her apartment complex, and nobody's at her house but her. I was young at the time (15) so I didn't think much of it. She gave me a hug, then told me to take my shirt off. Thinking something fun was about to happen, I did so. She threw me onto the couch and said she'd be right back. A few seconds later I blacked out. I woke up and there was a shattered lamp on the ground and I was down to my skivvies, not to mention handcuffed. My arms hurt for some reason, too. Thinking she'd stolen my kidney or something, I was freaking out. I found my kidney was intact. My vision finally unblurred, and she had CARVED SHIT INTO MY ARM. I had a pentagram cut into my left arm, and a snake biting its tail (An Ourobouros to the educated) in my right. I freaked out. She walked out of her bathroom naked and said something along the lines of a ceremony beginning and she kept calling me Azazel. I asked her WHAT THE FUCK went on, and she said that she was a reincarnation of Lilith, and I was Azazel, her demon lover, but I didn't know it. She sat on my chest and started cutting her arm and letting the blood get all over my face and arms. CTND in next post.

02/04/07(Sun)23:27:43 No.20082572

It was fucking horiffic. She was like "NOW THE TRANSFORMATION WILL BEGIN!" I actually was sporting an erection from seeing my girlfriend on top of me, though I wasn't very happy, and she mounted, and leaned over to kiss me. I bit her in the tit. I ripped off that little bump thing, and I then headbutted her so hard that I couldn't even see. I threw her off me, and she started swinging the fucking knife at me. I cunt punted her, then heel-stomped her in the back of the head. I got the keys, my clothes, and got the FUCK out of there. I did stick it in her ass before I left just to add insult to injury. Since that day I've had fucking wierd nightmares and dreams about demons and shit. The stupid pentegram and ouroboros were cut deep too, so now they're scarred into my arms. Now I have to explain this story to every single significant other I have. *Sigh*

02/04/07(Sun)23:28:34 No.20082613

A couple of years ago, I was in church, and I noticed this man. He looked like he was waiting for something, because he kept almost standing up, and then sitting back down as though realizing it wasn¿t the right moment. So suddenly, right when the priest is about to start his homily, this cracked-out guy just runs up in the front of the church and starts screaming some random passages from revelations, and tells us that we¿re all going to Hell or some shit like that. About five guys had to restrain him and drag him out of the church. And then the priest just raises his eyebrow and says ¿well that was different.¿ I was the only one who laughed.

>>20082998 Nice try. Poster of the story here. My name is Matt. The funny thing was, I found out just two years ago that she had stalked me for a long time after that day. Up until the aforementioned two years ago. I've since had to get a restraining order filed...

02/05/07(Mon)00:06:46 No.20084192

Up until about a year ago, there was this crazy polish lady who would walk around my neighborhood digging through garbage cans and asking people for money because her husband beat her. She had these two awesome dogs that would roam the neighborhood because she wouldn't let them inside of her house. I remember the last six or so months that she was here, she had no heat, running water, or electricity. Also, for some reason, during that time everyone in the neighborhood seemed to be receiving a lot less mail than usual. When she was finally evicted from her house, they found all of the garbage and mail that she stockpiled.

02/05/07(Mon)00:11:46 No.20084431

The craziest guy I've ever met was this cool drunk old guy who was missing half his face and always wore this camouflage military cap. Crude image related.

The missing part was cavernous: the eye was gone, remaining part of the cartilidge of his nose was exposed and the skin of the remaining left side of the nose was stretched over it. The right cheekbone of the skull was gone, and the top row of teeth were dentures that just dangled there. The flesh that was exposed was dark, cauterized and had the smell of something decomposing.

The guy goes into and leaves the same bar every night drunk off his ass. He passed me several times, unaware each time that he had met me before. Each time he spoke of his three-legged poodle, and gave anecdotes to the meaning of life (my favorite was "don't follow your dreams, fufill your dreams" paraphrased). Even though he probably had a liter or two of alcohol, he was unusally coherent.

Every time he finished talking, he'd apoligize for taking up my time. I haven't seen him in years, but he was awesome.

02/05/07(Mon)00:13:59 No.20084523

oh i just remembered this one kid when from when i was in like 2nd grade. He wasn't especially crazy, but he was enough of a prob to be in the special classes. the two events i remember about him are once when he tried to have sex... or maybe it was closer to rape, some girl. It was on the play ground and we had these orange concrete tube things about 5 ft long. and he was in there and i remember a crowd had come because one of the teachers aids were trying to pull him out of it. and i guess he had pulled it out and tried to get her to do some sort of sex thing with him. he failed.

Anyway the last time i saw him was near the end of school. One of the teachers was telling us how she was moving to some other city with her husband to teach there, kid flipped the fuck out. I mean he was clearly attached to her, he started yelling shit like "Why the fuck do you have to move?!" and he threw one of those tiny chairs and kicked another one around the room as he stomped out. I remember watching him and thinking why isnt one of the teachers following him outside, he just threw a fucking chair.

02/05/07(Mon)00:14:28 No.20084546

I used to live down the street from this little kid named Justin. Came from a read white trash family. Mom was morbidly obese, kitchen had old trash and pizza boxes lying around rotting, real What's Eating Gilbert Grape situation. He used to come out of his house naked and ask me if I wanted to see his "peanuts". He was confused when I looked away. This one time we pulled the pants off his little brother and chased him down the street.

02/05/07(Mon)00:32:21 No.20085354

I used to have this friend called Renee. I met her at my church's youth group, and she seemed normal enough. She liked fantasy novels and things like that, so we got along fine. She came to the youth group for a while, but by and by she was coming by the church less and less.

Then one day one of her friends died and she fucking SNAPPED. She did a total 180 and became one of those fruity pagans what with moonflower magic and love spells and shit.

Then, every time a friend was like "No, I don't want to go to the park today, but thanks for asking!" she was like "YOU FUCKING BETRAYER! YOU MUST HATE ME! YOU ARE NO LONGER MY FRIEND YOU SCUM OF THE EARTH! I WILL PUT A CURSE ON YOU!!"

Eventually she lost all friends except maybe one or two on the internet. Then, sometime later, I hear she has a boyfriend in New York. The crazy motherfucker COMES DOWN from New York and rooms with her. She claim she doesn't have sex and is a virgin, but she was a lying whore.

So, thinking she was still normal, but a little unstable I go out with her, her sister, and her boyfriend. Bad idea. We cut doing something short and go back to her room.

Her mother is depressed and on welfare and disability and owns/breeds a SHITLOAD of Pomeranians. She NEVER cleaned, so the house reeked of dog piss and you had to watch where you went.

Renee's room was full of pawn shop weapons, books, odds and ends, pagany stuff, and other filthy debris. They all sat around and were bitching.

I left after that.

Then later I check up on her (after giving her some bullshit excuse about not seeing her anymore) and it turns out she thinks she is:

a.) Multiple Personalities b.) Otherkin c.) Furry d.) SUPER POWERFUL MARY SUE OF MAGIC

Last I heard she jailbait married her boyfriend and was raising chinchillas as her "babies."

02/05/07(Mon)00:32:47 No.20085373

I remember in middle school there was this kid named Will in my band class who had a deep voice and slured his words. We figured out, from the smell and noice, that he still wore a diaper. Kids teased the hell out of him. I don't know what happened to him after middle school.

02/05/07(Mon)00:47:59 No.20085997

There was this guy I met in a late-night pizza place at around 3 am maybe 5-6 weeks ago. Well, I didn't meet him, so much as he started talking to me. I don't know whether he was high or nuts, but the difference gets kinda blurry, right? Anyway, during the course of the wait on my pizza he tried to prove to me that 1 = .9999 repeated and revealed his plan to produce a microchip based on the powers of choices. He kept trying to explain the quantum orbit of an electron and repeated "It's all about choice. Choice." over and over.

02/05/07(Mon)00:55:50 No.20086339

Well, in the 4th grade I tickled this retarded kid until he shit his pants and headbutted by teachers cunt.

I was the crazy.

02/05/07(Mon)00:57:36 No.20086411

There was this awesome kid named Andrew in my grade school. His best moments include:

middle of a science lesson, he yells at the top of his lungs, "Haha, Colin is a Sperm Whale!!"

middle of an english lesson, he jumps straight out of his chair, kicks the head of the guy in front of him, and sits back down as if nothing happened. The kid's head rebounds off the desk so hard, it breaks his nose and makes this horrendous noise. The teacher turns around, and sees 20 students sitting there like normal, and 1 student a totalled face, and blood everywhere.

To this day, that teacher doesn't know what happened. No one sold Andrew out.

02/05/07(Mon)01:01:00 No.20086529

>>20086411 Another Andrew story:

This kid could never sit still. One time he's jumping and bouncing around so bad that his desk is moving all over the place.

The teacher nicely asks him, "Andrew, can you please keep your hands above the desk."

Apparently he was wanking off to geometry.

02/05/07(Mon)01:11:56 No.20086943

My mom used to know this one guy because he once dated her mother. He was basically a lazy native american who was drunk all of the time and we called him Uncle Papa. He was a real nice guy, but he could be pretty fucking crazy. My mom would see him pushing a shopping cart down the street and would pick him up and take him back to our house.

Uncle Papa would always brag about how he got his middle finger shot off by a cop when he flipped then off and would call me 'Josephine' or 'Judy Lynn(mother's name'.

I have no clue where Uncle Papa is now, but I'm pretty sure he's dead.

02/05/07(Mon)01:16:08 No.20087098

>>20086529 Okay, this is the last one.

One day, we were all standing outside the store during lunch hour, getting snacks and stuff, and Andrew yells, "HEEEYYYY GUYSSS", and starts swinging this glass bottle around like he's winding up for the pitch of the century. And his eyes were so wide he was fucking crazy. We were all scared shitless he was going to kill us or something, but he lets the bottle go right into the street. This brown Buick busts a tire on the glass bottle, crosses a lane of traffic, and smashes into a telephone pole a metre from Andrew, who's still standing dead still. Then all of a sudden, he went apeshit, and started yelling nonsense, and ran away.

The crash took out power to the school, so we got the rest of the day off. Andrew was a hero.

02/05/07(Mon)01:35:16 No.20087886

where i work i get this waterhead in every week who asks to look at the yugioh cards. he looks at them for ages then picks a few packets out and says he wants them then never gives you enough money for them. i tell him he aint got enough and he just stands there and freaks out, making loud whooping noises until his carer or family come in. this has been going on for years. the only reason i havent punched him in the fucking head is that his sister is really hot. kinda ironic.

02/05/07(Mon)01:59:01 No.20088818

There's this old lady that used to walk around town back when I was little (like 6-7). Every time I saw her, she was walking with a little girl, but a different one, usually to/from school. Often she was in heavy clothing (even in mid-summer) and carrying a plastic bag. She tried to talk to me a few times, but she scared the shit out of me so I always just ran. I really haven't seen or heard from or of her in the last 5-6 years.

There was also this really fat kid I knew back in elementary school who had to take a ton of pills during the school day because if he didn't he'd go batshit crazy. Of course the pills made him sleepy so he ended up sleeping through most of 3rd grade.

The only crazy people I've really met in the last few years have been mostly Republicans/vegetarians.

02/05/07(Mon)02:04:26 No.20089042

The Waffle house, my dear friends, is the place to find quality crazies.

After that I would say to go to the Lil' Cricket station.

My friends and I were bored and decided we wanted to go to the gas station to buy some sodas, so we get there, and as we walk in to the back of the store, we hear this faint, high pitched, "Heellloooo" ..."Helllloooo".. (repeated about 5 times) Until we finally got up to the register. We hand him the cases of soda, and the cashier says "So, where are you guys playing tonight". "Ooh.. umm.. what?" "Well, i thought you guys were in a band? Where are you guys going to play at tonight?" "Oh sorry.. We're not in a band." "Oh... Are you all brothers? You all look so much alike!" "Nope.. well, i'm related to him (point to my brother) But the other guys aren't related" "oh... Hah, well you guys all look very similar". I then pay the man and start walking out and as his farewell he says "All right guys, well hope your show goes well with your band tonight, rock out.... Peace out!.... Smoke out!!.."

02/05/07(Mon)02:10:03 No.20089271

>>20089042 Oh shit, thanks for reminding me of a waffle house story.

Me and my friends went to one at like 1 or 2 in the morning, and one of my friends, melanie, was wearing this cat collar because she thinks it's cute or osmething, and we're trying to decided on a place to sit, and melanie was like "Let's sit over here" but I said "No, lets sit here."

And we order our food, and i noticed this woman was staring at us the whole time from across the room. She walked over to us and says "Excuse me, are you Gorean?" and we're like "No, wtf is that?"

Apparently she thought that melanie was my sex slave, and that by choosing where we sat was me controlling her, and asked her about her collar and all this stuff. She moved all her food and everything over to our table and talked to us the entire time we were eating about this sex slave stuff.

She gave me her number too.

02/05/07(Mon)02:11:04 No.20089314

>>20073116 Read the wikipedia on autism. They have a completely different brain function than average persons. Socially, they just don't fit in because most people are completely apathetic about everything. Autistic persons--who can have many, many different disorders and can be totally normal OR completely drooling-on-the-floor-dumb--fixate on ONE thing that interests them at a time, or only a few things. It could be time, trains, a period in history, a game, a TV show, a book series--anything. They don't understand social niceness because they see the big picture--being nice doesn't fucking matter. They just want to focus on that one thing.

Outside stimuli of the five senses can really fuck with them. A ticking clock is easily ignored, but for some autistic children, it'd be like Chinese water torture. For a some, too much touching, too much noise, or too many people in one room can make them to completely catatonic and cry. They just can't handle it--their brains are in high gear ALL THE TIME.

The APA wants to put ADD and its sub-disorders on the autistic spectrum because they are so similar.

02/05/07(Mon)02:19:37 No.20089660

OP here, more crazy stories this one isn't about dan though.

when i was fourteen, i was put into this school for crazies. it revolved around therapy mostly, but we did school and shit there too.

one kid i met there was really into hurting himself for shits and giggles. i swear he was a masochist.

anyways, i was sitting in class one day, and i look up and notice this kid is looking at his pencil kind of funny.

i was gonna ask him what was wrong when all of a sudden he STABS himself in the leg with the pencil. i'm not talking about some pussy poke either, the kid broke skin. he sat there with this "silent scream" look on his face, and i was too shocked to say anything.

nobody else noticed this- i don't know how the fuck they missed it, but i was the only one who saw it, and i never spoke to him about. i just pretened it never happened, lolz.

