Internet Reviewing

Internet Reviewing is the new early 21st Century Western World way of panhandling through using one's internet connection, exploiting sensationalist reactions from fan bases, and saying things off of the top of one's head without even meaning it, all to earn that sweet dribbling dripping slop drop of ad revenue at the end of the day like a modern day Tantalus rat in modern day society's rat race.

For a more "sophisticated" and "concise" definition, it's essentially the act of putting up internet based multimedia and mediums meant to "entertain" while "providing critique" on already existing entertainment. Or in short, to leech off of others successful, let alone released works of entertainment, and to make money off of it rather than enlightening why something is good and/or bad as entertainment with a measure of skillful criterion.

For the final definition put in the words of ED, it's essentially a bunch of lazy genitalless fuckoffs who are too busy chucklefucking their way through life as a bunch of unfunny, snarky, unwarranted arrogant and sex deprived nerds who think that if they can weasel around copyright laws with the shield of Fair Use, shitty humor, unsympathetic behavior as a human being, and beguiling deceit like a pro bullshitter Hollywood lawyer, they can make shitty videos that rip off Rifftrax and MST3K like the conartists they are. Hey, don't blame us, blame Doug Walker and Noah Antwiler.

Knowing the Details of Internet Reviewers

Internet Reviewing will often stem from:

• Nobodies who gave up on a career in entertainment like a whiny bitch and pussed out because of the grind, becoming bitter cucks
• Arrogant spectators who "definitely know what is good and bad" and think that what they will say will be that important
• Diehardcore fans of MST3K who will "monkey see, monkey do"
  • All of them motivated by sweet, sweet $$$ and think that this will get them to rise big like Hollywood celebs

As said before, Internet Reviewing is only meant for those who live in places like Europe or the United States, where people can buy equipment to record video and upload onto the internets. If not, they will usually turn to places like LiveJournal, or will host their own website if they can't afford it/are too ugly as a human being to be seen on camera. This being said, do not be surprised if many an internet reviewer says something untrue, rife in ignorance, shows absolutely no knowledge of what is going on, and/or is rooted in myopia. This is due to how 99.9% of them are white/whitewashed pampered suburbia churned fatheads who know absolutely nothing about going outside of their societal bubble and will be all too happy to draw upon stereotypes and personal bias. Yes, Internet Reviewing has to also be one of the most whitest things you could do. This also includes resorting to racially and culturally offensive humor just to garner laughs from their mostly white audience. Do not be fooled by SJW and/or "equality" preaching Internet Reviewers either; they'll be happy to display the former with "impunity because I'm open minded" and/or displaying the "white man's superiority on all of entertainment media" through "educating" people on how fatheaded they are by displaying it live on camera.

Culturally and socially, Internet Reviewing is an pretty serious sign of issues in the world. Alongside promoting socially inept and uncomfortable displays of behavior, like screaming incesseantly and promoting IRL displays of mimicking an internet critic's "nerd humor" in unfunny and really backass antisocial ways, it's also a sign of how first world society has fucked itself over by breeding imaginationless, unproductive, unfeeling, spineless, craven, and yet arrogant, bitter, spiteful, and malicious dumbfucks whose only method of creativity is to make fun of other people's works pushed out in the modern day, but praise and jerk off to anything that is a "classic", much not unlike pretentious poser art gallery exhibition faggots that influence current day thoughts on societal artistic discourse and direction. We already have plenty of other people who do that, and they're usually employed by the local newspaper (and even then they get no recognition, thank fucking goodness).

Through ad-libbing words on that of the RedLetterMedia article:

	“	When future generations sift through the smoldering rubble of postmodern America, they would do well to locate a hard drive with <internet reviewer> content on it. They could study <internet reviewer> and, with that thin slice of information, fully understand what it is that killed western civilization. <internet reviewer> are bitter, cynical nihilists. They have devoted their lives, the prime years of productivity, to pithily lampooning cultural ephemera and implying "we could do better than these idiot <creators of entertainment>, but we're too cool to actually try." They are every strain of societal AIDS melded together into a super AIDS of cultural death... Well into middle age, they're still obsessively analyzing <entertainment media/genre/demographic>. They're childless, unmarried, stubbornly avoiding an actual profession, opting instead to beg for Patreon donations. They are subsisting on the patronage of even more embittered, more lonely, more cynical losers who need virtual friends to swim in their vast Petri dish of misery with them. Look in their fucking eyes, man. It's a joyless, pointless existence they're living. They are so afraid of sincerity or honest artistic effort that they'll leave behind hours of footage of them chuckling about <creator of stuff who is questionable/good/left mixed opinions/flat out bad but still has a career>. They are artistic cowards and abject failures in every respect. Each time you catch a glimpse of them, you're reminded that we peaked as a civilization a long time ago. We're done creating. We're done feeling real emotions. All we can do now is analyze, criticize, and ironically pick through the dessicated corpse of our once great nation. Encyclopedia Dramatica hopes on the day that footage is uncovered by future archaeologists, they resolve to never repeat the mistakes we made.	„

