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Necrophilia

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Necrophilia is where a living person has a strong desire to crack open a cold one, it probably also qualifies as some variety of faggotry, though we're really not sure on this one. Necrophiliacs or "necrosexuals" are by tolerant groups seen as victims of the breathing majority's patriarchy, and often referred to as "people with non-animated partners". It is completely natural. In fact, my child is a necrosexual and I'm so proud that he's finally out. It is a tradition most proudly practiced by Japanese people.

Necrophilia brings a completely new meaning to the phrase "It's always good to crack open a cold one." However, some others, known as "somnophilics" will make do with an unconscious bitch. It is convenient, as it requires no money, you can still get put in jail depending on how you do it though.

NB, the correct term for someone with this natural sexual orientation is "Necrophiliac", rather than the popular but incorrect "Necrophile".

Who are they?

It is mostly common within Christian circles (especially Catholicism), and is frowned upon, even illegal in most places of the world except Utah and Japan. But hey, in some parts of the United States, it's only a misdemeanor. Enjoy!

Case study

Mr X was a British TV personality, disc jockey and hospital volunteer. In the course of his volunteer work over two decades, Mr X gained access to the hospital morgue, where he found ample time to indulge this aspect of his personality.

A former nurse told investigators: "He was saying that they used to put the bodies together, male and female, and he also said that they took photographs and also that he got involved in some of the photographs … I was a little bit upset because I had no concept, in those days, of necrophilia. Several of the Broadmoor patients would have been diagnosed with that, but I didn't fully understand what it meant, and partway through I just wandered off.

"(Mr X) talked about gamaroosh ... It means oral sex ... that he, he would go down on them and gamaroosh and muck about."

Another witness said: "I looked at his hands and he had these gross, big silver rings with bulbous things and I sort of went, 'Yes, mm,' always be polite to your superstar, 'Yes, (Mr X).' And he said: 'D'you know what they are? They are glass eyes from dead bodies in Leeds mortuary where I work and I love working there, and I wheel the dead bodies around at night and I love that.'"

Expert PROTIPS

With regard to Mr X's sexual history, Dr Jennifer Bolton wrote: "A degree of posing [of corpses] would be possible with some support of the body in the pre-rigor mortis phase and by the simple laying of one body on top of another once rigor mortis was fully established.

"It would be possible to manipulate the body to some extent alone by exploiting the effects of rigor mortis but it would be more easily attained if more than one individual was involved."

Gender differentials

Karen's "come to bed" eyes
The next generation

On December 21, 1979, a young woman was found in a comatose state in an abandoned hearse in Sierra County, CA. She had overdosed on Tylenol and left an extensive suicide note. However, she survived, demonstrating yet another thing that women can't do right, and the contents of her intended last testimony catapulted her to stardom when it was found that despite having written a confession that she had sexually interfered with the dead body whose hearse she had hijacked, and many others, she couldn't be prosecuted because California had no law against necrophilia.

Her name is Karen Greenlee AKA "The Unrepentant Necrophile", (born 1956) and she offers a glimpse into the lifestyles of the lesser-spotted female necrophiliac.

For obvious reasons, most necrophiliacs are men. It is estimated that female practitioners account for just one in ten cases. Ms Greenlee explains that she always knew she was attracted to death, arranging elaborate funerals for deceased housepets when she was a child. By adulthood, this had expanded to encompass her perception of the "odor of death" as an erotic stimulation, and she sought out employment in funeral homes and morgues where she found ample satisfaction. And she found that she was part of a shadowy underworld of corpse-fuckers that infests the funerary profession, living in constant arousal from their private proximity to the dead and in constant fear of being caught (which happens fairly often).

Ms Greenlee explained: "People have this misconception that there has to be penetration for sexual gratification, which is bull! The most sensitive part of a woman is the front area anyway and that is what needs to be stimulated. Besides, there are different aspects of sexual expression: touchy-feely, 69, even holding hands. That body is just lying there, but it has what it takes to make me happy. The cold, the aura of death, the smell of death, the funereal surroundings, it all contributes."

However, Ms Greenlee proved that she did have some standards, stating for the record that although she loved dead bodies, she drew a sensible line regarding her turn-on: "I enjoy embalming and everything. Except for obese people. The bodies I hated working on most were obese people. 'Specially if they'd been autopsied. Their guts would slide out on the floor and shit ... and all this melty fat. Yeeeech!"

Mating behavior in juveniles

Last Thursday three upstanding youths, who were unable to get any pu55y through traditional means, embarked on a magical adventure to their local cemetery.

Their distinguished leader had previously been skimming the local obituaries (which are sort of like the classifieds section, but better) and noticed a suitable mate. Being a Nice Guy, he offered to share her with his twin brother and BFF.

The trio, being responsible practitioners of safe sex, made sure to stop and procure some condoms. They made progress digging up the sexy corpse, but being ignorant white trash they were unaware of the modern custom of enclosing coffins in a concrete vault (which works as a chastity belt for the dead people).

Giving up like a bunch of pussies upon seeing the concrete, the three headed back home, but on the way there got pwnt by cops. Their addresses can be found here.

False reporting rate

Donate your sexual organs with peace of mind

Precise figures for incorrect charges of necrophilia are difficult to establish, owing to the various legal categories that such activities are classified under in different jurisdictions and the fact that the partner in such activity is unable to tell law enforcement officials whether or not they consented. For these reasons, a "Necrocard" has been produced, analogous to an organ donation card, for consenting adults to signify their willingness to enter into sexual relations after their death.