02/05/07(Mon)02:24:17 No.20089853

I remember this fat black kid I know in the third grade and probably earlier. Cory i think. I don't know if you'd say he was retarded but he was definitely slow. Used to ask me how to spell works like 'is' and 'I'. This one time we both had to go up to the main office for some reason. On the way back he called me into the bath room nearby to show me that he was peeing all over the walls. Odd kid, that one.

02/05/07(Mon)02:26:33 No.20089955

In High School, this autistic guy named Scott hung around my friend and I once in awhile. He was practically a savant with foreign languages and really bizarre esoteric stuff, I recall he learned Hebrew and Latin in like a month or two. Senior year, he began studying physics and biology and arguing all the time with my other friend who was a staunch atheist about evolution and creationism. He started making up this new theory of existence in an attempt to reconcile science and religion. I recall he let me read like 40 pages from this epic he was writing, and it was all based on just the first few Hebrew words of Genesis and how God used specific kinds of science and technology to create the universe. He also liked to read a lot of 19th century books about Atlantis and relate its mythical history to original sin.

Of course, he sucked at everything in school and was just absurd about it. Once in a psychology class, the teacher took pity on him and he actually made up all his missed assignments in like one day, but then didn't turn in the very last one and failed the class anyway. WTF?? Scott's appearance was somewhat hilarious too; he was skeletal, had really chapped hands and arms, and twitched his eyebrows all the time, especially when he was fascinated with a new idea or some discussion about his weird ass studies.

>>20089660 OP, you mention being put into these crazy home places.. what was wrong with you? What's some crazy shit you've done?

02/05/07(Mon)02:35:03 No.20090292

>>20090171 i'm guessing he is the second coming of Christ and no one believes him. I believe you, my lord.

02/05/07(Mon)02:36:10 No.20090335

>>20090171 i actually don't have any funny stories, sadly. i have pretty bad social anxiety and depression problems, so that's why i was put into the crazy places.

02/05/07(Mon)02:39:40 No.20090477

>>20090391 Aww... but you're better now, right?

i don't really know, actually. i think i'm still the same- the social anxiety doesn't affect me the way it used to, though, which is great.

thanks for asking. kind of weird to come across a nice person in /b/

02/05/07(Mon)02:40:36 No.20090517

I live in Minneapolis, so I've run into some weird crackheads at bus stops once in awhile. Once late at night this guy came up asking for a dollar or two for bus fair, I thought he was just drunk, so I gave it to him. Then he started talking to me and went progressively apeshit. At first he said he used to be on crack, but laid off of it and was better now. Then he started screaming and flailing his arms about how his friend demanded the other night that he suck his dick for crack and they got in a fight and the guy ended up smashing his friends head until he was unconscious after he whipped his cock out. Then he started pacing and yelling about how "I'm fucking dying man, I HAVE TO BREED." He was complaining about how he's with some 30 year old woman which is way too old, because he can only have a baby with a 19 year old because that age is "just right." Come to think of it, he probably was dying, he was really shrivelled and nasty looking, possibly caused by AIDS.

Another time, I was at this museum and this black guy was having people sign this shirt on a stick and trying to sell them "home-made wallets." Later, I saw him in the restroom and he winked at me, then proceeded to whip his dick out and piss in the sink and on the mirror. I got the hell out of there.

02/05/07(Mon)02:41:14 No.20090542

I was shopping one day in a supermarket. When I came out wheeling the cart, some random solicitor with a bad haircut and lisp, who looked like he had forgotten how to properly shave himself, asked me where I got my shoes. They're just normal Vans. "Those are so cool, can I have a pair like that? Where did you get them? Those are such nice shoes!!" he said. To this day, I'm not quite sure if he was retarded or just liked shoes.

02/05/07(Mon)02:53:11 No.20091020

>>20071865 that ain't shit, when i was in the loony bin there was this one dude that spoke in nothing but crazy talk. nice enough guy, just that he was incoherent the whole time. then some other guy comes in, and speaks crazy with the guy and they "understand" each other. of course, it was just a result of them both experiencing a very subjective reality, but it was still bizarre to watch.

02/05/07(Mon)02:53:35 No.20091038

At a nearby park where me and friends use to play is where we would see the "Circle Lady". Every once and a while she would come and walk around the park. The entire time she would make the same motion non-stop, like she was drawing a circle with her finger in the air in front of her.

02/05/07(Mon)03:02:35 No.20091362

Same poster as the CCD story. This thread is epic, so I'll go ahead and post more.

One time I started chatting with this guy at a pet store. When I was walking home, he passed me in his car and asked if I wanted to go get some coffee. (In b4 no girls on the interbutt). I figured, sure, what the hell. He seemed like a decent enough guy. Then he asked if I'd take a ride from a stranger, and I told him I'd just meet him at the coffee shop. Thank the fuck Christ.

So I met him at the cafe, he took his jacket off to sit down, and his arms were covered with prison tattoos. Like layer upon layer of ink. I let it slide, we ordered some coffee and started chatting, and the shit he was saying just got progressively weirder. Like he mentioned that he worked at Safeway and couldn't get a better job because he was a convicted felon. I was like, "Oh. That's... um, a bummer. How'd that happen?" Then he told me he was a "recovering dope fiend," but he'd been clean for a couple of years. However, when he was 18, he beat the fuck out of a guy at New York, New York in Vegas while he was tweaking, and got sent up for assault with a deadly weapon.

He also said he'd tried to join the Marines after he got out of prison, and they told him that, if he came back the next day with the "BOOM" tattoo across his knuckles gone, he'd be in. He went to some guy he knew who could burn the skin off with acid, but for some reason decided not to do it after all. So now he still works at Safeway.

Then he started talking about martial arts. Somehow, I lost his phone number. TOO BAD, SO SAD!

02/05/07(Mon)03:10:47 No.20091637

So me and my friend are riding the subway in Toronto. We have a little discussion about our respective religions. My friend is muslim, and I am jewish. Here's how it goes:

Me: So yeah, I've been raised jewish (i was gonna bel-air but was lazy) Friend: Oh, yeah I think you talked a little about that Crazy: *gets up and walks up to my face* Excuse me, I couldn't he;lp but here you say you were jewish. Me: Uh, yeah... Why? Crazy: Well, I never thought I'd walk into a jesus killer on the subway.

Then I saw it. Gold (plated) cross necklace. White shirt with a black cross in the centre. Crazy fucking eyes.

As soon as he said it, everyone in the subway car immediately looked away. Fucking pussies.

Me: Uh, excuse me? Crazy: You. Killed. Jesus. Me: Surely you can't believe that. Crazy: *jabs me in the chest with his finger every sentence* My lord and saviours blood is on YOUR hands. Your parents hands, their parents hands.

Fucking crazy eyes. You know those eyes that just tell you that no one is behind the wheel in their head?

So some guy in a mall uniform walks up (probably going to work) and tries to act like a cop. At least he tried.

Uniform: Is there a problem here? Crazy: This man is a MURDERER. Me: I am not a murderer, you need he;lp. Crazy: I have all the he;lp I need *shows cross* Uniform: Um... Friend: Oh look, our stop. Me: Yeah, see you around.

I swear if he tried anything I would've used the closest elderly person as a human shield.

02/05/07(Mon)03:12:41 No.20091697

i was on the streets of new york with my brother. This guy walked up to me and started yelling "YOU KNOW WHO YOU REMIND ME OF!? YOU KNOW WHO YOU REMIND ME OF!?" ove and over again. my brother told him off, but he just kept going. finally he said "YOU KNOW WHO YOU REMIND ME OF!? YOU REMIND ME OF A BIG POLAR BEAR!!" and then quickly walked away. there was much lulz

02/05/07(Mon)03:13:06 No.20091710

>>20089314

LOL @ the mothers of the ones that don't like to be touched, and freak out, screaming and hitting when they try. It makes the moms feel like shit and they cry themselves to sleep.

lolz

02/05/07(Mon)03:17:31 No.20091839

I visited my friend recently who was put in a Mental Hospital. He was talking about people trying to destroy him. (I understood HOW they were trying to destroy) with simple looks/gestures/words/

He also talked about seeing the 4th dimension through a window in his mind.

02/05/07(Mon)03:18:01 No.20091853

I enjoy this thread.

Mine are nothing really amazing, but some stories were funny as hell to my friends and I.

In the 10th grade, my friends and I had the joy of meeting CJ. This really strange kid who most of our class absolutely hated, but my friends and I found a lot amusement in him. At first, we didn't really pay much attention to him. We just thought he was a little goofy. It all really started once we caught him looking at hentai during class. We didn't say anything to him, but he turned around and saw us laughing. He instantly ran out of the room and we couldnt he;lp but to follow (Our setup was a bit more laid back, and we could freely move around our building, which sort of resembled a small office building) Anyways, he went inside of the bathroom. My friend sneaks in to find him masturbating loudly right in a stall.

After that, it all blew up. Everyone found out he was some creepy pervert and had weird habits. When people made fun of him or something, he'd scream and shout and run into the bathroom and scream at himself in the mirror. He'd yell at himself as if he were another person, too. He'd even get in arguments with the two different voices. Sometimes, he'd do it right in class. One day, he forgot an assignment and started screaming at himself, calling himself an idiot and then whining back saying "I'm not an idiot!" back to himself while the teacher was talking. He was sent out, of course.

02/05/07(Mon)03:19:15 No.20091892

>>20091853

CJ continued* He sat around watching Kingdom Hearts music videos on YouTube instead of doing his work. One day, he walked into class in a full blown cowboy outfit. Straw in mouth and all. I admit, it was a lot funnier because CJ was black and had nappy hair :x

Oh yeah. There was also this other weird looking kid who walked home from school. He carried around tons of legos in his jacket pockets and build stuff during class. Of course, jackasses smashed his shit, which was pretty annoying to me. He'd find trash and carry it home with him. Not just the usual stuff. Stuff like boards, which he would tie wires to and drag home.. pretty weird.

02/05/07(Mon)03:20:04 No.20091914

One time I was sitting on a bench in the mall, and this huge fat woman with crazy unbrushed hair sticking out all over the place came up to me and yelled out "BLINDS! BLINDS! BLINDS!" and flapped her arms around, then walked away.

02/05/07(Mon)03:20:41 No.20091931

One time I was sitting around outside a gaijin bar in Osaka, drinking with some friends in the middle of the night, and this old Japanese dude with a beard came up to us and said, "Parlez-vous francais?" I looked around at my friends, and they were all staring at him like, "Wut?" We were pretty drunk, and he seemed like a good opportunity for lulz, so I said, "Oui, je parle un peu de francais." So he sat down and started talking to me in French about how he used to live in France and his work visa ran out, so he was thrown in prison for a long time, and then deported back to Japan handcuffed to some French guy. Then he spent years making an elaborate plot to blow up the French embassy. But now he was glad he never went through with it because, after the invasion of Iraq, he decided the French weren't so bad after all.

Then he told us we should get our hair cut at his salon, because they had a great cappucino machine, and left.

I was translating for my friends, and they all thought I was a fucking liar. After a while, we went inside the bar, and told the Australian guy who owned the place about this weird cat we'd been talking to. He said, "Oh, yeah, that'll have been Masa. He owns the salon around the corner. Has a great cappucino machine. Likes to speak French."

02/05/07(Mon)03:25:03 No.20092059

now that I think about it there were some crazies at my summer camp when I was like 12. The first guy was probably 13 or 14 and acted like a 5 year old. He would tell everyone gleefully that he wanted to "squash them like a bug" and he would shout it out the window at random cars while we were on the bus (because my parents sent me to a shitty day camp.) He also used to hit people on the head quite a lot (especially the drivers) so he left after a few days after nearly causing multiple accidents. He was pretty nice besides that, though.

The second one probably just had some mental disorder or major anger issues. His name was Matt, 12 years old, and would always yell obscenities in your face and then run off in a crying rage when you got mad. One time he wanted to play foosball while I was playing, and when I said no he sumo-tackled me into the table and said "I'M 149LBS!!!" and started playing foosball like nothing had happened. I think another time he punched a councelor for scolding him for something.

02/05/07(Mon)03:30:53 No.20092271

There was a guy known as Alley Oop who used to walk around town pushing a shopping cart and wearing a dress. It was always fun to spot him, but he died several years ago.

02/05/07(Mon)03:36:10 No.20092472

I knew someone in high-school named Gumby Gaunt. When he was 17 he was part of some sort of senior assistant volunteer program, and apparently fell in love with an 80 year old woman. One day, we find out that Mr Gaunt killed and raped that woman (I don't know for sure what order he did it in) and I never saw him again.

02/05/07(Mon)03:38:55 No.20092574

A chick I went to high school with was a cutter. Usually emokids just seem to do that for attention, and never do anything serious, but she carved designs all over her body, and didn't try to hide them or anything when she changed for gym.

I heard a couple of months ago that she killed herself last year. Drove into a storage shed or something and ran the car engine until she suffocated.

02/05/07(Mon)03:40:57 No.20092656

I had to volunteer at Goodwill for 20 hours as part of a Psychology class, during that time I just govered "Grunt" type Goodwill duties, hauling of trash, arranging of shelves, cleaning, re-racking clothing, sorting hangers, etc.

My grunt-type duties did not include costomers.

So a few days in, a vagrant comes in and screams at me for a walkman, I quickly tell him that the walkmen are over with the rest of the electronics pile, he grabs a basketful and walks out of the store before I can do anything about it.

If any of my immediate higher-ups knew about it they never brought it up with me, I figured the guy was some kind of regular.

02/05/07(Mon)03:53:16 No.20093077

When I was in junior high, my friends and I would occasionally run into this tard named Mary Ann. Mary Ann was grossly fat and wore coke-bottle thick glasses. Her favorite activity was to loudly tell people what her Mommy did for her. "MY MOMMY MAKES ME MEATLOAF." "MY MOMMY GIVES ME A BATH." And so on and so on. Such hilarity.

02/05/07(Mon)03:54:09 No.20093106

From slowchildren-atplay.com:

Hank is another cube-headed kid. Originally from Guatemala, he looks as if he has had his head put in a vice to flatten out each of it sides. He is short, stocky and speaks with an unnaturally deep voice. He sounds just like one of those Budweiser frogs who croak, "Bud."