The overall most important thing is to never trust an internet critic when they say they are reviewing for your behalf. If they truly meant that, would that person have over 9000 ads on their videos just so that they can churn out a dollar so that they could lay on their ass all day without breaking a legitimate sweat and not put in legitimate work, even for making internet videos? Wouldn't that person instead be using their time doing something, like, i don't fuckin known making something that realizes something that would make things better instead of bitching about it like a fucking crazy fuck? Wouldn't that person not put up videos about how their provider and host site is fucking them over when they have persevered something that actually could be called entertainment instead of "hasty bullshit spewing rifftrax 30 minute reaction videos"? What's that? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Origins

Though much reviewing throughout the developed world was diverse throughout, we can't exactly pinpoint the true inspiration of "snark" reviewing. However, we can attribute such things as:

• Beavis and Butthead. The animated dumbfuck duo of the 1990's and MTV, who had awkward as fuck jumpcuts from them actually doing stuff (which was entertaining) to them sitting infront of a TV playing music videos while they just talked and watched the idiot box (which wasn't entertaining).
• Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel. The two who made the review critical back in the times of cable tv, when IRL was relevant to people, specifically the act of getting on your feet and going to the theater instead of Bittorenting the movie, and when the internets was only regulated as a government/hardcore nerd only hobby back in the 1990's.
• The magazine articles known as "Box Office Poison". What could essentially be the earliest display of trolling and Hollywood underworld tactics by telling people what movie actors should be fired.

But, we can also attribute one major factor. And that would have to be

What Internet Reviewers will attempt to review

Movies

Much in the vein of Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel, internet reviewers will attempt to make all stops to get to their level on "reviewing" movies. This usually turns out to be nitpicking on shit they have no taste about and whining about how the movie never catered to their tastes.

Video Games

The meat of this subject, for without James Rolfe, we would never have this page. Video games are usually reviewed by hardkore gamers themselves, and go a good way of showing why no one wants to be around the fanbase- Mainly because they are tryhard diehards that try too hard to want to "look cool" by resorting to being "in your face" and "renegade hot shit badasses" who don't even know the first step of being such things. Don't be surprised if someone goes for the angry gimmick here- Shit like that goes hand in hand like a serial killer with a kitchen knife. Expect all of the flatearthing deluded socially clueless fucktard bullshit you'd expect from an internet forum meant to keep in such septic tank water of society, such as:

• Displaying "cool" instances of being "meta" about "video game logic",
• Thinking that Japan is "out to get them" for whatever fucktarded bullshit small minded reason and spewing irrelevant shit about how "them nips have small dicks" to feel better about themselves,
• Being insufferably cynical and sardonic to where even goths and emos would tell them to lighten the fuck up,
• Jerking off to their preferred choice of video games while taking a literal shit on things that don't curry favor to them,
• Mimicking the Angry Video Game Nerd poorly,
• Displaying knee jerk impulses of resentment and disdain with no sense of moral acknowledgement or brains whatsoever,
• Extending that resentment to painting people and fans of other things with a broad brush of antisocial vehemence,

only in video "reviewing" form.

PROTIP: G4 was a laughably shitty landmark of video game fan culture, and anyone who followed it was at best a tool, and at best a used dildo for anal.

Anime & Manga

These get the shortest end of the stick, and for best reasons why. You'd think that you'd get Japanese animation and comics ruined by "omg zany kawaiii uguu uguu senpai" young weeaboos, but believe us that that is paradise when compared to what comes next. Anime and Manga get old, fat, disillusioned, dickless, sex deprived and talentless hambeast faggots who have the pleasure of being like the combination of boring racist grandpa AND creepy uncle- The former comes in how they will never stop bitching about how "anime and manga was better in our time", while the latter comes in how socially detached and fucking gross they are as people. Expect a lot of snarky fuckwit dumbfuckery combined with general ignorance, a lack of common sense about a form of media made in another country, loads of unwarranted self importance about how another nation needs to cater to their bloated uninspired lazy asses, and all tied up in a sheet of passive aggressive awkward cringey self hate as if to treat themselves like a living joke.

Reviewing shit that they have no knowledge about

When a reviewer gets to this point, believe us, this is when they're rolling downhill into a giant's fecal covered valley of an asscrack. This is such a lowlife move of such proportions even exploitation film makers will need to take a shower when this happens. When a reviewer comes along to review something they have never touched before, this is the point where they need to stir up sensational drama just to get their ad rev back in to the green, and it will show. Examples include making huge assumptions on the media they're reviewing, making poorly made and shoddily line crossing humor just to get the episode on its quota, crossovers with other reviewers to cushion the fucking suck sucking fuck, showing that they never spent a single ounce of time learning up on what they were supposed to review, and wasting every nanosecond of time of anyone's existence just so that they can get that dime at the end of the tunnel. Selma Bouvier once said "Anything this bad has to be educational." Well manlady, all rules are meant to be broken. This isn't jumping the shark. This is trying to jump over Scylla and Charybdis before realizing how shorthandly underprepared one is before landing into the space between them and getting tentacle watersport fucked to death. It's that bad.

List of Internet Reviewers

• That Guy With The Glasses
  • Doug Walker
  • Nostalgia Chick
  • The Spoony Experiment
  • Linkara
  • Angry Joe
  • Todd in the Shadows

• The Angry Video Game Nerd

• Screwattack

• RedLetterMedia

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