Sythe

Sythe.org, a recently self-proclaimed "craigslist of virtual goods", was founded by Sythe (Richard Holland) back in the early 2000s with no funding nor coherent purpose whatsoever. Richard was a loner, one whom often found himself deep in a lonely corner with the dim light of a computer screen reflecting off his face. Richard came up with the idea of Sythe.org while reading his 40th non-fiction book on economics. Being a big fan of socialism, he thought it would be great to have a community whose collaboration would fill his pockets with well-deserved money. Richard had much experience on Runescape, so he decided to center his activities around making cheats for the game. He made a shitty auto-mining program and sold it for $5.00, successfully hitting off his scamming project. After about two more failed attempting at programming, Richard gave up and turned his focus to black market trading for Runescape.

The Photographic Incidents of 2006 and 2010

Richard was quickly on his way to internet fame, all seemed well for the Australian native. As Richard was browsing his newly developed forum he came across a thread that would forever change his life, somehow, somewhere, a normal bystander achieved a photograph of Richard. The photograph depicted a ghastly figure, one no human should ever bear witness too. The photograph was pulled immediately but by then it was to late. From that point on the photo was used to mock the owner, spoofs and scandals occurred left and right and before the day ended the poor and lonely owner was ridiculed into oblivion. The once powerful internet sensation was now nothing more than a laughing stock, his picture stalked him everywhere he turn. Richard took his law abiding power to the forum and began fighting off the "e-thugs" left and right, though this seemed contradictory to the whole sites purpose. From that day Richard sought a new purpose, a rising prospect, Runescape.

Richard posted another photograph in the summer of 2010. The effects of torment over the previous picture were obvious. His skin was pale after not seeing sunlight in 3 years. His hair was dirty and nasty due to his geneology. Oh, yes, Richard tried to wash his hair, but several generations of inbreeding has made it impossible. The most evident change is that of his chin. Richard's chin somehow managed to grow to stick out further than his forhead, while at the same time taking the shape of a butt.

	“	I mean, damn. He was ugly before, but now he's just fucking disgusting. Crikey.	„
	—Sythe's Mother

Attacks on Sythe's Life

During the months of August and September of 2010, a secret organization, known only as "Ghosts", began planning personal attacks on Sythe.org and Sythe himself. Ghosts brought down Sythe.org for a period of 20 days in 2007 using their time traveling device. Sythe's family members were pushed into oncoming traffic, you cunt. This explains why Sythe seems like such a lonely bastard. Because he is. Sythe was warned by his spy, living undercover in the Ghosts organization. Almost immediately, Sythe began throwing a shitfuckingstorm, banning anyone from his website without cause. In the end they all suffered the same fate; death by banishment and even deletion. Some of these ghosts were once Richards best men, but Finn, another administrator, advised against his feelings and before long the death toll was rising.

The Sythe Rage Thread

Sythe usually did absolutely nothing to manage his site except sit back, take donations, and assign loads of 12-year-olds to moderate and scam each other. People usually kissed his ass when he would post, which pleased him much. Then one day, some criminals from Ghosts started to troll Richard on his forum. He got mad and made a thread on his spam board entitled "Perm Ban" encouraging to "post if you're stupid." Following this instruction, many people started to post and were systematically and permanently banned (included half of his staff and loyal members of nearly 5 years). This lead to eCrying and a couple suicides. Richard was thereafter the prey of all trolls on his site.

This is Sythe on a good day.

Origin of the Name "Sythe"

It all started one day when Richard was in the bathroom doing his business. Upon completion, he noticed that his clock was askew on the wall. He stood on his toilet to fix the clock and, while adjusting the clock, slipped and hit his head on the sink. Aside from becoming hilariously disabled, he had a miraculous vision where he saw African American slaves harvesting fields with scythes. He figured that, since he was a nigger tool, this would be an accurate title for himself. Because of an honest mistake, Richard misspelled and registered the domain sythe.org and decided to just go with it. He didn't realize his server would need to be powered with 1.21 jiggawatts, so consequently his site suffered 60% downtime due to "DDoS attacks."

Sythe is a Supreme Creature

Sythe commits no errors. He is entitled to his opinions. And you are entitled to agree with him.

[Sythe] god deacon, you possess a rational faculty
[Sythe] attempt, for once, to apply it
[Sythe] before making rash broad brush generalizations

	“	Piercings are psychological; almost always a sign of significant child abuse	„
	—Sythe - he doesn't make "rash broad brush generalizations"

See Also

• Runescape
• Unwarranted Self Importance
• Loser

Sythe is part of a series on Gaming Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.