During the middle of the morning shift, the team was working on getting the house clean when we got a phone call from the school. One of the counselors was calling to inform us that Hank had been caught eating his teacher's lunch. During the discovery, Hank decided to throw a tantrum and now had to come up to the house for a "cool-off." The team consisted of Bill, the ultra-mellow deadhead, Toby, the milataristic neat-freak, Rachel, the big-boobed and lazy college student we all hate to work with, and me.

Toby, latex-gloved, as always, was in the laundry room washing some kids' clothes. He called out, "Stokie, you should go get him. If he gives you any trouble, tell him he'll have hell to pay when he sees me."

02/05/07(Mon)03:54:40 No.20093125

>>20093106 "Gee, thanks, Toby," I said. "You go ahead and hone in on those laundry cleaning skills. Don't worry about learning how to talk to the kids. We'll be fine."

I drove down to the school and picked up Hank who was waiting in the counselor's office. Our drive up to the house was uneventful and Hank seemed pretty calm. I did notice that he had some remnants of what looked like a tuna sandwich stuck in his notoriously disgusting, yellow and unbrushed teeth. We parked and walked into the house.

Immediately upon entering, Hank grabbed an orange from the fruit basket on the kitchen counter and threw it across the room at the opposite wall. It left a huge splat as it exploded on the wall.

Rachel was the first to speak to Hank. "Hank, what are you doing? Can you calm down? What's going on with you?"

02/05/07(Mon)03:54:48 No.20093130

I'm an underage b& girl. I look pretty innocent. One day I was at Walmart, my mom stayed in the car as I ran inside to get batteries or something. I was behind this elderly lady who was buying a big trash can, and like paying with change so it took forever, but I wasn't like visibly impatient with her. As I check out and go back to our car, I see this lady in the next row of the parking lot GLARING at me, flipping me off, and mouthing like 'fuck bitch fuck fuck you' for... NO REASON. As she's putting her groceries away. All I did was stand behind this woman in line, and she's mouthing 'fuck you' at me while glaring daggers... until we drove away. It made me really sad.

02/05/07(Mon)03:55:04 No.20093140

"Yugoddagap!" Hank shouted, pointing at Rachel. He reached into the fruit basket and chucked another orange which left a similar splat on a different wall, "Yugoddagap!"

Toby stormed out of the laundry room and yelled, "Hank, you better calm your ass down before you get dipped!" Toby, in fact all of us, had begun calling getting put in a prone-restraint on the floor "getting dipped" ever since Toby dipped Rasmus in his own urine. "Now what the hell are you saying?"

Hank had stopped throwing the fruit for the moment and was laughing at Rachel. His manner of laughing was wheezing "hhheh, hhheh, hhheh" in that breathless squeak you get when you run out of air. He peeled back his lips to reveal his yellowed and tuna splattered teeth. He had two thin lines of spittle connecting his lips. "Yugoddagap! Yugoddagap! Hhheh, hhheh, hhheh." He was pointing at Rachel's crotch. He threw another orange.

Bill, Toby and I all turned to look to see what it was that Hank was pointing at. All at once, we realized the target of his ire. Rachel's jeans were hiked up high enough to give her a most obvious camel-toe. Toby began laughing hard and walked back to the laundry room. "You got that one, Rachel? Go ahead, he;lp him calm down."

02/05/07(Mon)03:55:26 No.20093155

Bill attempted to calm Hank down. "So she's got a gap, Hank, no use in getting upset about it. Let's just move on."

Hank reached into the fruit basket once again, but this time he pulled out two bananas and held them together in front of his crotch. "Your shit look like this!" he croaked. "Yugoddagap! Hhhheh, hhheh, hhheh." I could hear Toby screaming with laughter in the laundry room.

In the instant that I saw Rachel's split labia through her pants and recognized how upset Hank was getting, all I could think of was, "Why? Why me? Why do these crazy things always have to happen on my shifts? What do you tell a kid about camel-toes when you can't understand them yourself? How could this woman put on a pair of pants, yank the seam way up her VAGINA and go to work like it is a normal thing? It can't be comfortable, can it? Is it an accident or does she like the feeling of it? Is it so hard to find a pair of pants that fit you without de-flowering yourself?" I stared in disbelief.

Rachel said, "Hank! That's not nice! I don't have a gap! Stop pointing at me!"

"Yugodda great big puthy! Look!" he was looking at Bill and me now - "Look, shegodda great big puthy. She showin' it to everyone today. She wanna fuck somebody. Hhhehh!"

Toby called out from the laundry room, "Is that right Rachel? Is that what's going on?"

02/05/07(Mon)03:56:06 No.20093181

>>20093155 I could see that Rachel was about to cry. I said, "Hank, yugodda get to your room right now. Either go there or to the bathroom and go handle your business. But there's nothing to do out here except get in trouble." I started shepherding him to his room.

"Okay, dude," he said. "But that bitch wanna fuck somebody today. I can tell. She goddagap."

"Alright, Hank. Let the staff take care of it. You just calm down."

As I walked back out to the kitchen, I overheard Bill talking to Rachel. "So we were all talking about your VAGINA, no sense in getting upset over it. If we just all move on, we'll all feel better about it." Toby was pounding the washer in hysterics. I walked over to him.

"Toby, who's stuff is in the dryer?" I asked.

"Oh, it's fat-ass Rusty's stuff. It's just about done."

02/05/07(Mon)03:56:25 No.20093186

>>20093181 "Lemme see that," I said, and opened the dryer. "Here we go." I pulled out Rusty's pair of faded green sweatpants and walked over to Rachel. "Here. Put these on. They're baggy, so you won't be disturbing the kids when you come to work. They should fit you just about right."

She protested. "Hell no, Stokie. I'm not wearing Rusty's shit covered sweats."

I shrugged. "Well it's either that or walk around with your gap hanging out in front of 10 disturbed boys. Your choice."

She took the sweats and put them on over her jeans, without another word. Toby was now on the floor of the laundry room, tears streaming down. Nothing else was ever said of this incident.

That was about a year ago. So now whenever a new staff comes in and notices the huge splats which are permenantly implanted into the walls, they invariably ask, "What happened there?"

There is only one response. In my deepest baritone voice, I say, "Yugoddagap!"

02/05/07(Mon)04:00:36 No.20093326

I used to live in California, and I had a friend who fought in Vietnam, and was truely fucked up. I don't think I could tell stories that you haven't really heard about before, but he was messed. One day, he said to me: "I never forget a face, because in 'nam, remembering a face could be the difference between living and dying, I never forgot a face for my whole life." or something along those lines. Anyway, we begin to get on eachother's nerves, and tension escalated to fighting, and he bit my earlobe off, RIGHT the fuck off, he must have good teeth. 5 years later, I moved to Victoria, when I'm at the video store, guess who I see but that ear-biting motherfucker. I nearly shit my pants right there. But, here's the kicker of the story: when I saw him, we both made eye contact, and in that moment of terror he smiled and tugged on his ear. I wish I were kidding...

02/05/07(Mon)04:01:17 No.20093345

i was hospitalized with this guy named derek. derek was an odd fellow. when i first arrived, he had apparently freaked the fuck out and had to be sedated via the good ol' shot in the ass. Guy also had a weird obsession with the movie Orange County. he had gotten kicked out of columbia university for whatever, and claimed that the movie changed his life.

that's nothing compared to andrew. andrew was my first experience with an IRL furfag. the kid was obsessed with drawing wolves, and would refer to himself as a wolf. in the hospital all he ever wore was a single black shirt with holes in it, black jeans, and a leather jacket. he frequently spouted nonsense phrases whenever there was a period of silence, and would then laugh like a psycho afterward.

weird thing was, he was totally normal at some times, like when his parents visited. sometimes he'd even be embarrased of his eccentricities. he also got into an argument with a guy who claimed to be jesus because his dad was satan. andrew countered this by saying that he knew jesus, jesus was this dude named adam carsdale or something.

02/05/07(Mon)04:01:53 No.20093368

My primary school had a special-education program, so we'd normally have at least 20 retards scurrying about our playground. The only ones that really stood out were Todd and Jayana. Both claimed frequently they were going out even though it was clear that both had severe mental issues. Turns out they both had sex. Anyone can get fucking laid in Australia it seems.

Another thing Todd was fond of doing was rocking on the school bus. The faster the bus went, the faster he'd rock. In full flight it looked like he was throwing himself against the seat in front. So I calculated that each rock equalled about 6 meters. Everyday the total was 120km. That was fucking radcore.

also, tardblog and slowchildren are fucking hilarious.

02/05/07(Mon)04:08:29 No.20093591

>>20093345 more andrew, the guy changed the names he went by frequently. his real name was andrew, but he went by something else when i first showed up, i can't remember. then after meeting me (i was his roommate), he gave me this theory about why it made sense that he had been a "Nick" all his life, and so changed his name to "Nick" (my name).

the guy he argued with about being the son of satan, he told us about "munchie crunchies," where you would eat the ashes of your burnt weed. he also had these long and bizarre metaphors, like "well you can either fiddle or play violin, cause the music tells you. but sometimes you just have to pull out the geeetar and start strummin'"

02/05/07(Mon)04:12:42 No.20093765

http://www.playgroundlaw.com/

Is a good source of weird, funny stories from childhood.

"Previously unknown supply teacher, GCSE biology class, walked in and announced that he had a higher sperm count than any of us. He left the room, promising to answer any question on sex that we could write on scraps of paper and place in a coffee pot on the desk at the front. Amazingly, some of us actually wrote questions, and he answered them all deadpan. We never saw him again, but the legend of Sperm-count man lives on. I hope he found a job where his utter coolness and phenomenal sperm-count were more appreciated."

02/05/07(Mon)04:13:22 No.20093798

>>20093765 "Babb listened to Radio 4 and collected stamps. Despite this, his fate was only sealed the day he missed the bus on the sixth form university open-day trip.

Instead of running, or walking off swearing, Babb, chose to skip contentedly behind the bus. He only fucking skipped. For long enough for everyone to see.

Subsequently, when you had a conversation with him, there were people queuing up to do a Babb behind his back. From that day, Babb was cursed to never have another conversation with anyone who wasn't laughing at something that wasn't quite him."

There are better ones in there, but I'm too lazy to browse more.

02/05/07(Mon)04:13:31 No.20093803

Back in the 4th grade, I sat next to a rather odd kid.. You see, at first glance, you wouldn't have seen anything

wrong, but once you made conversation with him, something was wrong. I vividly remember him only ever telling me he

ate little debbie cakes for breakfast, but that's not the point of this story.

He wore an emerald ring, and intrigued, I once asked him why he wore it, and where he got it.

The story started pretty normally, he had gotten it from his uncle. But his uncle wasn't just ANY uncle, you see,

his uncle lived on mars, and in fact, my mom scared and said you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air

I begged and pleaded with her day after day but she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way She give me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket put my walkman on and said I might as well kick it

First class yo this is bad drinkin' orange juice out of a champagne glass Is this what the people of Bel-Air live like hmmm this might be all right

but wait I hear they're prissy and all that is this the type of place that they should send this cool cat I don't think so I'll see when I get there I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air

Well uh the plane landed and when I came out There was a dude looked like a cop standin' there with my name out I ain't tryin' to get arrested yet I just got here

I sprang with the quickness like lightening disappeared I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror if anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought man forget it yo homes to Bel-Air

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell ya later Looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air

02/05/07(Mon)04:16:55 No.20093935

Oh shit, I was just reminded. . .

Back in 2004 I was canvassing, trying to get voter registrations. I was downtown and asked this guy if he was registered. He just started talking, saying things about how the trees are screaming because of the pollution, claimed the Stargate Program existed and all this shit. . .

I didn't have the heart to walk away.

02/05/07(Mon)04:22:27 No.20094154

During a biology lesson, Derek Parker claimed there was a badger sett in the woods close to his home, so the teacher organised a field trip to study it.

Early on a Saturday morning several young boys duly arrived at the woods near Parker's house with a camera to take photographs of the badgers.

Naturally, the sett couldn't be found, and it was suspected that, much like Parker's uncle who built a talking robot, the whole thing had been a figment of the boy's imagination.

Getting everyone up early on a Saturday to participate in a fictious extra-curricular activity should have been sufficient grounds for a beating, but when the film in the camera was developed, it transpired that Parker had sneaked off with it and used it to take photographs of his cock.

02/05/07(Mon)04:25:53 No.20094299

There is an old lady that live next door to me. She enjoys doing either of two things: singing in jibberish, or having an argument with someone that isn't there (in jibberish).

The singing was the first I heard. I thought maybe it was some rare forign language I'd never heard before. And then the yelling started. The first time that happened it was 9pm and all I could see was a light on in her kitchen. I figured someone was there. The more she yelled and sang the more I realised she was just babbling. Think of the crazy cat lady from The Simpsons. That same "buhyejabagawuh" stuff. But also sung in classic 1920's style. Very nice. One day I was washing my dishes when I hear her really going ape shit at someone in jibberish. I look out the window and discover she is yelling at a wall. Yeah, the actual back wall of her house. And then she casually picks up her shopping bags, and lets herself inside, all while still yelling.

02/05/07(Mon)04:49:17 No.20095158

epic thread is epic

A friend of mine, she has the most rediculous mother ever. one time, she was out walking thier dog in a park near her house and sees said mother crouching in the middle of a patch of flowers with a plastic bag. apparently she was stealing the flowers from this public park and dropping them into this plastic bag for her own garden. Friend just pretended she didn't know her.

Apparently one of those bicycle cops noticed her doing this, asked her wat was going on and she totally freaked and bolted. Nothing else ever came of it, so I guess he was just as flabbergasted as everyone else.

there are a hundred other better stories about her, but that one sticks out in my mind the most. She's really paranoid too, she used to follow Friend around the city whenever she went out, would interrogate her about everything, and absolutely hated every boy that Friend knew, including me. Eventually that tapered off when she concluded I was a faget, though.

The shit hit the fan when Friend discovered a hidden camera in her room, though.

02/05/07(Mon)04:57:12 No.20095362

The only crazies I know are the retarded bisexual vegan ones who give everyone a bad opinion of me, a sane and nice and unbitchy, unholierthanthou, unobsessive one who will sleep with you no matter which gender you are and then make you delicious scrambled tofu for breakfast without going into a spiel about 'eggs hurt teh chickens zinggg'

Sigh.