In one prominent case from 2012, an innocent 40-year-old Swedish woman named only as 'Helena' was wrongfully arrested, tried on trumped-up charges of 'disturbing the peace of the dead', and sentenced to 85 days in prison. She went on to mount a successful appeal against her conviction, claiming 1.5million Swedish Krona in damages and compensation, and was awarded the magnificent sum of $5,000 for having been the subject of worldwide disgust, odium, and contempt during a case that had attracted international attention.

Police had uncovered numerous human remains in her flat, and jumped to the totally unjustified conclusion that there was something unhealthy going on. In fact, 'Helena' stated under oath that she was just 'a bit of an odd bird' and was able to demonstrate that she had purchased her skeletons via the internet. So that's all right then.

Corpseypasta

[[brb, morgue][I Am a Necrophiliac (And So Can You!)]]


Gallery

Variations

The rare necrophiliacophile
  • Necrofag/necrodyke: Possessors of a double perversion.
  • Pyrophile: Enjoys watching partner burn to death. Christian pyrophiles wait until their wedding night, where they usually soak their partner in petrol and torch them, masturbating furiously until they climax before shooting themselves in the head.
  • Neo-necro: See W.
  • Abortophile: Becomes erect exclusively when watching female partner have a miscarriage. Only gets laid bi-annually. Popular among Something Awful's writers.
  • Necrofurry: Fucks dead deer.
  • Necropedophile: Faps to dead children.
  • Japanese

See Also

If you find this more tempting than a nightclub, you probably agree with the statement 'Romance is dead'

Known Necrophiliacs

Eternal Links

I WILL NOT KILL MY CLASSMATES...
I WILL NOT KILL MY CLASSMATES...
Necrophilia is part of a series on
GOTH
[Grow up and quit whiningEmbrace your inner darkness]
I WILL NOT KILL MY CLASSMATES...
I WILL NOT KILL MY CLASSMATES...
[Give $500 PlzOpen Up to Us]
Necrophilia is part of a series on Psychology
Mental illness & Disorders

AcrotomophiliaAddictionAgoraphobiaAlcoholismAlexis Pilkington SyndromeAlzheimer'sAnorexiaAntisocial personality disorderAnthropophobiaAnxietyADDADHDAsperger's SyndromeAutismBimboficationBipolarBorderline personality disorderBug ChasingBulimiaCognitive dissonanceDeep thinkerDepressionDick ImpalementDown's SyndromeDyslexiaEating disorderFactitious disorderFake SchizophreniaFauxlimiaFeminismGender dysphoriaGirl on the Internet SyndromeHeterophobiaHero ComplexHFAHistrionic Personality DisorderHutchence's SyndromeHyperbolimiaInadequacyInconsistent personality disorderInsanityLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLiberalismLow Self-esteem'Missing White Woman' SyndromeMultiple personality disorderNapoleon ComplexNarcissistic personality disorderNeurotypicalObsessive Compulsive DisorderParanoiaParanoid personality disorderPeter Pan SyndromePost-Traumatic Stress DisorderPsychopathyPyromaniaRetardationSchizophreniaSeasonal Affective DisorderSelf-diagnosisSelf InjurySexsomniaSickfuckerySociopathySocial anxiety disorderSpecial Snowflake SyndromeTerminological percipience disorderTrolling Induced Transsexuality SyndromeTulpaUnrealistic expectationsVictim complex

Fetishes:

AcrotomophiliaAquaphiliaArborphiliaAudiophiliaAutogynephiliaBalloon FetishBestialityCarmen Electra complexCross DressingDollfiliaEmetophiliaEmosexualityEproctophiliaFatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • FetishismFoot FetishFurniture PornFurrismGoo girlGuroHeterophiliaHomophiliaInflation FetishJapanophiliaJungle FeverLesbian pedophiliaLotion PlayMacrophiliaMaiesiophiliaMechanophiliaMpregNecrophiliaObjectophiliaOedipial ComplexParaphiliaPedophiliaPlushophiliaPregnant LoliPregnophiliaQuicksand FetishRangerphiliaSpectrophiliaStatuephiliaTrichophiliaVoraphiliaWet and Messy FetishismWetlookXenophiliaYellow feverZoophilia

E-Psychosis:

Chronic Troll SyndromeDeletionismE-goE-PsychiatristE-PsychiatryETDHivemindI-DosingI have a 140 IQIRC DiseaseImaginary girlfriendInternet Disease & Internet Disease ChartInternet poverty delusionsInternet RehabInternet troll personality disorderMega ultra super geniusNerdy Fandom Gateway TheorySex by associationLulz-BlindnessWikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases

Experiments:

ask.fmBrainwashingHypnosisMilgram ExperimentScientologyStanford Prison ExperimentThe Hivemind Corollary

Sites:

Above Top SecretB/Bodies Under SiegeCYOCChatrouletteDefense Industries OrganizationDeekerFoolQuest.comInkBunnyNeuticles.comPsyke.orgWarpMyMind.com

See also:

American Psychiatric AssociationAngerASMRChild abuseConscienceDreamsDSMElan SchoolEnlightenmentIntelligenceLobotomyMary BellPsychiatristySerial KillersTake the meat bridgeThe Law of ConformityTrigger Warning

Necrophilia is part of a series on

Sex

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