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Blindmute Loli

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Warning!
This article and its respective subpages may leave you wanting to adopt a blindmute loli. Note that you may not be suitable to do so and that you should leave blindmute loli adoption to the professionals.
This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT JAKE ACTUALLY MANAGES TO ADOPT ERIKA AND RESISTS THE URGE TO RAPE HER!!!1
Image attached to the original thread.

Blindmute Loli is a story about a guy who runs into a blind, mute runaway orphan and the hardships he goes through in his life. The authenticity of this story is impossible to know, but read it yourself and you'll see why it has a devoted following.

Summary

WRITE YOUR OWN SUMMARY DAMNIT!

Artist's rendition of Erika

Characters

Main Cast Secondary Cast The Wall Familiy Melinda's Family Jake's Familiy Erika's Familiy LOLWUT Cast
[-WTF? WHO ELSE MATTERS??] [WHO?+] [WHITE PEOPLE!+] [REDNECKS I RECKON!+] [LOL BANNED+] [LOL DEAD+] [WTF??? YOU HIGH?+]

Secondary Cast

  • Megan - Her slutty behavior posed Jake with his ultimate dilemma: Jailbait Secks or Loli Adoption? That is the question!
  • Landlord - Husband of Cheryl. Responsible for 9/11. Also the first funeral Erika attended was his (I GUESS HAVING YOUR MUM DIE GRUESOME DEATH DOESN'T COUNT, AMIRITE?!). And yes dumbass, he's dead. A cookie for you.
  • Boss - Known only for dealing fairly with Jake and Megan's relationship SECKS PARTEE!
  • Cheryl - Mary Sue of this whole story. She had style, looks, a jewish husband (on whose grave she got to dance) and cancer. What more could someone ask from life?
  • Gloria - A "Do not feed patients!" sign around her neck would be appropriate.
  • Ryan - A challenger appears! When Jake, due to his tardy ways almost lost Erika's custody, Rya was here to take his place. And instead of loli huggings and alike he presented Erika with regular beatings. Also has a girlfriend who also occasionally falls over. Bitchez... what can you do?
  • Mark - Sharon's MAN! Likes to make fun of blindmute lolis and blindmute loli guys. Also has a crazy ass mom.

The Wall Family

  • James Wall - Also known as Jimaroonie and later on as The Procrastinator. Made beibiez with Sharon (oh noes!)
  • Cynthia - Business oriented wymyn. And, of course, as such she is strong, independent and being cheated on.
  • Eric - Where do we begin? A pedophile, a feet fetishist (hence the link next to his name, dummy), a white privileged middle class teenager and worst of all: A FUCKING EMO!
  • Melanie - Aged 12 and horny for some protagonist meat.
  • Amelia - Just your generic loli. You'll see a lot of those here. Not to be confuzeled with Jake's sister.

Melinda's Family

   
“ 		 
Now in Ohio you can run into some pretty southerny people, but these were authentic church every Sunday the Civil War isn't over southerners.
  		„
  		 

—Any more "southerny" and they'd be eating penguins.

Jake's Family

  • Jake's Parents - Despite having an ED, they managed to bring three children into this world, with a 1/2 ratio of being successful/reatard (close, but no cigar). Also their view on solving problems with their children is kicking them out of the house.
  • Amelia - Like Opera users she is a scoffing, condescending wymyn with an Internet Degree. "The success of the family" (sorry, blindmute loli raep not included =3). Not to be confused with... who was it again?
  • Emily - Because of her, Jake will never become a president. =(

Erika's Family

   
“ 		 
Do you think daddy is a bad person? You know it wouldn't have happened if mommy didn't make daddy mad.
  		„
  		 

—The Benevolent Patriarch

  • Erika's Mom - She made daddy mad. Nuff said.
  • Erika's Dad - Kinda like Chris Brown, except he is into IRL perma-banning and, surprisingly, not a black person. Probably azn though, so there you go. Oh, those silly gooks!
  • Erika's Sister - She was mentioned only once. She was even lolier than Erika before her untimely death, allegedly in an accident.

LOLWUT Cast

  • Kaji - A morbidly obese dog named after an Evangelion character. Also like taking "green sickly looking shit". We shit you not.
  • Senor - When buying a dildo for your girlfriend, what do you do? That's right, you're a smart nigger and you buy a fleshlight. That's called thinking ahead, kidz!
  • The Lamp - The promoter of drama, the bringer of lulz, this single object helped our uncanny protagonist screw his life in the most various of ways.
  • Mark's Mother - A lulzy drama-generating old person.
  • Bill Cosby Double - A black dude who was later revealed to have almost been the one to help Erika. He is a black person. Being paired up with objects, the barely living and animals doesn't really help either. Also NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER

Story

The story is divided into chapters by months, so that your ghetto modem could handle this and that you wouldn't suffocate from all the win at once (and what a great loss to this site it would be) and also because this shit was lazily ripped from Shii's site word by word.

See Also

One possible outcome of the story

External Links


Blindmute Loli is part of a series on Wikichan
A Collection Of Incest Confessions • Blindmute Loli • Candlejack • Cheerios • Fukia Siking • ITT, we discuss the crazies we have met in our lifetime. • Insult my Wii • Jen • Navy boats • Nurse-kun • Pizza Delivery Guy • Roommate from Hell • Sadako • Shii • Showing /b/ to my sister • Skittles • The Weirding Way • The Well-Cultured Anonymous • Tito • WOMAN SUPER PUNCH OUT • Weirdest Bitch Ever

Blindmute Loli is part of a series on

Memes

Visit the Memes Portal for complete coverage.

Blindmute Loli is part of a series on

Chans

Visit the Chans Portal for complete coverage.

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