02/05/07(Mon)05:01:29 No.20095498

got this from overheardinnewyork.com

Crazy: So I had to get fillings in all of my teeth. Passenger: Uh huh. Crazy: But I figured, why let them do that to me after they drilled holes in my brain, ya know? Passenger: Sure. Crazy: But I figured, might as well! Although if they were going to fill my teeth, I'd want them to use jelly. Passenger: Yep. Crazy: But the guy at the counter said they were out of jelly. So I got a blueberry muffin.

02/05/07(Mon)05:03:26 No.20095573

>>20095498 'Nother one.

The subway doors open. A hobo enters, holding a bottle of windex in one hand and a tube of toothpaste in the other.

Hobo: Which is the better time to read Dostyevsky? Winter?

He sprays the windex.

Hobo: Or Spring?

He squeezes toothpaste out of the tube.

Japanese girl: Spring! Hobo: You are correct.

02/05/07(Mon)05:05:11 No.20095622

>>20092360 Google says Alley Oop was an old comic strip about a caveman.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alley_Oop

I'm betting that's where the name came from.

02/05/07(Mon)05:07:44 No.20095716

>>20095523 I had a blackout when I was 6 and strangled a classmate. I was so medicated afterwards that I wasn't even fazed while her father was screaming in my face, brick red, spraying flecks of spit, demanding I be put down by animal control.

02/05/07(Mon)05:08:47 No.20095755

I talk to myself in my head all the time. I will constantly narrate my life, or run through a conversation about something with another me, and I explain every single little detail of the conversation to this other me. This will answer sometimes, but for the most part he stays quiet until the first me asks him a question to make sure he's still listening and not thinking about anything else. The first me always requires confirmation from the second me on some of the more important issues. Example:

Me 1: Holy shit, that lady has some nice tits, don't you think so? Me 2: I've seen better, GTFO

My second me is kind of a dick, he makes fun of me (not any specific me, just me as a whole) for having to explain every single little thing to myself inside my head.

I also have a third me. He usually take care of everything going on outside of my head. He stays out of the other me's conversations and he makes sure the people around me don't realize I'm fucking nuts. Sometimes he get's confused by the other mes and they talk him into thinking things that are just crazy (things which usually involve sexual fantasies about dick girls). Me's 1 and 2 only shut up after I'm done masturbating or while I'm stoned or drunk, which leave me 3 with time alone to feel shitty about himself for whacking it to a tranny, or getting drunk and fucking a jar of jelly. Me 3 also has an extreme lingering fear of death.

02/05/07(Mon)05:15:28 No.20095962

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyspraxia

Sucks to be me. anyways. i cant walk in a PERFECT straight line :\ I once stabbed my brother with a phillips screw driver. right through the side becauss he punch me :\.

i punched a huge ass hole in my bedroom wall.

when i was around 6 i tryed to kill my cat by sliding its neck through one of these http://www.strokecenter.org/pat/ot/images/photos/levered_door_handle.jpg and left it to hang

i currently take antidepressants and a hefty amount of sedatives

02/05/07(Mon)05:15:42 No.20095974

The only one I have at the moment would be a kid from High school. Although his father was Polynesian and very proud of it, this kid was pro Neo-Nazi with violent tendencies. Used to hang around with white trash (or the NZ equivalent). He definitely wasn't retarded, but he was quite obviously a sandwich short of a picnic. Dropped out of school at ... 16 or something, was truant until then. He worked at McDonald's afterwards, as did a friend of mine, so this story is second hand, but very easily believable if you knew the guy. Troubled Youth is standing at the deep fryer after being mostly quiet the whole day. Starts muttering... "whirling razor blades dripping with blood... slicing through flesh... etc" for a minute. After this he perks up and is reasonably happy for the rest of the day. One of his favorite sayings while at school "CHAINSAW: BRWA-WHA-WHA-WHA-RA-RA-RA-RA".

02/05/07(Mon)05:19:17 No.20096069

>>20095755 I forgot to mention that the death fear is usually at it's worse when I think of cats. I'm not sure why, because I love my cats more than most people.

02/05/07(Mon)05:23:06 No.20096176

>>20095716 I should probably mention that she was fine afterwards. Just some bruises I never saw before changing schools.

02/05/07(Mon)05:31:26 No.20096396

In 3rd or 4th grade, there was a kid in my class named Michael. Michael was interesting for three reasons:

1) Michael was huge. I don't mean fat; he was about 10 yrs old, but looked like he could be in 7th grade. He must have been like 2 ft. taller than the next tallest boy in the grade. Might have been because of some hormone imbalance or something.

2) Michael was gay. Stereotypically, flamingly gay. He spoke with a lisp, sashayed, the whole nine yards. None of us kids really understood that shit back then, but it was still very weird.

3) Michael had no concept of social inappropriateness. He had no shame whatsoever, would say and do anything at any time, just because he felt like it.

There were lots of memorable incidents involving Michael, naturally. He would constantly speak out in the middle of class; interrupting the teacher and causing distractions. He was put in detention and Saturday school many times, but that never changed anything. He would sing at the top of his lungs during recess, sometimes dancing in imitation of videos he'd seen on MTV. (At this time, MTV still was showing music videos. Yes, I am that old.)

He ended up leaving the school after some incidents where he apparently held down another boy and was forcefully kissing him. I don't know if he only did that once, or if this was a repeat offense; the details of that particular incident were sort of kept quiet by the school. Never seen or heard of him since.

02/05/07(Mon)05:52:50 No.20097033

>>20096756 I do this as well. Especially with how I should have acted for scenarios in the past. I think it's normal as long as you keep them in order, or have one that is "the real you"... and don't tell others. Yeah, it's like when I was a kid, I'd have the "in-class me" and the "after school me," which being told I had ADD(and being around kids who actually had it) helped blur into being a nut half the time. I still kick my ass over being an idiot and stupid shit all the time. I'd probably die regretting half my time conscious.

02/05/07(Mon)06:00:39 No.20097213

In the town I grew up in we had a kind of local legend we called "The Can Man". Every morning at around 7 am you could catch him out on the busiest highway picking up cans off of the side of the road and pushing them around in something that looked like a shopping buggy he made himself out of chicken fencing. At first glance you would think we was just another homeless crazy, he wore tattered clothes, about 12 coats, and had a long, grizzly beard. My grandpa knew him personally though, and, as it turns out, the man was rich. He had won the lottery several years back and they paid him $1000 dollars for the rest of his life.

02/05/07(Mon)06:02:02 No.20097245

>>20097213 $1000 dollars A WEEK that is

02/05/07(Mon)06:31:56 No.20097936

I attended an 'alternative' type school for a year. There were a lot of autistic kids there. Tim was one of your ADD/violent types.

One day my friend brought her discman and cd's in her backpack, and Tim thought it was fun to kick her bag as hard as he could. When me friend heard the thing break she took off her army boot and smacked him over the head with it.

He never came within 10 meters of her again.

02/05/07(Mon)06:38:14 No.20098139

Whenever I go to catch the train from my house there's always this crazy old guy there who keeps telling me to "PUT ON YA HAT PUT ON YA HAT!!", especially to kids in school uniform.

Also when people come out of the station bathroom he waves his hand in front of his face and yells "PHWOAR!!"

I'd love to come across him while wearing a hat someday, he might have a nervous breakdown or something.

02/05/07(Mon)06:40:00 No.20098199

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=89399159

this guy. compulsive liar, told me he had sex with billie joe armstrong. ......:|

02/05/07(Mon)06:49:55 No.20098500

I knew a guy I met at a job who was schizo and on work release. He took enough heavy drugs to knock out 5 normal guys for days. He had a huge scar on his throat where he had cut his own throat, and claimed that he was frequently taken by aliens. He was totally passive though, not dangerous.

02/05/07(Mon)06:54:33 No.20098597

There was this crazy hairy girl in my 8th grade science class. And when I say hairy, I mean HAIRY. She had a fucking mustache and hairier arms and legs than any guy I've ever seen.

Anyways, this one kid starts making fun of her like usual and I guess that day he must've said something that just pushed her too far. She got up and screamed "FUCK YOU! SHUT THE HELL UP!", pushed him out of his chair and knocked the table onto him, breaking his arm.

She also did some other crazy shit like talking to herself during class. She had the creepiest voice I've ever heard.

02/05/07(Mon)07:02:36 No.20098847

there was this chick in my highschool, she wasnt the most attractive but i liked her personality. we started dating and she was big into religion. i wasnt and i made it clear that though i wasnt i wouldnt try to stop her from being religous. she suddenly stopped one day and 3 weeks later started to blame me for it. then she started telling me that i spent more time with my friend who i saw once a week than her who i saw every day. this was a year and a half into our relation ship. soon she started picking fights with me, over another 2 years she would pick the same fights with me over and over. then we stopped fighting and she wanted to move in with me. i found out about that time that she was close to being sucidal, for no real reason other than her family dissipoints her. close to 5 years together i realized i wasnt in love with her but just liked having someone there. we broke up 2 months ago trying to go back to being "Just Friends". after a week she flipped out because i hadnt called her enough. she started bringing crap over to my house to give to me be cause it was mine, or i gave it to here, or because it just remined her of me. we then decided that being friends wasnt going to work out. so we went our separet ways, that was about a month ago. last week she showed up at my house freaking out and telling me that "This friendship is over because your not putting any effort into it. you havent called me in a month!!!!" i told the bitch to get the fuck out and havent seen here since, and hopefully ever again. i thought that she was just fucking psycotic, but now i realize something.

02/05/07(Mon)07:04:20 No.20098917

>>20098847

that really, through it all, i was the crazy one for staying with that stupid bitch for 5 years and sitting through all the shit she put me through cause i just didnt want to be alone. now im sad to be alone, but i'm much happier without here. yester day i was cleaning my room and i found her USED UNWASHED FUCKING VIBRATOR UNDER MY FUCKING BED!!!! i'm debating on weither or not to just through it away or to fucking leave it on the front porch of her and her bible thumping parents house. i dont know any more. im tired. night /b/

02/05/07(Mon)07:04:34 No.20098924

About two years ago I met the biggest fucking furfag / socially inept person ever: Stephen. He was in my Animation class and on the first day he announced that he had never had a girlfriend and how everyone had been so mean to him in high school (dude was 23). This appearance was pretty much the epitome of lanky white trash: A braided unwashed mullet, Pedo-stash, inbred facial structure, bucked teeth and a grating whiny voice. He had no concept of personal space and constantly hovered over me. He began watching me from windows that over looked the Campus court yard while I ate lunch there. I had a feeling he was following me around,which was confirmed when he off handedly told me how he had watched me sleep when I was napping in the library between classes. Then he started stalking my boyfriend. I told my teacher he was being a creepy little shit, and he watched my back and told Stephen to step off when need be. Eventually he settled down with the creepiness. But then he started to make a point of making sure everyone knew that he was a furfag. He was always on Furcadia and talking about how the anthro fox he had made in 3D modeling class was him. One day one of our teachers asked that "What animal does so-and-so most resemble?" question, and I was labeled a cat. Stephen gave me the creepiest shit eating grin I have ever seen in my entire life. I shat bricks.

Before I met him I only mildly disliked furries. I, like most people just thought it was kind of wierd. But after Stephen I fucking hate them.

Last I heard he stalked a couple of the guest teachers for a while, including our Cartooning teacher at his own print shop. He hung out every day pretty much scaring away customers until they finally told him to fuck off.

Also, the thing that creeped me out the most about his obsessive furry pride? Fucker lived on a farm. D: My heart goes out to those poor defenceless animals.

02/05/07(Mon)07:05:47 No.20098966

>>20098728 I do that all the time too, but when I'm or the bus or something I'll start to worry that I'll say something out loud infront of all the people. Then I can't look at people and get really freaking nervous.

02/05/07(Mon)07:28:33 No.20099741

There's this man in my town, he's probably around 40/50 now. He bikes EVERYWHERE and he is always wearing his helmet. He asks questions about -everything- and you can fool him into almost anything. One time he even came home to one of my friends and asked if he wanted to throw some frisbee.. And he wanted to follow another one of my friends to the bathroom. A classmate of mine found out that the only thing to make him leave YOU instead of it endning up with you running away from him was telling him there was a lion around. "You know I have a lion in my backback." was commonly used and he always rushed away.

02/05/07(Mon)07:43:57 No.20100237

I knew two people you could consider "off-kilter" in their own special way. One was a sort-of friend whose life is pretty much plagued by misery that I just happened to get a front row seat for the part where it went to shit for him.

The other guy however, who for all I know could be a /b/-tard, was one of those creepy perverted types who weren't so crash-hot at socializing but somehow still got into higher education.

He at first seemed normal enough, a bit taller than everyone else, lots more acne, skinny. He became friends with one of the friendlier guys in the group I hung out with and started stalking the fuck out of him. Once he rode for half a day to get to my friend's workplace and ask for a job form, explaining that he was there because he'd just punched his dad unconscious and needed to let off steam.

He also went on to tell some girls in a science class that when he stayed in water too long he 'shrivelled'. After my friend told him to fuck off, he started stalking this nice pretty girl I knew. Hanging around her, talking to her, and inevitably because she was too nice to him he asked her out in front of all her friends.

She was too nice to laugh in his face, but not knowing what was going on at first I ran right up behind him and started doing mime behind him. Sawing off his head, string through the ear, shit like that. She laughed.

Then some fuckass friend of mine told him it was because of me, and it got a little stupid after that.

02/05/07(Mon)07:46:03 No.20100296

"It's ok, we'll let Nikita do this one. Well, Nikita, do you know what 7 + 5 is?"

"Uhmmm....... *10 to 15 second pause* I left my book at home today."

Why oh why do they let retards co-learn in our non-mentally disabled classrooms? THIS WAS IN GRADE 11 (or equivalent of).

And you think retards are crazy? Try dealing with the ordeal of Indian people ordering a pizza from you.

02/05/07(Mon)07:50:17 No.20100429

>>20100237 Suddenly the same fucker who told him I did that shit behind his back said that this guy was going to kill me. Suddenly this guy is appearing in crowds of people near me and making throat slashing motions, calling out "YOU'RE DEAD" to me.

This is kinda where I got pissed off, because of what happened with the other guy who was off-kilter. I liked that other guy, but what happened to him was fucking sad and this guy was unknowingly dragging up old shit from my past.

