Hyakynthos

Hyakynthos in all his glory, complete with pedophile-special collection eyeglasses, trying to act like an ancient Greek with bullshit leaves in his hair. Note the "police line up" appearance.

Hyakynthos is a new-age pagan e-group and LiveJournal regular who is known for his bipolar disorder, pasty white ass and overall lack of style. Like most of the insane bitches on his short LiveJournal friends list, he plays "musical religions" at least once a month.

He claims to be a "Hellenic pagan", which is similar to a regular pagan, except with more old people. Hellenic pagans still worship Zeus and Aphrodite, and they dress up in bedsheets which do nothing to hide their fatness. Hyakynthos was naturally attracted to Hellenic paganism because it afforded him the chance to indulge in pedophilia, his favorite hobby, just as it was among the ancient Greeks.

Early history and rape victims

Hyakynthos before his last release from the prison where they send all dickhead child molestors.

Hyakynthos was a Jehovah's Witness but, by his own account, quickly discovered his natural stupidity and became Wiccan. He also became involved in Discordianism, but was cast out of those circles by the other boy-fucking Discordians, who probably felt threatened by Hyakynthos's propensity for frequent flashbacks to occasions when he was nearly caught with little boys in park restrooms and convenience store bathrooms.

Hyakynthos wears his "Indiana Jones" hat in an attempt to cover up his baldness and to make it less likely that police or parents will recognize him. The chances of him being recognized decreases everytime he develops more chins.

Profession

Hyakynthos is presently a NaNoWriMo writer, which means he writes bullshit online and makes no money doing it. He claims to have been a married man once, but this is so absurd as to be ignored. Since NaNoWriMo is another way of saying "I can't get a job," the truth is that Hyakynthos is unemployed.

Many suspect that the cause of his unemployment is due to the fact that no work-place will allow someone to write posts on LiveJournal, ass around on Yahoo! groups for 24 hours a day and develop man-tits while receiving a pay-check.

Hyakynthos and his driver's license

For years, Hyakynthos had to drive without a driver's license because his was suspended by a judge during his eleventh pre-trial hearing regarding the 8 year old boy he raped in the playground of a grade school in Sapulpa, Oklahoma. After sneaking around for many years without insurance or a license or tags, the Greek god Hermes "joined" Hyakynthos's pantheon and got him his driver's license. Now, Hyakynthos can again cruise around neighborhood swing-sets and parks looking for young children to rape.

Current activities

Hyakynthos spends his time online, being a lame dumbass in LiveJournal and on Yahoo!. There is nothing more for him to do than make senseless posts addled with bipolar ramblings and ravings, spreading lies and gossip around the internet, and going into chat rooms looking for more children to rape.

Featured article May 26, 2006
Preceded by Christian	Hyakynthos	Succeeded by Andrewpants