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| Fulp's Sexually-Motivated Diet | Fulp's Fetish-Inspired (and Illegal) Antics | The Sullen Apostles of Tom the Prophet |
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LERN MOAR |
BECOME EDUMACATED | GIT SKOOLED |
Alone, Fulp bears the responsibility for building this ever-deepening cesspool of unlulziness. His myriad hobbies include, interestingly, a new "diet" in which he ingests exclusively his own feces, often in the form of a Excrement Burrito; he deems this to be a healthy and ecologically friendly activity. Despite his claims that this activity is completed in the name of better health and sustainability, it is widely assumed that Tom bears the infamous shit-fetish gene. Salmonella, he reasons, can get fucked, along with the many fecal bacteria particles that he slides gently and erotically down his throat on a daily basis.
When, sometimes, Fulp discovers that feeding upon his feces is not quite enough of a turn on to induce a full orgasm, it quickly becomes necessary for him to find a new outlet for sexual frustration. In this manner, he quickly became enamored with the process of stalking old men, and slipping them date-rape drugs at just the opportune moment, before kidnapping them without consent, leading them to his secret underground Glenside, Pennsylvania Sex Bungalow (conveniently located beneath Jewgrounds HQ) and forcing them to participate in acts of fellatio for his own sadistic personal amusement. He rarely, of course, participates in the act. In solidarity with the millions of 13 year old boys who love every inch of his website, Fulp resolutely only masturbates to the scenes of elderly homosexual debauchery that occur so frequently in the favorite room of his dungeon, seeking to better understand the plight of his most ardent patrons.
For the reasons stated above, Fulp's supply of semen is generally far too depleted by the time his wife April greets him at the communal shack with dial-up internet access that serves as his abode. Thus, in a way much akin to his fanbase, Fulp is rarely if ever able to indulge his hairy and sweaty 30-year-old body in the evolutionary carnal lust of actual sex. Now that's dedication.
Of course, with all the attention Tom receives on the site, his brother Wadolf can't help but feel left out. Being a low-grade employee of one's own sibling has the effect of making one's prospects for financial success and fulfillment seem further away than Uranus. This coupled with a seacow of a wife and literally having to liaise with 13 year-olds every waking hour of the day has caused this unfortunate soul to retreat within himself into a self-imposed cocoon of anguish and Jew-hatred. He releases that tension in the only way he sees fit: putting on a cosplay wig, and whoring it up in front of a webcam. He also uses his flashlight collection as masturbation objects.
In addition to Wadolf, an entire cast of faggots have over the years joined in the circlejerk of site maintainers. Now an equal-opportunity employer, Jewgrounds is run by a diverse array of Nazis, Jews, Britfags, Mexifags, Canadians, and Amerifags, all of them bent on making the site as useless and unfunny as is possible on a limited budget.
Below, in order of appearance from left to right, are TOP ROW: Tom Fulp (Official Creator, Rapist, and Mascot), Wadolf (Chronic underachiever, Nazi ambitions), Stamper (Responsible for phallic tributes in the Art Forum), JohnnyUtah (Creator of unfunny flash animations which primarily showcase dick jokes), MindChamber (Robot-obsessed Mexifag), and Rob (Site programmer and ladies' man). BOTTOM ROW: liljim (Britfag and all-around lameshit), Tim (Perpetually angry server operator), Bob (Duck-obsessed CSS nerd), Mike (Do-nothing ginger), PsychoGoldfish (Creator of pedophile chat-room services).