So at lunch time one day, as he's trying to hit on some girls at a table I walk past, and he makes the throat slash gesture when the girls aren't looking.

I stopped, turn around and point at him, and point right in front of me. A little warily he got up, and I got right in his face when he came up to me.

"If you're going to kill me like you keep telling people, fucking do it right fucking now and spare me this BULLSHIT" was more or less what I said in his face, loudly. He backed down and we had no more troubles with each other for the rest of our time at school.

I guess I out-crazied the guy.

02/05/07(Mon)08:00:35 No.20100791

>>20100647 Oh man, he could have totally killed you then and gotten all the hot chicks.

What a dumbass.

They weren't hot. He was aiming lower by this point, which tells me he wasn't dumb, just socially inept.

As for killing me, he had been gloating to people about carrying a knife around in his bag as well, and I called him on that too when I confronted him. Nothing came of it, we were never in any classes together because of different goals and once or twice he went through the register at the supermarket where I worked and didn't say a word.

Not that I felt safer having confronted him, I felt stupid afterwards and kinda tried to avoid eye contact whenever possible.

02/05/07(Mon)08:27:37 No.20101656

There was this one kid in my high school who's dad drowned himself in the family pool, and ever since that this kid was pretty messed up (the kid found his dad). But this kid, named Owen, was always very smart and he loved to read Tolkien, so i guess when he was little he set down to learn how to speak/write the fucking dwarven language from the trilogy/simallarion/hobbit. So sometimes he would just start writing pages and pages of this cryptic shit and I'd say, Owen, WTF r u writin? And he'd look at me behind those huge glasses and say, "You wouldn't understand." I'd then quiz him with some words, and he always got them right ;(

02/05/07(Mon)08:34:17 No.20101838

One kid in my class always had to drum something all the time, he would do a chorus of finger drums on the desk and when he finished his little oration he would always get up, bend over slap his arse and say in a piercing voice "GWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" like a Merzbow song or something. The only reason he wasnt moved to a spaz class was because he had scored near top marks in his SATS or something. Never did understand that kid but once we decided to fuck with him by all shouting GWEEEE at him all at once, he freaked ther fuck out, quickly as a fucking ninja he raked my friends face and tried headbutting my shoulder or some shit. Anyway he got dragged out by some jock like guys from the other room. Some reason we never saw him again after that.

02/05/07(Mon)08:44:34 No.20102081

My friend meets a lot of these crazies in pubs.

The best one had all sorts of theories:

- He was in the army and they caged him and tortured him

- He writes songs and the government steals them and puts them on the radio

- He wrote all of Pearl Jam's songs

- He wrote the Who's album "Who Is It". Which does not even exist.

This guy was a genuine 'foil hat' job...

02/05/07(Mon)08:50:23 No.20102244

Holy shit, I just remembered the best crazy I've ever seen!

Coming home from a rugby match on the train with my friend and his dad, and at one of the stops a guy gets on wearing a big floral dress. With a big bushy beard. And a string puppet. And a loaf of bread.

He was speaking in toungues to the puppet for the entire trip O_o

02/05/07(Mon)08:58:46 No.20102468

I knew this girl named Samantha when I was in middle school. She was short, skinny, and very pale.

She used to talk about being an alien and would steal all of the green markers to color her skin with during class.

She also wore black sparkly galoshes year round.

02/05/07(Mon)09:01:21 No.20102530

maybe only people in Texas can appreciate this, but...this one time i was at work, and i look out the window, and there is this Mexican, right? With a lawn mower. Only, he's MOWING THE PARKING LOT.

No, he isn't just walking across the parking lot with the mower on. I swear to fucking God, I watched him mow the fucking concrete for at least 20 minutes. Then he went around the corner and I don't know what the hell he did. Probably mowed the parking lot behind us.

02/05/07(Mon)09:03:11 No.20102564

I also knew a girl named Erica in high school.

She would sit in class and rip the elastic out of her underwear and eat it. She was obsessed with chihuahuas and had several. They all died, by the way. She threw them into the pool to teach them to swim and they all drowned.

She died last year though.. don't know from what.

02/05/07(Mon)09:03:27 No.20102569

This regular at the deli I just started at, looks like a perfectly nice guy, has a friendly grin on his face at all times, comes in to buy wahtever, a drink, some smokes, I can't remember, he grunts really loud instead of talking. Sometimes like DURR DURRR DURRR. It freaked me out real bad the first couple of times. After he walked out, the vietnamese guy who owns the deli goes 'oh ya, that man doesn't talk'

Not that crazy, but one time I was walking in the city, wearing my shirt that says: YOU LOSE YOU LOSE YOU LOSE YOU LOSE YOU LOSE

And as I walk past one guy he looks at me real angrily and shouts 'no, YOU lose !!!"

02/05/07(Mon)09:18:51 No.20102896

When i was in 6th grade, there was this really violent but kinda shy guy i knew. He would be normal most of the time, but sometimes he just ran around punching anyone and everyone. He also shot his retarded sister with a soft air gun multiple times while she practiced riding a bike. Also, whenever you were at his place or he was at yours, he would dissapear without a trace when he got bored. His excuse would be something like, I went to the bathroom at my place instead and felt like staying and stuff like that.

02/05/07(Mon)09:24:06 No.20103030

I always try to keep my mind occupied with something, or otherwise completely blank. This leads to me either overobsessing over stupid shit and pissing off my co-workers, or standing around staring off into space while I vegetate.

The problem is, if I don't do either thing, my mind wanders. I'll become aware of the other thoughts in my mind. They're not voices, and I'm well aware that they are in fact my own thoughts, but they are far from sane. It's also a bit scary that I can recognize this.

It's most noticeable for me when I'm trying to go to sleep, or when I'm taking a shit or showering or something. Something that really doesn't require a whole lot of attention, but I still can't focus on something else and I can't quite get my mind to blank out.

When I've got those other thoughts going on, I'll talk to myself. Out loud. Most often, I'll threaten myself. I'll fucking kill you. Gonna destroy... kill everything. I'll become aware that I'm doing this, and shut it off, but it creeps back.

The thing is, I can't actually imagine acting on the weird ass impulses and images I come up with, some of which are incredibly detailed. Such as acquiring an automatic weapon and doing a suicide run on some office building downtown for no particular reason. But I'll sit, and think, about how that scenario would play out. In extreme detail. All the while, muttering to myself about death, murder, kill you. You're fucking dead.

I can usually keep a handle on it in public situations, but there's been a couple times I've seen the look on one of my co-worker's faces and I know they just overheard something I can't quite recall saying.

02/05/07(Mon)09:24:47 No.20103052

op here,

amazed this thread is still here. these stories are made of win and win.

i thought i'd add something from my childhood: when i was in kindergarten, i was easily influenced, like any other kid.

i remember seeing free willy for the first time and being amazed by it. the next day at school, i ran around the circular table yelling "FREE WILLY!!! FREE WILLY!!!" at the top of my fucking lungs.

i got in so much shit for that. I GOT PUT IN THE CORNER. mother fuckers don't understand the majesty that is free willy.

02/05/07(Mon)09:42:50 No.20103451

CRAZY PHIL WAS A KID I KNEW WHO LOVED SLAYER

NOT THAT HE WAS CRAZY, HE WAS JUST TOALLY GAY FOR SLAYER.

Then there was my roommate from last school year, who loved to do Ketamine. I think he had some serious problems.

On a completely unrelated note, I've recently met a girl and she was wearing a Slayer shirt. Is it just me, or are cute girls in Slayer shirts like the hottest shit in the universe?

02/05/07(Mon)09:56:36 No.20103852

Okay after this I swear I'm going to bed.

When I was in grade 6 or 7 there was this weird kid in my class who no one really liked. I was nice to him because he seemed like a nice enough guy. Well he developed a bit of a crush on me and would constantly draw me pictures of Godzilla (???) which he drew himself (and which actually quite good) and other completely random presents. Well nervous little 11 year old me I did what most non-confrontational girls do in this sort of situtation and avoided him. One day when I was walking to the entrance of the school I noticed he was standing near the front doors watching at me. I looked back at him and I guess he was kind of peeved that I had been avoiding him because he tackled me and started punching my head.

02/05/07(Mon)09:59:10 No.20103937

Bump for great justice.

Also, I know this kid who knows all the departuretimes of all the trains in the world. By heart. You can ask him 'what time does the train from Hamburg to Köln go' and he will be like '12:30, 13:30, 14:30, every half an hour, exept for sundays, then it's every hour.'

02/05/07(Mon)10:04:23 No.20104081

I'm not sure how, but I always see this guy walking around. He may not be crazy, but I am sure he's homeless. Unkempt dirty hair and beard, same worn in shirt and shoes, but somehow always has on a new pair of pants every day.

I don't mean "pants I haven't seen on the guy before". I mean the guy looks like he's sporting pants he just went and bought that day, every day. Usually jeans, but sometimes other stuff. I can't figure out where the hell he gets all those pants.

02/05/07(Mon)10:16:48 No.20104481

I had a driving instructor who was a crazy. While i was taking one of my in-cars, we drove by a park where there was a little girl in a skirt swinging on a swing. "Ohh! You can see her panties!" "Uhhh...you know she was, like, 13, right?" "Nah, she was probably more like 16..." "....you know the legal age is 18...right???" Haha, what a fucker.

02/05/07(Mon)10:25:12 No.20104719

I knew a kid at one of my junior schools called Daffy or Donald or something, I remember him having the same name as a cartoon character but not what exactly. He came across as somewhat intelligent but was so weird I don't think he made any friends in the short period of time he was actually at my school. Among other things he used to argue about dumb things, like why our library system was wrong (he wanted his own library card instead of our system where there was a book full of barcodes and our names so there wasn't a chance of us accidentally losing our card and not being able to borrow books, which was reasonable considering we were mostly under 12. When this was explained and he was asked if he thought it was a good idea, he shouted "no!" and started sulking). He also didn't hang out with anybody at lunch and peed in the garden rather than the toilet. My entire class cheered when his table and chair were removed after he was absent for a few weeks.

02/05/07(Mon)10:35:43 No.20105047

Don't think this has been posted, so anyway ... up until recently there was a homeless guy living on the side of a somewhat busy street about 10 minutes from the city by bus, and about 100m from the local Woolworths, who always had with him everything he needed to live with in a large collection of plastic bags. Because of that he got the title of the bag man by the locals. He was actually quite an infamous personality of the area as he often picked through garbage bins outside shops, understandably annoying the shop owners, and has been on TV a few times. Thing is, the guy's supposedly loaded - he could afford to live in decent accommodation if he wanted, but chose to live on the street instead. He's relocated himself to a park somewhere, though, and I haven't seen him since.

02/05/07(Mon)10:39:20 No.20105142

Posting in a legendary thread. Haven't met any real crazies in school (i was usually the worst) but the BUS, oh man. Most memorable was a man who wore a pair safety glasses, the kind they give you to wear in chem labs and shit, only his were nearly covered in masking tape, leaving him only a very small space at the bottom to see out of. Well he gets on the bus with his big garbage bag of god-knows-what, and proceeds to ramble on about how he was the heavyweight boxing champ of the world till the mafia conspired to take it all away from him. He then segued into a running babble of curses.

02/05/07(Mon)10:41:11 No.20105200

While stopped at a traffic light in the city of baltimore, this hobo scuttles up to our car in the pouring rain exactly like Dr. Zoiberg from Futurama. But in place of his arms was a prosthetic one with a claw end which had a red dixie cup duct taped to it. The other "arm" was what looked like a mannequin arm he duct taped to his torso and a coffee cup was taped to the end of that arm. For the few seconds that we saw him, the cups were filled with water from all the rain. I don't think there was ever a time in my life that I wanted my friend to run a red light and run over as many pedestrians as possible til then.

Also a year before, in baltimore I saw some guy walking a wolf. It wasn't a freakin' cross-breed, it was a full honest to goodness fucking wolf the size of a small horse like you see on the discovery channel!

The city of balitmore needs to sink into the ocean already! I don't care that a lot of the cool people I know go to John Hopkins, America would be a better place without it!

02/05/07(Mon)10:42:35 No.20105242

when i was at at school, there was this kid who had that retarded look on his face, had some crazy thing going on with bananas, flipping out when people even said the word "banana" during lunch he managed to take bananas off people and put them in the bin. one time he reached across our table for one of the fruits. after a brief struggle with a friend, the banana exploded and some went onto the crazy's clothes. he screamed untill his helper managed to calm him down.

later that week, said freing wanted revenge and had managed to get the "banana phone" sound clip. when he heard it, the crazy just went berzerk, he threw people's food around, tipped over a table whilst screaming and crying at the sme time. it took 3 dinner staff to restrain him.

02/05/07(Mon)10:44:05 No.20105289

There's a bum hangs out in the parking lot of the business I work at. If he ever exchanges two words with you, its either to as for change, or warn you about various ways the government is keeping track of everyone. If you do happen to have some money for him, he won't accept anything minted after 1982. One time he walks into building, starts pacing around the lobby rambling about chemicals, doctors and computers. A few minutes later, it doesn't look like he's leaving, so I go out to ask him to leave. I notice there's a substantial spattering of blood all over the floor. His left hand is soaked in blood, its dripped all down the side of his pants. Something to the effect of "holy shit" comes out of my mouth, and he looks at me, then holds his hand and says "you think I got it out? I don't think I got it out" He's missing two knuckles from his middle finger, with a long slash going down the middle of his palm, bleeding profusely. Seems the night before, some secret government agents had knocked him out and implanted a microchip in his hand so they could keep tabs on him. They found the rest of his finger, stripped of flesh, on the hood of some random car in the lot.

02/05/07(Mon)10:46:34 No.20105348

But by far the craziest was an elderly black guy who boards the bus looking and acting like any homeless old dude. When he sits down tho, he starts jerking his head around like a giant wasp is fly around it. He proceeds to swat at it. Then he gets into a loud, one sided argument with the empty seat next to him. A Quote: "Don't Piss in my mouth you black Nigger!" (very loud) Most of the bus, is looking away, I'm laughing my ass off. He keeps this up often using the "black nigger" phrase. One bus driver kicked him off when he punched the window while he was arguing against whoever (whatever) he was arguing with. Another bus driver (coolest bus driver ever) let him ride, laughing at the guy's batshit antics. Crazy dude gets off, bus driver tells me "Dude's more entertaing than a movie" I'm pretty sure he's a btard at heart.

