WOLFABOO: The Movie

HOLY SHIT ALMOST NOBODY EVEN CARES ABOUT THIS FurFag OF A FLIM NOW. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Wolfaboo: The Movie (less commonly known as Alpha and Omega, Balto Reloaded, Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron II: The Electric Boogaloo, The Fox and the Hound 3: The Next Generation, and The Lion King IV: The Wolf Couple) is a little-known and under-appreciated movie written ~~for~~ by pre-teen wolfaboos who found Jacob from the Twilight saga sexy but not quite hairy enough.

The primary fans however were the furry community, who collectively shit their diapers when they heard that a movie about anthropomorphic wolves was sweeping across movie theaters. As per expected, furfags raved over the movie regardless of its horrifically poor quality, most likely because they were too busy masturbating to the characters to notice that the movie is really just a waste of precious IRL money.

It is also worth noting that this furry shit was veteran actor Dennis Hopper's last movie. Feels bad man.

The movie

After Snakes on a Plane proved Internet people are the best at judging movies of great quality, the creators of Alpha and Omega decided to follow suit and give the fans what they wanted, cleverly holding Indians hostage at gunpoint in order to mimic their style and great knowledge. In the true style of all DeviantArt furries all the wolves are shown in amazing techicolor and with anime hairstyles.

Plot

The plot (or lack thereof) to Alpha and Omega is unoriginality at its finest. The writers seem to have stolen the concept of children's movie Homeward Bound and added a love story so that furries and wolfaboos could insert their own fursonas in place of one of the leads. The plot is so shamelessly generic and hastily thrown together that it is blatantly obvious that the movie is nothing but a fetish flick for wolf lovers.

The two main characters are Kate, the adventurous and beautiful Simpsons-yellow leader of the pack; and Humphrey, the wise-cracking Avatar-blue underdog. Sadly, just like Romeo and Juliet, their love cannot be as she is an Alpha and he is an Omega (a terminology which, oddly enough, has been discarded by wolf biologists). The pair however are cruelly whisked away by a pair of evil hunters and dumped in a hellish new land so that they can repopulate. Sadly to the disappointment of the fans, instead of indulging in some furry sex, they try to find their way back home. Along the way they encounter a grumpy talking goose (just like the one in Balto), a caribou stampede (just like the one in The Lion King), and single-handedly beat the living shit out of three grizzly bears (just like real wolves) as they return home to defend their territory from evil invading wolves (just like "Black Blood Alliance" by Kay Fedewa).

Trailer

Reviews

IRL Critics

	“	Alpha and Omega is one of those rarities in the modern era of Hollywood animation: bad. Weak screenplays are a rarity in animated film, which typically allows for years of rewrites while cartoonists flesh out the story. But here's a typical joke between characters in Omega: "Why do they call this Rabbit Poo Mountain?" "Because this is where rabbits poo."	„
	—USA Today

	“	This is a shameless mélange of plot elements from already generic Disney knockoffs. There's an "omega" male wolf (Justin Long) and his "alpha" female love (Hayden Panettiere); stupid "tribe laws" prevent them from mating. The outsider wolf will, naturally, win over his haughty love, and anthropomorphized animals will learn not to blindly revere social hierarchies (while still respecting their parents).	„
	—LA Weekly

	“	It's Lady and the Tramp reset and retrofitted into the vast wilderness of Canada. It's Romeo and Juliet with wolves instead of warring Italian families. It's The Odd Couple with carnivores instead of angst ridden New Yorkers, and it's every other lame excuse for CGI -- Space Chimps, Fly Me to the Moon, Astro Boy -- that's come out in the last few years. We get smatterings of The Incredible Journey, aspects of The Lion King, and more atonal howling than at a Lady Gaga concert (because, you see, off-key baying is how wolves say "I Love You", or something like that).	„
	—Filmcritic

	“	In the animated kiddie movie Alpha and Omega, sometimes the wolves look like wolves and sometimes they look and move like humans; some bear an uncanny resemblance to Dora the Explorer.	„
	—LA Times

	“	Alpha and Omega, an unambitious 3-D animation about a couple of young wolves in love, isn't so much howlingly bad as it is howlingly boring. It's "The Call of the Mild" -- no bark, no bite. It's the most tepid of adventures. You could argue that it's fine for wee ones. But it's also borderline inappropriate for the same age group on account of the mating subject matter, and a couple of brief scenes of stampeding caribou and snarling wolves. As for the character animation, the wolves are all pretty unexpressive, despite some strenuous vocal exertions, especially on the part of Long. Facially, they resemble stuffed animals in a zoo gift shop: cute and cuddly, but generic. And the female wolves, weirdly enough, all have human hairdos. Winston's mate (Vicki Lewis), for instance, looks a little like Hillary Clinton.	„
	—Washington Post

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Reception

Fantards

Predictably wolfaboos collectively squealed in delight discovering a movie that captured wolves in all their glory, rather than persecuting them like Little Red Reding Hood and The Chronicles of Narnia. But ultimately their true love for the movie is not simple the bastardization of wolves and anime, but the slightly creepy premise that the wolves' only purpose was to repopulate. Fortunately their dream came true with the arrival of Alpha and Omega.

Proof that a loyal fan is hard at work

Trolltards

Equally predictable was the collective facepalming and hate from wolfaboo trolls, who up until now had only Balto to deal with. Alas their nightmare came true with the arrival of Alpha and Omega.

Some argue that wolfaboo trolls (particularly tartlets) are only ripping this movie because it's about wolves and wolves suck because wolfaboos love them. However don't forget that this isn't just any wolf movie - it's a movie with LSD-colored, stick figure, anime-hair wolves fucking.

Up next: SPARKLEDOGS Take Manhattan

External links

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WOLFABOO: The Movie

Contents

The movie