02/05/07(Mon)10:51:20 No.20105500

I had a classmate called 'Yoshi', who was kind of wierd (some sort of autism or something). Anyways, everybody used to tease him about his tight orange jeans he always was wearing, and the funniest memory I have of him was when he painted hamburgers on a piece of paper and ate the paper saying 'mmm hamburgers' and drooled.

02/05/07(Mon)10:55:21 No.20105636

Now, all high schoolers seem to get a pyro phase.

seems even more so with my group of friends, every week several of them just made streams of flames from deoderant cans and kept them on for minutes at a time. luckily, none of us was hurt.

Except Mark.

Mark hung out with us every other day, mostly to scum drugs off them the last two years.

He was obsessed with fire more then anyone else I've ever seen.

He blew off his little finger about half way into my first year, then something like 7 months later he comes back from a holiday now missing his pointing finger from the same hand, he apparently blew it off with a can.

BUT MARK DOESNT STOP

MARK CANT STOP

NOT WITH FIRE, NOW ITS TIME FOR THE AXE

I have no idea what inspired it, but he invited us all over for some party, he has to cut wood and he goes off to the chopping stump with an axe.

As we're coming over, too far away to stop him, but close enough to see

He puts his other (the good) hand on the board and slams the axe down.

Bye thumb.

At this point, docters drugged him up and gave him pills and needles, he mixes them with weed (nothing else, for a school of pyro nutfucks in a town I lovingly call Dunwich after ol' Lovecraft, even the crack house would give the school's students nothing but weed. That was their trust in us getting any use from it.) and ritalin in a bong.

Last show was when he stuffed Magnesium and full matchbooks onto his gimp hand and holds it over a bunson burner. Sadly it only made blood, Bright though.

Fuck you for making me remember this, /b/

02/05/07(Mon)10:55:50 No.20105653

Another bus crazy. This dude is a big fat fuck who looks like a complete drooling tard. He doesn't say anything, but the whole time he's sitting there, he's doing this complex choreagraphed pencil jive. He twirls them around, one in each hand, hits on his legs, his head, against each other, and on and on. I guess if he doesn't mickey mouse will kill him or some shit.

02/05/07(Mon)10:56:01 No.20105657

I knew this guy who had series social anxiety issues and lacked a father figure in his life, he thought he was the undertaker! the american badass incarnation at that and that the undertaker was his dad, obviously he loved wreastling and would constantly slam his brother (also a nutcase) through tables and tombstone him on concrete. He was in hospital all the time because of it. We thought it was a good laugh.

As his madness grew he increasing believed he was the undertaker and even talked in a deep voice rolled his eyes and wore a bandana, he repatedly told staff he'd bury them alive.

He brought a tent spike into chemistry class and threatened to gut a "sheep" buddy of mine, and the "bitch" i was snaking. The police did'nt approve and he got a few years for assualt and harrasment.

Hes out now, ive moved countries, last i heard he assualted his brother

02/05/07(Mon)11:00:18 No.20105796

>>20105200 Annapolis is like the polar opposite. It's full of sailors and Rich Uncle Pennybags type people. Big gaudy fur coats and giant brimmed hats. I had to deal living in the Baltimore-Washington corridor. I used to work at an instrument store and one day this guy walks in sporting this Nick Nolte look with a paint stained taco bell shirt and torn off jean shorts. "I need a boomcrashride stand!" he cries. He is very loud. His attention is then immediately drawn to our cymbals. He says he's looking for hats but starts looking at rides (wtf?) and picks one out and says: "Set it up! If I like it I'll buy it!" So we get a stand out and set it up, and my coworker grabs a pair of drumsticks, and you know how they come in sleeves? Well the guy fucking snatches them out of his hands and takes them and whacks the cymbal really fucking hard and then takes them out and starts tapping on the ride rapidly for a bit before taking the sticks in one hand and whacking it as hard as he can and belts out at the top of his lungs: "I CAN PLAY THIS BITCH!!!" By then we had couldn't really stifle the laughter. Now the part I didn't quite expect is that he proceeds to buy everything; the ride, the stand and the drumsticks and pulls the biggest fucking wad of 20's out of his wallet I had ever seen. He heads out and we have a laugh about it and another one of my coworkers says: "Man, I think I need a cigarette after that." and is about to make his way out the door when I notice my other coworker is gazing out the window in awe and stops him and says: "DUDE, HE'S PLAYING IT IN THE FUCKING PARKING LOT!" And sure enough he was. He was out there for over 40 minutes going at it before he left. I CAN PLAY THIS BITCH became an irl meme. Things like this is one of the reasons I miss that job.

02/05/07(Mon)11:01:06 No.20105829

Oh, I almost forgot about the greatest crazy guy ever.

I don't remember how we started talking, I believe I went to some bookshop and it was closed. The guy wanted to go in too, I said it was closed, so then we started talking.

Anyway, that doesn't matter.

He was really, rrrreally crazy, with this sneaky glance in his eyes and being really happy about it.

Amongst other stuff, he told me that he was the king of the dolphins, that dolphins live on the moon secretly and that he is the only one who knows that because he is their king, that he has the pentium V which is able to control minds of other people, that his harddisk is 5 million gig, that the 5 million gig hd and the pentium V are build into this small little device with only 1 button, which he uses to check other people for being demons or angels, that he writes childrens books about sharks. The exact story of the shark was something like this:

"Sharks are evil, I tell kids all the time, that they have to stay away from sharks. One day, this one kid did not listen and went swimming. So a shark ate him. Then I came into the picture, I told the shark that he should not eat kids, then I beat him up and he spit the kid out. Now all the kids love me. I am the king of sharks. Sharks love me too."

His second book would be about lions also being evil and eating children.

02/05/07(Mon)11:09:07 No.20106059

pair of quick ones now somebody's mentioning busses:

I'm sitting in one of those sets of four seats where the chairs face each other. somewhat old looking man comes and sits down opposite me with his shopping. he says something about his shopping and it sounds like he's talking to me. I'm about to respond when he answers himself. He spent most of the rest of the journey talking to himself out loud and asking himself questions. Weird.

Sometime later, I got on the bus when it was fairly crowded, and the nearest seat left was next to some middle-aged woman. It wasn't long before I regretted sitting next to her. Alarm bells started ringing when, at a set of traffic lights, she said "I wish I was a witch, then I'd make all the traffic lights go green", to nobody in particular. I don't think she was even looking at me or anybody else or even trying to make contact with anyone. She didn't say much else, but it did make the journey for me fairly awkward. Fortunately her stop was before mine. She got off the bus mumbling something barely comprehensible without ever looking at me despite requiring me to stand up for her to get out.

02/05/07(Mon)11:15:15 No.20106245

When I was a freshman in high school, this retarded weeaboo girl named Beth started stalking me and my friend after seeing some of her artwork. (My friend is a crazy manga artist wannabe - she was pretty good at it though, I admit.) Anyway we could not escape from her. We would hide outside or in bathrooms at lunch with our other buddies just to get her away from us, but she would always show up eventually. If we avoided her, she would cry - loudly - and tell on us, and we always got shit for being "insensitive" when we really just wanted her to gtfo.

One time I remember some big gangster nigras were having a food fight, and one of them threw a crumpled up bag in Beth's face. She stood up and SCREAMED. Screamed like she had been shot in the VAGINA or something, saying, "I SWEAR TO GOD, I'LL KILL THEM!". And the whole cafeteria went quiet, before people started leaving.

Later on I was called down to the office, because Beth had actually reported someone tossing a bag in her face, except she told them they had beaten the shit out of her with it. When I told the admin that that wasn't true at all, Beth got suspended.

It was so weird.

02/05/07(Mon)11:16:10 No.20106275

Posting in Epic thread.

Alright, not as crazy as some of the stuff posted here, but hey.

Right, so there was this guy who lived in my town, called Jeremy. Now Jeremy is, I dunno, maybe four-five years older than my friends and I. This story is from he's 19. Anyhow, he's the kind of guy who, if he says he's gonna beat the shit out of you, he's gonna beat the shit out of you. Used to smoke weed, do other stuff, etc. Now two things that I always remember about him, is that he claimed to have a gun in his car, and second, his advice regarding women. "Just fuck em. Fuck 'em and run. Don't tell them your name." Great to talk to though. Crazy as fuck, but still an amazing conversationalist. Last I heard, he settled down with some Harpoon-worthy chick and had a kid.

02/05/07(Mon)11:36:25 No.20106918

A couple of my friends went to middle school in the fifth grade together and had to see the same counselor at the same time. Some kind of group therapy bullshit, I dunno. My one friend was really fat at the time and used to bounce his stomach with his hands and shit. The counselor would say something to the extent of: "Are you proud you can do that?" which his reply was: "Yes! This is an accomplishment!" My other friend would do shit like draw swastikas on his hands, for the typical /b/tard mentality reasons that made him a 4channer today. Of course, this perturbed the counselor and once he asked "Do you know what those mean?" and he replied "I KNOW THAT YOU'RE A JEW!" and glared at him. We later found out he really was.

02/05/07(Mon)11:39:37 No.20107025

while a friend and myself were on our way to write a midterm in highschool, said friend dropped his pencil, his only pencil, and before he could pick it up, an autistic kid fucking dove in from out of no where, snatched it and ran away.

mother of shit it was funny.

02/05/07(Mon)11:48:22 No.20107315

"Brian's parents are my age and they watch movies and let him watch too. This is all he fucking talks about--movies. Of course I think it is funny, but it has spiraled out of control to the point that I have to repeatedly tell him, "Brian, you are not on topic."

Monday he saw Goldmember. He kept saying, "Shmoke and a Pancake, Waffle and a cigar, Bong and a blintz." As he was saying this, he would extend a hand to me, as if he was offering me something. It was funny, but also disturbing.

As I was putting him on the bus on Friday he was telling me about the movie Eight Legged Freaks and about how his mom spanks him really hard on the bottom everyday."

02/05/07(Mon)11:49:48 No.20107376

Back in the fourth grade there was this pale skinny kid with freckles who used to get these spasms in his face, he would also pick his nose, and sit twiddling the snot around for a few minutes before eating it.

The funniest thing was when this kid had his grotesque facial contractions he'd make a muted "gunk" sound, needless to say we fucked with him alot.

One day this little shit in the desk behidn the retarded kid starts slapping him up the back of the head repeatedly, retard boy blows his top and stalks up to the teacher.

he says "miss, they're mocking and hitting me" after saying that he got a few contractions, the teacher looked up at him and said "Christopher, stop pulling faces at me."

He got kinda secluded after that.

02/05/07(Mon)11:51:21 No.20107422

Down here in NZ we have our fair share of nutters and crazies - the best one I recall was the 'flower guy' who used to sit on Queen St ALL DAY and yell shit like "WANNABUYAFLOWAH?" at people passing buy. If they actually were stupid enough to stop he would offer to sell them his retarded poetry...which he then proceeded to recite at full volume from his spot on the seat..the weird thing was that at 5'o clock each day this biiiig fucking black mercedes would pick this little shit up..he wasnt able to walk to so he used this stumpy little pair of crutches..he used to hang out with this dwarf who was trying to grow the biggest rasta hairdo in history..at least that what he said..fucking thing went round his body twice and was all matted and funky cos he never washed it.Nastiest dreads I ever saw. Flower guy disappeared couple of years back but the hair-dwarf is still cruising queen st

02/05/07(Mon)11:52:43 No.20107466

We rented a room out to this lady my mother knew from her childood in the Carribean. She was a very fundamentalist Christian, and would get on to us for not praying 3 times a day, washing our hands certain ways, and not singing as we went to church. Bitch sang all the fucking time. She told us that she was staying in America because a witch was chasing her and was going to hex her. After a while, my dad got pissed and said "You're moving with your daughter in an apartment in the ghetto". No cabs, either. We let the bus pick her up because she scared the shit out of the kids.

She would wander the streets in the afternoon in the area around her house for hours.

At the church i went to (forced to go) there was this crazy white lady who sang all the fucking time, and they were always weird,made up songs about how cool god and biblical figures were. In church, out loud, and she was always standing up. When she went outside to leave, she would dance around her car singing "I'VE GOT THE KEYS OF DAAAAAAAVID!" over and over again. It pissed me off to no degree. I could go on about crazy pentacostals, but those are boring.

02/05/07(Mon)11:59:55 No.20107689

My neighbour was messed upped. She was convinced that my mum's friend was trying to steal her husband so she threw the largest tantrum in the middle of street. A grown woman jumping up and down in the middle of street shrieking till her husband dragged her crazy ass back in the house. Then she started throwing buckets of what she claimed was piss at my car. I wanted to take a baseball bat to her head so badly.

02/05/07(Mon)12:05:37 No.20107832

Today I was explaining to the students that they need to get their permission slips signed by their parents if they want to go to the field trip. I was diligently repeating to the students that "their parents need to sign the slip, the slip I just gave you, the slip that I'm going to make sure is in each of your book bags when you leave, the slip that I'll have extra copies of if you lose them, the slip that looks like this (holding it up), the yellow permission slip that your parents have to sign." You get the idea.

As I was repeating this over and over to the students, I got clocked in the side of the face with a giant, drool covered wad of paper. This wasn't just any spit ball either, it was fucking humungous. There was so much spit on it you could smell the student's bad breath, and the recoil from the impact almost made me fall over.

I was very shaken up, it took me a few seconds to gain my composure and peal the gooey mass off of my face. It was then that I realized the spit ball from hell was yellow.

Glancing towards the back of the desk area I notice about six comatose tards are missing their yellow permission slips. I know for a fact that none of those six tards could have winged that monster of a projectile at me, as they are barely able to even say their names.

In the middle of these six tards is Angelo, with a desktop covered in drool, and bits of yellow paper stuck to his lips.

I told Angelo that if he wasn't good he wouldn't be able to go on the field trip and I made him sit on the other side of the room. Later I asked Angelo why he threw the spit ball, his reply "What spit ball?" I am really sick of his shit, so I took his desk and put it in the hallway.

After his punishment was over and I told him he could return to his seat. He asked "Where is my desk?" I replied "What desk?"

02/05/07(Mon)12:06:56 No.20107872

When I was 14 and in junior high(26 now) I had a friend in school who was also incredibly nutty. His name was Josh. He's had a record of shitting himself because he always thought he was sitting on the toilet. Anyway, it was a rainy day, and we were in the gym. De dropped his pants because he had a sudden case of diarrea. Shot it all over the floor. The gym teacher came in front the opposite doorway after he pulled his pants back up, and asked 'Did you track mud in, Josh?' Josh said 'That's not mud!'

02/05/07(Mon)12:15:13 No.20108104

There was this kid named Ryan Walker in my high school class...he had Asperger's, which I guess is the least severe form of autism. I hated the kid, but my high school experience would've been much less funny without him around. He was always trying to listen to other people's conversations, and if he missed something he'd go, "Who? WHO?!" and most people would get annoyed and either ignore him or say "Mind your own business," either one of which would send him into a screaming rampage. Once he didn't place at a speech tournament so he went into the cafeteria and yelled "THIS IS RIDICULOUS!" in a high-pitched voice and kicked over a chair. Another time in my speech class I said "freakin' sweet" over the announcements and got yelled at the by the principal. On the way back from the office to my speech class, I saw my teacher standing outside ready to yell at me. When we got back in the classroom though, he saw Ryan stealing a stool out of his office to sit on, and the teacher yelled at Ryan "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST GO INTO MY OFFICE AND TAKE THINGS?" etc. etc. and took out all his anger on Ryan, who started bawling immediately, and I barely got anything.

hahahaha

Jon, if you're reading, you know what I'm talking about.

02/05/07(Mon)12:19:52 No.20108247

IT SMELLS LIKE 4:14 HERE. FOR REAL

Now, that´s my contribution:

I have a sister with menthal iillness. Once, i was 12, she was bothering me with something (she used to steal my toys and paint my Conan the barbarian comics with strange mix of colours). I said to her: If you plant a bottle of coca-cola in the garden, it will grow and became a tree of free coca-cola.

She believed that many months until my parents discovered that and yelled at me.

I guess I deserve to go to hell.

02/05/07(Mon)12:21:57 No.20108309

Buddy of mine dated a "vampire princess" in high school. One day she came up to him all secret-like and and asked if she could "feed on him" and got offended when he told that crazy bitch to step off.

My HS senior english teacher would come up to me in the hallways and say "hallo daddy, I want a highfive!" and when I gave him one would look really sad and start to cry a little and say "thanks daddy". I wonder how he got to be head of our english department sometimes.

02/05/07(Mon)12:27:52 No.20108480

>>20075491

Dude I know that fucker. He's a whack job. He made a forum a few years back and I was part of the raiding party.

Sad thing is...though I haven't been there in over six months I think I'm still a super mod (yes, he made me an S-Mod even though I took part in ruining the site) and he still probably posts messages to himself.

He fucking thinks FF games are a religion.

02/05/07(Mon)12:33:23 No.20108619

excellent thread. i have a few stories.

my uncle is retarded basically. sorta the classic retard deal - bad motor skills, poor social ability, poor balance, looks a bit monged, mental age of a 12 year old YET has an amazing memory for certain things. your idiot savant sorta deal. when he comes over to our house he often picks his nose and burps and does the most evil shits you can think of.

well, it gets better. my grandfather, while he was alive, used to he;lp out a lot with the special ed centre he went (and still goes to). during the summer, me and my brother got offered to go on daytrips with the centre because of this... so i got to meet loads of retards!!

there was one guy called reg who had the most amazingly deformed and indecipherable speech, as well as hearing aids. there was some other guy who seemed to move in slow motion and was unable to speak (and just pointed at things). i also remember when we went swimming there was this one guy who just kept rolling over and over and over constantly in the water. so fucking funny.

i kinda miss it. retards are amazing. not exactly your classic mental disorders / TRUE nutcases, but still somewhat relevant i guess.

02/05/07(Mon)12:34:32 No.20108659

There's an old Santa-looking dude in my hometown named Jack. Walks the streets all day, mumbles about wars he was in (he wasn't ever in any apparently) and like every other town's tale of their crazy man he "has a lot of money but lives on the street". Why do we feel the need to append this probably-lie to everyone who is crazy on the street? Is it designed to make us feel better? It makes me feel worse! If he's not using his millions or whatever, I want them!

02/05/07(Mon)12:39:32 No.20108847

>>20107872 Poster here. I got another story about Josh.

One day down at our community pool, Josh loved the pool so much(He never shit in it, though.) If you've ever sat down on the toilet and forget to lower the seat, and subsequently have your ass hit the water, it's a shit moodbreaker, so once he was in the pool he couldnt shit or something like that. Anyway, it was summer, really hot. We met another friend named Rachel at the pool, so while we went to the gate, Rachel and I were talking about one of those black basketball players, and asked what disease he was suffering from. I answered, and at that point Josh asked 'Why's the pool closed?' I answered 'Aids' to Rachel, and Josh ran to the gate and yelled at the lifeguard that was testing the PH levels of the water 'DONT DO IT! THERE'S AIDS IN THE POOL!'

02/05/07(Mon)12:48:27 No.20109130

There's this 50-60y old guy called "The Pope" (no one knows his real name) who lives in our town, he doesnt have any family atleast from what i've heard, he's a drunkard and likes to collect stones.

He likes to buy them off people, especially the unusual looking ones. Striped stones are his favorite and he usually buys them for 5-20¿ depending on the size. Other funny thing about him are that he always walks in the middle of the road with his suit on and never watches out for cars or anything. He always has some witty answers ready if you try to mess with him, though if you try to talk to him more he usually just covers his ears until you go away.

02/05/07(Mon)12:48:36 No.20109136

>>20091038 I remember the retard kid from Dreamcatcher do that finger swirly thingy, and now i do that. It helps me think. o_O

Another story that's sorta lame. I was in high school playing the cello, and another cello player i remember kept hitting herself with the rod thingy and biting the strings. If she messed up, she would hit herself HARD with her fist and scream STUPID STUPID STUPID and pull out her hair.

02/05/07(Mon)12:51:20 No.20109242

>>20107422 lol, there are so many crazy fuckers on Queens St. Once this guy walked up to me and told me that I was satan and told me he could see it in my eyes or some shit. I was pretty freaked out so i was just like "Ok..." and walked off. and then he started following me and telling me all about how I was satan, and then started waving a knife in my face. and i freaked out and ran, and a bunch of emos started laughing at me :(

02/05/07(Mon)12:57:01 No.20109415

Holy shit. Epic thread. I've got a few.

I work at a grocery store during swing shift, so I see a lot of nutjobs.

There's this one lady who comes in about 5 times a shift (about 20 times a day). She's hardcore schizophrenic, as far as I can tell. She's homeless, I think, too. Anyway. We dont know her name so we just call her the Crazy Lady.

So this one time she comes in and is down looking at the beer. She's yelling at herself and scaring th customers, so my boss asks her to leave. She gets SUPER pissed and punches through one of the styrofoam coolers we have. On her way out, she grabs a timer that we use to keep track of when we sweep, and a bunch of papers off the main desk. My boss has to chase her out, and get the stuff back.

About 2 hours later, she comes back in, and glares at my boss (her name is Susan), and says "Wake up little Susie." And leaves.

My boss came in the next day saying that she saw the Crazy Lady prowling around her house that night.

Another time, I was walking to work, and I saw her sitting on a bench outside the store, talking to a bag of shredded paper. She was telling it that it should test drive an Escalade.

02/05/07(Mon)12:58:19 No.20109454

op here,

LOL THREAD IS STILL GOING. this shit is awesome.

has this been archived?

02/05/07(Mon)12:58:45 No.20109479

This is the most awesome thread I've ever read. I'm not even halfway done reading the backlog yet but since it's got a particularly high post count I'm gonna go ahead and share my story before the thread falls off.

Back in high school, I had a "girlfriend". I use quotations because she was only my girlfriend because she wanted to be. I had no say in the matter. This was back when I was sorta still kinda shy around other people, so I couldn't do anything to get away from her. The first time I saw her was at the drink machines, hanging off of another friend of mine (who I had known since third grade) who I later assumed just had to be gay (hung around girls a lot, had those trivial conversations that they like to have with them, rainbow armband, etc. [He never actually told me, and I still give him the benefit of the doubt, although we've recently fallen out of contact]). Next time I saw her, she was apparently my girlfriend. She started hanging around me constantly. She learned my class routes and went completely out of her way to walk with me to my next class every day for every class. I noticed that she had the distinct scent of Doritos and feet about her at all times, like she had a bottle of perfume called Footritos on her dresser at home. I started to wait just inside the building before lunch (she caught me there often) for several minutes before venturing out, and she still occasionally found me. This went on for quite some time. But the worst was yet to come.

02/05/07(Mon)13:02:28 No.20109633

Continued from >>20109479

The final straw occurred when I went to her house. She lived in a kinda trashy part of town, which should have sent off warning signals, but I was stupid (still am, occasionally) and didn't notice. Upon entering her house with her, I found two things out of the ordinary. One, were two young children (probably 9 or 10, I never found out) running all over the place, jumping on the furniture and intentionally running into the walls repeatedly. The other thing was her mother (I assume, also never figured it out) sitting in an easy chair in the living room. She was ENORMOUS. The bottoms of her feet were rounded. When she spoke, I found that her voice was deeper than mine. I never saw her move from that chair. I assume she's still there today. We sat on the couch adjacent to her, her (the girlfriend) hugging all over me the entire time. We watched snippets of The Green Mile on DVD. I sat there, calm on the outside, but freaked out of my mind the entire time I was there, biding the minutes until it was time to go. Eventually, I up and said that I should probably go ahead and go, because I remembered I had something planned. I asked to use the phone, and she said that her mother wouldn't let her use it (although it was apparently in perfect working condition). So, we went outside and had to walk several blocks down the street to this guy she knew's house, and we stood on the porch while I called my parents on his cell phone. Afterwards, we went back to the house, I was picked up, and we got the hell out of there.

02/05/07(Mon)13:03:58 No.20109691

>>20109415 Another one, but not about th Crazy Lady.

I was ont the trolley one time, and I was pretty tired. This guy comes up to me and asks, "Are you ok?"

I told him I was fine, just kinda tired, and he goes into this whole Christ/God monologue. I just kind of said "Hm." and "That's nice" every once in a while, trying to get him to shut up. He ended up telling me that God talked to him, and had told him that it was his personal mission in life to marry Madonna and convert her to christianity. I got off the bus at the next stop.

02/05/07(Mon)13:05:53 No.20109755

Continued from >>20109633

I never really told her that I was breaking up with her, either (because I was super socially paranoid [I still am, in fact, but not quite as severely, and I hide it well]). I later found out that she had "dated" just about everything else in the school that had a PENIS and moderate functionality of the brain in this fashion. I got to know and hung out with a good few other people that had went through dating her, and we all would immediately run for our lives as soon as she came near. She was fully aware of this, and I think she thought it was funny. After Sophomore year I only saw her once, when she showed up at my house because some other kid I knew that had been with her (but not a part of the kids I hung out with) told her where I live, since he lives a few blocks down. Upon opening the door, I noticed it was her, quickly slammed the door, and tore off and hid in the closet until my parents dispatched her. After that, I haven't seen her, and I'm assuming she either moved away or died. I honestly don't care which at this point.

That was my first girlfriend. I haven't had another since. I wasn't too interest before all this, and now I'm not really any more or less, but I'll damn sure be more careful.

02/05/07(Mon)13:06:47 No.20109787

I am proud to say I witnessed this epic thread.

That being said, I once popped 24 Drahmamine. they are motion sickness pills. If you eat 20 you hallucinate. I was fucking out of my mind. I get a hold of a Vampire: The Masquerade Character Sheet and go nuts on it. I had "linguistics: Steve Austin" and a Gun named "Snooze Today!"... I walked into a wall, thinking it was a door, And a sat in the bathroom for 3 hours talking to my friend who was not there. He didn't cast a reflection in the mirror so i thought he was a vampire. Then Kano whipped Sonya blades ass for not having dinner on the table at 6'o clock. Anyways, I wrote a long ass note to myself so i wouldn't forget the Broken Tounge. It was an empassioned rant about how frustratng it is to convey thoughts to sane ppl in english, b/c they would never understand what I mean. Others on the drug recgonized what I meant and talked to me about it. We could communicate via crazy. Like it was a language. Hence... The Broken Tounge. This is my only expierience with madness, though I hope to investigate further...

02/05/07(Mon)13:07:49 No.20109819

Okay, like, I used to donate time to this home for people that can't take care of themselves or had lost their minds. I spent like 15 minutes talking to this old guy who believed EVERYTHING you told him. Like, I said I was part of the military in the war with switzerland, stationed on the battleship SS Minnow. He asked me what position I was, and I said that I replaced the tires whenever they got a flat. He believed me! It was awesome.

02/05/07(Mon)13:20:36 No.20110197

>>20090477 i had really bad social anxiety when i was about 13. i would wake up really sleep deprived and i'd feel nausous. then, i'd start to panic, thinking i was going to be sick. it would get so bad i would start twitching and crying. then, i started missing so much school i got afraid that i would fail. it was scary.

the only reason i started going back is because my mother forced me, and i'm glad she did.

02/05/07(Mon)13:30:14 No.20110515

There was this guy when I was a kid, around 12 that would scream obscenities, and every time someone would scream at him from a car and he would run after the car. Then the cops killed him because he was bad for the tourism. meh

02/05/07(Mon)13:31:04 No.20110538

>>20110197 I have social anxiety, and I started to skip classes and stuff, and my dad beat me to get me to go to school. Backfired. Can't send a broken nosed, bloody faced kid to school, and i dropped out for a whole year. But i went back eventually. :)

02/05/07(Mon)13:34:45 No.20110658

Today, we sit in a circle and everyone tells what they liked most about the said field trip. Now, this is my barely functioning group, kids with IQ's of 18 month old babies. Most of the kids only use one word for their answer (rocks, mud, stick, etc.) usually they will just say another students name and that's it. Today's answers were a bit different.

Me: "Emmy, what was the part of the outing you liked the best?" Emmy: "Boots, mine" (She sticks her leg in the air to showcase her big ass yellow moon boots with fur on top). Me: "I need everyone's eyes up here looking at me. Thank you. Now, Emmy really liked being able to wear her boots on our field trip. Jamel, what was the part of the outing that you liked best?" Jamel: "Eat birds."

Only two of the other kids understand this. One starts to cry and the other gets up, runs to the sink, turns on the water, and sticks his head under the faucet.

And it's only 12:30 p.m.

02/05/07(Mon)13:39:16 No.20110793

>>20073116 It's the savant thing. They don't exactly have higher Iq's, it's that they literally think differnt. Put it this way. A calculator isn't smarter then you, right? But in it's binary code, it's much quicker with math. Some of those autistic math guys think like that. For them, a complex equation is as hard (literally, same difficulty level for them) as 1+1.

Anyway, I work in group homes for teh state, so I got tons of stories, but my favorite was actually a visit I had to another house to meet some guy who was going to move into the house I was working at. Anyhow though, this other guyw ho was going to stay there was a paranoid schitzo, but nobody told me. So we have a pretty normal conversation for about 5 minutes, then suddenly he turns (i realize now he was waiting till others were out of earshot) and:

Crazy: Get me out of here. They are going to kill me. Me: Yeahbuhwhat? Crazy: They poision my food and my soda. It looks like the can isn't opened (He'd only drink from unopened stuff), but they get the poision in.

Anyway, we ate dinner at that house, and he definitly didn't want his because he knew they'd done something to it.

I promised to get him better food. I took his plate into the kitchen, stirred it up with a spoon, and brought it back. he ate it like he was starving (might well have been).

At least once a week where I work now somebody wigs out. Yesterday a lady punched plexiglass till her knuckles bled because somebody else was drinking out of what she'd decided was "her cup".

02/05/07(Mon)13:56:05 No.20111467

First post in /b/ (my life will slowly go downhill from here on out)- So this girl, Kelsey, I knew since 4th was always weird, just making shit up and stealing from her teachers and other students (she took a lizard from her 3rd grade teacher, and jerseys and shoes and shit). Every year in school we had to write a small book (Young Authors?), well she stole a book from one girl, crossed out the name and wrote her own name on the book. She also stole glasses from the same person ... Well once we got into 7/8th grade, she really started to lose it. She was most likely anorexic (denies it, but we all fucking knew) and would have scratches up and down her arms. Well one day, she comes to school, and there are HUGE scratches all across her fucking face. In the same pattern as if she had clawed her own fucking face. I mean, these were long ass scratches going from left to right, top to bottom. They were shallow, but numerous. She claims to have broken a mirror and done it all in her sleep. We stopped hanging out in high school though, and I heard she was even expelled in her last year (I don't know for sure though, I had already graduated). Anyway, that's my crazy friend, Kelsey.

02/05/07(Mon)14:10:04 No.20112064

When I was like, 3-7, this woman lived accross the street. all of her clothes were brown, and she had no electricity, just candels and shit. All us kids thought she was a witch, because SHE thought she was a witch. We always thought she was old because she NEVER showed her face, she'd always cover it with her arm. Eventually we did see her face, and looking back, she was actually pretty hot. Batshit insane, tho.

02/05/07(Mon)14:13:38 No.20112222

About a year ago I was standing in line at a grocery store, and there was an older woman in front of me with a cart with only one item in it. I notice shes wearing slippers, a dirty torn up bathrobe, and the frizziest, thinnest hair you can imagine. She turns around and says to me, "Wonderbread and Spam, half price. NOW THAT'S A DEAL." She was pointing at a can of Spam, but there was no Wonderbread. Big deal I tell myself, she's got a case of dementia. But then its her turn to pay for her items. She starts paying for the bread in nickels. After 10 minutes of sorting out these coins, it turns out that she doesn't have enough to pay for them. When told she needs more money, I shit you not, she takes off her slippers and tries to barter with the cashier.

02/05/07(Mon)14:21:56 No.20112524

k new one here guys, I'll steal the layout of the other posts:

Jamie: Jamie thinks he is other people, espiecially Rocky Balboa and that fag from DBZ. He's pretty creepy.

SHSSSSSSSSS guy: Don't know his name. Hangs out at the supermarket restaurant, always at the back, rocking backwards and forwards going "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, SHHHHHHHHHHH" REALLY loudly. Annoying.

JOHN THE BOMB: MY FAVOURITE. Oh man this guy could be a meme, really.

Once he was dragged into the back of a van and raped. No joke, and he didn't even care. He also follows girls around in town and talks to them and says some pretty messed up stuff. He talks to anyone he meets and only hears what he wants to hear.

02/05/07(Mon)14:22:53 No.20112560

there was a girl that went to my high school named Anne. she dressed in a leather jacket and cut her hair short. she was fat and had teeth that were spaced really far apart. she seemed ok, at first. now that i'm thinking of it, i met her my first day of high school.

anyway, she claimed to be a giantic Dyke, and would talk about how much she hated men and found them disgusting, that the only man she liked was her father because he would let her do whatever the fuck she wanted. she would drive to massachusetts and down to Pennsylvannia in her car and spent horrible ammounts of her father's money on gas. she would allways tell you how much she loved Massachusetts and she goes to this store called Wa Wa that was so much bettter then anything up north. she would also say random shit out of nowhere, like, I'M FAT, NOBODY LIKES ME DO I LOOK FAT? . she told me once how sexy she found enlarged clits, and that was the end of any sort of friendship.

about a year ago, she started dressing like a fucking amish girl and spouting shit about how girls should obey men's will. she also grew out her hair and dyed it blond.

02/05/07(Mon)14:24:55 No.20112642

Well, this kid really wasn't crazy, but she was fucking stupid as hell. Lemme explain the situation:

Basically I had gotten stuck in "Animal Science" due to a fuck-up in my high school schedule all those years ago. Basically, the class was an agricultural class on livestock. Though there were actually 3 kids who were cool and gave a shit about not failing the class, the rest were retarded as fuck. Especially this girl named Ruby.

Ruby was the daughter of a rich rancher. Blonde, preppy, god knows what she was doing in a farming class. Then again, god knows what I, a city-slicker spic, was doing in the class as well. So one day, the teacher is talking about cuts of meat on a cattle, and the value of each cut of meat.

"All right, can any of you tell me which cut is the most expensive? How about the New York Strip? The Rump Roast? The Filet Mignon? The T-Bone steak?" As soon as my professor says t-bone steak, Ruby stands from her chair, absolutely apalled.

"Mr. (something I forget), does a t-bone steak REALLY have a bone in it?" She looked disgusted at this notion. Some classmates began to snicker, and honestly, I had to hold back a blatant smirk. The teacher chuckled and responded that, yes, Ruby, it does. One guy in the back began to laugh out loud and others followed, and then it got worse.

Ruby promptly turned around, and huffed in her snooty attitude, and stomped her foot, declaring the following:

"HMPH! WHO WANTS TEA ON THEIR STEAK ANYWAYS?"

Here we proceeded to bawl with laughter. :C

02/05/07(Mon)14:25:28 No.20112664

i knew a kid who at age like...8 was so fucking batshit insane he needed 3 full grown women (no men teachers in retard class lol)to hold him down during a bitchfit. hed fuckin nock dividers over and break shit and hed throw tantrums in the other room you heard so fucking well it was kinda scary.

his episodes lasted sometimes half the day, it was awsome.

02/05/07(Mon)14:29:44 No.20112859

Back in Junior High I was in Junior Honor Society. We had to do the decorations inside a display case about three times a year. The door to the display case was inside of the tard room.

One day I was in the display case and I needed to find scissors, I turn around to ask if anyone has them, and there's Dustin, tard extraordinairre, grinning and trying to jab the missing scissors into my right eye. I ran, but he just kept following me. One of the handlers eventually grabbed him and took the scissors, then blamed me for him getting them.

Dustin also escaped from his handlers several times a week and would run into classrooms, throw a ball, scream, and then run back out.

One time I left a class and came within a foot of stepping on two tards moaning and trying to fuck in the middle of the hallway. It took the handlers a good five or ten minutes to realize they'd gone missing and were at the center of the large, cheering group of kids.

There was also a tard named Nina and people called her Nina VAGINA. She went into labor during graduation ceremony practice.

02/05/07(Mon)14:42:20 No.20113388

not really a crazy story, but a really stupid story...

last sememester in my art History class, we were talking about Roman archecture. my teacher, said, very clearly, this image is a detail from an arch that was built by the emporer titus to celebrate the sacking of Jerusalem. they are carrying the spoils from the jewish temple into Rome.

a girl in my class raises her hand and asks, ARE THEY CELEBRATING HANNUKAH???!!!!11one1??

i seriously just slammed my head on my desk hoping that she would die a horrible death.

02/05/07(Mon)14:48:00 No.20113650

>>20113546 One kid in my old History I class asked if Jesus rode dinosaurs. Now THAT'S funny.

02/05/07(Mon)14:50:38 No.20113755

I met a kid skating down a dog walking trail he was tripping all over so I ask him what he has been enjoying and he explains that he was going to go school close shopping with his mom so he decided to get high.

Some indian guy came up to my brother, pulled out a bag of peyote and asked him to come on a journey with him

02/05/07(Mon)14:56:04 No.20113993

Wait a minute... I'm on BT. Since when could I post in /b/?

Eh.

So, the only true retard that I can remember was back in primary school. This kid was the local minister's son, and an absolute basket case.

Most worryingly, he always had a huge hard-on when we were bgeting changed for PE and whatnot. Distressing, especially at an age as tender as mine.

His name was Luca. He lived on the second flo-or.

02/05/07(Mon)14:58:58 No.20114098

Back when I was in the 7th grade, that this 40 year old guy named Chris that would jog by our school every single lunch time when everyone was out side, he looked like a faget and talked a lot about star wars when ever somebody talked to him. One day he was talking to the principal about star wars and how he got so pissed off whenever he'd play an online star wars related game that he'd get kicked from the server, and star wars was mostly all that he talked about. Chris stalked my friends mother all the way to some store and when she turned around and asked him why he was following her, he told my friend's mother that she looked like yoda from star wars and he found it intriguing.

02/05/07(Mon)14:59:11 No.20114107

i used to know this mentally retarded kid that lived down the street from me. anyway, kid was obsessed with trains. my parents knew his parents so we'd go to their house sometimes for dinner/parties and whatnot (real rich part of town, so little suare's were normal =/). his room was chalked full of train paraphernalia; model trains, spikes, track sections, conductor hats. one day, i stayed home sick from school and a train came by my house. it woke me up at about 10am and i looked outside to check the thing out, and there was that retard, fucking masturbating to the passing train. i went out to tell my mom all about it and she told me that that's what dude does! i never went to their house again.

02/05/07(Mon)15:01:27 No.20114189

There used to be this kid (well like 18) around where my friend lived and every time it rained he go outside and watch the gutters fill up, the drains over run with water etc. It was really odd when we were heading back to my friends trying to get out the rain he'd just be standing in the street transfixed by water.

We called him PuddleBoy never knew his real name.

02/05/07(Mon)15:06:19 No.20114367

So yeah, I saw a tard having a fit one day at school. A teacher came over to comfort him, so he starts choking her. Not a hands at throat choke, a sleeper hold wwf/wwe choke. it takes three teachers to pry this tard off of her (do to how friggin' strong tards are). When she gets free and gets a breath, she yells," look at what that tard did to me!", then starts crying. She was fired. Very odd day at luch.

02/05/07(Mon)15:07:36 No.20114409

Well, there was this one fellow, Garrison. He took a shit on a photographer when they were taking a picture of his asshole.

And then there was this dad of a kid i knew who fucked a cat and went to prison for it.

Also there was this kid Jordan. Put a 12 guage shotgun to my head, lucky me there wasnt anything in it when he pulled the trigger. Jordan was an odd one. sometimes he'd come to where we were, scream, run off, and then jump on his pop-up trailer until he fell off and was bleeding. he did that a lot. i remember one time we were playing basketball on the court next to his house, so he decides to piss out of his 2nd floor bedroom window onto the court. his older brother ran upstairs and threw him out of the 2nd floor window onto the basketball court. also, he liked to dodge cars oin mainstreet (he did it with another kid and the other kid had his leg broken 3 places when he finally got hit)

Then who could forget Kain. He liked to light his shoes on fire and pretend he was The Flash. that kid had a screw loose.

Last, we have Dale. Dale had catatonic schizophrenia. he would just lay there... for hours... and when you came near he'd bark like a dog and throw Cheez-its at you. Dale is dead now. He ran into traffic after he thought he saw something, probably that goddamn leopard-chariot he was always on about.

theres more but i cant remember them.

02/05/07(Mon)15:14:29 No.20114628

There was this guy that I used to know in my class in grade 5 or 6, and he would always tell strange stories about things he's done before which we so strange that you could tell that they were obviously fake stories. I only remember about three of them that he said that went on to something like this: "One time i left a sandwich on the road and this squirrel came by and started nibbling on it about 2 minutes later and then a car came and hit the squirrel. And the next day there was about four dead squirrels on the road by the sandwich." "Last year I put a glue stick on the road and a car hit it and swerved and hit a tree." "One time there was this steep hill and a old junk-ish looking car that nobody owned was sitting at the top of the hill. So I opened the door of the car and kicked the car, and it fell down the hill with ease. the car door snapped off of it and I grabbed it and ran away. I keep it in my bedroom and hide my weed in it now." Me and my friends would usually just laugh and not believe him but then his face would get bright red and yell some jibberish at us and run away most of the time. About 3 months later I had to go to his house for some project and in his room he had a car door leaning against the wall beside a bookshelf with a hole in it big enough to reach your hand in.

02/05/07(Mon)15:31:00 No.20115186

I had a decent retard story but I can't remember much of it, so I instead give a story about a retard rangler.

This woman started working at the high school I attended during my senior year and she was pretty hot. I was tempted to try and get in special ed just to be around her more often. I had a friend that was in it from getting into a large number of fights during Jr high and he told me she was pretty sharp and good at comebacks which interested me. So onetime I had to go he;lp with something in the office and she was there waiting for me and we talked and she was pretty damn witty and a bit flirty. Sadly I didn't get many chances to talk to her after that. But fastforward about a month to a pep-rally. I was sitting at the very top row of the bottom level (floor/balcony type of thing in the gym) but the balcony edge is only about 4 feet above the seats I was in. I noticed she had duty around there minding her retards. After about 10 minutes she noticed me and walked over and smiled. Then she leans up against the railing directly above me looking down at me, I guess to make sure I was the only person looking and when I looked up I could see straight up her skirt, and she had no panties on. It was a sight I wish I could have followed up but the opportunity never came to speak to her about any of that.

I wish I could have gotten into special ed, damnit.

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